FF – Not So Modern Tech

March 25, 2020 60 comments

Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jeff Arnold.

Copyright Jeff Arnold

 

“Wow, amazing! Feel those keys! What is it?”

“Ahem. A typewriter, Sir.”

“I see, yes! It writes as you type. Ingenious! Magnificent! A work of art!”

“Would Sir wish to purchase?”

“Of course! How do you connect the WiFi?”

“WiFi, Sir? WIFI? It has no WiFi!”

“What, now? No WiFi? What a stinking pile of crap!”

“Your language, Sir, forces me to eject your presence. I shall take a Polaroid of your aspect for our ‘banned’ wall.”

Click! Bzzzz. Whirrr.

“Oh, wow! A photo came out, ready made! Magnificent! I want one! I assume it Bluetooths to my Instagram?”

“GET OUT!”

 

Sharing My World 16-03-2020

March 22, 2020 23 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World. I’m not actually sharing my world this week as there’s a big bunch of questions on St Patrick. That’s the Irish one.

Saint Patrick’s actual colour was not green. Was it red, orange or blue?
He was only green when he was ill. Generally he was orange, as he loved the fake tan.

Was Saint Patrick born in Ireland, Britain or France? 
Britain, wasn’t it? Or France. Or maybe Ireland. One of those.

How old was Saint Patrick when he was taken as a slave? 10, 13, or 16?
A slave? Who knew. That’s horrible 😦

Why is Saint Patrick’s Day celebrated on the 17th? Was it the day he was born, the day he died, or the day he got the title “Saint”?
Well, not the last one. Everyone knows “The Saint” was Roger Moore.

I have to say, when I was little I never noticed the cartoon Saint’s pose…

Is Saint Patrick’s Day always, usually or never held on the same date?
Yes.

What did Saint Patrick use to symbolise something for Christianity? Was it a stick, a shamrock, or a bird?
None of those sound very “Christian symbol”. I reckon he used his “bird”, Mrs St Patrick.

What city turns a river green every year to celebrate? Is it Detroit, Chicago, or Green Bay, U.S.A.?
Why would anyone do that?

Which year was the first St. Patrick’s Day parade (in America) held?
The year America was invented. Which was, um, okay, I don’t even know what century that was. Sixteen hundred and something?

Which US president was of Irish descent and forgot it was Saint Patrick’s Day?
I can only name five or six US presidents, it being a foreign country and all. I’ll go for Ronald Reagan, he always seemed to be forgetting things.

Is corned beef and cabbage is a traditional Saint Patrick’s Day dish?
I don’t know, but it shouldn’t be. Sounds awful.

True or False: The shamrock is the national flower of Ireland.
Sounds like a trick question to me. False. Or it could be a double-bluff. True.
False.

Where was Saint Patrick buried after he died? Britain, Ireland, or France?
In the ground.

Two of the three colours on the Irish flag are green and white. What is the third one?
Rainbow.

True or False: Saint Patrick was not actually a Saint.
False. I already said, it was Roger Moore. Or Ian Ogilvy, if you want to include the remake (“Return of the Saint”).

What do leprechauns use their sticks, called “shillelagh” for? Accessing their rainbow, turning invisible, or making their magic pot of gold appear? 
“Accessing” their “rainbow”.

Which is not true?
-Lent restrictions are dropped on Saint Patrick’s Day.
-Irish soap was invented in Ireland.
-Saint Patrick’s real name was Maewyn Succat.
The last one. It sounds Welsh. The first name anyway.

What’s the traditional occupation of a leprechaun? Thief, shoemaker, or banker?
Thief. Little buggers.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Ramblings from the Pub Part 3 – No Big Thing

March 18, 2020 52 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J Hardy Carroll.

Copyright J Hardy Carroll

 

“I say, what spiffing advertising! Look, darling! A car atop a plinth!”

“My, yes! Let’s go inside. I say, you, scruffy unkempt local person, where’s the door?”

“Up thar. In th’ car.”

“What ho, that’s pretty rum! Let’s fetch a ladder! What fun! Thanks, aged country bumpkin!”

