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FF – Tales from the Tray

March 31, 2021 62 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jennifer Pendergast.

Bit cooler out here.

Woof.

Miaow.

Look at you with your baubles. How crass.

You’re one to talk with that huge green scarf.

Woof.

Why am I upside down?

Miaow.

Do I look a bit burned around the edges?

You look fine, dear.

LOOK YE ALL! A HAND COMETH!

Aaaahhhh, a haaaand

JEFF IS CHOSEN!

Aaaahhhh, he is the Chosen One

(munch munch yum munch)

JEFF HAS GONE ABOVE. HE HAS ASCENDED. HE IS WITH THE GODS.

With the Godssssss

(munch munch buuurp aaaahhh, great cookies, dear!)

I hope I’m next to be blessed.

Me too.

Woof.

Miaow.

Sharing My World 22-03-2021

March 28, 2021 22 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

If not now, then when?
Monday morning, about 11:07. Or possibly the week after. I haven’t decided.

Can you describe your life in a six-word sentence?
No. Um. More words. Hatstand. Banana.

Do you remember that thing people used to say, about how you swallow eight spiders a year while you sleep? It’s not true, but do you think you’ve ever swallowed any? What bug do you think you’ve eaten the most of by accident?
Urk. Gross. There are many things where I feel I’m better off not knowing, and in fact not even thinking about. And this is one of them.

What’s the best approach to resolving conflict?
First, get right up in their face and yell at them, big time. If that doesn’t work, shiv them in the kidneys.

No, wait, that can’t be the correct answer for a public forum.

You attempt to defuse the situation by calmly talking to both sides, attempting to make them see each other’s point of view. If that doesn’t work, then and only then, shiv them in the kidneys.

Gratitude
I had my first COVID jab on Monday. Yay!

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FF – The Beacon

March 24, 2021 62 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

The Beacon pulsed, on… off… on… off… it was almost hypnotic.

Almost.

For some it was. Completely. Irresistibly.

As he watched, another unfortunate stumbled towards the Beacon, touching it, exploding into bright white ash. The area around the Beacon was knee deep.

Ash. Dead people.

One day it would be his turn.

Population control, they called it. One day you’d hear the call. Then you’d be gone. Boom. Ash.

He was all for population control. Too many people. Too few resources.

A policy of “free condoms for all” seemed less extreme than blasting people to atoms.

But what did he know?

Sharing My World 15-03-2021

March 21, 2021 15 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

How well do you know your next-door neighbours? Do you like them?
We exchange pleasantries now and then but I don’t really know them.

Do you have a full length mirror?
Yes, it’s attached to the wardrobe. Everybody needs a good mirror to admire themselves in 😉

Do you shave every day or do you like the ‘stubble’ look, or a beard?
I shave every day. I don’t want to end up like a hippy. Or ZZ Top 🙂

How many items of clothing are in your bedroom (or closet) and not hung up?
Loads and loads. There’s some coats and trousers on the chair. Then there’s any number of jeans and jumpers on shelves in the wardrobe. Yes, the wardrobe with the mirror on it. It’s very popular today!

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FF – The Tree

March 17, 2021 56 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Liz Young.

Copyright Liz Young

In a forest of greens and browns, The Tree stood proud. Grey, sickly, it had abided long centuries. Many were the theories.

Had it died long since, but not yet crumbled to dust?

Could it be that dark Magicks flourished within the ground, poisoning its roots? If one were to venture too close, might the dark spells cause one’s head to explode?

Was the tree perhaps cursed, and to linger in its vicinity might cause one’s private unmentionables to wither and die?

One thing we know for sure, and one thing only.

It makes for a bloody good photo.

Sharing My World 08-03-2021

March 14, 2021 20 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be for? (Covid considerations are suspended for this question)
There are one or two political parties I wouldn’t mind throwing far, far away from time to time.

Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate.
Wow, this sounds like an exam question, with that word “elaborate” at the end.

