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Sharing My World 01-03-2021

March 7, 2021 9 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Is every piece of truth worth telling?
It’s probably best to keep some things to yourself. Randomly volunteering information such as “by the way, darling, your bum looks big in that” isn’t likely to go down too well.

Whom do you miss more Freddy Mercury or Prince?
I don’t really “miss” either of them. It’s not like we chatted every second Sunday or went out for the occasional coffee or anything. I was never a fan of Prince though, while Queen rocked.

If you could only email or text people for the rest of your life (no other form of communication), which would you choose?
Email, I guess. Much more flexible in what you can send. Text is just that – text. Even “texting” a photo uses MMS rather than SMS.

Would you prefer to work the midnight shift at a really creepy out of the way motel OR work alone for eternity?
I’d do the midnight shift. Nothing bad ever happens at creepy, out of the way motels…

What’s one secret you’re still keeping from your immediate family?
Like I’m going to answer that… 😮

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Dumping Your Missus

March 3, 2021 50 comments

Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Copyright Roger Bultot

How to Dump Your Missus Chapter 1 – Property Disappointment

“We’re here, love of my life, open your eyes!”

“Waaaa! What a shit hole! You bought this without telling me?”

“Come on up, my love. The lift is sadly broken.”

“Urgh. Is that guy dead?”

“Just ignore him, my sweet. He looks perfectly happy there with his syringe.”

“…”

“Hello, little boy, do you live here, and my, what a big knife you have!”

“Eeek!”

“Here we are my sugar-topped cupcake, floor 97 and our new flat!”

“Forget it! The wedding’s off! Goodbye forever, loser!”

Yes, result! Thanks, ‘How to Dump Your Missus’! Now I just have to offload this appalling property…

Sharing My World 22-02-2021

February 28, 2021 17 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Have you ever ‘butt dialled” someone?
Not that I recall. That’s more likely if your phone is in your back pocket I think and mine never is. It’s not really possible with smartphones anyway as they’re locked pending face/fingerprint/PIN.

Maybe that’s why they added security to mobiles – not to keep your info safe, but to prevent the global butt dialling scourge.

If you were given 1000 acres of land, what would you do with it?
That depends where it is. If it’s in a city it’ll be worth a fortune so I’d sell it. If it’s in beautiful countryside maybe I’d see if I could sell enough to be able to build a lovely house for myself while retaining plenty of space around me. If it’s on the moon or Mars, well… it could be worth a bit in a few decades!

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen on-line recently?
Nothing I can think of. I don’t really search around the internet for funnies. I spend enough time on a computer at work.

Have you ever eaten something off the floor?
Yep. And from the container you throw what you don’t want into at a communal canteen – who chucks away their sausages? And from a bin at work – seriously, why buy a bacon butty if you’re going to throw the bacon in the bin? I should note here that the bacon fell on a cardboard box in the bin, so it looked pretty safe to me 😉

I got some looks in the canteen and at work. Apparently this isn’t the “thing to do”.

Waste not, want not 🙂

Categories: About draliman Tags:

Contest of Whatever 2021

February 27, 2021 22 comments

Every year, Evil Squirrel hosts a contest, and this year, the theme is the letter “X”. So here goes…

Okay, that was a bit weak. For the avoidance of doubt, that’s a dog in the picture above. Marvel at my art skills!

Let’s have a story full of magic and horrible accidents! Accidents? Or something else…

“Wozzup?”
“I have cursed my nemesis, PG, with an X!”
“Don’t you mean a ‘hex’?”

“‘Hex’? Don’t be ridiculous! It’s X! Terrible things will befall him!”
“Well, it’s ‘hex’ so they won’t.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“It’s ‘hex’, I tell you, PG will be perfectly safe.”

“Who’s the witch around here? I know what I’m talking about, dammit!”
“You know nothing. PG and I will laugh about this later down the pub.”

“There will be no ‘later down the pub’, I tell you. PG is X’ed and will not survive the afternoon!”
“Moron. I’m off. To meet PG.”

“We shall see, oh yes, we shall see bwahahahahaha!”

Categories: Just Silly Tags:

FF – Teen Love Story

February 24, 2021 54 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

Teen Love Story

Jimmy stopped and looked at the snow-covered flowers.

Beautiful?

Bedraggled.

Life had lost all colour.

He kicked them, sending snow sparkles flying amongst the trees. He was alone, all alone, and always would be. He knew that now. She had blanked him, his life was over, a pathetic mess…

Bzzz beep!

