Author Archive

FF – Not Safe Anywhere

September 15, 2021 54 comments

Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Krista Strutz.

Copyright Krista Strutz

Ah, the bustle of the big city, all of life happening around me, walking along eating my pizza slice, some kids on the corner, looking at me funny, coming right at me!


“Hey, my lunch! Come back with my lunch! I’ve had enough of the city.”

Much later…

Ah, the quiet of nature, beauty all around me, paddling along eating my packed lunch, a huge bird on a log, looking at me funny, coming right at me!


“Hey, my lunch! Come back with my lunch! I’ve had enough of nature.”

😦 Not safe anywhere 😦

Sharing My World 06-09-2021

September 12, 2021 23 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Do you believe in soul-mates? (my definition of ‘soul mate’ is the IDEAL partner romantically).
I doubt the “ideal” romantic partner exists. And if they do, the chances of actually meeting them under the right circumstances are extremely remote 😦

What are three scents you like?
Here is my list:

  • Smokey bacon
  • Non-smokey bacon
  • Um… any other bacon not covered by the above

What are some things that you might be considered too old to do, but that you enjoy?
You’re never too old to do the things you want to do. Have fun and don’t worry about how old you are! Be young at heart (but don’t break a hip).

What is one food you absolutely refuse to share?
Ooh, could it be… could it be… bacon? And ice cream. And chocolate.

Bacon for my tea. Mmm, bacon.
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FF – The Full Countryside

September 8, 2021 54 comments

Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Sandra Crook.

I did go looking for my post for this photo from 2014 and eventually found it. But I decided to write a new one as it was a bit of a downer.

Copyright Sandra Crook

Thank you for booking your Staycation with Cowpat Farms Ltd.

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  • Wake you up at 5am every day with a strategically-placed cockerel
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  • Arrange to have you randomly assaulted by authentic-looking xenophobic locals
  • Ensure every direction you ask for starts with the phrase “you don’t want to go there from here”
  • Pay a tractor driver to hold you up on every day trip
  • Fill the road with sheep

Book now to avoid disappointment!

Sharing My World 30-08-2021

September 5, 2021 16 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Are human beings required to better themselves and will doing that make them happier?
Human beings are not “required” to better themselves. It’s a choice. It wouldn’t make me happier because “bettering yourself” usually means doing stuff I don’t want to do 😦

Is it easier to love or to be loved?
It’s much easier to love. Being loved is tough. I’ve still not heard back from that Scarlett Johansson.

Outside traumatic brain injury, can memories be completely erased?
Yes. All you need is one of those big probe machines like you see on the telly. Like in Star Trek and whatnot. It doesn’t look too hard, though it’s usually aliens who have the technology so I guess we’ll have to wait until we’re invaded before we can do it.

Is there such a thing as a good death?
Of course! We must die valiantly in battle with honour in order to reach the afterlife in Sto’Vo’Kor. Qapla’!

No, wait, sorry, that’s Klingons.

What do you imagine is inside a baseball?
Baseball innards. Or a little pixy sitting on a gyroscopic chair having the time of his life.

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FF – Seasons

September 1, 2021 64 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Penny Gadd.

Copyright Penny Gadd

Spring, and the river runs clear, Nature’s canvas. The world begins.

Summer, and the river teems with life. The world flourishes.

Autumn, and the river fears. Its creatures die, choking on Man’s effluence. The world teeters.

Winter, and the river mourns. Putrid sickness flows sluggishly to empty seas. The world dies.

Spring, and the river flows clear. New life appears. The world, reborn. A second chance.

Special guest image! Menacuddle Well near St Austell, this morning.

Sharing My World 23/08/2021

August 29, 2021 19 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Can you parallel park (if you drive)?
Yes I can and no I can’t. It’s 50/50. Once I got my car into a tiny tiny space between two cars perfectly. Another time there was a space the size of a bus and I ended up on the kerb.

I don’t do it any more basically. If I had a normal car rather than a sporty one it would parallel park and reverse park by itself. Maybe next car!

Do you prefer early morning or late evening? Or something in between?
Early morning for sure. I get up early every day – any time after 5am. I get very tired in the evenings.

Do you like avocados?
I doubt it. I can’t remember the last time I had one but I don’t really like the idea of them. The creamy-looking texture puts me off.

