FF – Treatment Failed
Here is my story for this week’s Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The picture this week was contributed by J Hardy Carroll.
To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright J Hardy Carroll
Josie looked up at the burned out windows as she huddled in the shadow of the broken building. The other kids thought this place depressing but she liked it here. Sometimes she fancied that if she looked hard enough, she could see the ghost of her mother staring down. It made her feel safe.
Her mother had been a “resident” here at Saint Joseph’s Home for the Feeble of Mind until the Great Fire of 1972. They’d been trying to cure her of her compulsion towards arson.
Josie shook her head sadly. Guess it didn’t take.
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Scary!
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Eek 🙂
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Dark humour. I don’t think you need the last line. Might it be overkill?
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I quite like it but I can see why it’s not necessary. I think it depends on how much “humour” I wanted. If I were to remove it, I would change the name of the asylum to something more sensible to make the whole thing dark.
Thanks!
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We have some buildings like that in Boston. I swear they are full of ghosts.
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I wouldn’t be surprised. Old buildings are like that!
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Great! I wondered if Josie was going to decide some time to set her own fires. Fine work. 🙂
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Thanks – like mother, like daughter maybe?
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I like the last line, made me laugh out loud (like really).
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Thanks! Opinion is divided on the last line but I left it in for a more comedic ending 🙂
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another black week, 😉 great little piece
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I’m glad you liked it! Yes, dark again this week…
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I wonder what they would have called it today? Great names like that are sadly a thing of the past, they would have given it a new PC name not to offend the feeble minded residents! Those were the days… 🙂
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That’s exactly what I was thinking. I purposely used “1972” because I wanted a name like that.
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Well done! That made me laugh out loud. Given the title, I guess I should have seen it coming but I didn’t!
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I’m glad you liked it! When I read stories I usually read the title last as I forget up front.
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I agree with Neil. That last line isn’t really necessary, but it’s still damn funny. Who gave mother the matches?
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Hmm, I wonder. Maybe daughter sneaked them in…
The last line was for more of a comedy feel rather than “full dark” – see the reply I made on Neil’s comment 🙂
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I guess it didn’t.
Lovely story.
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Thanks!
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I agree with an earlier comment – the last line wasn’t needed. What a cruel name for an institution though! Good one.
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That’s the sort of name they used “back in the day” sometimes. Not any longer!
The last line was for more comedy and less dark. Some liked it, some didn’t 🙂 (I’d have changed the name of the asylum if I removed the last line.)
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I loved every word and what names Institutions and even wards were actually called back then! My goodness. No one would believe it now. That was polite compared to the reality. I will just go home now to my room in the “hopeless cases ward” and ponder the complete lack of trees or space at “Shady Acres!” 😉
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Yes, things were not quite so “PC” back then. As you say, the names these days are PC but usually bear little resemblance to reality! I’m glad you liked it!
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Josie, I hope you find your peace.
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I hope she does too. One day, perhaps…
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Dark, witty and potent.
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Thanks! I’m glad you appreciated the dark humour 🙂
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A great and unexpected twist at the end, Ali. Well done. —- Suzanne
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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I like everything about this story, especially the last line and the name of the institution! A flashback to the olden days when things were coldly called what they were. Of course, the mother is clearly being framed for this one… the fire was probably started by a disgruntled caretaker…
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Yeah. Who made good his escape. Sadly, seven staff and 20 patients lost their lives that day, along with one unfortunate possum who’d made his nest in the basement…
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I guess its in the eye of the beholder. The doctors saw her as an incurable pyromaniac. I say she was a driven and determined woman out to set the world alight. Silly doctors trying to stifle her obvious success. Just jealous, I bet.
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Yeah, damn those doctors and their meddling ways. No wonder she acted out!
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Awww, that is sad and very touching that she feels closer to her mother in a place her mother burned down.
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I guess it’s the last place she ever saw her. I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Oh, that was humorous! Great write!
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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I’m rather worried for Josie, as the last line makes me think she worried for herself.
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She could have the same problems as her mother…
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I guess not. Another clinical failure. I like it.
Tracey
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Yes, though with it being back in the 60s/70s maybe they didn’t try very hard, sadly.
I’m glad you liked it!
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Hehehe, I loved the last line. And the story. Subtle dark humour throughout (last line wasn’t so subtle, but funny).
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Opinion is divided over the last line but I left it in as I wanted more humour in the story and it made me smile 🙂
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That was great twist. Well done story Ali.
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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what a creative take on the prompt. well done.
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It reads almost like a true story. Good.
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Thanks, I bet it has happened somewhere some time.
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Nicely written. Great take on the prompt D-man!
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Thanks! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Ah,. yes there are those who never can be cured…
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Sadly true.
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Excellent! I really liked this story, Draliman. What a creative take on the prompt, and what a great last line!
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I’m glad you liked it! And the last line – opinion was divided but I wanted a bit more humour at the end 🙂
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I think you have a fine instinct for the right last line.
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Thanks 🙂
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My pleasure!
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So it appears they forgot to hid the matches from dear old mom.
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It appears so, unfortunately.
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The vote seems to be in to keep that last line – and I agree. However please save the possum.
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That’s good, I liked the last line! Buster (the possum) will be fine – ES kills him off frequently but he always bounces back 🙂
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Great story–I love that she feels comfort in this sad place, imagining her mom’s ghost. And a good twist!
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This photo has given rise to a number of stories about institutions–often haunted ones! You have a somewhat different take on the prompt, and a slyly dark, humorous last line. Well done!
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And to think his mother caused the place where she died. Now that is tragic all right. Great story, Ali.
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The irony is, of course, amusing, even if the story is sad.
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Dear Ali,
I’m late and all the good comments have been taken. 😉 Quite a story packed into 100 words. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Thanks! At 95 words it’s probably the shortest I’ve ever written 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Ali
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Forgot to say I liked it too. 🙂
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🙂
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Fantastic take on the prompt and a great ending! Loved it!
Heidi 🙂
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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