Author Archive

FF – What a Relief!

August 19, 2020 60 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.

Copyright Ted Strutz


“I hope my friends are okay in the haunted house. Here I am, stuck viewing everything through this monitor they gave me.”



“Hi, we’re with PRANK TV! We removed the colour via the monitor to make the house look haunted! You’ve been PRANKED!”


“I’ll tweak the settings… here’s the colour back. Not so haunted-looking now… oh, shit.”


Original copyright Ted Strutz


“No, it’s not. Phew!”

“Um, about your friends…”

“Thank goodness they’re not in a haunted house! I’ll just wait here for my friends to come back out, then.”

“Um. About that. Yeah. I wouldn’t bother waiting…”


Sharing My World 10-08-2020

August 16, 2020 34 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World. This week is a special edition, with additional “Harry Potter” themed questions supplied by Roger Shipp!

I got confused trying to track down this week’s film theme – “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”, as it doesn’t exist, I thought! However, I finally tracked it down – it’s “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone”, but for some reason they released it as a film in the US and India with an alternative title. Bit of trivia for you there.

Because of the state-wide quarantines many of the local SPCA’s are having an influx of animals. You have decided that you would love to have a new pet. Would you go the normal wizardry route and pick and owl, a cat, or a toad? Or would you become a more eccentric wizard (like Hagrid, the games keeper) and seek out a three-headed dog, a dragon, or a unicorn? Please explain your answer.
I’d have a cat. Cats are cool.

Neville Longbottom was gifted a Remembrall. This was a glass ball that would assist you in maintaining memories of things that you often forget. What would you want your Remembrall to help you remember?
The phone number of that girl I met that one time…

Professor Dumbledore gave Harry Potter an invisibility cloak that Dumbledore said was from Harry’s father. Now, you have inherited a cloak with similar powers. Would you use it? When?
Heh, I’d use it to… no, that’s creepy 😉

While cleaning your attic, you have discovered the Mirror of Erised. (“Erised” is “desire” spelled backwards, as if reflected in a mirror) The Mirror of Erised is a magical mirror, which, according to Professor Dumbledore, when you gaze into it, it shows the “deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts.” You have chosen to look in the mirror. What do you see?
The phone number of that girl I met that one time…

Would You Rather Live 120 Years That Are Comfortable But Boring, Or Live Half As Long, But Have An Exciting Adventure Packed Life?
That would rather depend on my quality of life over 80. As long as arthritis hasn’t nixed my ability to manipulate a games controller, I’ll go for the 120!

What’s Something That Overwhelms You?
All the household cleaning tasks. It’s like I only vacuumed six months ago and it needs to be done again. What’s that all about?

What Do or DID You Take For Granted?
Instantly being able to remember the phone number of that girl I met that one time…

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FF – Hollywood Rocks!

August 12, 2020 62 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Rochelle herself back in November 2014, and according to the photo’s filename is somewhere in Hollywood.

So in this story we find out how Nathan is getting along, after his story in 2014, Land of Broken Dreams.


Six years. Six long years of waiting tables and finally, his big break. Hollywood rocks!

Okay, it was just a small TV advert. Okay… an advert for haemorrhoid cream. But he had a line!

‘With our patented cream, never again feel like you’re passing a pine cone! Crap-U-LikeTM – your one stop shop to pain-free plopping!’

So it wasn’t quite what he’d had in mind when he’d left Tinyville so long ago. But it was a foot on the ladder. Who knows, in a few months he could be King of the Bum Cream! Lord of the Laxatives!

Hollywood rocks!


Sharing my World 03-08-2020

August 9, 2020 32 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What will finally break the Internet? Do you believe it can be broken at all?
I think I’ll leave this to the experts on highly popular Channel 4 sitcom “The IT Crowd” and their clueless manager, Jen.

What are some ‘red flags’ to watch out for in daily life?
When you’re walking down a dark alley at 3 o-clock in the morning and a guy wearing a hoodie pulls a knife and yells “I’m gonna stick ya!” There’s a vague possibility that’s going to turn nasty.

What’s the silliest thing someone has argued with you about?
I can’t remember what it was unfortunately but it was really silly and trivial. Neither of us was willing to give way. I was right though. Obviously.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve found lying on the ground/side of the road?
No idea. If I knew that in later life I was going to be answering blog questions about stuff like this, I would have kept a diary 🙂

No I wouldn’t, I’m too lazy 😦

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FF – Wear a White Hat

August 5, 2020 67 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jennifer Pendergast back in April 2015.

This week I used lots of “tham thars” to add an authentic Wild West feel. I hope I didn’t overdo it 😉

If you want to read a more sensible tale, here’s the story I wrote back in the day.


“Quick, Jed, through tham thar railroad cars an’ inta that thar desert!”


