To sleep perchance to dream
Daily Prompt: Nightmares – Describe the last nightmare you remember having. What do you think it meant?
Wow, I’ve totally ripped off Shakespeare for my title! Here’s the “Day-Late-draliman” offering on the subject.
I tend to dream a lot. Well, I think we all do or we’d go crazy (according to a Star Trek Next Generation episode I saw recently), but don’t always remember them. I usually wake up three or four times during the night and often remember dreaming something.
My dreams (when negative) are usually more “disconcerting” rather than actual nightmares. The last nightmare I remember was a little while ago now. All I can remember is carefully sawing someone up into pieces. It was quite graphic and totally freaked me out.
What does this nightmare say about me? Obviously, I’m a total psycho. Surely completely sane people shouldn’t be having dreams like this.
When I was little I used to be able to control my dreams. I knew I was dreaming and I could make things happen. I would go find someone I knew and try to persuade them that I was actually dreaming, then to prove it I’d wake myself up right in front of them. I’m not quite sure what the point of that was.
I can’t do it any more. Think of the fun I could have now I’m all grown up! Occasionally in a dream I get the sense that it’s not real and I can “reset” certain things I don’t like, but that’s the best I can manage now.
I’ve heard that the details of dreams are held in a part of our memory that’s very short-term and our brains are clever enough to know not to stick them on the “hard disk” for long term use, and that’s why we can’t remember the details for long.
So, bearing that in mind, how come I can remember a nightmare I had months ago about slicing someone into pieces, but the moment I have a dream about (insert name of sexy celebrity here) and a tub of whipped cream, the details instantly elude me?
That’s life, I guess.
Ode to an Xbox
Daily Prompt: Cupid’s Arrow – “It’s Valentine’s Day, so write an ode to someone or something you love. Bonus points for poetry!”
OK, here goes.
Sitting there all white and shiny,
Powerful but still quite tiny.
Playing games or check the web,
Watch a film while still in bed!
Kicking ass on Halo 3,
Xbox, you’re so good to me!
Xbox, yes, you are the one,
Thank you. Thanks for all the fun.
Oh man, I really need to get a life. Seriously. Now.
Help?
Free Health Care For All
Daily Prompt: Is access to medical care something that governments should provide, or is it better left to the private sector? Are there drawbacks to your choice?
Well, once again I cherry pick a Daily Post prompt and deliver a day late. Maybe that can be my “thing” – late on the daily prompt. I’ve always wanted a “thing”.
But enough of that. A serious question has been posed, a serious answer is demanded.
As far as I’m concerned, the primary function of government is to look after the safety, security and well-being of its citizens. If it’s not offering free/subsidised health care to everyone, universally and without bias, is it really fulfilling this function?
South West England NHS ambulance – free from A to B! (Picture Wiki Commons licence, Graham Richardson)
Here in the UK the government provides free health care for all. I love living in a country where I can have an accident, a heart attack, a knee replacement or whatever and know that the only thing I have to worry about is getting better. No bills, no debt.
The downside? There is one, of course. The NHS (National Health Service) is paid for by taxes and/or National Insurance contributions (I’m not exactly sure what money goes where). That means the NHS has a budget. Some new drugs aren’t available on the NHS because they’re too expensive and they haven’t been proven to add significant quality of life/extend life. Waiting times for non-essential operations (for example hip replacements) can be measured in months. The hospitals in each area are run by “NHS Trusts” – some medications might be available in some areas and not others.
Then we have the private sector. If you have the money, you can join a health insurance scheme. You can have your operations and so on in private hospitals, or private wings in NHS hospitals. If you don’t have private health insurance (most don’t) you can wait for the NHS (free) or pay for the procedure. If you want an expensive medicine, you can pay for it (if you can afford it). If not, you’ll get the cheaper version. If you want your non-essential operation tomorrow instead of in two months time and you have the money, you can pay for it to be done privately.
As ever, if you have the money you have a choice, but for the rest of us at least we’ll get it for free if we’re willing to wait.
So we have both government-provided healthcare and private healthcare. There’s competition in the private sector which helps keep prices in check, and the government healthcare is free. The best of both worlds!
Magical Mystery Tour
I’m well known around these parts for my ability to get lost at the drop of a hat. So when I decided that it was high time I took my Dad’s old CRT computer monitor to the local waste recycling centre (a ten minute drive), things didn’t go exactly as planned.
