Home > Fiction, Just Silly, Photos > Evil Squirrel’s Competition – Grandpaw’s Story

Evil Squirrel’s Competition – Grandpaw’s Story

Here is my entry for Evil Squirrel’s Fourth Annual Competition of Whatever.

He has been running a series called “Shelf Critter Theatre” and has invited us to have a go! We just need to anthropomorphise at least two objects and make sure that at least one isn’t using a personality ascribed to it by the media (for example a “Mickey Mouse” toy would have a different personality to that usually ascribed to “him”).

I think that’s correct, rule-wise. So here goes. Warning – it’s a bit rude and gory πŸ™‚

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Grandpup 1:Β Grandpaw, Grandpaw, tell us a story!

Grandpup 2: Yes, Grandpaw! Tell us about the time you got injured.

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Grandpaw: I guess you’re old enough now, kids. Gather round and listen up. It was back in the Furry wars and I was a soldier.

Grandpup 1: A soldier? Wow!

Grandpaw: Yes! I’d just received a transfer to a new unit and I was very proud, yes, proud to be F.U.C.T.

Grandpup 1: Um, what did he just say?

Grandpup 2: I think he said…

Grandpaw: Yes, the Furry Unified Combat Troop. Tell you what, kids, I was previously a member of the Allied Research, Science and Exploration division. Boy, was I glad to putΒ that acronym behind me!

Grandpup 1: Um…

Grandpaw (lost in his memories): Yes, everyone else was very jealous of me. I was the youngest soldier ever to be F.U.C.T…Β will you two stop giggling? Do you want to hear this story or not?

Grandpup 1: Sorry, Grandpaw.

Grandpup 2: Sorry.

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Grandpaw: There were five of us chosen for the mission – myself, Sarge, Pengy, Tatty and Andy. We set out full of hope, single file to hide our numbers.

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Grandpaw: Soon we reached our first hurdle – a vast mountain to climb down.

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Grandpaw: This is where we lost a couple of team mates. Pengy was first, oh poor deluded Pengy…

(Pengy: I can fly down, I’m a bird!)

(Sarge: Pengy, no! Penguins can’t fly…)

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Pengy: Wheeeeeeeee!Β SPLAT

Grandpaw: The rest of us took our time. Sarge was a great help.

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Grandpaw: But Tatty took a tumble, landed on his head.

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Grandpaw: At last we reached the bottom, but then we saw them coming…

Grandpup 1: Who, Grandpaw, who?

Grandpup 2: Yes, tell us Grandpaw, tell us!

Grandpaw: The Empire, that’s who. Shock troops, distant at first but coming closer, ever closer…

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Grandpaw: … until soon we could see the whites of their bricks.

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Grandpaw: That’s when we lost Sarge… he sacrificed himself… threw himself on top of them…

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Grandpaw: (forgetting there were children present)Β …guts everywhere… blood… brains…

Grandpup 2: Urgh, I think I’m gonna… bleurghhhhhhh!

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Grandpaw: Er, um, don’t tell your Mum about this… there were just two of us left, myself and Andy, when in a totally freak occurrence The Doctor showed up and decided to show off his sonic screwdriver. A wave of intense sound slammed into Andy. Everything ruptured…

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Grandpaw: Realising his mistake, The Doctor swiftly left, leaving me alone.

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Grandpaw: I tried to stop him, to make him pay but I tripped over and scuffed myself. And that’s the story of my injury, this scar on my paw.

Grandpup 1: That was a great story, Grandpaw, but…

Grandpup 2: … we were actually wondering about your eye.

Grandpaw: Oh, that! I got that years earlier, in ‘Nam.

Grandpup 1: You were in Vietnam? You reallyΒ are old! How did it happen? The Vietcong? The NVA?

Grandpaw:Β No, kids. I was there ten years ago on holiday, got really drunk, slipped in the shower and poked it out on the tap.

Grandpup 1: Oh.

Grandpup 2: I liked your first story better.

Grandpaw: Me too kids. Me too. Now, give your old Grandpaw a kiss and off to bed with you!

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The End

Categories: Fiction, Just Silly, Photos
  1. Lyn
    February 26, 2017 at 10:46 am

    LOL storm troopers, Dr Who. Grandpaw is incredibly courageous. What a bear!!

