FF – Bottled, Not Free
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Marie Gail Stratford.
One water. Sir is most welcome. Three pounds and fifty pence, please.
…
Why, Sir? It’s water. Bottled. Of course it’s not free. You jest, Sir.
…
There’s no need to take that tone, Sir. It is superior in every way to tap water, Sir.
…
How? Might I read Sir the label? Bubbling up from a natural spring in the highest mountains, this water has been naturally filtered through ancient rocks, Sir.
…
If Sir wishes to be like that about it, might I suggest Sir gulps from a tap?
…
And I’m sure Sir’s mother also resembles a baboon’s hindquarters. Good day to you, Sir.
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draliman on life 
In general, the tap water is probably safer
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Yes, I want my water properly chemically filtered, thanks.
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Would Sir like a bottle of Swiss Mountain air while he is waiting?
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Yes, please. It must be very good for me at that price.
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I’m sure at this point, all water’s as dangerous to drink as the air is to breathe, clean as a baboon’s hindquarters.
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It’s a deliberate scheme so that those not used to it (ie alien invaders) instantly drop dead upon arrival.
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All right. As long as it’s for a good cause like genocide.
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I was laughing so much I spilled my bottled water! 😀
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You’ve gotta be more careful, that stuff is expensive 🙂
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It is probably one of the biggest scams going to be fair!
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Flavoured and/or sparkling water I can understand, but a Britta filter jug does clean fresh-tasting water just as well as bottled still water.
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YAY! I’d recognize Mr. Fox’s dialogue anywhere! And of course he’s smart enough not to waste money on that bottled sewage! Hooray for tap water!
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The trademark Mr Fox dots! He’s cunning as a (Mr) fox…
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Dear Ali,
One finds herself enjoying the tone of the conversation between two sirs who, for all their manners, might come to blows at any given moment. Bottoms up.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
One of the things I enjoyed most about Downton Abbey was the way they were so very polite and civilised, yet managed to rip into each other with such cutting and passive-aggressive barbs 🙂
Ali
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Beer is 95% water, I’d pay an extra quid and have a pint of that – sir!
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Very wise choice!
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Sir would do better to order some soda, and at least have something to put on airs about … 😉
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Gimme a Coke, I say 🙂
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Hmm … just as long as it is not root beer … which is like, um, mouth wash … 😉
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I’ll take your word for it – of all the things that have wandered across the Pond, root beer isn’t (as far as I’m aware) one of them 🙂
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You are not missing anything. … 😉
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Sir just doesn’t know how to appreciate the entrepreneurial spirit, does he? 😀
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He doesn’t! It takes real inspiration to fill up bottles with water and charge for it 🙂
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bottled water is expensive because of the convenience it provides especially for tourists. 🙂
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It’s important to supply the demand 🙂
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Ouch!
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Major burn 🙂
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No need to bring his mother into it. I am sure if they could bottle air people would buy it.
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It all got a bit nasty towards the end, there.
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A disdainful monologue, nicely done.
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Thanks, I like polite yet cutting conversation. “Downton Abbey dinner table talk” 🙂
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haha, the price of bottled water was one of my ideas too – I’m glad someone else ran with that!
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I’m not a fan of tap water, but I found you can get that “bottled water experience” with a Britta filter jug for a fraction of the price 🙂
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I was laughing even before that last line 🙂
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Hee, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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I love the tone of this, Ali. All so upper crust and full of politeness… I remember laughing at the French for buying bottled water years before it was in vogue over on this side… Who would have thought it would become a ridiculous industry…
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I like flavoured sparkling water but can’t be bothered with the still stuff. A water filtering jug does the same job.
Upper crust polite insults is one of my favourite things about Downton Abbey 🙂
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I do front the still stuff but you won’t see me buying those disposable bottles unless I’ve no other option!
Downton Abbey was sooooo good
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You certainly have a way with words, my friend. So funny. 😀
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I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Hahaha 😀 What can I say? IMHO, both are sham – the upper crust and bottled water. Thanks for the laugh 😀
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I’m glad it made you laugh 🙂
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Love your story Ali, especially using the voice of the ascerbic waiter! Very cleverly done and funny, especially the last line !
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Well sir, I must admit bottled water tastes better in many places.
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Better than tap water, certainly, but my Britta filter jug does much the same job for less money 🙂
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This was a very funny exchange and polite too–at least on the waiter’s part.
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He is a consummate professional 🙂
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I loved the British stiff upper lip sarcasm here. Just my type of comedy!
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I have a feeling someone is going to be sirry.
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Hee yes!
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I can’t believe that ‘root beer’ is not a thing! A root beer poured over vanilla ice cream for a root beer float…. AWESOME!
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No, I’ve never seen any over here. Just references in American TV.
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CocaCola has a big factory and distribution in the place I’m from in Norway. They fill water from the tap, the same tap water that my mother has in her house. It’s sold at 7Eleven for forty Crowns, I guess more or less four pounds. And the tap water in Norway is free. Quite a business.
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Well, they’ve got quite a good thing going on there! Reminds me of an old episode from a British sitcom, “Only Fools and Horses”, where the main character did something similar.
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