FF – Old Soldiers
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Yarnspinnerr.
Not sure what I was thinking this week. I just wanted to do something silly. For a change heh heh. But with a sort of a grim background. Picture two retired and somewhat jaded English officers relaxing with drinks…
Copyright Yarnspinnerr
“What-ho, Cadwallader. Those thieves are back! Thought we’d shot ‘em all.”
“I say, Beamish, they’re lowering a grapple. Ingenious! They’re after the Ming.”
“I believe you’re correct, Cadwallader… they’ve missed the Ming!”
“And snagged your souvenir hand grenade.”
“What? Had that thing all through Flanders!”
“By Jove, the pin fell out.”
“Ha! The bounders’ll get a surprise, I’ll warrant!”
“Really, Beamish, you don’t think it’s still…”
BANG! SPLATTER! SPLASH!
“I say, old man, there’s an eyeball in my highball.”
“By good King George, there are scoundrel parts everywhere.”
“This won’t do at all. Reminds me of Ypres. I say, servant…”
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
Taking it all in their stride with a good old British stiff upper lip!
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It wouldn’t do to appear rattled in front of the help!
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Ha ha – I enjoyed your humorous take on the prompt! Thanks for making me smile.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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Sounds like two old soldiers who haven’t learned to let go.
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I’m not sure that old soldiers can let go! I still march everywhere at the age of 70!
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Wow.
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120 paces per minute is good exercise!😊
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120 paces “at some point” is more my speed 🙂
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Can they ever, after that life and what they’ve seen?
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I like they way they just keep calm and carry on despite the eyeball in the highball! 😀
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It’s the British way! Except for me, I’d scream and drop my drink.
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…”there’s an eyeball in my highball.” – I love it! 😂
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What a lovely coincidence that a body part which would fit in a glass rhymed with a family of drinks 🙂
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An eyeball in my highball — too funny! And love the dry British humor about it, too, perfect!
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I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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This was so funny! Love the stiff upper lip and carry on, Mate, attitude.
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One must carry on regardless 🙂
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Yes, one must!
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🙂
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Ha ha ha ha ha, that was really crazy. Eyeball in my highball indeed!
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It’s the nutty world of Cadwallader and Beamish 🙂
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haha! This wasn’t silly at all! I enjoyed it very much!
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Ha, thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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Well, looks like Beamish lost a cherished hand grenade, but picked up a shiny new souvenir to replace it…
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That’s a much better (and less dangerous) talking point at their no-doubt interminable dinner parties.
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Ha, ha. This reminds me of the Parsi’s in Mumbai who followed the religion of their ancestors the Zoroastrians of Iran and built a Tower of Silence where they left their dead for the vultures to dispose of. This way the Earth and Water they consider sacred were not polluted. In modern times tall buildings of flats were built on Malabar Hill not far from the tower. Vultures at times accidentally dropped an eyeball or another body part on a terrace.Whoops. 😀 — Suzanne
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Yuk, I wouldn’t want to live there. Interesting bit of history 🙂
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Dear Ali,
An eyeball in my highball? Love it! This reads like an old Vaudeville act. Gallagher and Shean could’ve done this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYpmCJmUCoY (Enjoy). Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Ha, well they have the correct hats for the parts anyway!
I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
Ali
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They’ll need fresh drinks after that shower!
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I certainly hope so, but who can tell with these two? 🙂
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Hahahahahaha! “an eyeball in my highball.” LOL! Great story, Ali!
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I’m lucky I could find something relevant which rhymed! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Eyeball in my highball. I may need to go and wash my imagination….
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You’ll never look at a Scotch and soda the same way again…
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Great word smithy and a lovely take.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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I laughed and laughed. Well written. I can see the characters clearly.
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Thanks, I’m glad it made you laugh 🙂
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How is it that you can turn a story of death and mayhem into a delightfully funny tale? Well done, old chap! Love the language. It made me feel like I, too, had a stiff upper lift!