That depends on the picture and the words. A picture allows us to make up our own words, rather than read someone else’s…

Where IS Waldo?
He’s supposed to be in the picture but I can never find him. I suspect he has retired and no longer appears in person. While everyone is getting more and more frustrated trying to find him, he’s on a beach somewhere sipping piña coladas with a cartoon character half his age.

What’s the best part of waking up?
Do we wake up? Or are our dreams the reality? Are our waking hours someone else’s dream?

Dum Dum DUMMMMMMM…

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FF – Extinction Level Event!

March 10, 2021 58 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr and brought to mind a scene near the end of the film “Deep Impact”.

Copyright C.E. Ayr

So quiet, so peaceful, yet moments from the promised meteor strike. He hadn’t watched the whole news story. He’d seen the Hollywood films.

This was the end.

He’d decided to sit and wait for the tsunami, though he’d also taken a strong neurotoxin. He didn’t want to be left, smashed yet alive, the sole survivor. Better to be sure.

He saw a streak of light. A splash. A small wave washed over his feet.

Hmm. Not what he was expecting. Quite a small meteor, then.

In many ways (he pondered as he dropped dead), he shouldn’t have taken the poison.

Sharing My World 01-03-2021

March 7, 2021 13 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Is every piece of truth worth telling?
It’s probably best to keep some things to yourself. Randomly volunteering information such as “by the way, darling, your bum looks big in that” isn’t likely to go down too well.

Whom do you miss more Freddy Mercury or Prince?
I don’t really “miss” either of them. It’s not like we chatted every second Sunday or went out for the occasional coffee or anything. I was never a fan of Prince though, while Queen rocked.

If you could only email or text people for the rest of your life (no other form of communication), which would you choose?
Email, I guess. Much more flexible in what you can send. Text is just that – text. Even “texting” a photo uses MMS rather than SMS.

Would you prefer to work the midnight shift at a really creepy out of the way motel OR work alone for eternity?
I’d do the midnight shift. Nothing bad ever happens at creepy, out of the way motels…

What’s one secret you’re still keeping from your immediate family?
Like I’m going to answer that… 😮

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FF – Dumping Your Missus

March 3, 2021 56 comments

Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Copyright Roger Bultot

How to Dump Your Missus Chapter 1 – Property Disappointment

“We’re here, love of my life, open your eyes!”

“Waaaa! What a shit hole! You bought this without telling me?”

“Come on up, my love. The lift is sadly broken.”

“Urgh. Is that guy dead?”

“Just ignore him, my sweet. He looks perfectly happy there with his syringe.”

“…”

“Hello, little boy, do you live here, and my, what a big knife you have!”

“Eeek!”

“Here we are my sugar-topped cupcake, floor 97 and our new flat!”

“Forget it! The wedding’s off! Goodbye forever, loser!”

Yes, result! Thanks, ‘How to Dump Your Missus’! Now I just have to offload this appalling property…

Sharing My World 22-02-2021

February 28, 2021 17 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Have you ever ‘butt dialled” someone?
Not that I recall. That’s more likely if your phone is in your back pocket I think and mine never is. It’s not really possible with smartphones anyway as they’re locked pending face/fingerprint/PIN.

Maybe that’s why they added security to mobiles – not to keep your info safe, but to prevent the global butt dialling scourge.

If you were given 1000 acres of land, what would you do with it?
That depends where it is. If it’s in a city it’ll be worth a fortune so I’d sell it. If it’s in beautiful countryside maybe I’d see if I could sell enough to be able to build a lovely house for myself while retaining plenty of space around me. If it’s on the moon or Mars, well… it could be worth a bit in a few decades!

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen on-line recently?
Nothing I can think of. I don’t really search around the internet for funnies. I spend enough time on a computer at work.

Have you ever eaten something off the floor?
Yep. And from the container you throw what you don’t want into at a communal canteen – who chucks away their sausages? And from a bin at work – seriously, why buy a bacon butty if you’re going to throw the bacon in the bin? I should note here that the bacon fell on a cardboard box in the bin, so it looked pretty safe to me 😉

I got some looks in the canteen and at work. Apparently this isn’t the “thing to do”.

Waste not, want not 🙂

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