If you’ll indulge me, I’ve decided to explain my journey(s) in the style of “Woodland Walks in a National Park”.
Cornwall’s “Happy Trails” Wilderness Adventures
Welcome to Cornwall’s Happy Trails Wilderness AdventuresTM!
The Red Trail
A short trail for the beginner. Strike out towards your destination, but be sure to ignore all road signs and turn right early, because you know better. You will find yourself on a tiny winding road which leads to a tiny village. As the road gets smaller, realise that you’ve gone the wrong way – find someone’s driveway and use it to hang a cheeky U-turn. There’s no-one else here but village dwellers who all know each other – try to look as if you belong, and keep your windows wound up and your doors locked.
The Green Trail
Not for the faint-hearted, ensure you have plenty of petrol before setting out. Turn right when you see the sign post to your destination. When you reach the next town you need to turn left at the cross-roads, but unbeknownst to you there are two cross-roads. Turn left at the first, because there’s a little red van in front of you which looks like it’s going to the tip. Follow him slavishly down a small winding road, but don’t follow when he unexpectedly turns left – this is his house. Continue on and make some random turns in a futile attempt to circle back round to the tip. Continue on for several miles until you realise you’re almost in Truro. Since you’re here, why not visit our beautiful cathedral, our museum, or enjoy a Cornish Cream Tea in one of our picturesque coffee shops? Make your way back to the main road and continue back to where you started.
The Blue Trail
Continue as you did on the Green Trail, this time make a left at the second cross-roads (it’s clearly signposted) and continue to the tip. It’s not hard. Be sure to stop at the burger van at the industrial estate 50 yards from your destination to ask the way. Try not to show your embarrassment. On your way back, why not completely miss the huge, clearly signposted left turn back home and continue on? This will add a good 2 miles of tiny winding roads to your Cornwall’s Happy Trails Wilderness AdventuresTM experience.
Maybe I should use a sat-nav?
Eat up
Yesterday’s Daily Prompt:
Shipwrecked! Read the story of Richard Parker and Tom Dudley. Is what Dudley did defensible? What would you have done?
I know, it’s yesterday’s Daily Prompt again. In my defence, by the time it arrives in my feed it’s already lunchtime here in the UK.
Ahem.
So, the basic story is that these four guys are stuck in a lifeboat with no food or water. One of them (Mr. Parker) is ill, probably from drinking sea water. One of the others decides he’d make a good meal, so the next day he cuts his throat and the three survivors chow down.
Would I have done the same thing?
Would I run back into a burning building to save the child screaming out the window? In my dreams I would. In my thoughts I would. In reality? I hope I would, though I doubt it.
Would I rush into the road and shove someone out of the way, knowing the car would hit me instead? Again, in my dreams I would. In my thoughts I would. In reality, would I bollocks.
Anyone for another slice of Mr Parker? (Photo courtesy of Michael C. Berch, Wikimedia Commons licence.)
The truth is that none of us know what we’d do unless we were unlucky enough to actually be in that situation. We know what we hope we’d do. What we’d actually do in a sudden emergency or if real desperation set in – we can’t predict that while sitting on a comfy sofa in front of the TV.
So, to summarise, in case there’s any confusion, I would like to state categorically and for the record that there is no way that I would EVER kill and eat someone just to save my own life.
Unless I would.
Surfing the wind
I’m writing this in response to (yesterday’s) Daily Prompt:
“Apply yourself: Describe your last attempt to learn something that did not come easily to you.”
Once upon a long ago I decided to try my hand at a spot of wind surfing. I know the Daily Prompt mentions “your last attempt”, but I honestly can’t think of a more recent example. I haven’t really tried to learn anything recently apart from computer stuff for my job, and that isn’t so hard to pick up.
The thing about wind surfing is that it’s a physical activity, and the thing about me is that I’m more a watch TV, play video games and read books kind of a guy. That’s what made this so hard.
A chap from work (I was working in Cork, Ireland at the time) announced that there were a couple of places going on a beginners’ wind surfing course nearby. In a moment of madness, I signed up!
We started in a test board on dry land. I fell off.
We progressed to a proper board on the water. I fell off. A lot.
The water wasn’t particularly deep. In fact you could stand up and keep your head above the surface.
