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FF – Magic Stoner Donkeyland

May 22, 2019 28 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by J. Hardy Carroll.

It’s all a bit mad and has a beginning, a middle and an end (purely because I put “The End” at the end). It sort of starts with the photo, takes a bit of a left turn in the middle and then shoots off at a tangent at the end 🙂 .

Warning – may contain drug references!

https://fresh.inlinkz.com/js/widget/load.js?id=ee77f3783e1bbf9d1eef

Copyright J. Hardy Carroll

 

“Look! Puff the Magic Donkey.”

“Surely it’s ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’?”

“I can’t draw dragons. But he’s still magic. Look!”

The donkey leapt from the page and appeared on the pavement! His eyes were wide and unfocussed and he appeared a trifle unsteady on his hooves.

“Hi, Puff.”

Puff coughed a cloud of sweet-smelling smoke. “Dude,” he hee-hawed, wandering dazedly out into traffic.

Meanwhile, in Magic Donkeyland HQ, Stoner-General Donkey awaited news from his invasion scout, Stoner-Corporal Puff – a report fated never to arrive, after stoned-out-of-his-brain Puff’s close encounter with the Number 19 bus from Islington.

Invasion aborted!

The End.

 

Sharing My World 13-05-2019

May 19, 2019 25 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What social stigma does society need to get over already?
How can I pick just one? There are so many. Not talking about stuff just makes it worse, turns it into something mysterious, misunderstood. So, all of them, please.

What was the last photo you took?
It was this one, some of my new plants. I’m tidying the garden and replacing plants and bushes which have passed away 🙂

 

When was the last time you snooped and found something or found out something you wish you hadn’t?
I don’t even remember the last time I snooped. I have access to a lot of information at work and it’s best not to get tempted by things. That way madness lies! And sudden unemployment.

What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever slept in?
While I can’t remember every bed I’ve ever slept in, my current bed is pretty good. Not too hard, not too soft. I’m a bit like Goldilocks in that regard. Hard beds are just uncomfortable. Very soft beds lead to waking up with a sore back and a stiff neck.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Skool Daze

May 16, 2019 64 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. She also provided this week’s photo.

 

The starting pistol fires! He dives into the water – Geoff Bullet, defending Olympic champion. But… something’s wrong! Bright light, waves… not a pool, a huge lake! A random inter-dimensional portal…? Geoff kicks hard for shore… so far, so very far, muscles like lead, must… keep… going…

“Geoffrey! Stop thrashing around, get out of the pool and get changed! The rest of the class is already on the bus.”

“Yes, Sir, sorry, Sir…”

Caught by a vicious deadly monster, Geoff Bullet is hauled from the water and forced into a lifetime of slavery in the notorious Algebra Mines of the planet Arithmeticita…

 

Sharing My World 06-05-2019

May 12, 2019 25 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Do you believe in soul mates? If so, do you think there is only one person meant to share that bond with you, out there in the world? (credit to Cyranny of Cyranny’s Cove)
Indeed! My left sole is great mates with my right sole. They go everywhere together! Badoom-tish!

Shall I answer the actual question now?

Sort of. As in, people who get on really well together. But I don’t believe there’s only the one person who would qualify for that role.

Ice cream cone, shake or other ice cream concoction?
Anything with ice cream is good. I’m quite partial to an ice cream sundae myself. Especially a nice strawberry one.

What would be the hat to end all hats? What could you wear on your head that would make people stop what they are doing and stare in awe and amazement?
One of those huge ones covered with fake fruit. That would certainly make people stop what they’re doing and stare in amazement. And awe. Awe-ful.

Apologies to anyone who owns one of these and thinks it’s “cool”.

What would be the worst “buy one get one free” sale of all time?
How can getting something for free ever be a bad thing? I’m all for free stuff. In fact, even if you don’t want one of something, if it’s BOGOF buy it anyway. Fill your house with useless and unwanted tat.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Snowflake Patrol

May 8, 2019 69 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jean L. Hays.

I’m thinking this bunch of whingy whiners are never going to be elite troops…

Copyright Jean L. Hays

 

“Target ahead. Silent protocol.”

“Right-oh, Sarge!”

“Shhh!”

“Jeez.”

“Barbed wire. Snips, now.”

“Snips? Anyone?”

“Oh, for… slip underneath.”

“…ow! I caught my finger…”

“Shhh!”

“…aw, man, I got cow poo on my uniform.…”

“…I know a good dry cleaner….”

“…what about my finger? I’m bleeding out….”

“…Sarge, I knelt in a puddle, my Mum’s gonna kill me…”

“WILL THE LOT OF YOU SHUT UP?! THEY’RE GONNA HEAR…”

 

BANG!

 

“Aw, man. Poor Sarge.”

“…now I’ve got blood on my uniform… blood and poo…”

“This is too stressful. Let’s evac home.”

“…and don’t think you’re coming in the chopper covered in poo…”

 

 

Sharing My World 29-04-2019

May 5, 2019 18 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World. This week we have a new logo. The world is in one’s hands!

If you could interview anyone from your life living or dead, but not a celebrity, who would it be and why?
Ooh, anyone? But not a celebrity. I’d interview that interesting chap from round our way who died ages ago. But I don’t think it would be a very fruitful interview. On account of him being dead and all.

As a child, did you have a nickname? Did you carry that with you throughout life or was it only in childhood that you used it?
I did, for a short while. But only people from the UK of a certain age would understand it. There was a kids’ programme called Grange Hill, and I happened to closely resemble one of the characters – “Roland”. So that was my nickname. Here’s a comparison. I’m the one on the right.

Me and Roland
Give us three words that describe you
I am me.

Sneaking into a second movie at the theater (if you go to a movie house)? Is that wrong or just harmless ‘fun’?
Or, as we would say in England…
Sneaking into a second film at the cinema (if you go to a cinema)… is that wrong or just harmless ‘fun’?
Just harmless fun of course! I don’t mind paying a little bit more to make up for all the people who don’t pay to watch a film. Why not illegally stream some stuff from the internet or try a bit of shoplifting while you’re at it? It’s all the same to the company supplying it. They just make everyone else pay. (rant rant babble babble)

Yay, I’m finally a grumpy old man. It’s a dream come true!

If you had a time machine would you go back to the past or forward into the future? Why?
If I went to the future it would only be one future out of infinite possibilities (theoretically). If the future is predetermined (“fate”) then life is pointless as nothing we do can possibly make a difference and all our choices aren’t actually choices at all…

So, the past. I’d like to take a peek at the Victorian era. All those top hats and new inventions and excitement. I’d take a bunch of broad-spectrum antibiotics with me, though. I refuse to die of blood poisoning from a cut on my finger.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Most Wanted!

May 1, 2019 66 comments

Here is my even sillier-than-last-week’s story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roget Bultot.

Work is mad, I’m doing 11+ hour days, so here’s something I knocked out in my lunch break.

Copyright Roger Bultot

 

“Newtown’s Most Wanted”, by reporter Tim Pointless

Police are today searching for a band of merciless criminals. Sgt Doughnut from Newtown Constabulary explains:

“They’re roving the streets, cold-bloodedly washing cars without permission, left, right and centre. Left, right and centre!”

I asked Sgt Doughnut why this was such a problem.

“Look at all the suds! You could slip and break a hip! Little bastards. Pardon my French.”

Newtown Constabulary responded with “no comment”, but muttered that “Sgt Doughnut should never have been allowed out near the public, the daft bugger.”

Next week – “Flower Arranging exposé – the dark side of Ikebana”