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Sharing My World 20-01-2019

January 20, 2019 18 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

You’re walking in a forest and you find a black suitcase. Inside it is one millions dollars and a piece of paper, stained in blood and bearing the single word “Don’t!” Would you take the suitcase home or leave it?
Ooh, this sounds nice and safe and in no way a bunch of money belonging to nefarious characters. I’ll definitely take it, and when I turn up at the bank and ask to change a million dollars into pounds they’ll be in no way suspicious. What could go wrong? 🙂

Imagine you lapsed and cheated on your partner. You feel horrible and you know you’ll never do it again, because the feeling is so awful. Would you confess?
I think this is one of those where I’d have to actually do it and then make the decision. It’s a tough one to answer without being in that situation. And no, I haven’t got a partner I’m about to practise this on to find out!

Would you live your life differently if nobody ever judged you for anything you did?
Probably not. I’d still be judging me and that’s the most important thing. I might try some new things I’ve been worried about looking silly doing, though!

Would a fly without wings be called a walk? No? What would you call it?
Yes. No. I don’t know. What would I call it? Totally screwed.

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Sharing My World 13-01-2019

January 13, 2019 22 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Did you have to help out with chores when you were growing up? If so, what were you assigned to do?
You know what, I can’t actually remember. So if I did have chores I’m guessing it wasn’t anything particularly strenuous. Whatever it was or wasn’t, it has successfully prepped me for an adulthood of utter laziness.

Have you ever researched your family tree? What do you know about your family’s roots? 
I’ve not done any research but I know that Dad’s family’s from Cornwall going back forever and Mum’s family is from Scotland, though many generations back I think they originally came from Cornwall too.

What’s your cure for hiccups?
This question has made me realise that I haven’t actually had hiccups for a good long while. When I do, I try the standard “holding my breath”, and also a swig of vinegar. Though I may have made the vinegar thing up as I really like drinking vinegar, but it’s bad for your stomach so I need an excuse. Ooh, is that hiccups coming on…

What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Either figuratively or literally?
Mainly it’s the standard gripe – grammar and punctuation. Grrr. I don’t mind the occasional typo but sometimes you see the same mistake over and over again.

Oh yeah. And “Brexit”, obviously. Just get on with it, will you?

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Sharing My World 06-01-2019

January 6, 2019 29 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

For the parents in the crowd: What would be the absolute worst name you might give your child? If you’re not a parent (I’m not), then what’s the worst name you could give your pet?
There are all sorts of awful names one could choose, so I’m going to pick the name Phoebe from Friends changed her name to in one episode – “Princess Consuela Banana Hammock”.

What mildly annoying curse might you wish you could curse annoying people with?
I think I’d pick a hilarious word and make them say that instead of quite a common word.

“Barman, I’d like a pint of your best picklespanks, please. No, I mean picklespanks. Picklespanks. Picklespanks. Dammit. Lime and lemonade.”

What’s the weirdest thing you did as a child?
I don’t remember doing anything “weird”, as such. I once had a little accident where I was swinging a golf club in the front garden. I let it go and it flew majestically through the air and smashed through the neighbour’s upstairs window. Heh heh.

Do you believe things happen for a reason or are random?
I believe things just happen. But believing “things happen for a reason” can help when something awful happens.

And finally, in the spirit of New Year’s: What’s a resolution (if you make them, I don’t) you’re making for the New Year? How confident are you in keeping it a reasonable amount of time?
I don’t make resolutions. I’m (a) too lazy to have to actually do whatever it is and (b) I don’t want to feel guilty about not doing it.

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Sharing My Holiday World 25-12-2018

December 25, 2018 15 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your Holiday World. I always post these on a Sunday, but this one is quite topical so I thought I’d better get on with it! There’s even a special banner with a Father Christmas in his sleigh on it 🙂

I will answer the questions and then Google them and post the correct answer underneath.

What Christmas beverage is also known as “milk punch?”
That sounds like eggnog! Some people will go to great lengths for eggnog, as I wrote in my little story Eggnog Overkill.

And Google says… eggnog! Yay! 🙂

Before becoming tied up with Christmas what was Yule?
Yule was traditionally a log. Then the early Christian church decided to go on a mass recruitment drive and hijacked the pagan festival of Saturnalia for the purpose. As that slowly became a Christian celebration, so the Yule log was in its turn hijacked by early Christian chefs and became the tasty chocolate cake we all know and love today.

And Google says… a Northern European pagan festival at midwinter. I wasn’t even close 😦

Stollen is the traditional fruit cake of which country?
I’m pretty sure I have one, I’ll check the box, one sec… hey, where’s it gone? It’s been stollen!

Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha.

Okay then, it sounds German.

