Sharing My Merry World 16-12-2018

December 16, 2018 11 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your (Merry) World.

What’s the worst topping you could put on popcorn?
Pretty much anything, as popcorn is the food of the devil.

To be fair to popcorn, as a little kiddie I ate far too much at a circus or fairground and was violently ill. Now, even the thought of popcorn makes me feel queasy.

In what country did Silent Night originate?
I want to say Germany. But that’s probably just because I’m so familiar with the German version (Stille Nacht). I shall now ask the font of all knowledge.

I was close! A German-speaking country – Austria.

How would you react if there was irrefutable proof that God doesn’t exist? How about if there was irrefutable proof that God does exist?
Ooh, I don’t like either of those scenarios. It would change the world in horrible ways. And according to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, if the existence of God were proven, God would logically cease to exist!

People need something to believe and have faith in and many people choose God. If God’s existence were either proven or disproven (and everyone believed the proof), that’s the end of belief and faith in his existence.

That would set the cat among the pigeons and no mistake.

What is the scariest non-banned item you could take on to a plane?
I’m not entirely sure what’s banned these days, but the scariest item I’ve seen someone else take on a plane was one of those sticks to hold your hair up. It looked very sharp. How is that not considered a lethal weapon?

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FF – Eggnog Overkill

December 12, 2018 60 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Douglas M. MacIlroy.

 

Cleevus finished the code and hit enter. The globe rose into the air, spinning, spewing blinding extra-dimensional energy. Lamps flickered. Outside, the sound of car alarms, people screaming, explosions.

“Yes, my beauty!” laughed Cleevus maniacally as the globe’s light reached a crescendo. Plaster fell from the ceiling and the globe dimmed and settled on the podium. It opened.

“Oh yes, YES!” he cackled.

He reached in, took out a glass and sipped.

“Ahhhhh. Eggnog, interdimensionally-mixed to perfection!”

His upstairs neighbour fell through the ceiling, landing in a crumpled heap. The house next door collapsed.

“Collateral damage… eh, who cares! Mmm, eggnog.”

 

Sharing My World 09-12-2018

December 9, 2018 24 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What are the most important lesson(s) you’ve learned in life?
I’ve learned tons of really profound things. Don’t run with scissors. Don’t leave a heater balanced precariously on the edge of the bath regardless of how cold the bathroom is. Important stuff.

How did you meet your husband/wife or significant other? How did you know he/she was “the one”?
Ah, yes. My significant other. I wasn’t sure but everyone at work told me to go for it. So I did! How did I know my significant other was “the one”? When I saw those graphics. Magic! Me and my PlayStation 4 are very happy together, thanks for asking.

If you could take a year-long paid sabbatical, what would you do?
I’d get bored, I would imagine. And I’d feel guilty the whole time because getting paid for doing nothing doesn’t feel right.

What is your favourite thing to buy at a movie theatre concession stand?
One sec while I run that through the translator… ah, yes, the little shop in the cinema that sells coffee and popcorn.

Nothing. I buy nothing from the little shop in the cinema that sells coffee and popcorn.

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FF – All in a Day’s Work

December 5, 2018 75 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dawn M. Miller.

Copyright Dawn M. Miller

 

009 grimaced as he flew out the train window. Twisting his body to avoid the girders, he shot past the decomposing corpse of 004. Popular spot for chucking spies off trains…

Hitting the water, he struggled to the bank where a local wrapped him in a blanket, pointing to his shack.

“Welcome, Unfortunate Spies!” was written in seventeen different languages.

Very popular spot…

The local offered him the “Spy Pack” – fake passport, gadget watch, Walther PPK. 009 upgraded to “Deluxe”, which included bullets. Gonna need those…

Shooting the enterprising local (loose end) he headed off. All in a day’s work.

 

Sharing My World 02-12-2018

December 2, 2018 27 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

If your five year old self woke up in your current body, what would happen, what would you say?
I (my five year old self) would say something like “Ooh, what dose aches evewywhere, dis not good, where my mummy? Waaah who dat in da miwwor, dat not me!”

What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Whether you are talking about a romantic one, a friendship or a related to sort of relationship?
When she comes at me with a kitchen knife. That’s generally when I start to feel that things aren’t going to work out.

Is there something out there, a thought, an idea, a current event, or a fear that you find deeply unsettling?
Pretty much everything 😦

If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?
Ooh, how mysterious! No explanation, eh? That sounds like some sort of national security thing. How exciting! I’ll probably just disappear without a trace. My friends and family would be clueless, clueless I say!

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FF – Worst First Date Ever

November 28, 2018 81 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Nick Allen.

This one’s a bit icky, to the point where I was going to change the last line, but I think it’s funny so it stays 🙂

Just in case you can’t see it, the brand on the far left can is “Braime”.

Copyright Nick Allen

 

“And here we have a 1965 ‘blue oil’…”

“Right.”

“… and an original ‘red’…”

“Ooookaaaay…”

“… and this is a genuine 1932 tractor oil can… genuine! I bet you’re surprised, eh?”

“I am. Your dating profile didn’t mention any of this.”

“I don’t like to give too much away!”

“I really think you should have.”

“And my favourite…”

“Oh, Christ.”

“… ‘Blue Braime’. Shall we move to the bedroom? Braime’s oil is smooth, sensual…”

(gagging) “Um, ah, is that my phone? my dog’s been abducted by aliens? gotta go, bye…”

Slam

“Huh. Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, Braime…”

 

Sharing My World 25-11-2018

November 25, 2018 22 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.


Are you an early to bed, early to rise person, a night owl and day sleeper/dozer, or an ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’ person?
It’s early to bed, early to rise for me. Roughly 10pm to 6am on a school night. I do have a nap after lunch when I’m not working, though. I do enjoy my afternoon nap 🙂

What are some misconceptions about your hobby, should you have a hobby?
People think that those like me who spend all their time on the PlayStation, eschewing all social real-world contact, are sad pathetic loners. This couldn’t be further from the truth! I fully intend to talk to a real person one day. Maybe even in the new year!

So there.

A penguin walks through the door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?
The poor, confused little guy. All out of place, miles from the chilly Antarctic wastes. His friends must be worried about him.  I’ll invite him in for dinner.

Mmm, tastes like chicken.

Only kidding 🙂 I’d phone the Royal Society for the Repatriation of Penguins and get him home.

Aliens have landed… do they come in peace?
Probably. But, being humans, we decided not to take the chance so we blew them up as they came in for a landing. Hopefully they didn’t get off a call to their mothership…

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