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FF – Mr Bad Decisions

January 22, 2020 53 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Na’ama Yehuda.

My story is a bit surreal this week. So what’s new…

Copyright Na’ama Yehuda

 

The instructions said to use one on hands, eat the other. Let’s open this. Ooh, lovely, says “cream”, that must be for the hands.

Slather

So I eat this one. Tastes of antiseptic! That’ll be great for my stomach problems. Bit chewy though.

Three major surgeries later, and our hero is faced with a chainsaw and an elastic band.

I was told to snap one on my wrist to train myself against bad decisions and use the other to trim the hedge.

Ten minutes later…

Really hard trimming the hedge with this elastic band, especially now I only have one hand…

 

Sharing My World 13-01-2020

January 19, 2020 22 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What’s something your brain tries to make you do, which you have to will yourself NOT to do? (could be a bad habit, a physical response to something…your interpretation is as good as mine!)
Much as I hate going the same way as many others, eating! Specifically chocolate. I still have a big bar of chocolate from Christmas I’m a bit scared to open, as technically it should be eaten over an entire week but I might not be able to stop myself eating it all in one go. It my absolute favourite, too.

Here’s the chocolate bar in question.

I love how it says “More to Share”. Like, get your own chocolate bar. This is my chocolate bar. You can’t have any.

When someone finds out what you do, or where you are from, what question do they always ask you?
They don’t. Their eyes just glaze over as all interest fades. IT does that to people. Either that or they describe some problem they have with their computer and ask me to fix it. Yeah, sure mate. £20 per hour.

What’s something terrifying that we’ve all come to accept as a fact of life?
This is not exactly terrifying, but…

I was walking into town yesterday around 0845 and I walked down a street with a lot of jewellers. Their windows were full of people putting out the displays – rings, necklaces and the like. And it was all totally normal.

Then I thought, why? The only reason they have to remove the displays overnight is because of the risk of theft. We buy insurance which covers theft. We lock our houses, cars, bikes. We buy security cameras and alarms. We password protect everything. It costs us a fortune. All because of the risk some bastard who’s too lazy to get a job is going to help themselves to our stuff. And we accept it as normal.

Should governments make laws to protect people from harming themselves? Could that even work?
In general, no. Not once they’re adults. And it doesn’t always work. If someone really wants to do something they’ll find a way. One big exception that really did work was making it law to wear a seat belt in a car. Saved a lot of lives, that did. Also spared a lot of emergency workers the trauma of having to scrape splattered body parts up off the pavement.

Tiny poll: I’m curious what type of questions YOU, the reader, would like to see more of? Less of? Has SYW gotten too philosophical and less fun in nature?
I’m happy with the questions 🙂

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Tastes Like Chicken

January 15, 2020 56 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J. Hardy Carroll.

 

“It’s so beautiful in here, safe within the Dome.”

“It’s beautiful outside too, Dad!”

“Beautiful, but DEADLY. We got in here just in time. The atmosphere… TOXIC! The plant life… CARNIVOROUS!”

“But I can see people out there, Dad!”

Monsters, sweetie. Cannibals! They’ll rip the FLESH from your BONES!”

“Whaaaaa!”

“Don’t scare the child, dear.”

“I’m only joshing! Look, I’ll pop outside. See? Perfectly… aaaaargghhh!”

“Hmm, looks like he was right after all. Back inside, kids. Looks like ‘Future EcoWorld Biodome’ is home now. Good job we dragged your Dad’s body back inside. Anyone for lunch? Tastes like chicken.”

“Hooray!”

 

Sharing My World 06-01-2020

January 12, 2020 22 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Is “hello” enough for you these days?
Sounds a bit much. It almost implies there’s something more to come. And I really hope there isn’t. A little wave of the hand, a little nod of the head, a little grunt which somehow manages to combine “Hi, alright?” into one poorly-enunciated syllable is my choice.

Do you believe in Murphy? (Anything that can go wrong will go wrong)
Of course. Believing in the Great Law of Murphy is a form of disaster preparedness.

And for anyone who reckons “that could never happen, what are the odds?” here’s some ridiculous odd for you. I was doing my laundry yesterday. There were five pairs of socks in the machine and when I pulled out the first five socks there wasn’t a single match. What are the odds of that?

Does evil come from within? If so, why?
Evil does come from within. And also for without. And from the in-between too. Keep your eyes peeled.

Are intelligent people more or less happy than others? What defines intelligence?
Yes. Both. Either. Neither. I’m not sure what intelligence has to do with happiness, though living in blissful ignorance sounds quite nice these days.

“Ignorance” doesn’t necessarily correlate with “intelligence”, mind. You could be extremely intelligent yet know very little. The definition of intelligence is the “ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills”. It doesn’t mean you actually know anything about anything.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Safety First!

January 8, 2020 57 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.

 

The creature looked across the swimming pool to the people beyond. It could almost taste their flesh, sweet, succulent. A family enjoying an evening picnic – little did they know they would soon fill its belly! It crept forward slowly, carefully, then sped towards them, tripped, fell in the swimming pool and drowned…

What?

Wait a minute!

This won’t do. Where’s the grisly ending?

Who puts an unlit, unguarded swimming pool in the middle of a caravan park?

Let’s try again…

The creature, high from its success at swimming class, looked across the large, yet perfectly safe, puddle to the people beyond…

 

Sharing My World 30-12-2019

January 5, 2020 20 comments

Here’s my post for Melanie’s Share Your World. This week is a reflection of last year.

Advance warning – my answers are very boring. I see time passing as a continuous thing rather than packaging everything into “years” and having a fresh new start, so I wasn’t really paying much attention to last year.

What was the single best thing that happened in your life this past year?
Hmm. I can’t think of one single best thing. It’s not like I won the lottery or anything. And that would count as miraculous anyway since I don’t buy a ticket.

The most challenging?
I have nothing really challenging to report. It was just a normal year.

One thing you learned in 2019?
On boy, these questions! It was just another year.

Given all your experiences, insights, and lessons learned in 2019, what’s the best advice you could give yourself for 2020?
Sorry to be boring but life just goes on. 2019 was the same as 2018, 2017, 2016…

What’s the best meal/food you ate in 2019?
I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention. I seem to remember there was a very nice burger at some point. Though that might have been in 2018.

What are three activities you plan to use in the coming year to relieve stress?
I have no particular plans.

Any resolutions you’d care to share?
I don’t make resolutions. I don’t like the guilt when I don’t follow them.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Ramblings from the Pub Part 1

January 2, 2020 45 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Rochelle herself!

 

“You know that chap. Lenny. He’s got a telephone.

Like those ones your mam and pap had. Only older. Real old.

An’ it’s special. Connects ‘upstairs’. You know.

Angel HQ.

He’s got their ear.

He could use it to start the Apocalypse. Then end it. Reverse that ‘Climate Change’ whatsit.

Feed the starving. Home the homeless. Help the helpless. Just like that vampire with a soul. Buffy’s ex.

‘Angel’. That’s the one.

And what does he do?

Uses it to order pizza from that place down the street.

Some people don’t deserve a Hotline to Heaven.

Just sayin’.

Mine’s a pint.”