FF – Onche a Shpy

March 22, 2017 23 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J. Hardy Carroll.

I had an idea but couldn’t make an actual story out of it and then a certain somebody sprang to mind and it all came together 🙂 . Last time, I promise 😉 . Click on the blue froggy for this week’s other stories.


Copyright J Hardy Carroll

 

The ageing figure clambered arthritically over the fence, grimacing as the spikes gashed his arm. Undeterred, he crashed through tree branches, grazing his face. Extracting an immaculately-pressed handkerchief, he wiped off the blood and pressed on, tripping over a tree stump and dislocating his shoulder.

Ignoring the pain he finally stumbled to the door, above which he spied the banner – “Welcome Intelligence Operatives Class of 1962!” He looked over others in the queue – all appeared perfectly groomed.

“For heaven’s sake, Bond!” snapped M. “It’s a party! Can’t you use the front gate like everyone else?”

“Onche a shpy, alwaysh a shpy.”

 

Sharing My World 2017 Week 11

March 19, 2017 20 comments

Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.

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Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
I don’t use lifts as a rule. In Cornwall we don’t have any buildings high enough that I can’t take the stairs. I don’t like to be squished into a little metal box with lots of other people.

However, if I do need to take the lift I push the button once. Pushing the button more than once will have one of the following effects:

  • No effect (most likely)
  • Slow it down slightly as it processes the extra button push(es). This can also happen if you keep pushing a link on a website if nothing seems to be happening – all you’re doing is asking the server to process more and more.
  • Break it

Do you plan out things usually or do you do them more spontaneous (for example if you are visiting a big city you don’t know?)
If I was driving there I’d check out the route and parking. If I was staying there I’d book in advance. Apart from that I’d check out what there is to see there and then just play it by ear. The worst thing I could do is make an itinerary as I’d panic if it didn’t go absolutely to plan.

Describe yourself in at least four uplifting words.
I can’t think of anything. I don’t really do “uplifting” 😦

If you had a choice which would be your preference salt water beaches, fresh water lakes, ocean cruise, hot tub, ski resort or desert?
Beaches are okay.

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But I prefer lakes.

Horses at Colliford Lake

Horsies

I would like to visit a desert once day but there isn’t one for thousands of miles.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Waiting for the End

March 15, 2017 75 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jennifer Pendergast.

I saw some sort of ancient monolith this week.

To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.

Copyright Jennifer Pendergast

 

The entity had been waiting since the dawn of time. It had seen life crawl from the oceans. It had been buried in mud, worshipped, buried in sand, transported, stored away and displayed.

And all the time it had been watching. Gathering information. The deadline had arrived. It compiled its report.

Planet overrun. Ecosystem dying. No hope. Recommend sterilisation. Prepare culling.

A small human approached, touched it. The human’s face was full of hope, its eyes gentle, trusting, curious. The entity reconsidered. It compiled a new message and transmitted.

Situation dire but hope remains. Recommend hold. Final decision in two generations.

 

FF – Mr Bond?

March 8, 2017 82 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Shaktiki Sharma.

It took ages to get the photo uploaded this week – it was a little buggy! Ha ha ha. Ahem. 🙂

Note – those aren’t typos in the final sentence, I was trying to do his accent.

Click on the blue froggy for more stories!

Copyright Shaktiki Sharma

 

“Wow, this new tech is great!”

“Yeah, it’s bug… which is a bug!”

“Fly closer, we need to hear what they’re saying.”

“Okay… wait, it’s veering off course… heading towards that ultra-violet light… oh no…”

Fzzzzt

“A bit too bug-like, perhaps?”

“We’re going down, we’re going down! Okay, we still have video and audio.”

“Who’s this approaching with the sharp suit and Martini, shaken not stirred… oh my word, it’s HIM!”

A foot descends, crushing the bug. The last the operators hear is a strong Scottish accent.

“High-tech amateursh. Now, where wash I, my dear…? Ah yesh, sho I shaid to M…”

 

Sharing My World 2017 Week 9

March 5, 2017 25 comments

Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.

share-your-world2

Ever ran out of gas in your vehicle?
No, my car runs on petrol ha ha ha. Ahem. No, I’ve never run out of petrol. I have, however, had my battery die in the middle of nowhere. Someone had to come out and give it a recharge, then he drove behind me while I limped back to his garage where I had to buy a new battery. Turns out my alternator was broken so it wasn’t charging.

Sometimes I miss the days of my very first car (a 1985 Fiesta) with its clangy doors, trying to start it in the cold by pumping the accelerator and pushing the manual choke in and out.

Which are better: black or green olives?
I like both, but I usually have green olives. My local supermarket does a range with feta, stuffed with garlic and so on but I like the ones with the roasted tomatoes. Here is this week’s supply. I haven’t opened them yet so you can only see the top of the packet.

olives

If you were a great explorer, what would you explore?
I would explore that wondrous and enormous landscape known as the human psyche. I would carefully examine, probe every nuance, spend years educating myself until I knew every little corner of what makes us tick. Then, once I became expert in every side of the human mind so that I could practically tell what someone was thinking, I’d go out on the pull.

Quotes List: At least three of your favourite quotes?
First off, here’s one from Lethal Weapon 2.

Nasty murdering chap from South Africa (holding up his passport): Diplomatic immunity!
Sgt Murtaugh (shoots him in the head): Has just been revoked!

