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FF – Fruits of the Loom

March 27, 2019 73 comments

Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

Stand by for a major groan-worthy play on words!

Copyright Sandra Crook

 

I didn’t mean to do it, but Gerald… that smug git. Always winding me up. So I grabbed him one day and shoved him towards the loom. His tie got stuck; the machines dragged him in.

Oh, the screams, the noises as he was shredded… I don’t mind telling you, it set my teeth on edge.

When the cotton came out it made the most beautiful blood-red pattern on the fabric…. once you picked bits of Gerald out of it.

In fact I might market it. Maybe mix in some more colours. Make a fortune.

Think I’ll call it “tie-die”…

 

Sharing My World 18-03-2019

March 24, 2019 25 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

We have a new logo! In the last one, the UK was front and centre. Now North America’s there instead – I heard a certain squirrel had something to do with this. Game on, squirrel!

Do You Have Any Guilty Pleasures?
No. I have plenty of pleasures but I don’t feel guilty about any of them 😉 Life’s too short and all that.

What’s The Worst Pick Up Line You’ve Used?
I don’t recall ever using a pickup line, bad or otherwise. Women generally pick me up. All both of them. Cos I’m so awesome and shit.

What Slang Or Trend Makes You Feel Old?
One I really don’t get is when “the kidz” describe something as “sick”. Is that good or bad? Yes. Both. Either. How very confusing.

And this desperation to be constantly connected to social media. I don’t get it.

What Do You Consider The Most Over-rated Song?
There are so many songs which get on my nerves. There’s this one that keeps playing at work. It’s some woman screeching. I don’t know what it’s called or who it’s by. I’m classifying it as “overrated” since many people clearly seem to love it! You’ll know it if you hear it. Avoid it!

Instead of a Tender Mercies question, here’s a philosophical one instead:
You Find A Book And Begin To Read Only To Discover That It Is Your Life. You Get To The Point That You Are At Now, Do You Turn The Page Knowing That You Will Not Be Able To Change The Events To Come?
No way. Can you imagine? You’d spend so much time trying to avoid your fate you’d probably cause it to happen. ‘Cos you know how these weird freaky time things go.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Peace Wheel

March 20, 2019 77 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

 

Millions queued to ride the Peace Wheel.

It had appeared overnight, a mystery. Shortly after, the crime rate dropped to zero. Countries dismantled their arsenals and armies. Warlords took up farming. People the world over stopped concentrating on jobs, on ambitions.

Hate, the will to fight, disappeared. People were suddenly “getting along” with each other.

Hidden in high orbit, Dresh N’Gak smiled. In days the population of this backwards backwater planet would have lost all self-will. They would be ripe for conquest! He twisted a dial, increasing signal strength.

The “Peace Wheel” thrummed with renewed energy.

 

Sharing My World 11-03-2019

March 17, 2019 24 comments

Here is  my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
What I’d like to hear: “Hey dude, good to have you, your personal paradise is third pod on the left!”

What I’d more likely hear: “You again? I keep telling you, you can’t come in.” Beep beep beep… ring ring, ring ring… “Hello, Beelzebub? God. He’s here again. Can’t you keep your inmates under control…?”

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
That bit where Kathy Bates’ character hobbles the author 😦 That Stephen King, eh…?

What do you think about when you’re alone in your car?
Here I am, alone in my car, driving along…

How would you rate your memory?
One of those ice cream sundaes with raspberry sauce. Sorry, what was the question again?

What’s one song that always cheers you up, no matter how blue you’re feeling?
I don’t really have any go-to music for any particular mood.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – The Aspiring Musician

March 13, 2019 113 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Anshu Bhojnagarwala.

Another story which came straight into my head. Yay!

 

“What the hell is that?”

“I got it from the dump. Pretty great, huh?”

“It’s got a tree growing out of it.”

“You’ve heard of house music? Garage?”

“Yessss….”

“This is gonna be ‘Plant’.”

“Jesus.”

“Here goes…”

Thunk! Crash!

A cat’s tail, poking out from beneath the rubble, twitched once and was still.

“YOU KILLED MR FLUFFY, YOU MURDERER!”

“Maybe it was a bit knackered. I saw a guitar with mushrooms growing out of it down the dump… ‘Fungus’! Awesome!”

Meanwhile Mr Fluffy, one of his nine lives sadly gone, extricated himself and trotted away in search of a less insane human.

 

Sharing My World 04-03-2019

March 10, 2019 17 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What’s the first thing you notice about a person?
Probably their face. I’m checking for their general demeanour so I can judge my first words accordingly. Of course, subconsciously I’m probably processing all sorts.

What three habits do you feel would improve someone’s life?
These three. Well, that’s really two-and-a-half habits.

What takes up too much of your time? Would you stop that if you could?
Housework. That’s gotta take up at least half an hour a week. At least 🙂

Cookies (biscuits to those elsewhere), pastries, pie or cake? If not, what does your sweet tooth crave?
All of those! And chocolate, obviously.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Don’t be a Jeff!

March 6, 2019 76 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.

Copyright C.E. Ayr

 

Jeff bid goodbye to his mates and left the pub. The other members of the motorcycle gang left en masse but Jeff slunk around the corner to his piddly little moped. As his fellows roared off on their testosterone-fuelled hogs, Jeff opened his throttle and charged off at his top speed of 17mph, head down.

But – too late! He had been spotted! The video was online! Jeff’s street cred was ruined!

 

Don’t let this happen to you. Visit Mike’s Bikes today! Get yourself a Harley!

 

10% discount for members of the Death’s Head Slasher Biker Gang

Don’t be a Jeff!