draliman on life

I’m well known around these parts for my ability to get lost at the drop of a hat. So when I decided that it was high time I took my Dad’s old CRT computer monitor to the local waste recycling centre (a ten minute drive), things didn’t go exactly as planned.

If you’ll indulge me, I’ve decided to explain my journey(s) in the style of “Woodland Walks in a National Park”.

Cornwall’s “Happy Trails” Wilderness Adventures

Welcome to Cornwall’s Happy Trails Wilderness Adventures^TM!

The Red Trail

A short trail for the beginner. Strike out towards your destination, but be sure to ignore all road signs and turn right early, because you know better. You will find yourself on a tiny winding road which leads to a tiny village. As the road gets smaller, realise that you’ve gone the wrong way – find someone’s driveway and use it to hang a cheeky U-turn. There’s no-one else here but village dwellers who all know each other – try to look as if you belong, and keep your windows wound up and your doors locked.

The Green Trail

Not for the faint-hearted, ensure you have plenty of petrol before setting out. Turn right when you see the sign post to your destination. When you reach the next town you need to turn left at the cross-roads, but unbeknownst to you there are two cross-roads. Turn left at the first, because there’s a little red van in front of you which looks like it’s going to the tip. Follow him slavishly down a small winding road, but don’t follow when he unexpectedly turns left – this is his house. Continue on and make some random turns in a futile attempt to circle back round to the tip. Continue on for several miles until you realise you’re almost in Truro. Since you’re here, why not visit our beautiful cathedral, our museum, or enjoy a Cornish Cream Tea in one of our picturesque coffee shops? Make your way back to the main road and continue back to where you started.

The Blue Trail

Continue as you did on the Green Trail, this time make a left at the second cross-roads (it’s clearly signposted) and continue to the tip. It’s not hard. Be sure to stop at the burger van at the industrial estate 50 yards from your destination to ask the way. Try not to show your embarrassment. On your way back, why not completely miss the huge, clearly signposted left turn back home and continue on? This will add a good 2 miles of tiny winding roads to your Cornwall’s Happy Trails Wilderness Adventures^TM experience.

Maybe I should use a sat-nav?