Get Orf Moi Laaand!
It’s fake Friday and therefore time for Friday Fictioneers! This week’s photo, to which we are challenged to write roughly 100 words, has been contributed by Erin Leary and the whole shebang is hosted as always by the talented Rochelle.
The story I wrote for this week was nearly 200 words even once edited so I’ve done an altered cut-down version. I’ll keep the original and maybe post it some other time. No depth to this one, just a bit of silliness 🙂 .
To read others’ contributions, click on Bracken (the little blue froggy).
Copyright Erin Leary
“Don’t even think about it,” warned the farmer as he saw Bobby eying the fence. “That land belongs to Mad Frank.”
Bobby laughed and leapt over. “Hey, the grass really is greener over here!”
The farmer shook his head sadly.
A hillock opened, a device shot up and there was a loud roar. Bobby’s head exploded, spraying gore in all directions. As his lifeless body toppled over, a second hillock opened and a loudspeaker appeared.
“Get orf moi laaand!” it roared. “You have ten seconds to comply!”
“Classy. Missile first, then the warning,” mused the farmer, wiping brain matter from his face. “Real nutter, that Mad Frank.”
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
Hilarious! Are you sure you’re not American? Shoot first and ask questions later (sorry Yankee friends….)
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Pretty sure! I think Mad Frank might be, though 🙂
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Hey, I’m not a Yankee, I’m a Southerner!
Considering I am in the training meeting from hell, I think I also would have taken my chances on Mad Frank’s land. 🙂
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Wow, that must be one helluva meeting 😦
I hope you make it through to the end okay. I’m off to bed as soon as Grey’s Anatomy finishes!
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Lucky, and goodnight!
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Goodnight/afternoon!
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It sounds like quite normal behavior in some parts of the world.. great write..
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I’m sure it is. Shoot first…
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Hahah ahw Drali.. still a bit on the darker side ey.. loving it though!! ah how I missed sphere! 🙂
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What is humour without a little dark? 🙂
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Indeed!
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Yay gore!
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Gore always make a good story better 🙂
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Indeed.
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Oh you are bad, but disturbingly funny bad 😉
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I got the urge for some sudden un-called for violence 🙂
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Hilariously gory. Another good’un 🙂
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Humour and gore – a winning combination!
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funny, gory, gross, fantastic. haha i like how the farmer just shook his head, looks like it’s the kind of thing that he sees everyday.
love how you call Wednesday fake Friday. lol
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I did try to put across the idea that the farmer wasn’t too surprised. I’m guessing he’s seen this sort of thing before but this time Mad Frank has outdone himself 🙂
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Yowza! Hope I never run across Mad Frank!!
Great story 🙂
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He’s a real nutter, that Mad Frank 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Oh yuck what a visual mess. Lol
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Bits and pieces everywhere!
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Mad Frank is completely BAD ASS, but yes a nutter indeed! Great descriptions here my friend – vivid and messy!
~ Andrea ❤
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Yeah, Mad Frank is the Man! In a totally homicidal way 🙂
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Very funny! Kind of like a carnival game–only the targets are human 🙂
BTW, is it “eying” or “eyeing”? I didn’t look it up–just thought it looked odd without the “e.”
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And since it was quite unfair to shoot first, very much like a carnival game!
I just checked – both “eyeing” and “eying” are correct although I’m surprised I wrote it without the “e” – that’s a US alternative spelling apparently and to be honest I think it doesn’t look right!
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I’ve not seen it spelled eying, probably belongs to the crazy writer that lives in Cornwall.
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“Eying” is an American alternate spelling. I don’t know why I used it because “eyeing” looks so much better to me. Ah well, it caused some controversy!
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Well, THAT was pretty disgusting. 😀
Well-written and, no, didn’t miss any edits at all. You did fine. I like that greener grass comment.
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I was determined to get the “grass is greener” comment in!
The original version was a lot more disgusting 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Al, Another hilarious story although a bit messy. I feel like washing off my computer. 😀 Frank is well fortified. If it was a cartoon, the guy would scoop up his head and reform it like Daffy Duck with his beak. Well done. 🙂 —Susan
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It was a bit messy, but I was in that sort of mood 🙂 But scooping up the head and reforming it sounds messier!
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That’s really imaginative. Excellent.
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Thanks! A bit of dark humour for this week.
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Where can I get one of those missile launchers? Top story, it made me laugh.
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At any good surplus store. You’ll need to build your own camouflaged hillock, though 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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I like fake Friday. Not sure what it says about me that I find this funny. I’m American but have yet to shoot anyone. As I’m getting older, I’d best get going!
janet
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You’re falling behind!