Is mind or matter more real?
Is there even “matter”, or are we living in our own minds? Maybe we’re in the Matrix. How would we know? (dum dum DUM)

It’s best not to contemplate such things, though. Reality is what you make of it. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter 🙂

Are people in this current generation less or more sensitive than people from past generations?
It’s the responsibility of older people like me to answer “more sensitive” to this question, noting that we shrugged stuff off which would these days involve an immediate police presence plus a couple of ambulances, a law suit and the creation of a new social pressure group with associated catchy hashtags. #oversensitive

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FF – Twisted

August 25, 2021 46 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Brenda Cox.

Copyright Brenda Cox

It could happen anywhere. At any time. To anyone.

It had started two years ago. The folding of the fabric of reality. Nobody really understood it, not even the scientists, though everyone unanimously agreed that “something had gone wrong somewhere”.

Look at that poor cyclist. Riding along, minding their own business and suddenly they’re at one with the wall. What a way to go.

It’s not always fatal. One time, a prominent politician got so reconfigured he ended up literally talking out of his ass.

No-one noticed for a month.

The world’s always been a bit twisted though, I guess.

Sharing My World 15-08-2021

August 22, 2021 11 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s special Squirrel Edition of Share Your World. The questions this week come from some of the critters living on Evil Squirrel’s Shelf.

When you just need to forget the world for a few hours, what helps you get away from it all? (Fuzzywig the stoner raccoon)
Having a nice nap. With no help required from Fuzzywig’s 4:20 stash.

If you woke up tomorrow with a unicorn horn extending from the top of your head, what would be the biggest advantage and disadvantage of your new appendage? (Mitzi the horny unicorn)
Stab people, I expect! That’s what unicorn horns are for. Mitzi doesn’t use hers right.

I stab all night and I stab all day
I gouge and I rip, it’s the unicorn way
Those who insult with every breath
I’ll stab and gouge the shits to death

What is the creepiest thing you’ve ever seen someone do, that you’d be willing to talk about, of course? (Snuggle the kinky pervert bear)
Sorry, Snuggle. I know what you’re up to with this question. Trying to get some ideas, huh? I’m onto your little game.

What’s the silliest or pettiest thing that tends to really upset you? (Rainy, the wickedly obsessive rain-loving skunk)
Everything! If people don’t do things my way, they’re doing things the wrong way!

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FF – Unwanted

August 18, 2021 55 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Lisa Fox.

Copyright Lisa Fox

“Open your eyes, darling! Ta-daaa!”

“And that is?”

“It’s an original 1914 Harley-Davidson!”


“Original frame, engine, fittings, look at this bit, oops, I can probably stick that bit back on…”


“… look at the style, the form…”


“… it’s an absolute classic! A bit of a rub down, a lick of paint and it’ll be as good as new!”


“Just imagine zooming down the road, my sweet. You’ll be the talk of the town!”


“Anyway… happy anniversary, my cupcake! So, what did you get me?”

“A divorce.”

Sharing My World 09-08-2021

August 15, 2021 20 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Restrictions are being lifted all over the world. Do you feel it’s safe to go out and mingle in crowds in light of the Pandemic?
Well, depends what you mean by “safe”. It’s always less safe to mingle in crowds, there’s always something going around, even other potentially fatal viruses (like flu).

I just checked the stats – 90% of adults in the UK have had one dose of vaccine, 76% have had both. And although most restrictions have now been lifted, most people are still wearing masks inside shops etc (most shops are “strongly requesting” it), so it’s as safe as it can be I guess.

What are some things that are okay to do occasionally, but definitely not okay to do every day?
All the best things to do, obviously. Like eating chocolate and ice cream and cakes and whatnot. Burger and chips, fish and chips, pizza…

Would you relocate for love (romantic or otherwise)?
I seriously doubt it. You shift your entire life around and then you break up and you’ve got nothing.

(he said cynically…)

Do you believe in any conspiracy theories (no judgment)?
No, because if I believed in one, in my own mind it would be “fact”, not a theory. Heh heh.

Some people would laugh at some of the things I believe in. More fool them. Anyone who doesn’t believe in the Worldwide Cat Cabal is going to be very surprised when the furry little hellions finally make their move towards world domination.

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