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Archive for the ‘Fiction’ Category

FF – Letter to the People

November 14, 2018 3 comments

Here is my story (sort of) for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week she also provided the photo!

 

Conveniently-situated underneath a main thoroughfare, this open-plan property has to be seen to be believed. Well-lit via a panoramic frontage, this airy once-in-a-lifetime find also features a novel indoor rockery and paddling pool.

This property is available now, to anyone, free of charge. Please supply your own sleeping bag.

We’d love to offer you a warm comfortable council-run house, but we sold them all to the private sector years ago. Sorry about that. And we blew the rest of the money. We’re not sure where. Not on healthcare, anyway! Pass the hors d’oeuvres, someone.

 

Yours Insincerely,

Every Government Everywhere

 

FF – Part of the Artwork

November 7, 2018 57 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J.S. Brand.

Copyright J.S. Brand

 

Frank finished his latest carving. He loved his work, moulding a still-living tree, ripping through the bark, rending… Packing up, he froze. What was that? Whispers, all around, disembodied… murderer… mutilator… defiler… die…


The sun already high in the sky, Mirabelle went to look for her father. He loved carving, though he’d never stayed out all night and she was starting to worry.

“Dad? Dad?” she called. Nothing, no sign at his camp. Strange. Even his carving wasn’t his usual work, a twisted, agonised face carved among his usual designs. And yet, that face looked strangely familiar…

Mirabelle screamed.

 

 

FF – Tales from a Chessboard

October 31, 2018 65 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jeff Arnold.

I’ve gone completely wacky this week. Some might say surreal 🙂

Copyright Jeff Arnold

 

Tales from a Chessboard

“It’s not fair. I don’t wanna be a prawn.”

“It’s pawn.”

“Whatever. I wanna be a castle. Or a horsie. At least I have… insurance.

“Whaddya mean, insurance?”

“Well, Barry… watch out! Incoming bishop!”

Aaaaargh!”

“Ouch. Tough break. I would’ve expected better from a man of god – what did Barry ever do to you, your reverence?”

“He opposed my Master, the Golden-Eyed Bounteous Magnificence, as do you. Your fate is sealed, insignificant one.”

“Big talk! Well, my Master, the Squinty-Eyed Cheating Asshat, kitted me out with a machine gun.”

Rat-a-tat-a-tat!

“I win! All hail the prawns.”

 

FF – Welcome to the 21st Century

October 24, 2018 57 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Copyright Roger Bultot

 

All was quiet in the museum, scarcely visited, going bust… until the skylight exploded and soldiers roped down, firing weapons, dropping flash-bangs.

Faster than Emergency Responders came a new wave of visitors, gawking at the carnage, taking photos, shooting videos, instantly uploaded, a million ‘likes’ an hour.

Now it’s a permanent exhibit, the bodies left where they fell, grieving families paid off. The sole survivor (now on staff) recites the words spoken by soldiers, to the delight of the crowd.

“This isn’t the Muzbekistan Embassy. Dammit, all those skylights look the same from a chopper…”

Welcome to the 21st Century.

 

FF – The Chimps of Bristol

October 17, 2018 62 comments

Here is my rather rushed story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jilly Funell.

I had to chop about a bazillion words out of this 😦

Copyright Jilly Funell

 

It is said that British rule in Gibraltar will fall if ever the monkeys leave, however…

When the structure appeared (overnight, just outside Bristol), there was much speculation. Finally, the world’s greatest minds proclaimed it a Monolith (after a beer-fuelled viewing of “2001 A Space Odyssey”) and, remembering the film, imported chimpanzees to see what might happen.

These enthusiastic chimps proceeded to use it as a climbing frame and flourished – fortunately for Mankind, for their antics disrupted the attack signal emanating space-wards from this giant antenna.

… in reality, Mankind’s rule over Earth will fall if ever the chimps leave Bristol.

 

FF – All Becomes Clear

October 11, 2018 71 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. She also provided the photo this week.

 

Intimate residence in secluded location. Set at a novel angle with authentic Medieval windows, this period property features original heating and plumbing. With fully ventilated bathroom facilities and a unique open plan design, this period property must be seen to be believed!

 

[Due to recent clarity laws we are legally bound to translate, see below]

Tiny, middle of nowhere. Foundations collapsing, glass-less slits for windows, this old dump has a fire pit for heat and no plumbing whatsoever. Bathe in the river and crap behind a tree, one single largely useless room, it’s unbelievable we’re trying to sell this disaster!

 

FF – Mr Clumsy and the Second Apocalypse

October 3, 2018 71 comments

Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

My story this week once again includes “sound effects” (some imagination required)!

Copyright Sandra Crook

 

It’s Andy “Accident-Prone” Andrews’ first day at the Museum of Pre-Apocalypse Earth…

“Oops, I’m sure that wasn’t valuable… moving on, here we see the last surviving example of a ‘wooden’ table. One sec, someone’s left a bunch of crap on it…”

Sweep, crash, tinkle

“That’s better. This so-called ‘wood’ was very solid…”

Knock knock

“… and as I demonstrate with this flame thrower, completely resistant to…”

Whoomp!

“…oops, um, all part of the show, folks, um, over here we see the last surviving ‘atomic bomb’. As you can see if I hit it with this sledgehammer, it’s completely resistant to…”

WHOOOOOOOOMP!