Here’s my modus operandi when I fall – whenever possible, when I feel myself falling off something, I jump. This is an attempt to keep some control over the fall. When I fall into water, I pull my legs up under myself so that they don’t hit the bottom (which I can’t see and therefore have no wish to land on). These are instinctual reactions.
Therefore, falling off the wind surfing board always involved getting completely wet, as I always ended up completely submerged. In one notable incident, the sail came down on top of me, resulting in a nasty lump to the head.
The highest point of the day was actually getting on the board and sailing off. I was so excited that it was finally happening that I didn’t want to stop and the people on shore watched as I got smaller and smaller, headed out into the bay. It’s easy to stay on once you’ve got going as you have the sail to hang on to. Turning around wasn’t something I could do as it involved a complicated shuffling around the sail.
Finally I jumped off in an attempt not to go out to sea. The water was very deep and very cold. Eventually I managed to get back on and I kept going until I crashed into the shore.
I’m not sure I’d do it again, but I’m glad I tried it. It was way outside my comfort zone (my comfort zone only includes “things I’ve done before”), but I gave it a go and I had my one successful sail. Something to add to my (small) list of life experiences!
That time of the year
It’s “that time of the year”. Christmas has come and gone, and a new year has begun. They’re calling this one “2013”. It’s as good a name as any I suppose, and it’s handily one higher than last year, which makes it easy to remember.
I once wrote that I hate Thursdays. Well, I hate January as well. So you can imagine how I feel about Thursdays in January.
Anyhoo, January always seems like a bit of a let-down. All the anticipation, decorations and what-not have gone and we’re left with nothing but yet another whole new year to get through. There’s nothing at all between now and Easter, unless you count Valentine’s Day, which is just depressing if you’re on your own.
The problem with the year these days is that the whole thing is exactly the same. Once upon a time you could at least see the seasons change. A few years ago that stopped, and now we get:
Spring in the UK. And Summer, Autumn and Winter.
Picture by Tony Atkin (geograph.co.uk, Creative Commons licence) taken near St. Austell, Cornwall.
- Spring – raining
- Summer – raining and warm
- Autumn – raining and windy
- Winter – raining and cold
To be fair, it snowed a couple of winters ago, but that was quite unusual. Many years ago summers could get quite hot for long periods (in Cornwall that means temperatures in the mid to high twenties) and you could go outside in a T-shirt and shorts (well I couldn’t on account of my big fat legs), but last year all it did was rain.
Well, I guess too much rain all year is far better than no rain for years.
So let’s lift a glass to 2013 and see what it has in store!
(Could it be exactly the same as 2012…?)
Armageddagain
Picture courtesy of Federal Government of the United States
Once again, the end of the world has failed to happen. It’s now after 21/12/2012 so I guess we’re safe – for now. These predictions are starting to get a bit old. Any number of raptures have failed to materialise (although the chap in charge of that prediction has gone quiet so maybe he went on his own).
There was even a film made specially for this occasion (“2012”), which was released early enough to ensure ample profits before the world blew up, and the end of the world still didn’t happen. Stupid lying film.
This latest prediction was based on the end of the Mayan calendar – actually the end of a 5125 year cycle. Did anyone not think that maybe the Mayans couldn’t count past 5125? Or that maybe the “end of the cycle” didn’t necessarily mean the “end of the world”?
What about all these people who devised ingenious means to stay alive? Do they really want to live all alone in a dead and ravaged world? It’ll be quieter and a lot less complicated, I suppose.
Merry Christmas!
Stick to your guns
Recently a friend posted the following on Facebook:
“Suppose you’re on a game show, and you’re given the choice of three doors. Behind one door is a car, behind the others, goats. You pick a door, say #1, and the host, who knows what’s behind the doors, opens another door, say #3, which has a goat. He says to you, “Do you want to pick door #2?” Is it to your advantage to switch your choice of doors?”
This is known as the Monty Hall problem, and the correct answer is to switch, though it’s all based on probabilities and sounds like bollocks to me (though I admit I’m mathematically challenged).
That’s a question most of us have had to ask ourselves, I’m sure. Not that exact question, of course. Most of us have never been on a game show. I’m sure most of us have no wish to be on a game show (or is that just me?). How many times have you said (or heard someone say) “Oh no, I was going to say that!”? Why didn’t you then?
