FF – Worst First Date Ever
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Nick Allen.
This one’s a bit icky, to the point where I was going to change the last line, but I think it’s funny so it stays 🙂
Just in case you can’t see it, the brand on the far left can is “Braime”.
Copyright Nick Allen
“And here we have a 1965 ‘blue oil’…”
“Right.”
“… and an original ‘red’…”
“Ooookaaaay…”
“… and this is a genuine 1932 tractor oil can… genuine! I bet you’re surprised, eh?”
“I am. Your dating profile didn’t mention any of this.”
“I don’t like to give too much away!”
“I really think you should have.”
“And my favourite…”
“Oh, Christ.”
“… ‘Blue Braime’. Shall we move to the bedroom? Braime’s oil is smooth, sensual…”
(gagging) “Um, ah, is that my phone? my dog’s been abducted by aliens? gotta go, bye…”
Slam
“Huh. Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, Braime…”
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
Well I’m glad you left the line in, because it made me laugh. (And surely we’re all adult enough to cope with gently naughty stories?)
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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I always worry about offending people with delicate sensibilities 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Made me LOL! 😀
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I’m glad 🙂
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Well left, it’s funny, oil give you that!
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Ha ha groan!
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She’s obviously just not ‘into that sort of thing’! 🙂
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You win some, you lose some…
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Spent a few nights myself with Braime.
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Heh 😉
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Delightful! What a great take on the prompt! Thanks for the laugh.
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You’re welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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LOL! Yeah, the last line needs to stay.
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I thought so too!
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Well, at least he wasn’t left alone and dry. Bwahahaha!
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Urgh hee 🙂
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EEEEeeeeeeww!! She got a little more than she bargained for. What a weird dude!
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More than anyone could have reasonably bargained for!
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this story made my imagination ran wild. glad i read it on my lunch break at work. 🙂
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It’s best not to think too deeply about it 🙂
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Ha ha ha, he’ll now be putting oil on troubled waters.
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Oh my 😉
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This guy is a narcissist to the extreme. It seems he doesn’t need anyone else. 😀 — Suzanne
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He doesn’t seem too bothered by her leaving, does he?
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Nope. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Well, you can’t blame him after all. If he doesn’t oil it tonight, it’ll probably rust…
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That might be for the best…
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Looks like he’ll have to make do with second best! Delightfully different.
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I wonder if he sees it that way? 🙂
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For me the funniest line was “your dating profile didn’t mention this’. Very dry responses! 🙂
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Just when she thought she’s seen it all 🙂
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hehehe, loved it!
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Thanks, I’m glad!
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Dear Ali,
Well…hmmm…I think I’d be faking a call, too. Eeeew. That last line is a bit disturbing. Still funny.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
“Disturbing”, that’s the word I was looking for! She is well out of it.
Ali
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Delightful!
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Thanks 🙂
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He’s a bit presumptuous and definitely an odd duck, but should keep looking. Maybe one day he’ll find another odd duck like him. Someone for everyone and all that. Clever as always.
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I’m not sure there are any ducks as odd as him but it pays to keep looking!
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haha, loved the dryly delivered, ““I really think you should have” especially. I hate it when my dog gets abducted by aliens.
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Those pesky dog-abducting aliens. The gov’ment oughta do somefink 🙂
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This was great on every level – and to hell with the sensitive sensibilities 😉
Dating just ain’t what it used to be…
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It’s a real minefield these days 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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A great romantic evening, all oily and greasy!
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Who could as for more?!
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Swipe left!
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Too late 🙂
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Good laugh. Thank you for that.
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You’re welcome, I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Perhaps there are somethings you shouldn’t share on a date, well not straight away. Love the excuse, My dog’s been abducted by aliens. Well you have to believe that one. Great piece of intense nonsense, really liked this.
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I’m thinking there are also things you shouldn’t share on any date ever 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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The perils of dating strangers spun into a laugh out loud story. Let’s face it, who hasn’t welcomed a bit of Braime once or twice when the need arose?
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I’m sure I don’t know what you mean 😉
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LOL I for one am certainly glad you left the line. It works with your story. Bravo.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!
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Bwahahaha!
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🙂
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Eeewwww! Hahahaha!
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At least she made good her escape 🙂
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Not a moment too soon! 😀
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🙂
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The dog was abducted just in time 😉
I cannot be sure about the owner of this collection, but I like the way YOU used it 😉
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Yes, what a stroke of luck! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Ha… I think this is worse than showing the etchings…
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I reckon so!
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That last line ….ugh, Ali. I think I spit up a little in my mouth.
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Pretty gross, huh? 🙂
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LOL
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I got up and looked at the bird feeder. It’s a bit tricky, sort of sharp left through the screen. I was not wearing my glasses, but I said, “Gee, that’s a REALLY big bird in the flat feeder.” It was a really big squirrel, is what it was, swinging joyfully side to side consuming all the seeds in the tray. THAT explains why there aren’t any on the ground. I considered pointing out to him that he’d had enough, time to move on, but he had a HUGE braiime and I pretty sure he’d listen about as well as the dogs. Which is to say, NOT. Pass the big oil can.
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One big oil can coming up!
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LOL
The ever loyal Braime
A must-have for everybody 🙂
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When all else fails and the chips are down, there’s always Braime. That could be its advertising slogan!
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What a fun scene and, it seems to me, the obvious interpretation of the prompt!!! Great dialogue, and the last line fits the story perfectly.This guy seems to have plenty of fun canoodling (or whatever!) with his Braime. 😀
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He didn’t really need his date after all 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Ha ha, very good! It’s a sobering thought that somewhere out there in Rednecksville this may well be happening! 🙂
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I can’t help thinking the local may have been in on the whole “chuck them off the train” thing…
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MOL…it’s all in the Braime…MOL 😀 Pawkisses for a Happy Day 🐾😽💞
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Yes, lovely Braime 🙂
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Yep, about all you can do with that is to laugh, and leave. I am going to reblog this one for you.
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Ha, with “leaving” being the most important bit! Many thanks for the reblog!
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Reblogged this on Truth Troubles.
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