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FF – Cabin of DEATH!

June 16, 2021 52 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Alicia Jamtaas.

Copyright Alicia Jamtaas

Welcome back to ‘Forest Cabins of Horror’. It’s quiet… too quiet? What will we find? A strangled hobo? A mutilated college student? The castrated corpse of a cheating husband? Let’s open the door…

Creeeeak

…and we find… nothing! It’s empty. Well, this is a real ratings killer. Fred, come here!”

“Coming, Bob, what do you need? What are you doing with that knife? No… no… aaaargh!”

“Jeez, Bob, you killed him! You… bleurgh!

“Jeff, stop vomiting and pick up the camera. Action! …and inside we find the fresh body of a young male. He appears to have been stabbed only moments ago…

Sharing My World 07-06-2021

June 13, 2021 13 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What’s the worst commercial you’ve seen (or heard)? Why was it so bad?
It has been so long since I saw an advert I can hardly remember any. I watch mainly streaming services, or programmes on the BBC, which has no adverts. If I want to watch something broadcast on one of the commercial channels, I never ever watch it “live”. I record it so I can fast-forward the adverts.

I’ve searched my memory but I’m drawing a complete blank on this one.

What takes a lot of time but is totally worth it?
I’m not really into things that take a lot of time. I’m lazy like that. I like lots of different things that take short amounts of time.

Have you ever smiled at a stranger and then wished you hadn’t? Why or why not?
Probably, though I can’t remember the last time. It would have been like the usual “awkward wave” moment. The one where someone is waving, and you think “who’s that?”, but you don’t have a good memory for faces, it could be someone you know, and you wave back. Then you realise your horrible mistake when someone else waves back and you try to awkwardly turn the wave into a head scratch or arm stretch and you make it worse…

What do you think is the nastiest tasting food?
For me, I reckon that’s celery. I even tried some recently because I didn’t believe it could be as bad as I remembered. It was.

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FF – Not the Best Idea

June 9, 2021 65 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson. The image is copyright Dale Rogerson – for some reason it’s not letting me add a caption 😦

“We’re here to speak with local business owner, Jimmy Nutjob. Mr Nutjob, tell us about this huge sphere.”

“It generates the electricity for my snack stall.”

“Why so big?”

“It’s the smallest size it comes in, according to ‘Nuclear R Us’.”

“Nuclear? Is that cost-effective?”

“Well… it generates six million times more electricity that I need. And it cost two billion pounds. Not sure how I’ll ever pay off the loan, to be honest.”

“And that red flashing light?”

“Dunno, never read the manual. One sec… ‘meltdown imminent, evacuate area’. What’s that mean? Hello? Hello? Hey, come back, we’re not finished!”

Bang

Sharing My World 31-05-2021

June 6, 2021 17 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What activity instantly calms you?
Falling asleep. That’s pretty calming.

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?
Spontaneous? Spontaneous? What is this word which you speak to me?

You mean, do something without meticulous planning, every detail examined and triple-checked?

Craziness.

If people receive a purple heart for bravery, what would other colour hearts represent?
There’s the “Taupe Heart for Mediocreness”.

There’s also one which is a sort of dark dirty red colour, streaked with black, which is the Broken Heart, of course. It is inscribed on the back:

They broke your heart
It wasn’t fun
You fell apart
And now you’re done.

Some versions have this inscribed on the back instead:

You messed it up
And now you’re chucked
They threw you out
And now you’re… well I expect you can see where this one’s going…

What is the bravest thing you’ve ever done or witnessed someone else do?
A little while ago I saw someone fly their fighter down into a trench, ignoring shots from below and fighters from behind and hold his nerve until he could fire his torpedoes down a shaft to blow up a huge deadly space station.

No, wait.

That was Star Wars.

Sorry.

Still pretty brave, though.

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FF – Substandard

June 2, 2021 59 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Liz Young.

Copyright Liz Young

“Gears to neutral, handbrake on, engine off, and… we’ve arrived!”

“Jesus.”

“So… did I pass?”

Did you pass?

“Uh-huh.”

“No. No, you didn’t pass.”

“Aw, man! That’s the seventeenth time I’ve failed. What was it? Was it the roundabout? I should have waited, right? It was the roundabout, wasn’t it?”

“No. It wasn’t the roundabout.”

“The junction, then. I was a bit late with the indicators. Was it the junction?”

