Friday Fictioneers – Closed for Business
Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers for this week, ably hosted by Rochelle over at Addicted to Purple. The photo this week was contributed by Stephen Baum.
My problem this week was too many ideas, but none of them “worked”. So for a change I started writing and just added bits now and then until I finished :-).
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Stephen Baum
Harold had always suffered from tunnel vision, so it came as a surprise to no-one when he failed to notice the oncoming 0945 Kings Cross to Edinburgh express.
Drifting towards the light, he reflected on his life. People conned. Shops lifted. Speed limits smashed.
Oh, and that chap in the Golden Dragon he stabbed to death with a chopstick.
He wasn’t surprised when he arrived and found it quite hot and somewhat “flamey”. He was surprised to see a sign reading “Closed For Business by Court Order” above the door.
Apparently, there’s nothing Hell could contrive that humans haven’t already done, so it was shut down. It’s a copyright thing.
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
So what, they send you back? Because Hell can’t be worse than life?
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I think that’s how it works. “Hell on Earth”.
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Very clever – and funny – interpretation of the prompt. 🙂
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Thanks, glad you liked it!
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A copy right thing, eh? Praise the Lord! 😉
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That’s one way to close the door to the “downstairs” department 🙂
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Hah, this is brilliant! 😀
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I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Hilarious! And a killer of a first line, not to mention the last. Well done.
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Thanks! It took me ages to come up with a decent ending so I’m glad you liked it.
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Oops.. so there the sinner’s are confined for ever in the tepid limbo.. just waiting for a train that never comes. Hey that might be even worse than hell, but I think it’s copyrighted too.
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The lawyers will get us all in the end. Then where will we end up? 🙂
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I love ‘shops lifted’. It sounds like the genius of Benny Hill. I thought of Greek finances, but never a big red bus. 😀
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Ah, Benny Hill. I used to love his shows! Glad you liked it.
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Looks like hard times are upon us when even hell closes down. Hilarious, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne
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Yep! What will be next, I wonder?
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Ah. We’re committing too many sins on Earth that the flames of hell seem more tame, even out of order! Interesting!
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I bet Hell could learn a few things…
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Very funny 🙂
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Glad you liked it 🙂
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Dear Ali,
Clever story with a bit of wishful thinking thrown in for good measure. Good job!
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it 🙂
Ali
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I’d have loved to see the behind the scenes legal drama behind this copyright scandal. Satan and a bunch of lawyers all together in the same room… would you be able to tell which one was the devil?
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I was originally hoping to do the obligatory “lawyers/hell” type joke but ran out of words.
Satan is the one on the left – the slightly more respectable-looking one.
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Good story and very funny.
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I’m glad you liked it!
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Now that’s a surprise. i imagine him standing outside with the others waiting for the door to open. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Wait! Is this hell?
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Eternity in a queue. Sounds like Hell to me!
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Haha–I think my favorite is “hot and somewhat ‘flamey'”
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🙂
It’s a shame “flamey” isn’t a word. It should be!
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Brilliant.
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I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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HaHa! So hell is waiting in line looking at a sign that says “you can’t enter” but there is no where else to go. HaHa! Sounds right!
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Can you think of any worse way to spend eternity? 🙂
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No I couldn’t!
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There are so many Hell jokes this reminds me of. Abandon all hope! Clever take.
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Thanks! First time I’ve ever started a story without knowing the end.
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Excellent, brilliant last line!
Bravo! Tay.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! It took me ages to think up an ending – I usually start with the ending and then fill in the rest 🙂
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I usually start with the ending and then fill in the rest :-)” …
entirely allowed with the caveat that this approach gets tops only when you can do it in your head prior to sitting down at the writing machine!
Good day mate, Tay.
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That’s my usual method too so this was a bit new to me. I’ve usually written it in my head while at work, this time I sat at the computer at home (well, reclined) and wrote one sentence at a time.
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🙂 Very well done.
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Thanks 🙂
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Brilliant last line, Ali! I wonder where they’ll all go with the gates of Hell closed? Great story. 🙂
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They’ll have to queue up in an orderly fashion. For the rest of eternity 🙂
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That sounds like Hell to me!
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Hahaha,doc!
Ellespeth
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This made me smile.
And I loved the voice.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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Interesting story and presented with humor – but what can be worse than hell?
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Standing in a queue for eternity waiting for hell to open? 🙂
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As always, you are brilliant!
Tunnel vision!
Flamey!
Copyright thing!
(I’m back to writing, this time after extricating myself from seventeen years of teaching public school.)
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I’m glad you liked it! I always try to pop a bit of humour into serious(ish) stories.
Good to see you back 🙂
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Oh, and my new site is: http://magicsurrealist2013.me
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Thanks, I have connected 🙂
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Brilliant from beginning to end. Lawyers are the scariest people here and beyond, even hell is scared of them. Can’t stop laughing…
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I’m sure with all the lawyers down there they’ll get this whole mess sorted out sooner rather than later 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
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This was great. It is so much fun to see the various takes on one picture… queuing up to enter hell… fitting.
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It is wonderful to see everything from romance to horror all from one photo.
I’m glad you liked my take 🙂
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Hahaha! Satan seemingly can’t be thwarted…until he infringes on someone’s copyright! (Probably some big corporation.)
And I love that it’s hot and “flamey”!
This writing technique/process worked quite well for you 😄
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Even Hell has problems when confronted with lawyers! I put it in quotes, but I reckon “flamey” should definitely be a real word 🙂
It was a bit of a chance not knowing the whole story when I started. It worked this time anyway!
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Haha! I laughed out loud at the sheer irony of it all.
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Glad you liked it 🙂
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So, clever and very funny. I’m guessing he wanted a break from his hellish existence on earth but no such luck!
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I’m sure Hell will get this little hiccup sorted out soon. They must have some pretty good lawyers down there.
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Damnation is apparently hot as hell! Loved your story.
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He’s pretty screwed at the moment! I’m glad you liked it.
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It gets more brilliant with each sentence. I think your imagination was in fine working order. So good.
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Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it. It was quite different to just write sentence by sentence as ideas came to me.
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😛 How dare Hell close! Or, was Harold so awful even Hell didn’t want him?
Ellespeth
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That’s a possibility. “Darn, it’s that Harold. Quick, put up the ‘closed’ sign switch off the lights. Maybe he’ll go away!”
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