A text! A text from her!

hey jimmy soz battery died would love to go school winter prom with you pick me up 7 30

Life was beautiful! Jimmy felt like singing! Joy to the world!

Heart bursting with happiness, he headed to the pharmacy to buy some condoms. Game on!

Sharing My World 15-02-2021

February 21, 2021 17 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Do you feel you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?
I used to ask lots of questions. I still do a bit, though I rarely see anyone to ask questions of these days!

When did you fail to speak up when you feel you should have?
There was this one time I remember at school where I got really annoyed and upset. But that was in the 80s so I should probably let it go now.

When was the last time you felt lucky?
I feel this question should have the word “punk” on the end. I don’t really think about whether stuff is “lucky” or not. Things just happen.

What is a boulder?
Um. A big rock? Apparently, “In geology, a boulder is a rock fragment with size greater than 256 millimetres in diameter.” Which is actually quite small.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Lawyers Tales – Death in the Company

February 17, 2021 62 comments

Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.

Copyright Ted Strutz

“Mail call!”

“Great. Let’s see… contracts for the BlimCo merger, transcripts from the Murphy hearing, cremated remains, documents for signing…”

“Wait, what?”

“Murphy hearing.”

“No, the other thing.”

“Cremated remains?”

“Yep.”

“That’ll be Barry. Remember? He refused to move an inch on the Scarlioni property deal so they shot him.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Comes at a good time, actually.”

“How so?”

“It’s started snowing outside. We need something to grit the path.”

“You can’t do that!”

“It’ll be the most useful he’s been since joining the company.”

“True. Go on, then.”

Scatter scatter clink

“Huh. They left the bullet in.”

“Cool.”

Sharing My World 08-02-2021

February 14, 2021 21 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

In your opinion, do May/December (older partner with much younger partner) romances ever work?
Yes, I’ve seen them work. I’ve had one myself! Obviously that didn’t work.

What physical action or gesture do you find romantic?
That thing where she              and        and then he             . Spicy stuff!

What is your idea of a romantic dinner?
A nice picnic in a pleasant spot.

Is ‘love’ a real ‘thing’ or merely a physical chemical response and brain activity pulling our emotional strings?
Everything is governed by chemicals in the body and brain (including our emotional strings), but does it really matter? Love is… 🙂

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Unfinished

February 10, 2021 55 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Alicia Jamtaas.

Copyright Alicia Jamtaas

“Dude.”

“Dooooode.”

“Hee hee!”

“This is some fine weed, man. Fiiiine.”

“Reeeeeal mellow.”

Puff puff

“I think… I think… I can see time!”

“What does it look like, man?”

“Like, like, swirly whirly colours. Real pretty.”

Puff puuuuuffffff

“I can taste my soul!”

“Far out.”

“I keep thinking we’ve forgotten something.”

“Like what?”

“Like, something we started but didn’t finish.”

“Don’t sweat it, man. Chill.”

Puff. Puff. Puuuufffff.

“Like, if we haven’t finished something, it’s probably okay, right?”

“Yeah, like, what’s the worst that could possibly happen?”

Puff puff puff

KA-BOOM! CRASH! WHOOMP!

“Dude.”

“Dude.”

Puff

Sharing My World 01-02-2021

February 7, 2021 14 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

If the government offered to suspend all laws, and law enforcement for 24 hours, letting you (and everybody else) do whatever you wish… Would you be in favour of it, or not?
Oh, for sure. I definitely want to get shivved in the kidneys by someone who thinks it would be “a bit of a laugh” or ploughed down by someone doing 120mph through the village. Sounds awesome!

What would be the creepiest thing you could say while passing a stranger on the street?
“You look so peaceful while you’re sleeping.” But I wouldn’t say that, I would say “hello” because I’m not a psychopath. OR AM I…?

As a child, what did you think would be great about being an adult, but isn’t as great as you thought it would be?
I can’t really think of anything. Most of the stuff I thought would be great is at least not too bad. Downside stuff, like keeping on top of “home admin” – bills and such – I didn’t really think about as a child. I definitely don’t remember thinking stuff like “I can’t wait to grow up and organise home and contents insurance, it’ll be great!”

What, in your opinion, has been blown way out of proportion?
No idea. I can’t think of anything major happening right now that’s been exaggerated. A lot of stuff doesn’t need blowing up any more, it’s already pretty bad 😦

Categories: About draliman Tags: