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Life, the Universe and the Nature of Time
The answer to the Ultimate Question. And my age.
Forty-two. According to the late great Douglas Adams in his amazing “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, this is the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything.
It’s also my age, as from today (Happy Birthday to me)! As my age is now the answer to the Ultimate Question, I’m expecting great things from the coming year. Everything’s going to fall into place, oh yes.
The nature of time
So that got me thinking about time. It’s an established scientific fact that time moves more slowly when you’re waiting for something to happen, as evidenced by Clive Giggletrousers’ “boiling kettle experiment” of 1975 (no link available).
Half an hour later, still not boiled!
Widely televised, the kettle failed to boil during the eight hour show, due, it has been proposed, to the sheer number of people watching. Further anecdotal evidence has been reported in the case of terminally lazy Mirabelle Jiff of Milton Keynes, UK, who, according to witnesses, waited for something to happen to her for so long she lived to the grand old age of 723 (unsubstantiated).
However, little has been reported regarding an increased rate of the passing of time. Recently, I discovered this phenomenon in my own life! It was the trial of Michael Jackson’s doctor which brought it home to me. The news reader mentioned “the death of Michael Jackson in June 2009”.
2009? 2009?
Blimey. I thought it was just a few months ago. So, with the aid of a calculator, I estimate that time for me is running at around six times “normal”. This is a bit worrying, to be honest. Even if I live until I’m eighty (is that even possible on a diet of pizza, ice cream and Marmite sandwiches?), I’ll be dead by fifty. Yoinks! Maybe if I speak nicely to my pension company, I can cash it in early.
So, please join me next year for my 70th birthday and I’ll let you know how I’m getting on.
Sounds wrong, tastes great!
Ah, lovely!
This is my tribute to the spread known as Marmite…
“You love it or hate it”. That’s been the crux of the advertising campaign for Marmite for a good while. In case you’re not familiar with this wonderful spread (clearly I’m in the “love it” camp), it’s basically yeast extract with added vitamins and minerals. And it’s brown. Doesn’t sounds very appetising, does it? Well, I find it delicious.
Marmite saw me through university, and is one of my staples even today (spot the bachelor). Years ago I discovered that cheese and Marmite sandwiches were really great, although the combination doesn’t immediately present itself as the best of ideas (although Marmite is marketed in combination with a number of foodstuffs). The solidness of the cheese plus the tang of the Marmite – lovely!
It’s not for everyone. The “love it or hate it” advertising campaign is bang on. Marmite has such a strong taste, there really isn’t a halfway position. Years ago, when I was living in Stuttgart, we managed to get hold of some. There was an “English shop” on the other side of the city – it was run by an English couple who imported such delicacies as Prawn Cocktail flavour crisps and, yes, Marmite. We gave some to a German friend, who, seeing its brown colour, leapt to the immediate conclusion that it must be chocolate and dove straight in. What a baby! Screaming, cursing, clawing at his mouth. He came down on the “hate it” side.
If you’re on the “love it” side of the fence, I’ve discovered a new variation for my sandwiches. Four words – egg mayonnaise sandwich filler. There’s something about the solidness of the cheese, the tang of the Marmite and the, well, the “egginess” of the egg which just – works. I suggested it to fellow Marmite and cheese lovers and they turned up their noses, but promised to try it. We’ll see, but to my palate – lovely!
Cheese, Marmite and egg mayonnaise – sounds gross, tastes great!
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