Ha, classic.

Here’s one from BBC’s “Call the Midwife” a couple of weeks ago. I can’t remember the exact wording. The old nun and a nurse are off to check out a mental hospital.

Old nun: I find two opinions are always better than one. Especially when one of them’s mine.

We’ll finish up with some classic Grumpy Cat, taken from the calendar I got from Secret Santa at work. This one kept me laughing all through February.

grumpycat1

Inspirational stuff, no?

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Second Chance?

March 1, 2017 87 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo comes from – ooh, I just checked, Rochelle as well!

I’m afraid I’ve gone eco-warrior again. You know, one of those ones who pontificates from their armchair before roaring off in their 6 litre 3 miles to the gallon pimp-mobile.

 

“Wow, Mum! This virtual reality headset you got me’s great! The sky’s all blue!”

“That’s the colour it was on Old Earth, apparently.”

“Is it like that still?”

“No. That’s one thing everyone agrees on. Nobody can live on Old Earth now. It’s all destroyed.”

“How, Mum?”

“We’re not sure. The record tapes were damaged when the first refugees arrived here and nobody remembers. It must have been quite the disaster, though. Now, come inside, quickly. It’s looking like rain and with the wind coming from the Factory District we don’t want another of your t-shirts dissolving, do we?”

 

Evil Squirrel’s Competition – Grandpaw’s Story

February 26, 2017 53 comments

Here is my entry for Evil Squirrel’s Fourth Annual Competition of Whatever.

He has been running a series called “Shelf Critter Theatre” and has invited us to have a go! We just need to anthropomorphise at least two objects and make sure that at least one isn’t using a personality ascribed to it by the media (for example a “Mickey Mouse” toy would have a different personality to that usually ascribed to “him”).

I think that’s correct, rule-wise. So here goes. Warning – it’s a bit rude and gory 🙂

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Grandpup 1: Grandpaw, Grandpaw, tell us a story!

Grandpup 2: Yes, Grandpaw! Tell us about the time you got injured.

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Grandpaw: I guess you’re old enough now, kids. Gather round and listen up. It was back in the Furry wars and I was a soldier.

Grandpup 1: A soldier? Wow!

Grandpaw: Yes! I’d just received a transfer to a new unit and I was very proud, yes, proud to be F.U.C.T.

Grandpup 1: Um, what did he just say?

Grandpup 2: I think he said…

Grandpaw: Yes, the Furry Unified Combat Troop. Tell you what, kids, I was previously a member of the Allied Research, Science and Exploration division. Boy, was I glad to put that acronym behind me!

Grandpup 1: Um…

Grandpaw (lost in his memories): Yes, everyone else was very jealous of me. I was the youngest soldier ever to be F.U.C.T… will you two stop giggling? Do you want to hear this story or not?

Grandpup 1: Sorry, Grandpaw.

Grandpup 2: Sorry.

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Grandpaw: There were five of us chosen for the mission – myself, Sarge, Pengy, Tatty and Andy. We set out full of hope, single file to hide our numbers.

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Grandpaw: Soon we reached our first hurdle – a vast mountain to climb down.

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Grandpaw: This is where we lost a couple of team mates. Pengy was first, oh poor deluded Pengy…

(Pengy: I can fly down, I’m a bird!)

(Sarge: Pengy, no! Penguins can’t fly…)

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Pengy: Wheeeeeeeee! SPLAT

Grandpaw: The rest of us took our time. Sarge was a great help.

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Grandpaw: But Tatty took a tumble, landed on his head.

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Grandpaw: At last we reached the bottom, but then we saw them coming…

Grandpup 1: Who, Grandpaw, who?

Grandpup 2: Yes, tell us Grandpaw, tell us!

Grandpaw: The Empire, that’s who. Shock troops, distant at first but coming closer, ever closer…

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Grandpaw: … until soon we could see the whites of their bricks.

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Grandpaw: That’s when we lost Sarge… he sacrificed himself… threw himself on top of them…

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Grandpaw: (forgetting there were children present) …guts everywhere… blood… brains…

Grandpup 2: Urgh, I think I’m gonna… bleurghhhhhhh!

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Grandpaw: Er, um, don’t tell your Mum about this… there were just two of us left, myself and Andy, when in a totally freak occurrence The Doctor showed up and decided to show off his sonic screwdriver. A wave of intense sound slammed into Andy. Everything ruptured…

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Grandpaw: Realising his mistake, The Doctor swiftly left, leaving me alone.

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Grandpaw: I tried to stop him, to make him pay but I tripped over and scuffed myself. And that’s the story of my injury, this scar on my paw.

Grandpup 1: That was a great story, Grandpaw, but…

Grandpup 2: … we were actually wondering about your eye.

Grandpaw: Oh, that! I got that years earlier, in ‘Nam.

Grandpup 1: You were in Vietnam? You really are old! How did it happen? The Vietcong? The NVA?

Grandpaw: No, kids. I was there ten years ago on holiday, got really drunk, slipped in the shower and poked it out on the tap.

Grandpup 1: Oh.

Grandpup 2: I liked your first story better.

Grandpaw: Me too kids. Me too. Now, give your old Grandpaw a kiss and off to bed with you!

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The End

Categories: Fiction, Just Silly, Photos