The question posed here, in more general terms without goats and cars and a single chance to switch, is this:
“I’m faced with a choice. I’ve had a little think. I’ve made my choice based on any information I might have at the current time. Do I now change my mind?”
Many years ago, I was paying a particularly intense game of draughts (I believe that “across the pond” the game is called “checkers”). I don’t usually play chess or draughts or games of that ilk – I’m intellectually lazy and don’t like to think too hard about things when I’m supposed to be “having fun”. Anyway, this game had been going for about an hour and it finally came down to a choice. I couldn’t win, but I could force a stalemate. I had only one piece I could move, and I could only move it one of two directions. I stared at it for five minutes, and was feeling the pressure. I was convinced I knew the correct move and I went the other way. I lost.
This isn’t the same as the original question, of course. This wasn’t random chance – the answer was there on the board but I couldn’t see it. I made a choice and then for whatever reason I changed my mind at the last moment. That’s bugged me for the past ten years.
So, in answer to the original question, I would not change my choice to door #2. If my choice is wrong, I’ll always know that it was my choice. I can live with that. If I change my mind and my original choice was the correct one, I’ll beat myself up about it because I’ll always know that my first instinct was correct.
So my advice (for what it’s worth), is this: when faced with a choice, have a good think about all the available information, make a choice and stick to your guns!
A Cure For What Ails You
Cure upon which the song “Lily the Pink”was based (image from Wikipedia, Commons licence)
There have been many instances of “miracle cures” throughout the ages. So-called “Medicine Men” in the 19th and early 20th centuries (this is a guess but it sounds about right) would peddle “snake oil”, purporting to be some form of cure-all medicine. According to sixties pop group Scaffold, a young lady by the name of “Lily the Pink” invented a medicinal compound capable of curing all forms of ills. The Simpsons episode “The Front” saw Bart writing the words “I will not sell miracle cures” on the blackboard at the beginning of the show.
I’ve discovered a new cure! It’s a cure for “feeling a bit down”.
Note the words “a bit down”. This isn’t a cure for actual (clinical) depression. If you think you’re suffering from that, go see your doctor without delay, as it’s a nasty thing to suffer from and it’s usually treatable to some extent.
No, this is a cure for when you’re getting a case of the “why me’s”. Maybe one big thing has gone wrong in your life, or lots of little things at once.
A necessary digression is called for at this point. Soap Operas. Love ’em or hate ’em, they’re everywhere. I’ve not seen many soaps outside of the UK, but from the ones I’ve seen, US soaps seem to involve rich glitzy people living amazing lives. Australian soaps feature real people, ups and downs, some dangerous situations and a hell of a lot of barbecues. UK soaps feature real-life gritty people living really depressing lives.
OK, now we’ve got that sorted, back to the cure. My cure works a bit like the jabs you get when you’re little, where they give you a tiny amount of a disease and that prompts your body to produce antibodies, ready for the real thing (I think that’s how it works but I’m waaaaaay too lazy to look it up).
So are you ready for my cure for “feeling a bit down”? Here it comes…
Watch a British soap opera!
Every bad thing that could ever happen, happens in quick succession to these people. They’re the unluckiest people in the world. Here’s an example.
Ian Beale (Eastenders) – before and after (identical images available on multiple sites, copyright probably BBC)
One chappie considers himself a successful businessman. He’s been married several times. One of his ex-wives hired a contract killer to knock him off. He went bankrupt, but pulled himself back up. Now for his recent history – he meets an old flame. They decide to get married. She’s in love with money, so he spends and spends until he’s on the verge of bankruptcy again. His relationship with his daughter suffers because of this. His fiancée runs off just before the wedding. He finds out that his little brother accidentally murdered the neighbour by whacking her over the head with a picture frame. He has a breakdown and is last seen wandering down the middle of the road in his jimmi-jams. He’s later found living under a bridge sporting a huge beard and holding up his trousers with a piece of rope.
Blimey. I mean, that’s pretty bad. It kind of puts my slightly leaky car and lack of life direction into perspective. I feel so much better already! No matter what’s happening in my life, it’s nothing compared to the goings-on in my favourite soaps. I’m cured of my “feeling a bit down” situation. Hooray! I’ve been exposed to so many depressing episodes of soap operas, I’ve become immune!
Disclaimer: this cure may not work
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