FF – Dumping Your Missus
Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.
How to Dump Your Missus Chapter 1 – Property Disappointment
“We’re here, love of my life, open your eyes!”
“Waaaa! What a shit hole! You bought this without telling me?”
“Come on up, my love. The lift is sadly broken.”
“Urgh. Is that guy dead?”
“Just ignore him, my sweet. He looks perfectly happy there with his syringe.”
“…”
“Hello, little boy, do you live here, and my, what a big knife you have!”
“Eeek!”
“Here we are my sugar-topped cupcake, floor 97 and our new flat!”
“Forget it! The wedding’s off! Goodbye forever, loser!”
Yes, result! Thanks, ‘How to Dump Your Missus’! Now I just have to offload this appalling property…
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Friday Fictioneers
draliman on life 
A cunning scoundrel
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He certainly is.
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HAHAHA! Too funny! 😀
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I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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Worth every penny! 😉
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He thinks so!
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You can’t fore me, I quit! Very clever!
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It’s like the relationship version of “constructive dismissal” 🙂
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LOL… yes. 😉
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A cool story! ❤
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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Really! The lengths some people will go to avoid saying “We’re through.” I wonder how he goes about it when he wants to quit his job? Another writing challenge for you, Ali. 😉
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He sounds like the sort of person who very much goes to extremes 🙂
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Diabolical mind!! 😀
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He’s a cunning one and no mistake 🙂
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Brilliant Ali, every line a winner!
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It certainly worked for him, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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When I saw the title of this post along with the photo of the stairs… and knowing your sense of humor, I thought it was going to be a different kind of “dumping” of the missus! I guess there were too many witnesses, though, what with the gentleman with the syringe and the cute little boy with the knife…
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Ha, yes, it could have gone a little more violently. But as you say there is a number of reputable witnesses around…
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Seems like quite an extreme just to dump your girlfriend. Costly. I wonder if he’ll recoup his money.
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He thinks it’s worth it! He’ll probably never get all his money back, though.
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If it was investment property, that might be okay. I then realized that some people would be happy to have even this, which most of us think is uninhabitable. Then I felt sad.
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Yes, it’s better than nowhere at all.
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I agree with ES. No shoddily dug grave? A bit of arsenic in her tea?
Good one, though. No carnage is sometimes nice for a change.
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Yeah, I missed a trick there. She could have been pushed down the stairs, got stabbed with a needle on the way down and ended up at the bottom impaled on the little kid’s knife 🙂
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🙂
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She tried to give him a chance, but no – it just got worse and worse. did he have to buy the place? He could have just pretended, maybe she has had a lucky escape from such a dummy.
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Yes, it does seem as if he’ll go to ridiculous extremes to accomplish the simplest of tasks!
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That is cold, man. Plus, think of the property taxes and liability issues. Too funny.
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He hasn’t really thought it through, I don’t think!
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Clever idea, but wait until it happens to him. Karma has her way. haha. Funny tale, Ali!
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At least she thinks it was her idea to break up. I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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Good point. (haha)
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place’s not fit for a queen. i don’t blame her at all. 🙂
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That was certainly his plan, and it worked beautifully!
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ha ha, well it worked! 😉
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It did, the cunning fellow 🙂
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ha ha
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Only thing missing – the vermin. Mission accomplished!
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I expect they’re there somewhere. Lying in wait in the flat in case she made it that far 🙂
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Efficient as hell, and no hurt feelings, no broken hearts. He’s a good man.
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Yeah, he is!
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Dear Ali,
It seems to me he went to an awful lot of trouble. At least she leaves feeling she broke it off. At any rate, I’d say she’s better off without him.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Yes, everyone’s a winner! Except for his bank balance.
Ali
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Wonderful description of the soon-to-be bridal suite. Irresistible, but only to cockroaches. He could always turn it into a rental property like so many others do.
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Yes, I’m sure there’s someone who will take it.
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Sugar-topped cupcake? With a chat-up line like that I’m amazed he even got to first base with her. Uproarious, Ali – great read!
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Huh? That’s my best line 😉
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Very funny story Ali – just love the contrast between the seedy joint and his terms of endearment – like sugar-topped cupcake ! Most inventive.
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He’s a cunning one, knows just what he’s doing to achieve his goal 🙂
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He must have been desperate to go through such lengths!
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Yes, you’d think that the standard “it’s not you, it’s me” speech would have been a lot cheaper and less hassle!
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If this is only Chapter 1, does it mean that the missus will have a miraculous change of heart and agree that it would be a great place to live after all (she’d always wanted to live dangerously), and that they should get married after all? 😁
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Let’s hope not, for his sake 🙂
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Genius!
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He’s a clever chap!
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