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FF – Coconuts

May 29, 2019 76 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Susan Eames.

Well, this one pretty much wrote itself 🙂

To read the other stories and add your own, click here.

Copyright Susan Eames

 

Despite the beauty of his surroundings Micah sat, head in hands, tears streaming down his cheeks.

How had it happened? He’d always been so careful. Every step planned, everything accounted for.

How would he tell his wife? His poor, darling wife, waiting for him at home. She’d be preparing supper right now, oblivious, maybe humming a tune as she worked.

She’d sent him out for coconuts. He’d climber higher, higher, his foot had slipped… he’d landed, legs akimbo, on this branch.

She’d sent him out for nuts and HE’D CRUSHED HIS OWN.

On the plus side, the choir needed more sopranos…

 

Sharing My World 20-05-2019

May 26, 2019 30 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Is it better to suspect something (bad or hurtful) and not know or to have your worst fears confirmed by sure knowledge?
Definitely both. I’m perfectly happy to live in the knowledge that everything could be okay. But I would prefer to know for sure. Unless it’s negative in which case I’d rather not know. Except I would definitely rather know. Positive or negative. Not know, that’s the preference. I’d rather know. Or not.

What makes you laugh aloud? Crack up? Laugh until your sides split? When was the last time you had a great big belly laugh?
Some comedies like Parks and Recreation. Ultra-violent scenes in “just for fun” films like John Wick and Expendables. I particularly love that scene in Expendables where the baddies are all running and then one chap’s head explodes and then one of the goodies wanders past with his massive gun blazing.

Heh heh.

Do you suppose Noah had woodpeckers in the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? Apologies to the Darwinians in the crowd… this is merely for fun, okay?
It’s a little known fact that there were actually two arks. The first one was the one with the woodpeckers, beavers and the like. That one sank. The Ark Mark II was the one you see in all the illustrations. The beavers had to tread water until the flood waters dissipated and the woodpeckers took rests from flying by resting on their heads.

Why is “Charlie” short for “Charles when they are the same number of letters?
It’s an alternative name. It depends on the type of person it is. There are actually three flavours. Let’s investigate!

Charles:  “Oh I say, punting on the Cam? Jolly good show, don’t’cha know. Bring the Pimm’s, what-ho!”
Charlie: “Yes, what a wonderful idea, let’s go shopping and then we’ll visit the park. Bring a picnic!”
Chaz: “Nah, I can’t go daan da pub cuz da feds is got me, innit, and dey say, you is commin wiv us, you robbed da Post Office, and I is like, prove it coppuz, and dey is like, we has your DNA innit, an’ I is like, bollocks.”

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Magic Stoner Donkeyland

May 22, 2019 62 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by J. Hardy Carroll.

It’s all a bit mad and has a beginning, a middle and an end (purely because I put “The End” at the end). It sort of starts with the photo, takes a bit of a left turn in the middle and then shoots off at a tangent at the end 🙂 .

Warning – may contain drug references!

https://fresh.inlinkz.com/js/widget/load.js?id=ee77f3783e1bbf9d1eef

Copyright J. Hardy Carroll

 

“Look! Puff the Magic Donkey.”

“Surely it’s ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’?”

“I can’t draw dragons. But he’s still magic. Look!”

The donkey leapt from the page and appeared on the pavement! His eyes were wide and unfocussed and he appeared a trifle unsteady on his hooves.

“Hi, Puff.”

Puff coughed a cloud of sweet-smelling smoke. “Dude,” he hee-hawed, wandering dazedly out into traffic.

Meanwhile, in Magic Donkeyland HQ, Stoner-General Donkey awaited news from his invasion scout, Stoner-Corporal Puff – a report fated never to arrive, after stoned-out-of-his-brain Puff’s close encounter with the Number 19 bus from Islington.

Invasion aborted!

The End.

 

Sharing My World 13-05-2019

May 19, 2019 28 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What social stigma does society need to get over already?
How can I pick just one? There are so many. Not talking about stuff just makes it worse, turns it into something mysterious, misunderstood. So, all of them, please.

What was the last photo you took?
It was this one, some of my new plants. I’m tidying the garden and replacing plants and bushes which have passed away 🙂

 

When was the last time you snooped and found something or found out something you wish you hadn’t?
I don’t even remember the last time I snooped. I have access to a lot of information at work and it’s best not to get tempted by things. That way madness lies! And sudden unemployment.

What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever slept in?
While I can’t remember every bed I’ve ever slept in, my current bed is pretty good. Not too hard, not too soft. I’m a bit like Goldilocks in that regard. Hard beds are just uncomfortable. Very soft beds lead to waking up with a sore back and a stiff neck.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Skool Daze

May 16, 2019 66 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. She also provided this week’s photo.

 

The starting pistol fires! He dives into the water – Geoff Bullet, defending Olympic champion. But… something’s wrong! Bright light, waves… not a pool, a huge lake! A random inter-dimensional portal…? Geoff kicks hard for shore… so far, so very far, muscles like lead, must… keep… going…

“Geoffrey! Stop thrashing around, get out of the pool and get changed! The rest of the class is already on the bus.”

“Yes, Sir, sorry, Sir…”

Caught by a vicious deadly monster, Geoff Bullet is hauled from the water and forced into a lifetime of slavery in the notorious Algebra Mines of the planet Arithmeticita…

 

Sharing My World 06-05-2019

May 12, 2019 25 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Do you believe in soul mates? If so, do you think there is only one person meant to share that bond with you, out there in the world? (credit to Cyranny of Cyranny’s Cove)
Indeed! My left sole is great mates with my right sole. They go everywhere together! Badoom-tish!

Shall I answer the actual question now?

Sort of. As in, people who get on really well together. But I don’t believe there’s only the one person who would qualify for that role.

Ice cream cone, shake or other ice cream concoction?
Anything with ice cream is good. I’m quite partial to an ice cream sundae myself. Especially a nice strawberry one.

What would be the hat to end all hats? What could you wear on your head that would make people stop what they are doing and stare in awe and amazement?
One of those huge ones covered with fake fruit. That would certainly make people stop what they’re doing and stare in amazement. And awe. Awe-ful.

Apologies to anyone who owns one of these and thinks it’s “cool”.

What would be the worst “buy one get one free” sale of all time?
How can getting something for free ever be a bad thing? I’m all for free stuff. In fact, even if you don’t want one of something, if it’s BOGOF buy it anyway. Fill your house with useless and unwanted tat.

Categories: About draliman Tags:

FF – Snowflake Patrol

May 8, 2019 71 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jean L. Hays.

I’m thinking this bunch of whingy whiners are never going to be elite troops…

Copyright Jean L. Hays

 

“Target ahead. Silent protocol.”

“Right-oh, Sarge!”

“Shhh!”

“Jeez.”

“Barbed wire. Snips, now.”

“Snips? Anyone?”

“Oh, for… slip underneath.”

“…ow! I caught my finger…”

“Shhh!”

“…aw, man, I got cow poo on my uniform.…”

“…I know a good dry cleaner….”

“…what about my finger? I’m bleeding out….”

“…Sarge, I knelt in a puddle, my Mum’s gonna kill me…”

“WILL THE LOT OF YOU SHUT UP?! THEY’RE GONNA HEAR…”

 

BANG!

 

“Aw, man. Poor Sarge.”

“…now I’ve got blood on my uniform… blood and poo…”

“This is too stressful. Let’s evac home.”

“…and don’t think you’re coming in the chopper covered in poo…”