FF – A Bit of a Cock-Up
Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was also contributed by Rochelle.
I hope you enjoy it, it has sound effects 🙂
To read this week’s other story, click on the blue froggy.
Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Broom broom screeeeeeeeech!
“Planned to perfection. The ultimate heist. Entry codes obtained. Guards neutralised. Doors opened. Vaults cracked. A fortune in our hands. A fortune! And then you drive the getaway car along a road it won’t fit down! I can’t even open the doors. We’re stuck. I can hear the police closing in!”
Wee-wah wee-wah.
“Relax, dude. I’ve tricked this car out. Ejector seats. Hang on to your hat!”
Click.
“Five…”
“Is this a good time…”
“Four…”
“… to mention…”
“Three…”
“… that this car…”
“Two…”
“… still has…”
“One…”
“… its roof on?”
Whoomp! Splatter.
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
Nice ending.
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Thanks! Not for them, though 🙂
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Hehehe…the ultimate heist with the ultimate glitch!
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It couldn’t have gone more wrong!
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True… lol!
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ha-ha-ha! Another entry for the stupid criminals file! 😀
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Real contenders for a Darwin Award, these two 🙂
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Uh, oh. Those were great sound effects, Ali. We can always count on something different in your stories. Good writing and sounds. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Pretty cool effects, huh? I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Absolutely brilliant! Loved every word. I even had one of those lol moments.
Please click to read my FriFic
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Heh, I’m glad you liked it!
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Well, well done! An apt illustration of how crime doesn’t pay. 🙂
By the way, these guys have a cousin who climbed in through a ventilator shaft to steal drugs from a pharmacy one Friday night — and got stuck in a narrow part of the shaft all weekend. Police officers helped set him free. 😉
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I love reading stories about stuff like that, especially when there are pictures. There was another where a bank robber put his hands on the counter and the teller hit the button for the security screen and it shot down and chopped his fingers off. Hilarious 🙂
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Since you like these “Oops” moments:
It happened in Regina that some teens were snitching vehicles and going for joyrides. One night they hot-wired a van, got in and took off — soon to learn this van was part of a stake-out and there were two police officers hiding in the back.
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Ha, I bet everybody got a surprise!
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Ouch! That’s got to hurt. Love the dark humor in this one.
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I’m imagining an American sports commentator – “that’s gotta hurt, Bob!”
I’m glad you liked it.
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OOOOF! 😀
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Heh 🙂
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Oh that was great!! I laughed out loud!! Well done!!!!! 😀
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Thanks, I’m glad it gave you a laugh 🙂
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It did indeed!! 🤣🤣
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Well you definitely got a guffaw out of me!!
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All these people, laughing at the horrible death of these two muppets 🙂
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A classic comedy scene. Thanks for the good laugh 🙂
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Thanks, you’re welcome 🙂
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I started laughing at “I can’t even open the doors” This was a hoot, Ali. Thanks for the laugh.
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And it went down hill from there 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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What a riot! made me laugh out loud 🙂
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I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Absolutely loved this 😀 Brilliant sound effects!
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Thanks! I’m particularly glad you enjoyed the sound effects 🙂
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Uh oh! Bam! Ouch!
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What a mess 🙂
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Yes, huge mess! 🙂
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I once got stuck in a road like that in Jerusalem. My transmission cable snapped and I couldn’t back the car out … and I couldn’t turn either. Took a few people to get it moved. But, of course, I didn’t have ejector seats. And I too had a roof.
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Ejector seats are more trouble than they’re worth.
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crime doesn’t pay, does it? 🙂
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Certainly not for these two 🙂
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Excellent lesson about the dangers of engaging in risky activity with an idiot!
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Sadly not a lesson our protagonist can learn from 🙂
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My guess is that he’s had opportunities before to learn what a poor planner his friend is, and failed to learn from those, leading to this, the inevitable conclusion. But the rest of us can take it as a cautionary tale, like all of those “Darwin award” stories that start with some idiot saying, “Hey, watch me do this!”
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He probably thought his friend had “calmed down a bit” since the last calamity…
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Famous last assumption…
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I was expecting them to be thrown into the underside of that nice, soft archway above them… which they may still have been given the crappy materials they make cars out of these days. This one will make the highlight film at the next policeman’s holiday party….
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That would have been even funnier 🙂
I’d love to see the police party gag reel…
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Superb fun read.
Loved it
Click Here to see what Mrs. Dash Says
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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HAHAHAHAHA! Ali, you gave me the first and probably best laugh of the day here in the good ol’ USA. Brilliantly written. 😀
Five out of five Aston Martin convertibles.
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I’m glad you enjoyed it!
If they’d actually been driving a convertible, this whole sorry mess could have been avoided 🙂
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They probably would have been road pizza a mile away.
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Ha, “road pizza” 🙂
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Dear Ali,
A bit of a cock-up indeed. Hilarious. I laughed out loud. Now all you need are Hugh and Laurie to play the parts. Tim Conway and Don Knotts would’ve been great in the roles, too.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
I bet there are lots of double acts who could pull this one off 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Ali
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LOL! They should have taken up purse snatchings! That was a lot of fun. :o)
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I bet they’d still have found a way to screw it up. Maybe not so permanently, though 🙂
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It might be a lot of fun if your guys met my guys. Imagine the colossal cock-ups. :o)
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This was so much fun to read. You built up some nice tension – then splat.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Hilarious. some people just don’t know who to plan a head.
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“a head”. Now that is funny.
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They had the heist planned to perfection. Forgot about the getaway 🙂
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funny
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“Stupid Criminal” was a segment on the old Jay Leno Tonight Show. Your story is the BEST !!
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I’ve never seen that programme (wrong country!) but it sounds like a fun segment. I’m glad you enjoyed my story!
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Drailman – I’m still laughing at your ingenious story! ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! You’re really funny! Nan
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I’m glad you enjoyed it! It’s nice to know I make people laugh 🙂
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Insane cackling laughter here! Loved that, as the Shadow used to say “Crime does not pay… hahahahahaaaaaaaa!”
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I’m glad you enjoyed it! Crime most certainly does not pay 🙂
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“Splat!” Yuk,
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Yeah, pretty messy 😦
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Very funny. Loved it!
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I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Oh dear another one who just didn’t know how to plan. Very funny
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It’s not just the job, it’s the getaway that also needs to be planned out. I’m glad you liked it!
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Very funny take on the prompt.
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Can I just say, ‘Ouch’? Clever take on the prompt. The narrow streets being the hero.
Cheers, Varad.
http://www.BlackKatsDesign.blogspot.comhttps://looseendoftheredthread.wordpress.com/2017/06/30/friday-fictioneers-cravings/
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Ha, I hadn’t thought of the streets being the hero in this case but they certainly stopped their crime! I’m glad you liked it.
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Oops! 😀
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Indeed 🙂
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I almost thought they were gonna pull it off! lol
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Sooo close 😦
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MOL…😹😹 Pawkisses😊❤
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🙂
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Loved this! Thanks for the laugh!
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You’re welcome 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Not exactly the ultimate heist, then! Cleverly written dialogue and a pair of well-crafted, not-so-clever characters. A good splat should sort them out. 😀
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It’s easy to forget about the getaway when you’re having such fun planning the job itself. I’m glad you liked it!
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Great sound effects! Hilarious ending. 😁
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I should have been a sound guy 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Yeah! I visited Paramount studios recently, and heard about how they came up with sound effects before computer-generated ones. Crunching cellophane paper for fire – nice and simple!
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I’ve seen something like that. It’s amazing what they did to get such cool effects!
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