And Google says… “a traditional German bread eaten during the Christmas season”. Woohoo! 🙂

In what century was the first written use of Xmas?
It sounds very modern but Melanie posted an image which looks kinda old and traditional, so I’m going to take a stab at the 17th.

And Google says… the mid-1500s. So that’s the 16th century. So close! 😦

The modern Santa Claus is mainly a mix of what two figures?
We’ll have to try to work this out. “Santa”, presumably, is a misspelling of “Satan”. That ties in with Christmas’s pagan roots. “Claus” sounds a lot like “claws”, so something with claws… Freddy Krueger!

There you go. Satan Krueger. Freddy Morningstar. Take your pick.

And Google says… hmm, not an easy one to work out, this one! It appears to be a cross between St Nicholas and a salesman. And he’s been featured in Coca Cola ads since the 1920s! (Yes, I got this info from the Coca Cola website.) I wasn’t even close on this one 😦

 

Two out of five. Well, I was close with “Xmas” so I’m awarding myself half a point for that.

Merry Christmas everybody!

 

Sharing My Christmassy World 23-12-2018

December 23, 2018 32 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What traditional Christmas decoration is actually a parasitic plant?
Tinsel. It eats away at your very soul even as it beautifies your tree.

No, that doesn’t sound right. Mistletoe, then.

Name something about this holiday season (whatever version you may celebrate) that most people like, but you dislike?
Mince pies. They’re full of mincemeat. I like mince. I like meat. Mincemeat is neither of those things. Mince pies promise both but don’t deliver. Damn you, stupid lying Christmas snacks.

What’s your favourite – or least favourite – song sung traditionally at this time of year?
On the radio and in supermarkets you can’t escape Jona Lewie’s “Stop the Cavalry”, from December 1980. It’s not Christmas until Jona Lewie fires up. It’s a real traditional Christmas song, all about being stuck in the trenches during the war and not being able to get home for Christmas.

Actually – it’s not really a Christmas song at all, is it. Hey hum.

In the song “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” what “incriminating” evidence was found on Grandma’s back?
I’m vaguely aware of the song, I think it’s an American favourite. Given the title, I’m going to go with reindeer hoof prints.

Finally: What would you like to share with the world, if time or cost were no object?
I would like to share my plan for the end of violence. Everyone would get a games console and would shoot each other online instead. And if people got bored and decided to try some real-world violence, they would find that months of sitting on the couch eating snacks and playing games had eroded their health to the point that they were no longer capable of hurting anybody.

I have written to the UN but have sadly received no response.

 

Merry Christmas, everybody 🙂

 

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Sharing My Merry World 16-12-2018

December 16, 2018 11 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your (Merry) World.

What’s the worst topping you could put on popcorn?
Pretty much anything, as popcorn is the food of the devil.

To be fair to popcorn, as a little kiddie I ate far too much at a circus or fairground and was violently ill. Now, even the thought of popcorn makes me feel queasy.

In what country did Silent Night originate?
I want to say Germany. But that’s probably just because I’m so familiar with the German version (Stille Nacht). I shall now ask the font of all knowledge.

I was close! A German-speaking country – Austria.

How would you react if there was irrefutable proof that God doesn’t exist? How about if there was irrefutable proof that God does exist?
Ooh, I don’t like either of those scenarios. It would change the world in horrible ways. And according to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, if the existence of God were proven, God would logically cease to exist!

People need something to believe and have faith in and many people choose God. If God’s existence were either proven or disproven (and everyone believed the proof), that’s the end of belief and faith in his existence.

That would set the cat among the pigeons and no mistake.

What is the scariest non-banned item you could take on to a plane?
I’m not entirely sure what’s banned these days, but the scariest item I’ve seen someone else take on a plane was one of those sticks to hold your hair up. It looked very sharp. How is that not considered a lethal weapon?

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Sharing My World 09-12-2018

December 9, 2018 27 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What are the most important lesson(s) you’ve learned in life?
I’ve learned tons of really profound things. Don’t run with scissors. Don’t leave a heater balanced precariously on the edge of the bath regardless of how cold the bathroom is. Important stuff.

How did you meet your husband/wife or significant other? How did you know he/she was “the one”?
Ah, yes. My significant other. I wasn’t sure but everyone at work told me to go for it. So I did! How did I know my significant other was “the one”? When I saw those graphics. Magic! Me and my PlayStation 4 are very happy together, thanks for asking.

If you could take a year-long paid sabbatical, what would you do?
I’d get bored, I would imagine. And I’d feel guilty the whole time because getting paid for doing nothing doesn’t feel right.

What is your favourite thing to buy at a movie theatre concession stand?
One sec while I run that through the translator… ah, yes, the little shop in the cinema that sells coffee and popcorn.

Nothing. I buy nothing from the little shop in the cinema that sells coffee and popcorn.

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