Author Archive

Backwards Day! – COW 2023

April 1, 2023 19 comments

Here is my entry for Evil Squirrel’s Contest Of Whatever 2023! The theme this year is (drum roll) “November 31st”!

I couldn’t bring any of my initial duff ideas to fruition so I fell back on writing a poem. Yes, a poem!

I know, right?

A warning to anyone who doesn’t read Evil Squirrel’s Nest (and if not, why not?) – this is very specific to the critters who infest the Nest. But you can always critique me on my dodgy rhyming and shitty scanning.

A poem for COW 2023

A quite tricky day, that none can remember,
Today is quite odd, 31st of November!

Here come the critters, but everything’s changed,
They’re all topsy-turvey, psyches rearranged.

First up is Mitzi, they say quite a bimbo,
But here she comes trotting, her hooves NOT akimbo!

Next up is Zeeba, but wait – is this real?
No blood can I see, she’s become quite gentile!

And here is the Pres, he’s arrogant, the Boss,
But look here today, he’s quite at a loss!

It’s just past 4:20 and now here comes Fuzzy,
He’s not stoned at all, his head clear, not muzzy!

And Snuggle and Big Scrat, they do love to hate,
But just for today they’ve become best of mates!

And finally Buster, a tear in his eye,
He’s made it right through, and hasn’t yet died!

I’ll leave you now reader, doubtless wanting more,
Because very soon all will be as before,
The critters will be back, but just as they were,
That is, until next we see 31 November.

Sharing My World 20-03-2023

March 26, 2023 16 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, hosted by Di.

Do you use an ‘air freshener’ in your home/car/office? (solid, gel, spray, pot pourri, etc)
No, I’m not so keen on artificial scents constantly around the place. I sometimes use Glade (a powder you shake onto the carpet) when I do the vacuuming.

How often do you clean the oven or microwave?
Hoe often do I do what, now? I have cleaned the microwave a couple of times. My oven is “self-cleaning” so I didn’t clean it and now it’s fecked. Lying bastards.

Do you use a fabric conditioner in your laundry and/or fragranced tumble drier sheets?
I use a standard liquid fabric softener which I put into “drawer 2” in the washing machine.

If you have the choice, do you prefer to get your laundry dry outside on a line or use a tumble drier?
I haven’t had an outside drying facility for decades. The garden isn’t really big enough. So I get to sit here and watch the pennies click away on the smart meter remote display while the tumble dryer does its job.

It’s in the “amber” at the moment as the water heater is on for my shower later. Obviously the heating’s not on as you can see by the blistering 13 degrees C… (which for the benefit of Americans and really old British people is 55F)

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Sharing My World 13-03-2023

March 19, 2023 22 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, hosted by Di.

What kind of music do you like?
Quite a wide range, depending on my mood. Starting with Abba, Dido, Marina all the way through to Iron Maiden, The Pretty Reckless, Marillion, Nightwish and Within Temptation.

So that’s pop through to symphonic rock and heavy metal.

What is your favourite food?
All the stuff that’s really bad for you. Pizza, chilli, burgers, chocolate and ice cream. Mmm, chileh…

What is your favourite tipple? For those who don’t drink, what do you order when out with friends?
My go-to drink when I’m thirsty and want something really refreshing is a dash of lemon juice (the kind used in cooking), two thirds lemonade and one third chilled water.

What relaxes you?
Listening to music, reading and walking out in nature.

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Sharing My World 06-03-2023

March 12, 2023 16 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, hosted by Di.

Does your spouse/partner (or do you) help with the household chores?
What partner/spouse? If household chores were to get done, I would be the one who would be doing them.

What is your least favourite chore?
It’s immaterial really as I don’t do any. But I’ll go with “vacuuming” since the lack of that is the most obvious sign of my popular “Household chores? No thanks!” policy. I guess I’ll need to do it soon though, as the dustbunny tumbleweeds are getting annoying.

As a kid, did you have to do chores to earn your pocket money/allowance?
Not that I recall. Probably not, I would have been penniless.

Did you save any of your pocket money or spend it all?
I saved it until I had enough to spend it. I usually saved it up for our summer holidays in Scotland.

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Share My World 27-02-2023

March 5, 2023 14 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, hosted by Di.

Did you attend Sunday School at your local church as a child?
Yes. I don’t remember hardly any of it. Presumably they taught me something. I would have preferred not having to get up on a Sunday morning to go to church, to be honest.

