An Unfortunate Choice of Lunch
It’s Thursday and high time for my entry for Friday Fictioneers, the weekly 100-ish word flash fiction challenge hosted by Rochelle.
This week’s photo has been contributed by fellow Fictioneerer Adam Ickes. To read the other contributions, click on the frog below.
My contribution this week is a bit random. But so’s the photo.
Copyright Adam Ickes
“Hello?” came a voice. “I need the Browski file.” A head poked round the corner. “Whaaaa… you’re a… a… sheep!”
“Indeed!” smiled Kevin, Ram in Charge (records department). “Never fear. We love humans, us.”
“Absolutely love ‘em, yes,” echoed the goat at the next desk.
Kevin handed the file over.
“Um, thanks, um,” said the newcomer, leaving quickly.
“Lovely chap. I love humans, me,” said Kevin. “What’s for lunch today?”
“Me too, love humans!” The goat perused the menu. “It’s… oh shit, lamb chops.”
“Bastards!” snarled Kevin, grabbing his shotgun and pumping a shell into the chamber. “Death to the murdering human scum!”
“Human scum!” echoed the goat.
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
I have so many questions after reading this, but have to get going. Probably a good thing then LOL 😉
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You can ask me later 🙂
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Never trust anything that walks on two legs.
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One minute they pretend to be your friends, the next you’re lunch.
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so wildly random and FUNNY! I do love a laugh! 🙂
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I’m glad you liked it! I find random funny but it’s not for every one 🙂
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I laughed out loud at this. Brilliantly done. In fact I’m still laughing, am I weird 😉
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If you’re weird, I’m weird too 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Ah, I’m so glad I’m a vegetarian lol 🙂
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I think Kevin wishes everybody followed your example 🙂
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Hee hee hee, someone needs to speak with the manager of the canteen and set them straight — even ram it home to them if necessary. This was a fun read Dman 🙂
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“ram it home” hee hee 🙂
Yes, the manager definitely needs to learn a lesson, though possibly not at the wrong end of a shotgun.
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This weeks submissions have been so fun I was already smiling at the title when I found that the human was the one that was going to be “blasted” away. Great turn of events/
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There’s been a lot of humour this week! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Awesome story my dralifriend! Sweet, sweet redemption – Ram – 1 Human – 0! 😀
~ Andrea ❤
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A ram can only take so much 🙂
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This is funny! I could hear the chorus of bleating fury 😉
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Someone’s really got their goat up heh heh 🙂
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Oh …. bad PUN!!!
Speaking of bad puns — I hope you don’t mind my sharing this link with you since we’re talking about puns and animal fury:
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Ha, that’s hilarious! I’ve sent the link to my mum, as dad just bought her a tablet and she accidentally discovered YouTube while randomly prodding icons 🙂
Maybe Kevin can join the cows with guns and chickens in choppers when he’s finished in the cafeteria.
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Viva la revolución!
Glad you liked the video — still cracks me up every time.
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I came back twice to read this piece. Sometimes humans eat animals and sometimes animals eat humans. The menu and the gun and all. That’s what I came away with…humorous, too 😛
Ellespeth
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The worm has turned, so to speak 🙂
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Dear Draliman, Great, great story! Wow, how easily rams are swayed! This is so cute! That shotgun is going to get someone and I bet he sounds like Elmer Fudd. Nan 🙂
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Maybe he has a little deerstalker hat, too!
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That’s how fickle goats are. Really off-the-wall piece from you this week. Funny!
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Maybe by the time he gets to the canteen he’d have changed his mind again 🙂 Glad you enjoyed it!
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LOL, I loved it!
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I’m glad 🙂
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Ali, The animals we have eaten walking around carrying guns. Pretty scary.
I can see the headline now. PIG WITH PISTOL SHOOTS FARMER! Humerous piece and well written. 🙂 —Susan
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If the animals decide to turn on us we’ll be in serious trouble indeed.
I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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What insensitive cook serves sheep lamb chops? Loved the “ram in charge.” I enjoyed this wacky story.
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Maybe he’s new. This could be his first and last day!
I’m glad you enjoyed it, I was feeling in the mood for writing something a bit off the wall 🙂
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I loved the echo of the 2nd sheep, Kevin’s “yes man.” That would get annoying over time. Great humor this week, Draliman.
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Thanks. Having a constant “yes man” would get pretty irritating (unless you’re a despot)!
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I love his enthusiasm for destroying the human scum, but how’s he going to pull the trigger without any fingers?
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I also had that thought – you’re the first person to mention it!
Possibly some sort of “string in mouth attached to trigger” arrangement 🙂 You certainly can’t fault his enthusiasm.
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Haha, oh my. Lamb chops…the insanity. Hilarious take on the prompt, had me laughing pretty hard and re-reading the story 🙂
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I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I wasn’t sure if my story was maybe just a little bit too weird this week 🙂 We Brits can have a strange sense of humour sometimes.
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Ooh didn’t know you were British. Haha I dont know about you but my brits (friends) have a normal sense of humour sometimes it leaves dying of laughter 🙂
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It’s good to laugh 🙂
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*leaves me.
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But… but those lamb chops came with a side of Soylent Green!
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Now you’re turning my comedy into a horror. Good for you 🙂
(Full disclosure – I had to Google Soylent Green, though it looks familiar, I’m sure I’ve seen it once upon a long ago.)
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I have a friend at work who loved both the book and the movie, and constantly makes references to it… so Soylent Green is always on my mind! And hopefully not my plate!
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Whoah rethinking my lunch! 🙂
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No, it’s okay, enjoy your chops bwahahahaha 🙂
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Shot gun will travel, great story.
BTW, a yes man is the best kind of man to have, my opinion only.
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At least Kevin knows the goat will always back him up.
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Ahh., think that went right past you, ha.
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One can only hope the sheep is a bad shot or the sheep of goat will have to care for themselves.
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I don’t think he’s thought that far ahead 🙂
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Rash decisions can get one in trouble.
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Yup.
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that was off the chain.
Randy
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🙂
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A most unfortunate choice of lunch. I have a feeling they won’t be returning for dinner. Nice one!
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They need to find a veggie company to work for 🙂
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Dear Ali
Quite the office crew there. Fires the imagination. 😉 Shouldn’t Kevin’s official title be Random Access Manager?
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Random Access Manager – ha ha 🙂 Every office has the weird employees!
Ali
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With desperate Orwellian irony you have captured human nature. They ought to be pigs. 🙂
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Funnily enough, “Animal Farm” did run through my head, but unfortunately the picture was not of a pig 🙂
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Good. Pigs are extremely intelligent creatures. Unlike most humans.
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We love the unexpected..is there room for a puss in boots too 😀 Pawkiss 🙂
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There’s always room for a puss in boots 🙂
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right on, Ali . . . love office staff that take immediate action and Kevin responding with a pronoun of sorts at the end of his sentence when he mentions humans. ha-ha!! clever writer, you. big smiles.
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Ending a sentence “…, me” is a form of slang I really like for emphasising things. I think it’s from the north of England mainly.
I’m glad you enjoyed my strange little tale 🙂
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hi Draliman so funny! Great Story! I am so glad that I am Veggie – I like the kind of accent you gave the sheep, I can hear them 🙂
Liebe Grüße
Carmen
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I quite like that accent, it makes for fun dialogue 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Lovely voices and fantastic turn around. I’m surprised they got so far in life before they realised we ate their cousins, but very funny.
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Maybe they usually bring a packed lunch 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed my strange little story!
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Revenge of the killer sheep! Loads of fun 🙂
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They can get nasty when the need arises 🙂
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