FF – All Becomes Clear
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. She also provided the photo this week.
Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Intimate residence in secluded location. Set at a novel angle with authentic Medieval windows, this period property features original heating and plumbing. With fully ventilated bathroom facilities and a unique open plan design, this period property must be seen to be believed!
[Due to recent clarity laws we are legally bound to translate, see below]
Tiny, middle of nowhere. Foundations collapsing, glass-less slits for windows, this old dump has a fire pit for heat and no plumbing whatsoever. Bathe in the river and crap behind a tree, one single largely useless room, it’s unbelievable we’re trying to sell this disaster!
Categories: Fiction
flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
Not unbelievable at all. I can vouch for that. Good one.
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I saw one or houses whose attributes had been “exaggerated”. I’m glad you liked it!
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If only this honesty existed, would make everything so much easier!
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For the buyer, but not for the poor estate agents, bless ’em…
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They never get much sympathy…
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I love both the real estate version and the translation, Ali. Hilarious. 😀 — Suzanne
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I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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Teehee! I love your take on this!
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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Haha – if only such clarity laws were in place!
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It would be a different world!
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HAHAHA! If only estate agents would state the real specs! 😀
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They’d never sell another house 🙂
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Ah~at last! Truth in advertising. But, hey, it’s got centuries of history to build on. And could be modernized for a reasonable sum. 🙂
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Hey, that’s true, where’s my wallet… wait a moment, are you an estate agent…? 🙂
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Very entertaining Ali – think you get perfectly the estate agent ‘speak’. Love your translation into the real tower – no exaggeration I’m sure !
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Anyone who has shopped for houses soon gets to know their special “code” 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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like they say, buyers beware! 🙂
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For sure!
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Where do I sign?
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I’ll send the papers over. Good luck with… I mean congratulations on your purchase, sir.
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Hmmmmm, I may be interested. But has it been inspected for any traces of Bubonic plague?
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We sent in Buster to take a look so we’ll have to wait and see what he says. That was a couple of days ago, actually, no sign of him yet…
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Good thing I forgot my wallet and read the translation. Cute.
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It’s always best to read the whole thing! I’m glad you liked it.
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lol Love the translation!
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There should be an app that does that!
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These damn new-fangled laws make everything so difficult and troublesome!
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It used to be so easy to offload any old rubbish…
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Location matters. Interiors can be redone. Windows can be built.
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Maybe salvageable, then.
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Hilarious. There should be an Act of Parliament passed in the UK to enforce this kind of candour.
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Yeah, screw the “crystal mark” or whatever it’s called, let’s have some honesty!
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Love it!
Hilarious!
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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This is so funny, and spot on! We’ve househunted more than once, and learned to decode the realtor-speak 🙂
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It’s an essential skill! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Ha! Ha! Nice one. We need those Clarity Laws for the used car industry too 🙂
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Ha, yes, for sure 🙂
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This was fantastic and I wish more hokes had this – mane this was s god example of how there are many ways to look at a home!
We had this experience when we looked at a home in Florida – pool – large yard and ad was enticing – get there and the house was on stilts and the yard was long but in a triangle and just weird – nothing like the ad !
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Oh no! Estate agents also like to use “special” lenses when taking pictures. I saw a house (which I later did buy) where they managed to make the driveway look like it would easily park two buses (there’s actually space for two “normal” size cars).
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Wow – theybsure can olaybwith our perceptions – and a part 2 to this could have been from the homeowner after they bought it and then their ad for selling it!
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And speaking of perceptions – I will never forget when the homeowner of the stilt house called us a few days later to see when we were buying it…. what? I asked – and she said she had the impression that i thought it was the house for us. Wtf – maybe I was being extra cordial because I was in such shock as to how different the house was from what we had expected –
Or maybe she just cannot read people –
Lol
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Well, you can’t fault their confidence!
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😉
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The picture of MY basement makes it look HUUUUUGE… ridiculous. I was not pleased that they did that…. and my house is STILL on the market so…
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Can you imagine a world where everyone was this honest? Hilarious take on the prompt! =)
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It would be quite the world. Imagine trying to sell your old tat and having to describe it as old tat… 🙂
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I had to look up the word “tat.” (haha) Very funny.
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Oops, I just looked it up too to check where it’s used geographically. It’s such a common word here but the dictionary describes it as “British informal”, I thought it was everywhere 🙂
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And we have the same language? hehe
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🙂
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Could you imagine this level of honesty in politics?
Great take, Alistair!
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Wouldn’t it be fun to cast some sort of truth spell on all the politicians. To watch their eyes widen in surprise as the truth accidentally pops out 🙂
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It would be WONDERFUL!!!
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🙂
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Dear Ali,
I’m giggling and shaking my head. Truth in advertising. What a concept. As Dale brought up, there certainly isn’t it politics. 😉 Fantastic story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Like it would ever happen – in advertising or politics 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
Ali
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Advertising is famous for its use of euphemisms. 😉 Another hilarious one, Ali. 🙂
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It is, you really have to watch yourself. I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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I think of a property like this as a property to be a project for someone prosperous…
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It would be an amazing buy if you had unlimited money for sure.
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Love it. It’s not at all unrealistic to be fair.
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The truth is in there somewhere 🙂
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I’ve seen real estate listings that were about like that….
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It’s often a bit of a disappointment when you see the actual property in real life…
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Agreed
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Hey, don’t underestimate the enjoyment of taking a crap behind a tree!
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It can be quite satisfying 🙂
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Truth!! 😀
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Yikes…I think they’re going to have to lower the price
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The last resort of a desperate estate agent 🙂
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