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Archive for the ‘Fiction’ Category

FF – Safety First!

September 18, 2019 19 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J Hardy Carroll.

Copyright J Hardy Carroll

 

“Ha ha you have tied my utensils to the ceiling what a jape.”

“Yes ha ha now you cannot cook.”

“But… (line!)

(But I must cook…)

“But I must cook I shall retrieve my utensils.”

“No you must not you may be hurt.”

“Oh nonsense I will just use this ladder help I am falling.”

“Oh no he is dead how tragic what have I done what have I done.”

(Cut!)

 

We hope you enjoyed our safety video. Don’t muck about in the kitchen! It’s a dangerous place!

 

(Actors sought for our next video, “Danger in the Bedroom!” Preferably with talent this time.)

 

FF – Code Breaker

September 11, 2019 62 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.

I had a bit of trouble coming up with a story this week. Click on the froggy for all the other stories!

Copyright C.E. Ayr

 

The special lenses easily picked out the relevant letters encoded into the text. Writing them down, Jerry smiled. Karl Marx’s tomb in Highgate Cemetery. Too easy. Jerry was one of the best.

He arrived at Highgate after dark. Placing the package on the gravestone, he watched from the bushes as it was… stolen by a drunken hobo! Chasing down the thief, snapping his neck and replacing the package cost ten vital minutes, but finally it was collected, and payment left.

Job done.

Some days he really regretted taking a job at DeliverMyFoodInSecretBecauseTheWifePutMeOnADietAndShellKillMe.com.

 

FF – Little House of Horrors

September 4, 2019 78 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Penny Gadd.

For the other stories, click on the froggy.

Copyright Penny Gadd

 

Knock knock

“Hi, welcome, come in!”

“Oh, okay, thanks.”

“Here, let me show you around. Here’s the sofa.”

“Oh, yes. Nice.”

“And the bookcase.”

“Lovely. I see you have all fifteen volumes of ‘Yapia’.”

“Yes.”

“What’s that, then?”

“Dunno. It’s all in foreign.”

“Oh. And that plant. Very interesting. What is it?”

“A man-eating death plant. It’s hungry.”

“Oh, man!”

“Sorry.”

“I only came round to borrow a cup of sugar.”

“Yeah. But what can you do?”

“I know. Nice knowing you. Wow. Bummer.”

“Right? Plant, eat!”

Slobber! Chomp! Burrrrrp! More! Feed me!

“Bon appetite, plant.”

Knock knock

“Ooh, dessert!”

 

FF – Granny’s Stuck!

August 28, 2019 69 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Linda Kreger.

For this week’s other stories, click on the froggy.

Copyright Linda Kreger

 

“Broken leg at my time of life, that table left where anyone could trip over it…”

Your table, Gran.”

“That house is a tip…”

Your house, Gran.”

“Now I’m stuck on this hill, no strength, you youngsters…”

“Maybe if you’d been more careful…”

“The cheek!”

“Pull yourself along a bit?”

“At my time of life?”

“Drop your shopping, we’ll carry it.”

“You will not!”

“Please, Gran, we need you to help out here…”

“Be more careful, pull myself along, drop my shopping, help out… didn’t happen in my day… no respect, youngsters today… be telling me to release the brakes next…”

“GAAAHHHH!”

 

FF – Out of Date

August 21, 2019 68 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

I’m in a weird mood today so here’s a weird story. Click on the froggy to read all the other contributions.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

 

It appears to be a restaurant like any other…

“Superb meal, what-ho?”

“Top hole, don’t’cha know!”

“Ye-dishk’na ga… ulp, I meant, lovely…”

A diner stands and eviscerates the unfortunate. Yellow blood spurts…

… for this “restaurant” lies on a distant planet, a training ground for the infiltration of Earth. A century in preparation. Mistakes will not be tolerated!

They rise, adjust their cravats, top hats and monocles… they appear to be a century out of date! After all that preparation…

When they get to Earth they’ll look like a right load of dozy pillocks.

What a complete bollocks-up.

Invasion… cancelled.

 

A Bungled Camp-Out

August 14, 2019 55 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jan Wayne Fields.

I don’t know if you remember my completely fictional characters Rocheel and Dail and their Disappointing Day Out? Well, they’re back and joined by the equally fictional “Jon”! This week they’ve decided to go camping in the back garden…

To read the other stories, click on the froggy.

Copyright Jan Wayne Fields

 

“Aargh! Dail! Help!”

“What are you doing, Rocheel? Is that you under the tent?”

“It fell on me.”

“The instructions clearly say ‘insert section iii of pole B into flange A of tent flap 3, while gently tugging guide rope 7c’.”

“CLEARLY?”

“Fair enough. So, the barbecue…. hmm, nothing’s happening, maybe a bit more lighter fluid…”

WHOOMP!

“Aargh, my eyebrows, my eyebrows are gone, gone forever!”

“Well, Dail, who are we gong to blame for this debacle?”

As one, they turned to look toward the house…

“Good idea. Jon, oh Jon, could you come out here a moment please…?”

 

 

FF – False Assumption

August 7, 2019 68 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Randy Mazie.

This is a photo from December 2013 and I actually remembered it! I was going to just repost that story, but I wrote a new one so here’s a link to the old one instead. As a sort of drali-bonus. You’re welcome.

For all the stories, click on the froggy.

trespass_randy_mazie-1

Copyright Randy Mazie

 

“No, we shouldn’t go in there!” Jeff was adamant.

“Ha, come on. ‘NO TRESSRASSING’? What does that even mean?!”

“It’s obvious. Come on, let’s go.”

“Chicken!” laughed Mike, already working at the boards on one of the windows. It creaked and splintered. “Last one in’s a rotten egg!”

Jeff peered through the window as Mike cavorted around the abandoned building.

“NO TRESPASSING!” boomed a voice. An axe swung. At first Jeff thought it had missed, then, almost in slow-motion, Mike’s head rolled from his body.

Jeff ran.

Just because you can’t spell, doesn’t mean you’re not a psychotic axe-wielding maniac.