Sharing My World 12-08-2019

August 18, 2019 3 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World, featuring a new logo!

What makes you laugh?
Funny stuff. Everything from stuff most people find funny through to stuff many people wouldn’t find funny. Like I was playing the zombie DLC to Far Cry 5 the other day, laughing in joy as I mowed zombies down in a tractor with a thresher on the front. Hilarious. And messy 🙂

What’s the world coming to?
Eeh, bah gum, what’s the world comin’ to, it’s a pretty picture an’ noo mistake, eh, when ah were a lad we respected our elders, there were nay trouble etc etc yadda yadda mumble mumble…

In one sentence sum up the Internet
Big and huge and full of everything and not entirely trustworthy.

If over time you replace parts on a car, at what point does it stop being the same car you bought? How many parts do you need to replace to make it a new car?
The rear view mirror. That’s the thing. Once you’ve replaced that it’s the beginning of the end. Because you’ll never get a new one to stick to the windscreen. There’s your new car right there.

Gratitude is an attitude. Yea or nay? Explain your viewpoint please!
It’s all like a state of mind init, like, attitude of gratitude, you gotta feel it, you gotta know it, you gotta do it, init, it’s all in da mind, you get me?

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A Bungled Camp-Out

August 14, 2019 39 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jan Wayne Fields.

I don’t know if you remember my completely fictional characters Rocheel and Dail and their Disappointing Day Out? Well, they’re back and joined by the equally fictional “Jon”! This week they’ve decided to go camping in the back garden…

To read the other stories, click on the froggy.

Copyright Jan Wayne Fields

 

“Aargh! Dail! Help!”

“What are you doing, Rocheel? Is that you under the tent?”

“It fell on me.”

“The instructions clearly say ‘insert section iii of pole B into flange A of tent flap 3, while gently tugging guide rope 7c’.”

“CLEARLY?”

“Fair enough. So, the barbecue…. hmm, nothing’s happening, maybe a bit more lighter fluid…”

WHOOMP!

“Aargh, my eyebrows, my eyebrows are gone, gone forever!”

“Well, Dail, who are we gong to blame for this debacle?”

As one, they turned to look toward the house…

“Good idea. Jon, oh Jon, could you come out here a moment please…?”

 

 

Sharing My World 05-08-2019

August 11, 2019 18 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World. Boy, this is a cheerful set of questions this week!

Does life have a reason (meaning)?
It does to me! So that’s good. In the wider sense, who knows? This question is above my pay grade!

Will the world come to an end by human hands (man’s actions)?
Man’s presence on the world, maybe. I imagine that the world itself will recover from whatever we manage to do to it, in time.

The world itself will end when the sun runs out of fuel. Or when the M’Gak’Nar turn up from Tau Cygnus Alpha IV with their planet-killing missile and blow it to bits.

Will stricter laws make a better world? Would less strict law make it better?
Until people learn right from wrong, stricter laws unfortunately. Too many people ignore their conscience in favour of what they want.

If death is inevitable, why bother doing anything?
Because doing nothing would be really boring.

Are thoughts and prayers useful or a sop for people who wish to pay respect but interact through a virtual venue? Yea or nay – please explain your viewpoint (without rancour) if you would.
Prayers are useful if they help the person praying.

I find thoughts useful. Otherwise I’d just be sitting around in a mindless daze until I died of dehydration and malnutrition.

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FF – False Assumption

August 7, 2019 68 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Randy Mazie.

This is a photo from December 2013 and I actually remembered it! I was going to just repost that story, but I wrote a new one so here’s a link to the old one instead. As a sort of drali-bonus. You’re welcome.

For all the stories, click on the froggy.

trespass_randy_mazie-1

Copyright Randy Mazie

 

“No, we shouldn’t go in there!” Jeff was adamant.

“Ha, come on. ‘NO TRESSRASSING’? What does that even mean?!”

“It’s obvious. Come on, let’s go.”

“Chicken!” laughed Mike, already working at the boards on one of the windows. It creaked and splintered. “Last one in’s a rotten egg!”

Jeff peered through the window as Mike cavorted around the abandoned building.

“NO TRESPASSING!” boomed a voice. An axe swung. At first Jeff thought it had missed, then, almost in slow-motion, Mike’s head rolled from his body.

Jeff ran.

Just because you can’t spell, doesn’t mean you’re not a psychotic axe-wielding maniac.

 

Sharing My World 29-07-2019

August 4, 2019 31 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Is it wrong to sell store-bought pastries at a bake sale?
Yes! Surely the whole point is that you bake something and then sell it? I know the proceeds usually go to charity, or the village hall or whatever, but if you’re going to buy a cake for £3 and sell it for £4, why not just cut out the middle man and donate the £1?

There’s a different name for places which sell mass-produced shop cakes. They’re called “shops”.

Have you ever interacted with the police?
Yes.

What will you remember most about this past year?
I can’t think of anything that really stands out. There was the awful couple of days of snow and the drive home.

Is it better to have fungus on your toes, your tongue, or your pizza?
The only place fungus belongs out of those choices in on a pizza, though I don’t generally have mushrooms on pizza myself.

What is one slang word that makes your skin crawl?
Not “skin crawl” as such, but I can’t get on with the word “sick”. It used to mean something pretty nasty but it’s now used for something amazingly good as well. So sometimes it’s hard to tell whether someone really loves or hates something.

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FF – Looking the Other Way

July 31, 2019 66 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.

For the other stories, click on the little stylised froggy.

Copyright Ted Strutz

 

“Did it go okay?”

“What?”

“The bomb. Planting the bomb in the seaplane.”

“What? This bomb?”

“I told you. To plant the bomb. In the PLANE!”

“Oops.”

“So. The Jackal’s drug shipment gets away from us again. Get out of my sight, you MORON!”

Agent Johnson walked away, full of insincere apologies. He disliked playing the incompetent fool, but he lived in a huge house, his kids were in expensive schools, his wife dripped diamonds.

The Jackal was very generous to those willing to go that extra mile. This should be worth at least a new swimming pool…

 

Sharing My World 22-07-2019

July 28, 2019 25 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What happens if you stare at the mirror for too long in the dark?
All unseen, the dark side of your soul is given free rein, its dreadful eyes burning into you, eating away at your very being, leeching, corrupting, until your brains dribble from your ears and you go massively, irreparably INSANE.

Or nothing at all.

One of those.

Do you think you’re judgemental? What tends to bring it out in you?
Yes. Everybody is to some extent. Of course, some people pretty much make a career out of it.

Do you work better with actual lists or with mental lists?
I use mental lists until things get out of control and then I start writing stuff down.

When I go shopping I always make an actual list or I’m guaranteed to forget something and since I only go shopping once a week, that’s a major pain.

Would you go streaking across a football field during a game for a million quid, knowing there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hmm, it’s not so much the (pretty much 100% chance of getting arrested), it’s having the guts to actually do it. Though, on the criminal charges front these days it’s likely to be a lot worse than “indecent exposure”. Since there’s a reasonable expectation there will be children present you’ll likely be placed on the sex offenders register.

A million squidly-dids is a lot of money but I don’t think it’s worth the risk.

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