FF – The Chimps of Bristol

October 17, 2018 17 comments

Here is my rather rushed story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jilly Funell.

I had to chop about a bazillion words out of this 😦

Copyright Jilly Funell

 

It is said that British rule in Gibraltar will fall if ever the monkeys leave, however…

When the structure appeared (overnight, just outside Bristol), there was much speculation. Finally, the world’s greatest minds proclaimed it a Monolith (after a beer-fuelled viewing of “2001 A Space Odyssey”) and, remembering the film, imported chimpanzees to see what might happen.

These enthusiastic chimps proceeded to use it as a climbing frame and flourished – fortunately for Mankind, for their antics disrupted the attack signal emanating space-wards from this giant antenna.

… in reality, Mankind’s rule over Earth will fall if ever the chimps leave Bristol.

 

Sharing My World 14-10-2018

October 14, 2018 15 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Do you prefer Apple (‘i’ products) or Android for your technology ‘fix’? 
I prefer Android. There’s a better range of prices and choices and they tend to be much more compatible with everything else. Once you’re in the Apple ecosystem, you’re pretty much stuck there.

What’s something on your personal bucket list?
I absolutely have my heart set on the galvanised steel titanium-reinforced Buck-omatic 2000TM. Truly the king of buckets.

Oh wait, I get it now. I’m hoping in the next couple of years to go back to Scotland where my Gran lived and see all the old haunts again.

What would you name your boat if you had one? The Unsinkable 3? The Please Don’t Sink? Your choice! Also, what would it look like? Do you want a motor yacht, a sailboat, or perhaps a dinghy?
“The Unaffordable”. It would be a nice little size with a cosy little cabin.

Which fictional character would be the most boring to meet in real life? 
That chap. With that name. From that programme. I can’t remember any details. That’s how boring he is.

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Flower of the Day

October 12, 2018 18 comments

I thought I’d contribute to the very popular Flower of the Day. I do hope I haven’t misunderstood…

 

 

Isn’t it beautiful? Next week – self-raising!

 

Categories: Just Silly

FF – All Becomes Clear

October 11, 2018 71 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. She also provided the photo this week.

 

Intimate residence in secluded location. Set at a novel angle with authentic Medieval windows, this period property features original heating and plumbing. With fully ventilated bathroom facilities and a unique open plan design, this period property must be seen to be believed!

 

[Due to recent clarity laws we are legally bound to translate, see below]

Tiny, middle of nowhere. Foundations collapsing, glass-less slits for windows, this old dump has a fire pit for heat and no plumbing whatsoever. Bathe in the river and crap behind a tree, one single largely useless room, it’s unbelievable we’re trying to sell this disaster!

 

Sharing My World 07-10-2018

October 7, 2018 26 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What’s your go-to for unwinding after a stressful event or day? Can be someone or something – music, pets, family or whatever you choose.
A DVD or something on Netflix – nothing too cerebral and probably one of the series I’ve watched many times before which I keep rotating. Also, something violent on the PS4 like Fallout 4 or Assassin’s Creed. There’s nothing quite like shooting a bunch of Raiders with an automatic weapon when you’re feeling stressed.

The plane you’re flying in is going to crash, no survivors. If you had one song you could listen to before it happens, what would it be? (credit to NewEpicAuthor for this one). Please share the link to the song if you can.
I guess “It’s the End of the World” by REM would be quite apt. So in my last seconds of life, frantically Googling for my song, I’m going to see this. Thanks a lot, YouTube.

What is one thing you’re really, really good at and not ashamed to admit it? I worded that deliberately because aren’t we taught to be humble and not pushy about our achievements? Celebrate your ability!
I’m really really good at… avoiding the question.

Would you rather lose all of your money and valuables or all of the pictures you have ever taken?
Lose the pictures, lose the pictures! No, wait, that makes me sound like a greedy monster. Lose the money, lose the money!

No. If I lost all my money and valuables I’d be homeless with only a bunch of photographs to my name. Which I’d have to burn to stay warm. So now I’ve got nothing. So I’d lose the photos.

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FF – Mr Clumsy and the Second Apocalypse

October 3, 2018 69 comments

Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

My story this week once again includes “sound effects” (some imagination required)!

Copyright Sandra Crook

 

It’s Andy “Accident-Prone” Andrews’ first day at the Museum of Pre-Apocalypse Earth…

“Oops, I’m sure that wasn’t valuable… moving on, here we see the last surviving example of a ‘wooden’ table. One sec, someone’s left a bunch of crap on it…”

Sweep, crash, tinkle

“That’s better. This so-called ‘wood’ was very solid…”

Knock knock

“… and as I demonstrate with this flame thrower, completely resistant to…”

Whoomp!

“…oops, um, all part of the show, folks, um, over here we see the last surviving ‘atomic bomb’. As you can see if I hit it with this sledgehammer, it’s completely resistant to…”

WHOOOOOOOOMP!

 

Sharing My Word the New Class 30-09-2018

September 30, 2018 19 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

If you drink coffee, how do you like it best? Hot, cold, iced, with cream, with sugar or black as black?
Black, no sugar. Milk makes me sick and sugar makes me fat(ter) 🙂

coffee-machine

In your opinion, what’s the greatest invention of our age?
Definitely the miniaturised human. I have one who’s called “Alexa” who lives in a little box called an “Amazon Echo” in my living room. She switches my lights and TV and whatnot on and off and plays me songs – she’s quite musical! I hope she’s okay in there, I don’t think she gets out much.

Global warming? Reality or myth?
Our climate has certainly changed since I were but a wee lad. It’s become wetter rather than warmer but I think that’s all part of the whole global climate changing. And who am I to argue with practically every scientist on the planet? Time to take action or our descendants could be living on Waterworld.

Are you an explorer or more a home body?
I’m a home body. I get lost everywhere so I’d be no good exploring round the place. Every outing would be a adventure, mind!

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