Author Archive

FF – Salt of the Earth

March 4, 2020 54 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This weeks’ photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Copyright Roger Bultot


“Tamatahs, 50p the pahhhhhnd…”

“Um excuse me, sir, you don’t have any, um, tomatoes…”

“It’s wot I say, guv’nor. How abaht some nice apples?”

“Oh, yes, please!”

“Why not make it da full staircase?”


“Apples ‘n pears. Stairs.”

“Oh, yes, of course! You salt of the Earth chaps with your Cockney rhyming slang!”

“Salt of da WHAT?”



Hey, Harry, that means grass roots working geezer!

“Ah, shit. Sorry. Here’s some apples on da haaas, I’ll stick ‘em in dis bag wiv yer teef.”


“’Av a good suck on dem ‘til yer mouf is fixed…”


“Tamatahs, 50p the pahhhhhnd…”


Sharing My World 24-02-2020

March 1, 2020 20 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Oh boy and lawks a-lordy. When I read a couple of other SYW posts earlier this week and saw the questions I knew I’d have to be on my game vis-a-vis avoidance tactics this week. There’s no way I’m answering a couple of these – far too personal for this bloggie 🙂

What do you think of best friends of the opposite sex? Or to put it another way “Can men and women ever be platonic friends? Doesn’t sex always get in the way?”
I’ve had several platonic female friends. How could they ever resist me, you ask? It’s a strange old world, and no mistake.

What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome?
It was back in               and I was in the               and the               said               and it was pretty              . Lucky to have               that one, as you can imagine.

I hope the redaction didn’t spoil your understanding of my struggle 🙂

What is the darkest thought you’ve ever had? What about the darkest thing you’ve done that you’ve never told anybody about?
There was that terrifying time I was thinking about a coal mine. That was pretty dark.

What is your least favourite food?
I’m not a big fan of seafood. Shrimp, prawns and so on. I’m okay with fish, though. As long as it’s not one of those posh restaurants where they’ve left the head on 😦

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FF – Dead but not Forgotten

February 26, 2020 74 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.


“I say, Carruthers, this is jolly good!”

“It is, Pinkerton! Who would have guessed that reanimated bodies could put on such a show? It’s a theatrical revolution, by Jove!”

“They found the reanimation artefact in an Egyptian tomb?”

“Indeed so, Pinkerton. Undead actors are just the start… look, the final dance number!”

“Oh, I say, that actor’s leg just fell off. Been dead too long?”

“What ho, you’re right! I SAY, POOR SHOW DOWN THERE, JOLLY POOR SHOW!”

Unseen eyes watched Carruthers from backstage. His heckling had crossed a line. And it did look like they’d need a new actor…


Sharing My World 17-02-2020

February 23, 2020 20 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

How can someone win a gold star (i.e. win your approval and/or admiration) with you?
They could give me loads of money. Money is good. I like money. I’m shallow like that. And it wouldn’t be a gold star from me, that sounds expensive. I would cut a star out of an old newspaper. Which someone else bought. Newspapers are expensive.

If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?
I would spend the time trying to get people to give me money. Money is good. I like money. I would also be cutting stars out of old newspaper to give to the people who give me money.

Do you have a favourite type of exercise?
I don’t have any type of exercise. Another SYW participant had a great idea – a private pool would be great. I don’t feel confident enough to go to a public pool but I’d love to do a few laps in my own pool in the morning.

Do you sleep with a top sheet? Why or why not?
No. I’m sure it would keep slipping off the duvet. And my duvet is a high enough tog rating that it wouldn’t make any difference anyway.

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The Seventh Annual Content of Whatever

February 22, 2020 29 comments

Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again. Time for Evil Squirrel’s Annual Contest of Whatever!

This year the talented folks at DraliDoodlesTM have got a little pen to draw on their Surface Pro, and unfortunately they’re not afraid to use it. So they’ve used it exclusively.

No complicated rules like “it has to include two possums, a priest, a dinosaur and the Titanic” this year. The theme is simply “Murphy’s Law” (anything that can go wrong, will go wrong).

FF – Ramblings from the Pub Part 2

February 19, 2020 71 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dawn Miller.


“Yeah, he had total tunnel vision.”


“He couldn’t see anything unless it was right in front of his face.”

“Sounds nasty.”

“Yeah. The latest fad. Gym every night. Then no more gym. Night clubs every night. Then no more night clubs.”

“So what happened to him?”

“Hit by a bus. Never saw It coming. Very sad.”

“Very sad… sorry, I didn’t think you meant literal, medical tunnel vision.”

“What? No! Got obsessed with an online dating app. Head buried in his phone, didn’t like the look of someone, swiped left, BAM!”


“Karma. Pint?”



Sharing My World 16-02-2020

February 16, 2020 20 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Do you snore? How do you know it, if you do?
I don’t know. I had a girlfriend once who said I did. But I don’t have any proof.

What do you find funny?
The usual stuff. Just thinking of some of the films I’ve seen… fictional people getting gorily killed in a funny way. Fictional people’s heads exploding in a funny way. Zombie hordes getting shredded by helicopter blades. All in good fun 🙂

What was the last furry thing you touched?
The removable inner lining of my North Face coat yesterday. I went to the village market in the storm, safe in the knowledge that it would keep me dry. So I ended up warm and dry from the waist up and soaked through from the waist down. Didn’t really think that through.

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
I suppose you could cuff his arm to his leg. Though that might be considered “cruel and unusual”.

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