    Like

  2. February 26, 2017 at 11:05 am

    Wow, what a story. I never knew stuffed toys sometimes lived such hazardous lives. Good writing, Ali. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

    Like

    • February 26, 2017 at 4:55 pm

      It’s a secretly dangerous life, being a teddy bear πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. February 26, 2017 at 11:06 am

    LOL that’s good. You do realise however that I am going to have to divorce you as a friend…..you killed PENGY!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 26, 2017 at 4:56 pm

      He’s all splattered! No, it’s okay, we used special effects. I had to chuck him down the stairs three times to get the shot. I mean, “pretend” to chuck him down the stairs three times…

      Liked by 2 people

  4. February 26, 2017 at 1:04 pm

    F.U.C.T. Brilliant! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  5. February 26, 2017 at 2:42 pm

    You can write a book on this Ali… loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. February 26, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    Hahaha! Grandpaws and their stories to their grandpups!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. February 26, 2017 at 2:56 pm

    Awww, who doesn’t love Grandpaw’s half baked old war stories? Another great entry, complete with great visual effects and lots of the usual death and mayhem! And Puppies on a Roll! Thanks for taking the time to put this together, and good luck in the contest!

    Liked by 2 people

    • February 26, 2017 at 4:58 pm

      It had everything πŸ™‚
      I don’t know how you find the time to do one of these every week!

      Liked by 1 person

      • February 26, 2017 at 5:39 pm

        Quite frankly, neither do I! In fact, I’ll probably be bringing back Prompt the Squirrel soon just to give me a SCT breather…

        Like

      • February 26, 2017 at 6:47 pm

        It is pretty time-consuming!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. February 26, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    I want your POLICE box. I want it. I want to live in it and take to the time waves πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 26, 2017 at 6:46 pm

      It’s actually part of a whole TARDIS inside set. With little Lego Daleks and Weeping Angels and everything πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  9. February 27, 2017 at 1:56 am

    LOL! Great play! Who knew the lives of stuffies were so action filled? We should take a minute to remember all those lost in the furry wars…………okay, now we can go back to giggling over Grandpaw’s shower mishap. πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 27, 2017 at 11:56 am

      It was a sad time for furry-kind. And after coming through all that relatively unscathed, Grandpaw has an unfortunate shower-related accident 😦

      Like

  10. February 27, 2017 at 5:35 pm

    Silly, great visual aids and creative. πŸ™‚

    Like

    • February 28, 2017 at 8:14 am

      I’m glad you liked my bit of fun πŸ™‚

      Like

  11. February 27, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    Love it. Silly grandpaw telling the wrong story first.
    I hate to think how long this took you to create.

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 28, 2017 at 8:16 am

      It did take a little wee while. I’m glad you enjoyed it, makes the time spent worthwhile πŸ™‚

      Like

  12. February 27, 2017 at 9:52 pm

    You have outdone yourself! There should be a special category at BAFTA, Academy Awards and SAFA (Stuffed Animal Furry Awards)! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 28, 2017 at 8:17 am

      That should definitely be a thing! I’m glad you enjoyed my entry πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  13. February 27, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    Too cute. You had me laughing out loud – or wanting to laugh out loud but I’m not alone.

    Liked by 2 people

    • February 28, 2017 at 8:18 am

      Let it out! I’m glad you liked it, the furries were also pleased to be in the spotlight πŸ™‚

      Like

  14. February 28, 2017 at 7:13 am

    They are so cute

    Liked by 1 person

  15. February 28, 2017 at 11:05 am

    Geez! Ali, your creativity knows no bound. This is adorably great!!!

    Like

    • February 28, 2017 at 2:08 pm

      Thanks! You can’t go wrong with stuffed toys πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • February 28, 2017 at 11:26 pm

        Haha indeed!

        Like

  16. March 1, 2017 at 4:16 am

    I’m impressed by all the work you put into this! Love the photos! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  17. March 2, 2017 at 3:03 am

    Fun, fun, fun. I loved this blog.

    Like

  18. March 2, 2017 at 8:15 am

    Reading that was a great start to my day. Now I’m in a really good mood. A fun story, with great pictures to illustrate it. Well done! πŸ˜ƒ

    Like

    • March 2, 2017 at 9:39 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it! It took a while to do but was fun to put together πŸ™‚

      Like

      • March 2, 2017 at 10:12 am

        You make an excellent director – as well as producer and cameraman! Oh, I forgot playwright, too. πŸ˜€

        Like

      • March 2, 2017 at 11:58 am

        It’s off to Hollywood for me and the furries πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  19. March 4, 2017 at 3:53 am

    That was great! lol… Good Luck! πŸ™‚ T.

    Like

  20. March 4, 2017 at 11:36 am

    The best Grandpaw story ever told! You are always so good with the abbreviations, you could make a living as a consultant πŸ˜‰

    Like

    • March 4, 2017 at 5:53 pm

      There’s real money to made in the re-branding industry πŸ™‚ I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. March 4, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    MOL…that really was fun. Someone brought the stuff alive and guess what, Draliman, we pictured it all πŸ˜€ Purrfect! Just purrfect πŸ™‚ Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend πŸ™‚ ❀

    Like

    • March 4, 2017 at 5:54 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed the furry adventures πŸ™‚ You have a lovely weekend too!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. March 3, 2017 at 11:36 am

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