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Ha, it’s a gift 😉 It crops up quite a bit in British humour, I guess it’s based around the supposed unflappability of the British in tight situations – one must have one’s afternoon tea regardless, you know 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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funny, all soldiers never die, indeed. 🙂
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For sure! I’m glad you liked it!
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“By good King George, there are scoundrel parts everywhere.” That had me chuckling.
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I’m glad you liked it! He seems more peeved than horrified 🙂
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As usual, hilarious and thought provoking!
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A bit of “desensitised to violence after all they’ve been through” hidden behind the funny 🙂
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You’ve got that sarcastic dark humor down to an art. 🙂
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Haha, very funny take on the stiff upper lip attitude.
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I’m glad you liked it! Keep on carrying on 🙂
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Who wouldn’t love the olde eyeball in a highball!
Yet seeing is believing, though never bat an eyelash that doesn’t belong to you.
fun, fun, fun
Randy
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It’s a bit like an olive I guess. Glad you liked it!
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LOVE the voices!
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Thanks, I like doing upper-crust 🙂
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You captured the voice of these two perfectly – love the eyeball in the highball!
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I don’t think he was so keen 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Spiffing old chap! Simply spiffing!
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Why thank you, I had fun writing it don’t’cha know 🙂
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LOL
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Oh my goodness. An eyeball in my highball 🙂
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I’m sure that’s supposed to be good luck or something… 🙂
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Jolly good! Absolutely spiffing old chap. Where is Jeeves when you need him?
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Off out to buy some extra strong bleach 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Love how each line builds upon the last, growing even more and more hilarious!
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Things did get ever-more catastrophic 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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That was funny. It took me repeated reading to get it , but the build-up to the Splash, splatter was great.
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I confused myself with who was speaking some of the time. I’m glad you liked it!
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It wasn’t that. My second.languageness was showing. I had to look up words… 😀 grapple, Ming… still undecided about the Ming… but the eyeballl in the Highball is unmistakeable.
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Ah, it’s “Ming vase”, a vase from the Chinese Ming dynasty. Typically quite expensive. I had to delete “vase” due to the word count 🙂 Nothing to do with Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon 🙂
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Ah, I thought it might be but wasn’t certain. Thanks for clarifying. 🙂 Ming the Merciless does sound like fun, too, though.
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Oh, my goodness … an eyeball in his highball?! Love the voices as well. Well done!!
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It’s a shame his poor drink had to suffer. I’m glad you liked it!
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An eyeball in my highball…good one!
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I’m glad you liked it!
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Brilliant dialogue, I loved the old chaps. Made of stern stuff and they enjoy a snifter. What more could a woman desire in a man though I imagine their anecdotes go on a bit too long sometimes.:))
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I can imagine they never stop talking about their golden years 🙂
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Such wonderful voices giving so much information about these two characters. Wonderfully done. That eye ball in the high ball is disgusting!
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I’m glad you liked it! At least he didn’t mistake the eyeball for an olive…
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Would he have cared if he did?
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Ha, probably not 🙂
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I’d never heard of a ‘souvenir hand grenade’ before. Love the bloody humour! (But glad I don’t actually have to see the eyeball in the highball). 😁
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There’s plenty of souvenir weapons taken by soldiers from battlefields so why not a hand grenade? 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
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Good point. 🙂
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Had me laughing from start to finish, even if some poor bounders got splattered all over the walls.
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Splattered bounders just makes it funnier 🙂
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A ripping yarn, indeed.
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‘There’s an eyeball in my highball’ had me snorting! Very funny
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Wasn’t I lucky I could find a rhyme 🙂
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Haha! Played for and got, I’d say
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Hahah – this was hilarious and so vivid! i saw the eyeball 😀
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And now you can never un-see it 🙂
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Ha! Definite lol-moment with this: eyeball in my highball
Well done!
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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A spiffing tale, I can just imagine them, shades of Bertie Wooster !
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They do appear to have the same “completely unfazed” attitude about them!
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