draliman on life

It’s time to answer Cee’s Share Your World challenge again! Let’s jump straight in (after the logo).

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
I often feel like I haven’t grown older at all. Time just passes. Then my shoulder starts to ache and I have trouble reaching back for the seat belt.

I’ve even started walking with a slight stoop. Unless there’s a pretty girl coming towards me, in which case my posture suddenly straightens and my stomach magically gets pulled in. Weird.

I’m going to go with “late 30s”.

Are you left or right handed?
I’m right handed. I can virtually do nothing which involves precision with my left hand. I’ve often thought I’m lucky cars in the UK have the steering wheel on the right so I can change gear with my left hand. I don’t like taking my right hand off the steering wheel under any circumstances.

If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to?
Wow, I have to change my name! What did I see? What did I SEE?

Was I peering through a crack in the toilet cubicle door when Marty “The Muscles” Mulligan, mob enforcer, gunned down Larry “The Fingers” Flannigan, mob accountant? Was it because Larry was skimming off the top? Was it? Is that what I saw?

Did I bravely come forward and pick Mulligan out of a line up? Is that what I did? Am I now staying in a hotel awaiting the trial? Am I being guarded by two grizzled street cops who are angry because they have to babysit me? Is that why they keep snarling at me? Is it?

After the trial, will I end up in Witness Protection? Will I be working on a construction site and living in a little house with a white picket fence in an out-of-the-way town somewhere? Will I be married to a WitSec-approved wife called Sarah? Is that what’s going to happen? Is it?

So here are my name choices when I’m in Witness Protection.

• Hank Stud
• Darius Pylon
• Drax Pumpkin
• Simon Pasty
• Crispin Tragicpanties III

Where do you hide junk when people come over?
I don’t have junk, I have treasures, and they’re proudly on display! The mess of paperwork I have to sort out, I’d pop in my bedroom out of the way.

So which name should I choose for my new life? Do you see me as Hank Stud or Crispin Tragicpanties III? What should I call the WitSec-approved kids I’m going to have with Sarah? Should I booby-trap the front garden in case the mob finds me?