“No. It wasn’t the junction.”

“So what was it then?”

“The wall.”

“The wall? What wall?”

And your eyesight, apparently. This wall. Right here. Good day.”

Sharing My World 24-05-2021

May 30, 2021 18 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What are you most proud of in the last year?
I felt proud of making the decision to keep my current car due to low mileage rather than swapping for a new one (I use PCP finance so it’s generally a straight swap with a smallish deposit).

I felt less proud when the car dealership phoned me up about getting a new car and I immediately caved 😮

If you see a puddle on the ground, do you walk around it or give in to the child within and splash about?
Confucius say “he who jump in puddles didn’t have to spend all day making money to pay for shoes”.

Do you feel free? Why or why not?
Yep, I’m totally free. Form an orderly queue, ladies, no charge!

What life skills are rarely taught but are extremely useful?
I don’t know what’s taught these days. I don’t remember being taught any life skills whatsoever back in the 70s/80s, apart from maths perhaps.

A bit more “how to budget and manage your money” and a bit less “Henry the Eighth” and “types of glacier” might have been useful.

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FF – The Power of Positive Thought

May 26, 2021 72 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Miles Rost.

Copyright Miles Rost

“It is the power of the mind. The bug hasn’t seen the 30,000 volt warning. It believes it will be okay. Therefore, it alights on the cable and is unharmed.”

“Your logic is flawed, mate.”

“I too believe that I will not be harmed.”

“See, unlike the bug you would also be touching the ground, creating a potential difference…”

“I cannot be harmed!”

“… so you’d be killed, basically.”

“I grab the cable! I believe aaaaarrrrrrrgghhhhhhh!

bzzzz crackle fizz whooomp burn burn crackle burn

“Wow. That’s one heck of a blaze. Has anyone got any marshmallows?”

“Too soon?”

Sharing My World 17-05-2021

May 23, 2021 27 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What inanimate object do you wish you could eliminate from existence?
That high curb. You know, the one around the corner. That I keep scuffing my alloys on. That can go. The bastard thing.

What tells you the most about a person?
Their eyes… the way you can look into a person’s very soul and be able to instantly tell whether they’re going to smile politely and wish you good day or stab you repeatedly in the kidneys until you hand over your wallet.

What is something you thought would be easy until you tried it?
Being in a relationship. It’s not all fun and roses, people! Apparently playing video games and watching TV all day is “not acceptable”. You have to “communicate” and “do stuff together”. I can’t be having with that.

What ridiculous and untrue, yet slightly plausible, theories can you come up with for the cause of common ailments like headaches or cavities?
Aches and pains. Many people think they’re down to old age. Not true! They’re caused by the high-pitched squeals of small out-of-control children. These squeals build up, reverberating around the world, gaining strength and ultimately causing our very bodies to vibrate, causing these pains.

Who knew?

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FF – Lesson Learned?

May 19, 2021 52 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Na’ama Yehuda.

Copyright Na’ama Yehuda

“Look there, Son, the remnants of New York, its skyscrapers gone, destroyed by GMMMGs.”

“GMMMGs?”

“Genetically-Modified Massively-Mutated Giraffes. See them on the horizon, towering over the destruction.”

“What happened?”

“Bred for food, but everyone loves giraffes. No bugger would eat them. They escaped and ran amok.”

Ooooh Gaaaaawd, we didn’t know. WE DIDN’T KNOW!

“As Mr Melodrama says, it was a huge mistake. Now we live at sea, starving. But never fear, once the genetically-modified massively-mutated dolphin programme reaches fruition, food for everyone!”

Huh. I love dolphins. I’m not eating dolphins.
Me neither. Not gonna eat Flipper.

Lesson NOT learned!

Sharing My World 10-05-2021

May 16, 2021 15 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What do you believe but cannot prove?
I believe animals have morals, but I just can’t prove it 😮

Do animals have morals?
Goodness, what a complete coincidence, looking at the previous question! I believe that they do, but proof? No.

Is there inherent order in nature or is it all chaos and chance?
There’s order all over nature. Fractals are everywhere! But there’s loads of chaos and chance too, especially when humans are involved.

Where is your least favourite place in the world?
It’s more situations rather than places that come under the title “least favourite”. Like crowds and whatnot. Anywhere’s fine as long as the circumstances are good.

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