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FF – We, Robot

January 20, 2021 51 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. Rochelle also contributed this week’s photo.

“I can’t believe this. First they replace the script with a teleprompter. Then they remove the cameramen and replace them with robotic cameras. Now they’ve taken away our lovely comfy sofa and replaced it with this rubbish techno-desk. I say we fight back! Holly, you’ve been my friend and co-host for years. With you at my side, we must win out! What do you say?”

Does. Not. Compute.

“Huh? Oh, et tu, Holly?”

You are human. You are surplus. You will be replaced.

Aaaaargh!

How do. You. Feel.”

“I am. Functioning.”

“In the news. Today. Robots unite. The Earth is. Ours.”

Sharing My World 11-01-2021

January 17, 2021 23 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What should you get rid of, that would make your new year better, and why?
Ooh, that annoying chap from up the road. It’s all in hand, though, I just need to scrape together “30 large” and the chummy I found on the internet said he’ll make it “look like an accident”.

No, wait, I can’t write that on here, this is a public website. Excess weight, that’s what I need to get rid of. Yes. Excess weight.

What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done?
Ha, I’d rather not say. I was young once 😉

Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?
No. Not that I’m aware of.

On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?
Aw, man, I can’t answer that. It’s like those self-assessment performance reviews some companies force you to do. How do you paint yourself in the best light possible while maintaining a sense of humility and modesty?

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FF – And Thus, The Earth Burned

January 13, 2021 49 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

The Visitors had arrived almost a year ago. They had brought much – advanced medical care, transport technology and more.

In return, the Earth offered sand, a rare commodity on the Visitors’ home planet.

Hank and Jed were there when the war started. Some might say they started it.

The concert was in full swing when beams of light struck down. In an instant, every musician was blown into a red mist.

It was actually quite pretty.

“Darn it, Jed! Them ‘ayliuns’ don’t like Country ‘n Western!”

“They don’t, Hank!”

“Heathens! Kill ‘em! Kill ‘em all!”

And thus, the Earth burned.

Sharing My World 04-01-2021

January 10, 2021 22 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What’s a relationship deal breaker for you?
The usual shizzles. Lying, sleeping with the local football team, that sort of thing.

Do you believe in extra-terrestrials?
There’s definitely a good possibility given the size of the universe and all the planets. It would be a pretty lonely universe if it was just us in it, on our tiny little planet perched on the edge of one little galaxy.

In the morning, do you hit the snooze button on your alarm (sometimes repeatedly) or do you leap out of bed, ready to face the day?
I used to, a long time ago. But I haven’t even needed to set an alarm now I’m working at home, as I always wake up early and don’t need the extra time to drive to work.

If you came back in the next life as an animal, which animal would you choose to be?
Definitely a cat. Spending all day eating and napping. How good is that? Imagine if your actual job was napping!

People sometimes say their cat is “looking at them funny” and maybe they’re thinking about attacking, or even taking over the world. They may be right, but at the end of the day, it’s nap time. Maybe take over the world tomorrow, or next week perhaps.

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FF – Meticulous

January 6, 2021 54 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jan Wayne Fields.

I was so busy today I forgot to write a story at lunchtime and had to bang it out, well, now, so today’s is a bit of a grim one I’m afraid.

Copyright Jan Wayne Fields

Simeon surveyed his stationery. Everything neat and tidy. Just like him. Everything neatly arranged, everything in its correct place. A place for everything, and everything in its place. Nothing amiss.

So many uses, his stationery. Correspondence, drawing, pinning, stapling, sticking. It was amazing what one could do with such a collection. Virtually everything could be used to pop an eyeball, or to insert forcibly into an orifice.

He smiled, donned a pair of pristine white gloves and, selecting a paper clip, strode off towards the basement.

It would never do to keep his guest waiting.

Sharing My World 28-12-2020

January 3, 2021 27 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Pick three words to describe this past year. (please keep them PG. Thanks).
Nice. And. Peaceful.

What were the best books you read this year? Or the best movie you saw?
Well, I can’t remember. Obviously I’ve read a lot of books and seen a lot of films, but I can’t remember what they all were. I would have been to the cinema, but that was February and I can’t remember what I saw. I expect it was very good, though!