Did you attend after school classes ie. drama, sports, as a teenager?
I was in the Chess Club for a while. That’s the only one I remember.

Did you go to evening classes after you had left school?
Nope. I’m too busy with my hectic schedule of watching TV and playing video games to better myself.

Do you now belong to any groups/meetings?
No, not at the moment.

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Sharing My World 20-02-2023

February 26, 2023 16 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, hosted by Di.

When food shopping, do you go with a list and stick to it, or buy on the hop?
Always a list. Supermarket shopping online or essentials shopping in the village shop, always a list. I usually buy more than what’s on the list, for example stocking up on condiments or whatever. Sometimes I even miss something that’s on the list!

When clothes shopping, do you prefer to shop in a store or buy mail order?
I rarely clothes shop. I get a lot of bits and bobs for birthdays and Christmas. I’m pretty sure the last clothes I bought was my North Face waterproof jacket just over three years ago. That was in an actual shop, I’d never buy something that expensive online as I needed to check it was a good fit and the sort of thing I wanted.

Do you like shopping for shoes?
Nope. The last time I did wasn’t too bad – it was the first time I ever took a chance and did it online. Nice pair of Nike’s. Fitted perfectly.

Do you enjoy shopping alone or with friends/partner?
I always go alone, when it’s as quiet as possible, in and out as quickly as possible. A “surgical strike”, if you will. Group shopping isn’t really a thing that we blokes do.

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Sharing My World 13-02-2023

February 19, 2023 15 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, hosted by Di.

If you could rename yourself, what name would you choose and why?
I would be Sebastian “Dangerman” Bullet. Obviously I’m some sort of upper class super-spy with that name. I’m suave, capable and know no fear and whatnot.

If you were tasked with naming a new star, what would you name it and why?
I think “Dralistar” has a nice ring to it.

If you were a story/comic book hero, what would your name be and why?
I already have a superhero name – The Drali-Man! That has the advantage of not giving away the true nature of my superpowers leaving my foe quaking in fear at what they may be.

If animals could talk, which would be the rudest?
A popular choice I think – cats. You can see it in the way they look at you sometimes. They’re trying to learn human-speak so they can give you a piece of their mind.

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Sharing My World 06-02-2023

February 12, 2023 16 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, hosted by Di.

What kind of vacations did you have as a child?
We visited my Gran who lived in the north of Scotland. We visited lots of places and played golf on the local courses, and did that every year I can remember.

Have any of those remained favourites now that you’re an adult?
Gran is gone now but north Scotland remains a favourite place. It’s a long way away though. I hope to visit again one day but 750 miles is a long drive now that I’m older.

What has been your best vacation ever?
I haven’t been on that many holidays. I had a nice 3 days in Wales a few years ago. I like going to quiet places with nice scenery.

Do you prefer resorts where there are no kids allowed?
There’s a time and place for children – always, in a sound-proof room heh heh 😉

No, seriously, a “no kids allowed” resort sounds like swapping the happy laughter of children for the drunken revellings of 20-somethings…

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Sharing My World 30-01-2023

February 5, 2023 22 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, hosted by Di.

Do you consider yourself to be romantic?
Hmm, a “cynical romantic” maybe or “real life romantic”. Like, the stuff you see on the telly would never happen in the real world.

Do you send cards on Valentine’s Day?
No. I’d hand over a card if I was with someone.

Would you spend a considerable amount of money on a single red rose for your beloved?
No. I don’t like the sound of “significant amount”. Especially on something that’s going to wither and die in a day.

What is your idea of a romantic evening?
Ah, dinner, walk in the rain and a nice quiet spot for a good hard [367 words censored for reasons of decency] and finally a kebab from that dodgy van on the high street.

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Sharing My World 23-01-2023

January 29, 2023 18 comments

Here is my post for Share Your World, hosted by Di.

Do you find it relatively easy to fall asleep at night?
Sometimes. And sometimes, not. The key is to still your mind, Grasshopper. Wax on, wax off and all that shizzle.

Do you remember your dreams?
Sometimes, temporarily. I think you remember a dream if you wake up during it, but the brain is clever enough not to transfer it to long term memory so it goes away during the periodic brain memory flush…

If you can’t sleep, do you watch TV, read or listen to music in the hope you will nod off?
I usually grab my Kindle and have a read until I feel really tired and then try again.

Can you literally sleep anywhere (chair, sofa, bus, train, flight etc)?
For sure. Napping is one of my hobbies. I used to fall asleep in lectures and meetings all the time. It didn’t go down very well.

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