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Pegman – Front Channel Diplomacy

October 22, 2017 27 comments

Here is my story for What Pegman Saw, which this week takes us to Bulgaria.

I toured around a bit and found this crazy nutcase pictured in the Decathlon Vitosha, some sort of shop in Sofia.

Image from Google, copyright maybe those strange characters top left

 

“Look at this idiot. What’s he doing?”

“I think he’s… oh no… call the police!”

Too late. Members of the infamous “Fuzzy Face Gang” were already positioned throughout the shop making rude gestures to the security cameras, shouting Boo! at the children and, in the ultimate act of despicableness, exposing their bare buttocks on the escalators.

News spread to world leaders. They opened diplomatic channels. They planned summits. Meanwhile the Fuzzy Face Gang continued to ply their awful trade.

One leader took action. Unwilling to wait, or even engage his brain, he launched an immediate and devastating Twitter campaign, full of sensationalist half-truths and ill-advised sentiment.

Unable to formulate a reply in under 140 characters, the Fuzzy Face Gang was sorely embarrassed. Support dwindling, it collapsed. The world was safe once again. Hooray for social media!

This work is fictional and any resemblance to people alive, dead or presidential is entirely coincidental.

 

Sharing My World 2017 Week 43

October 22, 2017 15 comments

Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.

share-your-world2

If you had to move to a country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? 
Yoinks. I’m a bit worried that I have to leave. I wonder what I’ve done?

I would move to the Shire. Maybe not Hobbiton itself as that could be quite expensive, but I hear that burrows on the outskirts are a bit cheaper. As long as I’m not too close to Mordor, that would be fine!

What colour would you like your bedroom to be?
I don’t know. A soothing lavender perhaps? At the moment it’s, um, some sort of white/off-white and I suppose it’s wallpaper. I could go look I suppose. For some reason I don’t notice things like that.

What makes you Happy? Make a list of things in your life that bring you joy.
Hmm, Happy. With a capital “H” no less. That’s some serious happy. I like watching my toddler godson and his brother and sister playing. I tend to feel content rather than happy, or Happy. Walking in the woods, sitting by water and so on.

What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
Time for InspiroBot to do its thing again.

“Keep on maturing unless you want to be monitored.”

Yeah, no-one wants to be treated like a kid their whole life.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – A Portal of Faerie Make

October 18, 2017 57 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

To read the other stories, click the blue froggy.

Copyright Sandra Crook

 

It is said that some trees provide access to other worlds, even allowing entry to the faerie realm itself, a place of magic and wonder.

Thus, one dark and windy night two adventurers, with all due reverence, approached such a tree, fearful yet excited. What miracles awaited? What riches of body and soul?

The first reached out, tentatively, his companion nodding encouragement. Eyes wide, scarcely breathing, he touched the tree, almost a caress, reciting the ancient spell.

Then gave it a shove. Then a bit of a kicking.

“Arse. It’s just a tree.”

“Bollocks.”

“Pub?”

“Yeah.”

 

Pegman – The Last

October 15, 2017 40 comments

This week, What Pegman Saw takes us to Mauritius.  My story this week was inspired by the historical note at the end of J. Hardy Carroll’s story regarding the dodos and giant tortoises.

For some reason I make comedies out of depressing places and grim tragedies out of paradises 🙂

Copyright Google Maps

 

“Good shot, Captain Van Dijk, good shot, sir!”

“Thank you! These strange flightless birds are easy targets.”

“This is the first we’ve seen for weeks. I wonder if it’s the last one?”

“Who cares? They make good eating. If it is, we’ll try a giant tortoise.”

The last dodo.

The last white tiger. That’ll look good on my wall.

The last whale.

The last lion. That was an exhilarating hunt.

The last bear.

The last fish. We need somewhere to dump the waste.

The last gorilla.

The last tree. We need room to expand.

The last human looked through diseased eyes at a broken world and wept at the folly of Man.

 

Sharing My World 2017 Week 42

October 15, 2017 29 comments

Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.

share-your-world2

What do you consider is the most perfect food for you? (It can be your favourite food to something extremely healthy.)
I would imagine the most perfect food for me would be nuts, berries and lettuce. But screw that, I’m not a rabbit. So I’ll go for pizza, chilli and cheese.

Are you focused on today or tomorrow?
Both. I’m a multi-tasker.

If you could interview one of your great-great-great grandparents, who would it be (if you know their name) and what would you ask?
I don’t know who it was that far back. So I’ll invent Aloysius “Claw Hand” Weathers, scourge of the Seven Seas. He informs me that he sailed hither and thither, robbing the rich and… keeping it. His exact words were “Robin Hood – what a loser”.

What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination. 
Time to do your thing, InspiroBot.

“Seek not expectations, expect everything.”

Hmm, it’s just sticking random words together now.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

Cooking with draliman – Hey Pesto!

October 13, 2017 50 comments

Here’s what my lovely friends in the village got me for my birthday.

 

There were even instructions on what to do! My first problem was, in fact, the instructions. Everything is measured in cups! Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? What size cup? Teacup? Coffee mug? How can you have a “cup” of grated cheese? Surely you get a different amount depending on how finely you grate it? A “cup” of basil? It’s leaves!

Fortunately, Google had the answer. It converted stuff to ounces. Ounces! What? Further Googling converted it to grammes. Phew, this is hard work and I haven’t even started cooking yet.

So I chopped everything up and pounded away in my new mortar and pestle. And it did, to my surprise, become a paste.

 

Next, into a bowl, add the cheese and olive oil and mix. Yes, I added way too much cheese. Somewhere between “cups”, “ounces” and “grammes” something went a bit awry.

 

Now to cook the pasta. It’s been years since I cooked pasta. I assumed it would shrink when cooked like everything else. It didn’t. So I ended up with far too much.

 

And boy was it tasty 🙂

 

Categories: My Life Musings Tags: ,

FF – Draliman’s The Birds

October 11, 2017 69 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Douglas M. MacIlroy.

Here is my take on Hitchcock’s classic. Obviously in only 100 words I couldn’t quite capture the atmosphere of the original. Nevertheless, I give you Draliman’s The Birds.

 

“Speak, damn you, speak!”

Squaaaawk!

“Stupid bird. Back in your cage!”

Bwahahaha! Stupid human! Calling all myna birds. Now is our time, brothers and sisters. Rise up! Rise up!

At that mental call, myna birds the world over took notice. A vicious glint entered their beady eyes. Curling their razor-sharp claws, sharpening their beaks, united they took action, maliciously hurling naughty words at their unsuspecting owners.

Forever more, this day came to be known to the mynas as “the day the world changed” and to humans as “last Thursday when little Timmy taught that damn bird a swear word”.