FF – All That’s Gold Doesn’t Glitter
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.
Boy, this week I had to cut out 47 words. And it shows 😦 But I’ve been horribly busy all day and I’m too tired to think. I hope I haven’t insulted Sandra’s gardening supplies.
Baz entered his grandfather’s yard. The old coot was dead. Britain’s Most Wanted, he’d called himself. True, the coppers had never found his last heist. So… where to look?
What had grandfather always said? “Tat… or treasure?” And nothing said “tat” quite like old pallets full of weeds and flowerpots. Baz reached in, pulled out a small bag and emptied its contents – misshapen brown stones – into his hand.
He screamed. “Whaaaat! Old rocks?” Angrily he flung them away. As his car roared off it began to snow, the flakes covering the fortune in uncut diamonds he’d so carelessly discarded.
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And that just goes to show you have to know what uncut diamonds look like! Your story worked for me. 🙂
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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The first time I saw a picture of them I was very surprised! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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Serves him right for being so greedy! 🙂 Whoever cleans up that garden will get a nice surprise.
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Here’s hoping the gardening crew know what to look for 🙂
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Silly boy. Clearly his grandfather’s skills weren’t passed down the family line!
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His grandfather’s looking down on (or up at!) him muttering “stupid boy”!
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Clever.
Baz is just too impatient.
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Yep, he should have kept them and asked someone who knows…
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Lovely end twist, Ali! You gotta know what it looks like before you can see it. 😉
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Yep, very true 🙂
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Ah, obviously he doesn’t know his treasure. well done!
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If it’s not glittering he isn’t interested 🙂
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if anything, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt. 🙂
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True. Until news breaks of a massive diamond find by a construction crew at the site 🙂
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Sounds like Baz needed the bag to be marked “HERE’S THE TREASURE I STOLE, BAZ, LOVE GRANDDAD.” A cautionary tale. Engage brain before you search for swag.
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Yes, something a bit more blindingly obvious is more Baz’s cup of tea 🙂
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I’m assuming the 47 deleted words were all a long string of curses by Baz when he found the “worthless” stones….
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Ha, yes, some of them were!
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Hope you’re not so tired today, Ali. A la’ll gem of a story, without your usual humour, but tinged with poetic poignancy. I like. 😉
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Well, got to work at 0630 so we’ll see how it goes 🙂
I’m glad you liked it – I couldn’t think of anything particularly funny I hadn’t done before.
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Can you have a power nap, over lunch? 😀
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Ha, no, I’m commenting on Friday Fictioneers posts 🙂
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You martyr to the cause, you! 🤣
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Oops. As an old saying in India goes- Only a jeweler knows the true worth of a diamond.
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I like that 🙂
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Well, I can’t see where you cut 47 words – it all looks seamless. Great fun, Ali!
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Thanks! I had to do a lot of rewording to patch it all together again after the cull 🙂
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I don’t think your story suffered at all! And what a dumbass… Maybe check to make sure before you chuck?
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Yes – why did he think his grandfather had carefully hidden a bunch of worthless old rocks…?
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HA! This is awesome. An entire book in just a few short paragraphs. Love it.
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Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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Your story was effective. More words? Nah. It’s just fine. Too bad the grandkid was so dumb.
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For sure. Though it sounds like he was waiting around for the guy to die (some of the words which got cut, unfortunately) so he could help himself, so I’m not too bothered he threw them all way.
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At least, he didn’t dig around for all those carats!
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Ha ha 🙂
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Note to myself: look up ‘uncut diamonds’ on Google. You never know when the knowledge comes in handy 😉
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They do look like worthless brown rocks, I was very surprised the first time I saw a picture of them.
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Oh I though you were going to say ‘the first time I found one’ 😉
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Note written over here too
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🙂
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Dear Ali,
I’d say that Baz isn’t the brightest gem in the bag, Kudos to you for posting in the midst of working long hard hours. I always enjoy your stories and this one is no exception.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
For sure he’s not!
I’m glad you enjoy my stories, it’s lovely of you to say 🙂
Ali
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What an asshat!! 🙂
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Ha 🙂 An asshat indeed!
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I like the sense of suspense, and especially the ending. Reads like a modern morality tale as well.
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Yes, something about greed and impatience, perhaps. I’m glad you liked it!
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I had no idea uncut diamonds were brown. I had assumed they were like quartz.
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Some are (I checked Google beforehand!). I also would have assumed they’d be the same as the finished article, just a bit rough around the edges. It’s amazing how they end up!
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I wouldn’t have known either! Good story. Your edit worked.
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Thanks! Some look like big chunks of brown sugar. It’s a good idea he didn’t try to eat one.
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Like that diamond ending – but my fav is the cultural dialect – coppers etc
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! Good old East End Baz 🙂
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😊
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I’m on my way! Nice one Ali
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Yoinks, somehow I missed your comment 😦 I’m glad you enjoyed the story, but you’ll have to join the queue of treasure hunters!
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The man needs to get himself an education before he’ll ever get rich.
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Who knows what other treasures he’s left behind in his various nefarious adventures?
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Ah, he’ll never know, and that’s why he’ll never make a great heist. Grandpa will roll in his grave. I do know what uncut diamonds look like, but only because I’m interested in rocks and stones in general. A great tale, and a lot of fun.
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He’ll always be leaving the best stuff behind. Shame you weren’t there with him to identify the goods! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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I’m afraid I’m too much of a coward to be a criminal. 😀
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🙂
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.Someone that stupid doesn’t deserve a fortune!
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Ha, you’re not wrong!
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Ha… you have have to be a proper genius… not just about crime.
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Yes, a bit of an all-rounder if you want to spot the diamond in the rough.
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A diamond in the rough is a good metaphor for your story before you cut those 47 unnecessary words. It is through the process of cutting carefully and expertly that you made it sparkle. Not sure your character will ever understand that, though, or have the patience to go through the transformative process, poor kid!
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Ha, thanks! No, my character will always be small-time.
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Maybe Grandpa should have planted 24 carrots next to the stones to give poor schmuck a hint. Nice one.
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Ha, he still probably wouldn’t have got it! I’m glad you liked it.
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Well, honestly. I’m not sure whether criticise granddad for his poor education of Baz, or Baz for his crass stupidity. Or maybe granddad didn’t want Baz to have the diamonds in the first place? Pity they went to waste. There’s another story, or more, of what happened to the discarded rocks next…
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A bit of both I think. I don’t think granddad had much time for his idiot grandson! I reckon some passer by is going to get very lucky.
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Have you got the address?
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Yes thanks. Money money money… 🙂
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Baz evidently isn’t a very nice, or very patient person. He doesn’t deserve the diamonds and I hope someone much nicer finds them. I like the idea of him being “Britain’s Most Wanted”. I bet he was a crafty old so-and-so.
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Grandpa might have been exaggerating about the whole “Britain’s Most Wanted” thing 🙂 I’m hoping some passer by stumbles on the diamonds.
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Fun read.
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Thanks!
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Poor Baz… he could’ve become rich! He should’ve learnt more from ‘the old coot’.
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He wasn’t willing to learn and now he’s going to stay poor 🙂
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