FF – Every Cloud

April 17, 2019 48 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

The (completely anonymous) character “Dail” makes a guest appearance!

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Copyright Dale Rogerson

 

Dail shivered and tucked herself deeper into her winter coat. A winter coat, in mid-summer!

The dust cloud, born of an unfortunate nuclear-related mishap, had seen the Earth freeze. At least Canadians are used to the cold, she thought. Many survivors were not so lucky.

Millions in Britain had frozen to death within minutes thanks to their “stiff upper lip, keep on keeping on” attitude, resulting in the general consensus that “it’s mid-summer so I’m wearing a t-shirt”.

Children, ever-resilient, built snowmen.

With survival a priority, the world forgot about Brexit. And golf-playing presidents.

So, every cloud, and all that…

 

Sharing My World 08-04-2019

April 14, 2019 35 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What does a successful relationship look like to you?
It’s very difficult to tell. Maybe people who do lots of things together, as a team. Some people who look all peaches and cream on the outside can be all grrr behind closed doors.

If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance at winning a medal for?
Advanced Afternoon Napping. I’m pretty good at that.

What do you wish you knew more about?
The life-cycle of the tsetse fly. No, quantum string theory, that’s it. No, wait, the life and times of Sun Tzu. I wish I knew more about what I wish to know more about.

What is better in your opinion – asking for forgiveness or permission?
That depends very much on the consequences of not asking for permission…

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FF – The Hungry Dead

April 10, 2019 61 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

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Copyright Roger Bultot

 

“Huh, it doesn’t look as scary as the photo in the advert.”

“That photo was digitally altered. This place looks rather pleasant. Dammit!”

“‘Haunted house’, indeed. Let’s go.”

Cecil Montague, dead these 300 years, watched from the tower, hunger blazing from his rotting eyes. After all these centuries, dinner approached… anticipation becoming despair as they left. So close – he could almost taste their flesh! He’d spent years learning how use a ‘computer’ to ‘Photoshop’ a ‘photograph’ to snare tasty ghosthunters. What a waste.

Time to change tack… now, where were those instructions on how to list a property on Airbnb…?

 

Sharing My World 01-04-2019

April 7, 2019 24 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World. This is a collection of fun questions in honour of April Fool’s Day! There are quite a lot so I’ll answer a selection.

Why is it called “beauty sleep” when one wakes up looking like a troll?
Ha, speak for yourself. I’m always bootiful 😉

Why do they sterilise needles for lethal injections?
If you’re gonna do a job, do it right…

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road?
Two reasons I reckon. In case you take it on the track – so mine would need to go up to over 140mph anyway. And if the speedo only went up to 70mph (the max in the UK), how could you tell you were speeding? You could be going 90 and it would still be reading 70 🙂

What are some things that are okay to do occasionally but definitely not okay to do every day?
Stay in with loads of chips and dips and chocolate and watch telly all day.

In your opinion, what’s the best type of cheese?
All of it.

You are about to get in a fight, what song comes on your mind soundtrack?
I know it’s completely obvious, but the moment I read the question I heard “Eye of the Tiger” in my mind.

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FF – Late Night Snack

April 3, 2019 76 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ronda Del Boccio.

 

Greg moaned. Lying on his back… the moon? No, a streetlight. Oh… his head… way too much whisky… so much whisky… a van… someone coming… wearing a mask, a hypodermic needle… no, no… hauled into the van… moving… smell of food… blackness…

 

“Hey, Baz, fast food! Fancy a kebab?”

“Dunno, these fast food vans can be a bit dodgy.”

“C’mon, sissy! Just a shame we lost Greg somewhere along the way. Hey, mate, two kebabs!”

“Of course, sir, new delivery of meat just in, very fresh!”

“Awesome! Wow, nice. My kebab tastes like single malt. Magic!”

 

Sharing My World 25-03-2019

March 31, 2019 20 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World. And here’s another new logo!

What is the best pick me up that you know of? To shake you out of the blues?
Ooh, I don’t know. A jaunty song perhaps. Or a bar of chocolate. A jaunty song and a bar of chocolate. A jaunty song, a bar of chocolate and a funny comedy.

What would be the title of your memoir?
It Started, It Happened, It Finished – The Story of One Man’s Plod Through Life.

Where do you like to go when you eat out?
I’m not a big fan of eating out. If I do, somewhere casual like a pub restaurant.

Do you believe in luck?
Nah. Not really. I say “good luck” to people of course, but random good and bad things happen and we decided to call those “good” and “bad” luck.

Aside from necessities, what is one thing you couldn’t go a day without?
I’ll follow everyone else and go with the internet. I’d be severely limited in what I could do at work, for a start.

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FF – Fruits of the Loom

March 27, 2019 73 comments

Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

Stand by for a major groan-worthy play on words!

Copyright Sandra Crook

 

I didn’t mean to do it, but Gerald… that smug git. Always winding me up. So I grabbed him one day and shoved him towards the loom. His tie got stuck; the machines dragged him in.

Oh, the screams, the noises as he was shredded… I don’t mind telling you, it set my teeth on edge.

When the cotton came out it made the most beautiful blood-red pattern on the fabric…. once you picked bits of Gerald out of it.

In fact I might market it. Maybe mix in some more colours. Make a fortune.

Think I’ll call it “tie-die”…