“They’s gettin’ closer, Herb!”

“Shuddup an’ run, Jed! Darn, I’m right regretting tham thar grits I ‘ad fer breakfast, all this runnin’.”

“Quit bellyachin’, them varmints is a-comin’ closer!”


“Why they shootin’ at us, Herb? We ain’t done nothin’ wrong!”

“I tol’ ya, ya shouldn’t’a bought that thar black hat. I bet in years ta come, bad folks’ll be wearing tham thar black hats in them new-fangled movin’ pictures. Yer ahead-a yer time!”

“Yer red shirt ain’t helpin’!”




Sharing My World 27-07-2020

August 2, 2020 23 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Are you a clean or messy person?
Yes. By which I mean, both. Stuff tends to get left lying around at home until it annoys me to the point where I tidy it up. At work, I’m very tidy and organised.

If I asked you to describe yourself in five words – what would they be?
Unobjectionable. Just the one word required! I win.

Do you enjoy being out in nature?
Yes. Rambling about, taking the occasional photo. We have a lot of country roads around the village. Here’s a mysterious little opening just off the road I’ve never seen before.

What could you spend all day talking about?
I can’t really talk for long about anything. Except to myself.

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FF – Worth Another Look

July 29, 2020 59 comments

Here is my sort-of story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Jean L Hays – way back in 2013!

Yes, it’s summer rerun time. This photo’s from December, as I found out as I started my search in January 2013…


Copyright Jean L. Hays


“Hey, dude. We get a freebie this week.”

“What’s that then?”

“It’s summer rerun time. We can use our story from seven years ago.”

“Isn’t that, like, cheating?”

“Of course not! The very idea.”

“But that story was from ages ago. From ‘The Before Time’.”

“The what?”

“’Before.’ Before we wrote the good stuff.”

“The good stuff? High quality weed?”

“No. You know. Our trademark blend of humour, sensitivity and horrific dismemberments.”

“Oh, yeah. Let’s have a read, then. Hey! This could work! It’s mildly horrific.”

“It is! Let’s go for it.”

Read it here – Dry Clean Only.


Sharing My World 20-07-2020

July 26, 2020 31 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Where Do You Not Mind Waiting?
I don’t mind waiting in most places as long as whatever the scheduled appointment is starts more or less on time. You have 5 minutes people. Then I start getting tetchy.

What Is In Your Fridge Right Now?
Fizzy drinks. Chilled water. Various meats. A variety of sauces (mainly hot). Loads and loads of different cheeses.

If You Could Only Speak One Word Today, What Would It Be?

Dammit, what a waste.

Would You Rather Be Trapped In An Elevator Full Of Men With BO Or Three Soaked Dogs? (this is with the codicil that C-19 doesn’t exist)
I wouldn’t be as I wouldn’t be in a lift. I don’t do lifts. I use the stairs. But if I had to choose, definitely not the dogs, wet or no.

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FF – Not To Be

July 23, 2020 55 comments

Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers. Rochelle hosts, and also provided this week’s photo.

I’m a bit late this week. I finally got a little holiday now that furloughed staff are back in the office, and I forgot what day it was!

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields


“Ah, darling, the roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd…”

“I’d say you had that backwards, lovie-darling, but have you seen the audience tonight?”

“Plebs to a man.”

“Why let such riff-raff in? We are Actors. The hoi polloi have no right to enjoy our supreme talent, lovie.”

“Agree, darling, agree.”

Um, guys, your mics are on…

“Oh, um, well, lovie, that’s enough rehearsal for next week’s play, ‘The Arrogance of Actors’, um, um, oh.”

Guys, you know it’s the ‘El Lobo’ cartel’s annual get-together tonight, right…?

“To be… or not to be, that is the…”



Not to be, evidently.


Sharing My World 13-07-2020

July 19, 2020 37 comments

Here is my contribution for Melanie’s Share Your World. There’s a new image this week!

What song always gets you out on the dance floor?
No song whatsoever, thank you so very much. And if one were to come close, it would be a traditional song with actual music in it rather than a thumpy-thumpy “dance” track.

What’s your favourite sleeping position?
There are two ways to go, but I prefer dangling upside down from a pole with arms crossed, in a dark cupboard just in case I sleep past dawn and burst into flames.

I find coffins a bit constricting.

If you could snap your fingers and instantly make the world better, what would you do?
I would make myself Absolute Super Supreme leader (wHole Of Life and Everything). Once I am supreme leader of the world, things would definitely get better.

For me.

Don’t worry, I would be a patient and kind supreme dictator.

What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done, and why did you do it?
Go on a roller coaster. I’ve never done that. On account of it being too scary. What was the question again?

If I’ve ever done anything scary, my brain has blocked the memories to protect myself.

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