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FF – Problem Solved

July 8, 2020 38 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by A. Noni Mouse. Hey, that’s how I spell it too!

Copyright A. Noni Mouse

 

That’s the dishes done. Maybe I should put everything away. You’re ever a stickler for cleanliness, aren’t you dear? Oh, how you shout when I do something wrong. And your fists… oh, your fists…

No, I’m going to leave them be. Let them drip dry. I don’t suppose you’ll mind, will you dear? Not after that lovely treat I added to your supper last night.

Speaking of which, I do believe you’re starting to smell. I think I’ll pop you in the garden. Under the new patio, with a nice view of the compost heap.

You always loved the garden, didn’t you dear?

 

Sharing My World 29-06-2020

July 5, 2020 17 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Must we have evidence to know the truth?
As a scientist by training, I feel obliged to answer “yes”.

How much control does a person have over their life?
Maybe 50%? You start off in some circumstance which may not be in your control, for example where you were born, you might lose your job etc, then it’s up to you to take it from there. Hey, life’s all about damage control!

What is gravity and how does it work?
I’m glad you asked! As a physicist, I can answer this.

There was this chappie called Isaac Newton and one day an apple fell on his head. That made him think – how useful! Up until now everything everywhere tended to float away. Everyone had to always tie stuff down or it would disappear off into space. So he got a big bag and he captured a bunch of gravity and sold it to all his mates and made a fortune.

It’s basically a bit like Velcro.

Can a person be happy if they have never experienced sadness? How about vice versa?
I reckon so. They just might not recognise it.

Gratitude
Who knew you could bulk-buy Aero bars on Amazon?! Yum 🙂

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FF – RoboCity

July 1, 2020 52 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Na’ama Yehuda.

I had a lot of trouble thinking of a story for this one, and a very busy day at work too.

Copyright Na’ama Yehuda

 

“We’ve been here ages. Nobody’s moving. What’s going on?”

The manhole covers opened and a horde of machines, emblazoned with ‘StreetBot’, shot out and began cleaning the road. A nearby pedestrian noted the motionless cars, saw his chance and began to cross. A bot, emblazoned “JaywalkerBot” appeared, took aim and fired.

His bullet-ridden corpse was, of course, dragged away by a small army of ‘CorpseBots’.

“I say, they have a bot for everything! Well, I’m not waiting here any longer.”

His car moved off through the red light.

Unsurprisingly – I’m sure you’ve guessed – enter heavily-armed, missiles primed, ‘RedLightBot’…

 

Sharing My World 22-06-2020

June 28, 2020 24 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Have you ever ‘”dined and dashed” (i.e. eaten the meal and then run out the restaurant door without paying)?
No. Who would do that? I guess if you’re starving and have no money.

Have you ever been in a car accident and either left the scene of the accident (providing it was a fender bender and not serious) or denied culpability for causing it when you did, (if it were minor or serious)?
No.

Have you ever found a wallet or purse or some money (over $20) in the street and just taken it, thinking ‘finders keepers, losers weepers? Or would you be ‘good’ and hand it in?
No. But that was back in the day, when it was still easy to find a police station that was open to the public. I’m not sure where to hand something like that in to be honest. In the village, I’d hand it into the little shop/post office.

It’s technically theft to keep money you find on the street, but I bet handing in a £20 note would create £100 worth of paper work for the police and piss them off.

What was the last thing you stole or shoplifted? If you never ever considered doing that, tell us your secret!
The “last thing I stole or shoplifted”? That makes it sound like a thing loads of people do! My secret? I’m not a thief.

Here’s a picture I took on a recent wander. It’s foxgloves, which I left alone and didn’t steal.

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FF – Tales From The Battlefield

June 24, 2020 55 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Todd Foltz.

I’ve been working my way through the “Sharpe” films recently. Based on the novels of Bernard Cornwell, they tell the tale of a soldier during the Napoleonic wars of the early 19th century, raised from the ranks to become an officer (but not a Gentleman, obviously).

 

“I say, by Jove, it’s hot enough to fry an egg out here!”

“Think I’ll try.”

Sizzle.

“I say, Sir, you may not be a Gentleman but by the Devil’s beard you shall act like one!”

