FF – Bloated
Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ronda Del Boccio.
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Copyright Ronda Del Boccio
“I’ve made a fresh batch of peach jam, dear!”
“Dammit, woman, you know peach jam gives me gas!”
“Yes, dear. I do know.” Sheila’s voice sounded smug.
Barry lost it. He’d endured a lot of straws, but this was definitely the last. Multiple scenarios flashed through his fevered mind, everything he’d ever seen on every cop show imaginable.
He decided. He grabbed a knife.
He levered every lid off every jar of peach jam and ate the lot. He bloated. Massively.
The results, later in the bedroom, were explosive.
And not in a good way.
They’re currently divorcing, citing “incompatible digestions”.
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draliman on life 
Their lawyers must most certainly have some stories to tell or what
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They’re probably enjoying the whole thing immensely!
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Didn’t see that one coming 😂
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Revenge is his!
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I worried when “He grabbed a knife,” but it all blew over. 😆
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Me too!
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Clever. Love the line… ‘enduring many straws’.
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Thanks! I liked that bit too, I wondered if anyone would mention it 🙂
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hahah – love the digestive track you took here
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Ha ha thanks!
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Great story. It’s a gas!
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Badoom tish!
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The most irreconcilable differences the divorce lawyers ever encountered! 😀
“enduring many straws” is a great line!
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Yep 🙂
I’m glad you liked that line!
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Good one! It sounds like their marriage was explosive before that final straw and its results.
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Yep, it just needed one more thing to push them over the edge!
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Words fail me 😀
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Heh 🙂
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Revenge certainly stinks…
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Ha ha, certainly in this case!
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Hahahaha kudos to the explosive story and explosive comments😀👏
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Hee, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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Five stars for imagination, Ali. They obviously aren’t looking for peaceful solutions anymore or I’d mail them a case of Gas-Be-Gone. 🙂
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I could do with a case of Gas-Be-Gone sometimes 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Lawzy, lawzy, lawzy! Methinks the fact she knows what it does and made it anyway,.. definitely deserved the repercussions!
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For sure. She really didn’t think it through to its inevitable conclusion, did she? 🙂
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You have NO idea how “on the mark” this really is.
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Heh eek!
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She deserved what was coming to her, I think. Well, they both did.
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I agree! Maybe they’ll be happier apart.
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Hehe brilliant!
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I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Better stay out of that bedroom for awhile.
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I think it’s needing a complete redecoration…
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Dear Ali,
I wonder if they had to hire a cleanup crew to clear the deck. She shoulda known better. Not a peachy situation. 😉 Cute.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
I think it probably needs more than just a cleanup crew! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
Ali
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Til death do us fart….
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Bwahaha…
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Not where I thought that knife was going! An ingenuous revenge 🙂
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He’s not a bad chap at heart, but enough is enough 🙂
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Grabbing the knife sent me in the wrong direction too! I’ve never tried peach jam – and I don’t think I ever will now!
Here’s my story!
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It sounds gross to be honest. I like black cherry best! Less chance of gas…
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what a way to get even. nicely done. 🙂
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He didn’t pull any (metaphorical) punches 🙂
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What a dumb thing to do. For both of them Eeeeeww!!
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They pretty much deserve each other 🙂
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Talk about a need for fumigation. Hilarious, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne
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I only hope fumigation will be enough. Maybe on an industrial scale 🙂
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Possibly. 😀 — Suzanne
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Great misdirection, not where I thought it was headed. I guess he had enough. Love the last line! 🙂
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A man can only be driven so far before he deliberately overloads his digestive system 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Very funny Ali ! Love the way you tease us with the murderous revenge idea then switch to dreadful flatulence instead — which is worse ?
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I did wonder that myself 🙂
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Both are strange…. Ha ha!!!
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They are!
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It’s a gas! Ali
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Ha ha it is!
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I smiled and smiled.
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I’m glad you liked it!
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Reminds me of Veruca Salt in the Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator (or in the film, Chocolate Factory) and we know what happened to her… What a whiny little baby!
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Maybe he got a Golden Ticket but couldn’t wait for the factory tour!
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🙂
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May be that is what Sheila wanted, a divorce. She had played her role perfectly and aggravated her husband enough to consume a lot of peach jam.
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Yes, perhaps a cunning plan on her part!
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What a waste of peach jam! Why, oh why, did you have to associate peach jam with… eeewww! I’ve lost my appetite. 😉
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You can have your revenge by writing a story next week to do with something awful with pizzas 🙂
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Nah… that would ruin pizzas for me too! 😉
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Thankfully, there’s no such thing as broccoli jam. lol
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We can only be thankful for that 🙂 I bet some intrepid home brewer has made broccoli wine, though…
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I don’t know who is more nasty; her for making the jelly or him for eating it? Both knew the outcome lol.
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They deserve each other I think.
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He should get the alimony!
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For sure, poor fellow! Though not entirely blameless in this affair…
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