Coming Home
Here’s my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, the weekly 100-ish word flash fiction challenge hosted by the lovely and talented Rochelle. This week she contributed the photo herself!
As usual I glanced at the photo at lunch time and then just let my brain work away and do its thing. Except it didn’t. Finally I managed to come up with a story of sorts, which you can find underneath the photo!
To read all the other contributions (more are added throughout the week), click on the little blue fellow below.
The military transport sliced through the frigid air, winging its way home.
Home. The word always conjured up images of friends, family, familiar surroundings. Images of lush, rolling hills. Images of… normality. Safety.
No more arid desert. No more violent, unseen death waiting around every corner, behind every hill. No more stomach-churning spicy foods or bland combat rations.
He wasn’t there for his son’s first day at “big school”. He had never seen his baby daughter. He had missed her first steps, her first words.
His family would be waiting for him at the airstrip, waiting to take his coffin… home.
Man, you got me on that one, and I should have known better too!
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Maybe one day the twist will be – that there is no twist 🙂
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Oh, now that would be something!
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Wow, amazing twist. I didn’t see that one coming at all. Nice!
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Thanks – I always try to pop a twist in there somewhere!
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I do the same in what I write for my blog.
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I did have a quick look earlier but I’ll pop back again when I’m not at work and have more time!
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Thank you. I very much appreciate that. (-:
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I felt like I’d been hit by a sniper, really didn’t see that last line. Fab job 🙂
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I had to cycle through quite a few stories in my mind this week before I finally thought of one I could twist at the end. Thanks!
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OMG Alistair, that one jerked on the old heart strings!
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Then it did its job! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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gold standard!
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Thank you!
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Oh my, now you’ve got me blubbering. I was seeing him get off the plane to his children’s delighted hugs and kisses. Then you hit me with a sledge hammer. Brilliant, D-man, brilliant.
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I’m not usually one for happy endings! It sounds like it had the desired effect, I’m glad you enjoyed it (if enjoyed is the right word for such a story!).
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You worked this excitement emotion story into a sad ending perfectly.
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Thanks, I like to “build up” before dropping the final bombshell.
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You are the O’Henry of the 100 word story!
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Thanks! I looked him up – if I got the right guy (William Sydney Porter?) he sounds like quite the short story-teller.
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That may have been the best Drali-twist ending ever…. wow!
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It was quite hard to see coming!
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What? You don’t do stories like this! Jeez you really got me with that one.
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I had a bit of bother coming up with a story this week, and that was what (finally) emerged. I like a twisty ending.
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Ali, That was extremely sad and extremely well written. It wasn’t like your ususal story, but maybe you should do more of this type. That heart wrenching scene has been repeated in reality far too many times. Well done. —Susan
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Thank you! The news often has pictures of a plane like that arriving back home.
I’m glad you liked it.
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Excellent. You constructed that really well.
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Thanks! I spent a while shifting bits around to make it sound the way I wanted it to.
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Dear Draliman,
Wow. This was a great story and one that should be mandatory reading for all those fat-assed old politicians always eager to have a war. I thought about my son as I read every line. Very poignant, moving and well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Dear Doug,
Thank you! I’m glad it spoke to you, and I hope your son will be okay.
Ali
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Dear Ali,
You made my heart plummet to the pit of my stomach and soar back to my throat. Well crafted and powerful. You get an OMG and a Bravo from me.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Thanks so much! It’s wonderful to get such praise from a writer of such beautifully written stories. I’m so glad you liked it.
Ali
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Wow, such a powerful story. I was so engaged and immersed in the story that I was totally taken aback with the twist at the end. Very clever writing!
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Thank you! I like to pop a twist in at the end of my stories. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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I actually gasped! Good job.
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Thanks! I hope you didn’t draw too many stares when you gasped 🙂
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Was so engrossed in your story I wouldn’t have noticed!
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🙂
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This one really got me. Nice story.
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Thanks, I like to add a twist in the tail 🙂
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Oh man, that brought a tear….such is life
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Indeed. I’m glad you liked it.
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Devastating sadness.. Really well written
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Thanks. An all-too familiar scene.
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Glad you took your time thinking about the prompt. This is a story with impact. Kudos.
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Oh my goodness, doc 😦 What a great piece you’ve created! It speaks to all time…even with the plane parts.
Ellespeth
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Thank you! An all-too-common scene these days I fear.
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Wow, DrAli,
You really wrote a good/bad one this time. I enjoy your writing but this one made my stomach hurt and I can’t shake the sad.
****, insert curse word.
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Thanks (and sorry). It was a bit of a nasty twist after all the hopeful build-up.
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A poignant tale and really well written. Like many others, you got me at the end there!
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I like my little twists 🙂
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That was devastating. Heart-breakingly beautiful story.
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Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!
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Nicely done. So sad. He did his duty and now he’ll miss everything. The spoils of war.
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Thanks. Yes, a very sad situation.
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your character got me…went straight to the heart. what an awful way to come home. superb!
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All the things he’ll miss after all he’s gone through. I’m glad you liked it.
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Beautifully crafted story, not one word out of place.
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Thanks, it took a fair bit of editing to get it right!
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Aww, this warmed heart. I might say this is a little unlike you. Way to stretch yourself. Great story!
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I like to try something different once in a while. I’m glad you liked it!
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Ugh. too real. too sad.
did your job well. Randy
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It is, thanks.
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Dear draliman, So sad! I had 2 sons in the military and one did have to go to Kosovo. But they are all home now. That is one thing that is so depressing when you have sons. They go off to war. Have a good week draliman! Nan 🙂
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I’m glad they’re okay, it must have been a worrying time.
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Oh I didn’t want to like this – so well done, building us up for a happy ending, with all those detailed descriptions, and then pulling the rug away. Really well written.
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Thanks! I often have a twist at the end but this one was a bit more “shocking” than most.
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Did not see that coming! Sad…but wonderfully written
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I like a twist at the end! I’m glad you enjoyed it, even though it was very sad.
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