FF – Abduction!

April 18, 2018 52 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Douglas M. MacIlroy and appears to depict some sort of horrific medieval torture cage.

Copyright Douglas M. MacIlroy

 

Jerry huddled, miserable and cold in the cage. The skies were darkening and the cold was seeping into his bones. In the distance he could see the truck that had brought him here. All was quiet.

Hours later and the sun rose, hurting his eyes. He felt panic, terror. His muscles had cramped. He started at a sound, two men approaching. One of them vomited on the grass. The other spoke.

“Jeez, sorry mate. We got pissed and forgot about you! It was only supposed to be twenty minutes.”

“Forgot about me? I’m the bloody groom! Worst stag do ever!”

 


 

 

Note: in case you’re not aware, it’s a traditional jape at a stag do (I believe in America it’s called a “bachelor party”) to “fake kidnap” the groom and (hopefully) deliver him to the party. Sometimes he ends up chained to a lamp post 🙂

 

Sharing My World 2018 Week 15

April 15, 2018 15 comments

Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.

share-your-world2

Been anywhere recently for the first time?
Usually the answer would be no, but on this occasion, yes! My usual doctor’s surgery was full so I had to go to a satellite surgery. Exciting stuff! It was the same 5 minute drive but, and here’s the interesting bit, in the other direction.

Phew. Real seat-of-your-pants stuff.

List three favourite book characters.
Stephanie Plum, Kate Daniels and Kylara Vatta.

What is your favourite non alcoholic drink: hot or cold?
Tesco fizzy lemonade. I’ll see if I can find the picture I took last time we had this question. Once sec.

”’

”’

Ta-da!

Lemonade and Coke

Mmmm. Nearly no calories of tasty refreshment.

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FF – Old Soldiers

April 11, 2018 94 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Yarnspinnerr.

Not sure what I was thinking this week. I just wanted to do something silly. For a change heh heh. But with a sort of a grim background. Picture two retired and somewhat jaded English officers relaxing with drinks…

Copyright Yarnspinnerr

 

“What-ho, Cadwallader. Those thieves are back! Thought we’d shot ‘em all.”

“I say, Beamish, they’re lowering a grapple. Ingenious! They’re after the Ming.”

“I believe you’re correct, Cadwallader… they’ve missed the Ming!”

“And snagged your souvenir hand grenade.”

“What? Had that thing all through Flanders!”

“By Jove, the pin fell out.”

“Ha! The bounders’ll get a surprise, I’ll warrant!”

“Really, Beamish, you don’t think it’s still…”

BANG! SPLATTER! SPLASH!

“I say, old man, there’s an eyeball in my highball.”

“By good King George, there are scoundrel parts everywhere.”

“This won’t do at all. Reminds me of Ypres. I say, servant…”

 

Sharing My World 2018 Week 14

April 8, 2018 27 comments

Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.

share-your-world2

What was or is your favourite cartoon?
Hmm. Back in the day I liked Scooby Doo. Who doesn’t? These days it’s stuff like “King of the Hill” and “F is for Family”.

Which cooking utensil (other than the usual pots and pans etc) would you miss the most?
My Mum. Hahahahaha. No, seriously, my fish slice. I use it for turning and serving loads of stuff.

Would you dare to sleep in haunted house overnight?
Given that a “haunted house” is probably just a “house”, what’s in it for me? Is it comfortable? Is there WiFi? What’s for tea?

If it’s an old, chilly, uncomfortable house I suppose it would be okay with a group of people looking forward to the full “haunting experience”. Might be a laugh.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week?
This advert in my gmail made me laugh.

What, seriously? Why did I dismiss this ad? For a Chinese mud pump? Why does Google think I want to buy a mud pump? Why would I be so desperate to pump mud that I’d consider importing a whole machine from China for the purpose?

Let’s have a show of hands. Who here wants to buy a Chinese mud pumping machine?

No one?

Thought not.

 

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FF – Not a Decoration

April 4, 2018 66 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

 

People fled in terror as thunderous footsteps shook the ground.

“Giant! Giant!” they screamed.

The hideous beast, wearing an expression of rage, trampled everything, picking up cars and hurling them like toys. Everywhere, it saw puny, tiny humans running for cover.

Ripping the wall from a building, it paused and smiled, a twisted grimace of triumph. A woman screamed as the giant’s hairy hand came closer, but she was ignored. The hand grabbed a suspended artwork and the giant moved away, popping it on its head. As it left it could be heard muttering.

Damn humans. Always nicking my hat.

 

Pegman – Best Intentions

April 2, 2018 34 comments

Here is my story for What Pegman Saw which this week takes us to the Gurara Waterfalls in Nigeria.

Copyright Eimantas Tamonis for Google Maps

 

“Ah, the power, the majesty…”

“Don’t jump, mate.”

“No, I’m just enjoying…”

“It’s not worth it. Lost your job?”

“You don’t understand…”

“It’s the wife, right? Shacked up with your best mate?”

“No, really, I just want some peace and quiet to…”

“It’s not worth killing yourself over.”

“Listen, you need to…”

“Just ‘cos he’s a stallion in the sack and you’re more of an eager hamster…”

“What? What? You… you…” shove

“Aaaargh… nooooot agaaaaaaain…” splash!

“That’s better. Ah, the power, the majesty…”

 

2 weeks later, after yet another stay in hospital…

 

“Oh, the gorgeous view…”

“Hey, lady, don’t jump, it’s not worth it.”

“Excuse me? No, I’m just enjoying…”

“It’s the old man, right? Shacked up with your best mate…”

 

Sharing My World 2018 Week 13

April 1, 2018 24 comments

Here is my post for Cee’s Share Your World.

share-your-world2

What is your favourite colour of hair? You can name your hair colour or a colour that you just like.
Wow, I had to add four letter “u’s” to that sentence to make all the red lines go away 🙂

For myself, nondescript brown with grey bits is fine. Woman-wise, any sort of brown, natural blond, or any hair with cool colouring. Highlights, all bright red – it says something about the personality I think.

List at least 5 things that you are good at.
Huh. I’m not particularly good at anything. I’m acceptable at lots of things. Everything I do, I tend to reach “okay” level and get no further. It’s like my job title, which basically means “jack of all trades, master of none”.

What is your favourite animal or type of animal? (pets, dolphins, stuffed, wild cats, etc)
Anything that’s stuffed. In real life, widdle kittens and kitty cats. And bunnies 🙂

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week?
I appreciate having a week off this coming week. 10 days off in a row for the price of 4 leave days. Cheap at the price!

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