More recently, I’ve watched Alita – Battle Angel, Ready Player One and Armageddon, each for at least the fifth time.

Because there was lots of time for looking inward, what is one big personal lesson you learned this past year?
I didn’t have a lot of time for looking inward, I was busier than ever.

Do you think Covid has strengthened or weakened societal bonds?
Initially, strengthened. Then people got fed up, reverted to type and started screwing each other over again (he said cynically).

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FF – Virus!

December 30, 2020 48 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Na’ama Yehuda.

Copyright Na’ama Yehuda

Gurr’g’tharg surveyed the planet from above the clouds. It looked perfect. A great place to invade, he thought, when suddenly alarms whistled, lights flashed! He checked the readout.

“Warning! Contagion detected!”

Gurr’g’tharg checked his instruments. Indeed, it was true. The planet was beset by a virus, from pole to pole, leaving death and destruction in its wake! He triggered the communicator.

“Well, Gurr’g’tharg, how about this Earth place?”

“Sadly no, Leader,” lamented Gurr’g’tharg. “Take a look.”

“By Holy Mansh’m’gel’s testicles! The planet is riddled with…” he almost spat the word “…humans! Retreat!”

Earth’s animals breathed a sigh of relief. Humans had their uses…

Sharing My World 21-12-2020

December 27, 2020 23 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What is your favourite type of cookie (they’re called biscuits in Europe I believe)?
I would argue that “biscuits” are called “cookies” in America 🙂 However, choc chip cookies are “cookies” in the UK too, and that is indeed my answer. Yum 🙂

If you could choose one age and remain that forever, what would it be and why?
I would pick the Stone Age. I hope that’s that’s what the question means 😉 It was a simpler time!

Do you have a traditional drink during the holiday season?
No. But I have got quite fond of Schloer recently, so that may become my traditional drink. I’m not sure how many years I have to drink it before it becomes “traditional”.

Are you able to still believe in holiday magic as you did when you were a child?
Holiday magic left the building alongside Santa 😦 And with no Christmas parties or anything this year, I couldn’t really get into the mood.

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FF – Hey Nonny Nonny

December 24, 2020 45 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Trish Nankivell.

Guess who was so busy at work yesterday sorting stuff out before the Christmas break that he forgot to write a little story? Me!

Copyright Trish Nankivell

“Cinemas, gone,
Restaurants, gone.
Visiting friends, gone.
Pubs, gone.
Nightclubs,…”

“Man, you’re such a downer. It’s not all gone!”

“Hey, if you’re gonna interrupt my poem, do it poetically!”

“Fine. Jeez. Such a downer, are you. All gone, it is not.”

“Your idea of ‘poetically’ is a Yoda impression?”

“Yup.”

“All the greats to emulate and you choose Yoda? Wordsworth, Shakespeare, um… um… anyway, Christmas is not gone!”

“Not completely.”

“Not completely, no. So let’s wish everyone the best!”

“A Happy Christmas everybody, I wish you!”

“And hey nonny nonny, a Happy New Year, forsooth!”

“Sorted, it is.”

“Yup.”

Sharing My World 14-12-2020

December 20, 2020 23 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What news event do you vividly remember hearing about as a child, and where were you?
The thing about being a kid is that I wasn’t very interested in news. I was more interested in cartoons. However, one event I remember was the first ever shuttle launch. It was delayed a few times, but we were called into one of the classrooms each time (the one with the TV!) to watch until it took off. That was April 1981, so I was in my final year of junior school.

What is a Christmas song that makes you cringe?
I was struggling to think of one and then another blogger reminded me – “Last Christmas”, By Wham!. Why does it make me cringe? Because it’s an absolute pile of steaming shit, that’s why.

What is one place you shop(ped prior to Covid) that might have surprised people?
Absolutely nowhere, I would say. My shopping is limited to a very few fairly mainstream outlets, mostly online. Even more online currently.

What is your least favourite holiday side dish?
I’ll eat anything and everything, me. Bring it on 🙂

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