“Calm down.”

“The cheek! Fetch your musket, Sir, we go to decimate the village yonder!”

“It’s farmers. Women and children.”

“They have defied the British Empire, Sir, and they shall pay, Sir!”

“I have a better idea.”

BANG!

“Ugh. You’ve killed me, Sir!”

“Yep. I’m off to warn them the English are coming. Fancy a fried egg while you bleed out?”

Fling! Splat!

“Urgghhhhhhh…”

 

Sharing My World 15-06-2020

June 21, 2020 16 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What do you think of professional motivational speakers? Do you think they motivate?
For sure! They motivate people to spend their hard-earned cash to turn up, buy their book and come back again. They have that knack of getting people really excited about changing their lives during and shortly after the talk, but then the feeling fades and you have to go back for another fix.

Do you have a favourite flavor?
Yes.

While out walking, you hear a rustling in some bushes. What do you think of?
Someone’s getting frisky! Or it’s a werewolf. Or a vampire. Or a small rodent.

What’s your ideal temperature (nature-wise)? Hot, cold, temperate and mild, humid or bone dry?
Low 20’s and sunny during the day. Mid-teens overnight. Low humidity. I can’t express it in terms of hot/cold etc I’m afraid – scorching hot in Cornwall is mid to high twenties, which I know many people would scoff at and not consider hot at all!

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FF – Nobody’s Fool

June 17, 2020 64 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by herself!

 

Simon waits until the window cleaner advances up the ladder, safely away, before opening his concealed safe.

Simon is nobody’s fool.

The window cleaner smiles as he checks his phone app, streaming footage from the camera concealed in his boot. It shows the location of the safe, the positions of the fingers on the keypad. Once the safe is closed, he will retreat, to return that night.

Simon fancies some fresh air. He opens the window, knocking the window cleaner from his ladder to a messy death far below.

An unfortunate accident?

Simon is nobody’s fool.

 

Sharing My World 08-06-2020

June 14, 2020 17 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

How comfortable are you speaking in front of large groups of people?
Love it, being up there, the centre of attention, all eyes on me, standing in the spotlight.

Wait, that doesn’t sound like me at all.

Hate it, being up there, the centre of attention, all eyes on me, standing in the spotlight.

Final answer.

What would be the best thing you could reasonably expect to find in a cave?
Buried treasure. A dead body. A hitherto undiscovered monster crab. A huge vein of old (this is supposed to say “gold”, thanks Peter!). Ooh, a mermaid.

What did you think was going to be amazing but turned out to be horrible?
Salted chocolate. No, that’s a lie, I expected that to be horrible.

What’s the silliest thing you’ve observed someone get upset about?
All sorts of things. It could be me, it could be someone else. It’s usually something where you get into a “heated discussion” and both sides are so stubborn they refuse to back down, even though it gets sillier and sillier.

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FF – Natter Natter

June 10, 2020 63 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ronda Del Boccio.

 

“Ooh, look down there!”

“Yes, look down there!”

“Take a selfie!”

“I will take a selfie!”

Click

“Ooh, such fun, more Champagne?”

“Ooh, yes please…”

Natter natter chitter chatter blah blah…

The burners exchanged a look through their empty, soulless eyes. An unspoken agreement passed between them. As one, they tilted forward. As one, their valves rotated. As one, they belched forth cleansing flame, incinerating the noisy humans.

Lacking pilot, rudderless, the balloon floated on.

It would likely crash soon. And it was somewhat charred and smelled of barbecue.

The burners didn’t seem to mind.

They liked the quiet.

 

Sharing My World 01-06-2020

June 7, 2020 16 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Is it ever okay to commit a crime? Please explain.
Only if you’re very rich and have no conscience. That way you’ll get off with it and you won’t care who got hurt.

Do you deal with change well?
I don’t like change. It always takes me a while to get used to things.

Do you like birds? The sound of bird song in the morning, taking pictures of them, as food? 
Yes to all! I don’t have many photos of birds though as they keep flying away. Here’s a couple of gulls.

What’s the least used item of clothing you own?
Probably my suit. I wear it one to two times per year (Christmas parties). It’s cool, though. It has a little waistcoat 🙂

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