I reckon it’s a good life if you don’t have to blow anyone away 🙂
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I love Fake Friday – I think Rochelle should rename it Fake Friday Fiction from now on! The story was hilarious, like something out of a Viz comic. Brilliant stuff, you really made me laugh 😀
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It is a bit “Viz”, isn’t it? Maybe Mad Frank is a more technologically advanced version of Viz’s “Raffles, the Gentleman Thug” 🙂
I’m glad my Fake Friday Fiction story made you laugh!
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There are a few things I could rename it but I think we’ll stick with the original name, thankyouverymuch. 😉
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Yeah, let’s not mess with a good thing 🙂
I think we should all adopt “Bracken” for the inkinkz froggy, though.
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I need to employ this tactic with the kids who like to run through my yard……
Just kidding everyone! Maybe….
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I’ll send you the blueprints just in case… 🙂
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Ha!ha!I think I would love to meet Mad Frank-he knows how to do it right-some people never listen,do they? ;-)Great take Al! 🙂
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It’s best to ask permission before visiting his house, though 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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😀
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eying I think this should be eyeing.
This is grotesquely marvelous. Love the shoot first and warn later. It truly is so American (I’m sorry to say) The too late shout out from Mad Frank was a great surprise.
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“Eying” is a US alternate spelling, why I used it instead of “eyeing” I don’t know.
A too-late warning it better than no warning at all, according to Mad Frank!
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Silly, but such drastic measures. I like your line, “The grass really is greener over here.” That made me laugh!
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I wanted to make it sound all normal before the sudden unwarranted violence 🙂
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Gooey story, loved it!
I hike back trails where I do climb fences, hmm. I WILL remember your story. Thanks for nothing, ha ha.
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You’ll always be keeping an eye on those hillocks just in case one suddenly springs open 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
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Dear Drailman, So, I guess you shouldn’t send your kids over to sell girl scout cookies or yellow trash bags. Well, I can spray my side of the fence just as green as Mad Frank did. How un-neighborly of him! Good story – really good! Nan 🙂
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Dear Nan,
No, it’s probably best to stay clear of Mad Frank’s property. He’s certainly not the best of neighbours!
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Ali
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Dear Ali,
Drastic measures. Yikes. For someone wiping brain matter off his face, the farmer seems quite calm and detached. Eew. Good one.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
I get the feeling the farmer has seen similar events unfold. I deliberately tried to get a contrast between the sudden violence and gore, and the complete indifference of the farmer.
Ali
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Wow! Clever and gruesome! that fence was very inspiring to you, but this 100 word version does the trick.
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It definitely looked like a boundary not to be crossed. Thanks for reading!
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A lot sillier too. XD
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That’s cartoons for you 🙂
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Holy crap, he sure wipes brain matter off his person nonchalantly. That says more about this region than anything.
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Looks like this sort of thing isn’t all that unusual thereabouts!
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Gore and humor, good compo.
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Always works!
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;0)
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well told story, Alistair, from the warning to the end. i almost heard the farmer say, “I told you so . . .” 🙂
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I don’t think this is the first violent end he’s seen courtesy of Mad Frank 🙂
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ED209 meets Last of the Summer Wine 😀
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Ha, very good! Funnily enough, with the robot and “you have 10 seconds to comply” Robocop did enter my mind. I can almost see Compo or Clegg fiddling with the control unit 🙂
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Darkly hilarious. I love the farmer shaking his head sadly, knowing what is to come. There are plenty of Mad Frank’s in the world. Well told 🙂
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I think he’s seen similar events unfold before. He seemed quite impressed by this one, though 🙂
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Oh Jesus that scared the crap out of me. Then made me chuckle.
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That was exactly the idea! Mission accomplished 🙂
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hysterical!
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Thanks!
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question…where you at in Cornwall? we’re hitting St. Agnes in September.
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I live 20 miles from St Agnes and work 3 miles from St Agnes. We could meet up maybe!
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no way! I had thought you lived in Scotland until I looked at your gravatar yesterday and noticed “Cornwall”
Oh yes we should def meet up. As the dates get closer I will send along our itinerary/plans.
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Sounds great! I’m looking forward to it 🙂
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Hahahaha! Loved it! Horribly funny.
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There’s nothing like a a bit of totally unexpected violence for a good laugh (in my head anyway) 🙂
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hahaha.. fair enough Mad Frank, point taken. He sounds like he’s got an Australia accent. particularly the war he say “moi laaaand”, sounds a bit ocka..
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In my mind he’s South West England, but he could easily be Australian!
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‘n’
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