 

“Jed, wha’re them city folks a-doin wi’ that thar ladder?”

“I tol’ ‘em the diner were up thar.”

“In th’ car?”

“Arr.”

“Dumb townies. Look, it’s-a startin’ ta fall unner the weight.”

Crump!

“Two less city folks, ah reckon.”

“Arr. No bad thing.”

“No bad thing.”

“Pint?

“Arr.”

 

Sharing My World 09-03-2020

March 15, 2020 17 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Are you a sweet, sour, tangy or other type of person? Take that as you will!
That depends on my mood. I like to think that I’m generally sweet 🙂

Does the whole coronavirus phenomenon worry you? Or are you more a “meh – it’s just another severe flu scare” type of person?
Initially I thought it was going to be another swine flu/bird flu virtual non-event. Evidently it’s a bit more than that so it’s hard not to be a little worried. For me, it’s business as usual, with a few sensible precautions. I’m more worried about my parents who are in their 80s, so I’m watching myself for signs of infection so I know not to go round there if I might be infected.

When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t?
I don’t really snoop. I bet nobody who ever snooped ever discovered anything positive.

What’s the most pleasant sounding accent in your personal opinion? Everyone has a pleasing accent to someone!
I quite like soft Irish, Scottish, Welsh and Australian accents. Also soft North of England 🙂

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Cure

March 12, 2020 57 comments

Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by CE Ayr.

I’m a bit late this week. A combination of too much work and lack of ideas. So I ended up with this one in the end. Don’t you just hate it when you have ideas for lots of stories, but can’t think of any actual endings…?

Copyright CE Ayr

 

He listened to the trickle of the fountain. The only sound.

Alone. All alone. Maybe the last human?

Virus had spread panic. They they came. Visitors.

From another world.

Promised a cure. Governments agreed.

They delivered the cure. People got better.

They had saved us! Cured the virus.

Their virus.

Then people stopped giving birth. Slowly. Surely. The population dwindled.

Hell of an invasion plan. Virus, to “cure”, to sterility, to… a nice empty planet, ripe for colonisation.

His breathing slowed, stopped. The last human?

If a fountain trickles and there’s no-one to hear it, does it make a sound?

 

Sharing My World 02-03-2020

March 8, 2020 19 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Can you bake a cake?
Pretty much anyone can bake a simple cake if they have a decent enough oven and a bowl. The one I make basically involves bunging equal amounts of everything in all at once and mixing them together. Very simple! Here’s a photo of one I baked last year.


What’s one thing that can instantly make your day better?
An unexpected and massive injection of cash suddenly turning up in my bank account. That’s never happened though, so I’ll have to settle for the laugh of a small child, the blooming of the flowers, the trilling of the birdies and so on and so forth.

When you were a kid, did you eat the crusts on your sandwich or not?
I can’t remember back that far 😦 I expect I would have been told to eat them whether I wanted to or not.

What’s something your family would be surprised to learn about you?
That I’m actually a highly sophisticated android, though I prefer the term “synthetic person”. My positronic brain is currently operating at 0.01% capacity – any higher and I might accidentally solve the mysteries of the universe thus giving myself away.

None of that is true. Just in case you were wondering.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Salt of the Earth

March 4, 2020 54 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This weeks’ photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Copyright Roger Bultot

 

“Tamatahs, 50p the pahhhhhnd…”

“Um excuse me, sir, you don’t have any, um, tomatoes…”

“It’s wot I say, guv’nor. How abaht some nice apples?”

“Oh, yes, please!”

“Why not make it da full staircase?”

“…?”

“Apples ‘n pears. Stairs.”

“Oh, yes, of course! You salt of the Earth chaps with your Cockney rhyming slang!”

“Salt of da WHAT?”

SMACK!

“Umph…”

Hey, Harry, that means grass roots working geezer!

“Ah, shit. Sorry. Here’s some apples on da haaas, I’ll stick ‘em in dis bag wiv yer teef.”

“Umph…”

“’Av a good suck on dem ‘til yer mouf is fixed…”

“Umph…”

“Tamatahs, 50p the pahhhhhnd…”