Home > Poems > Amphigory – The Nightmare Coach

Amphigory – The Nightmare Coach


An amphigory is a piece of nonsensical writing in verse or, less commonly, prose.  It often parodies a serious piece of writing.

This week’s Prompts for the Promptless, hosted by Rara and The Queen Creative, is all about nonsense! “Yay!” I thought. However, writing nonsense is harder than I thought :-(.

“The Nightmare Coach” starring Jeff and Nigel

A nightmare bound in sparkling lights
A coach trip, off to see the sights!
We’ll drive it here, we’ll drive it there
We’ll burn up gas without a care.

Not this nightmare coach again!
Jeff, old chap, this has to end!
It’s just not good, you need some aid
Your mind, old son, it starts to fade!

And as we go from town to town
I’ll kiss the girls, I’ll shoot the clowns
‘Cos clowns are creepy, don’t you think?
The plastic smiles, the fairground stink.

You’re talking nonsense, Jeff old chap
You’re spouting tripe, what’s up with that?
I think I’ll give the Doc a call
This isn’t right, not right at all.

We’ll drive the country far and wide
As endless as the lapping tide
I’ll eat some shrimp, I’ll drink a keg
Jump off a wall and break my leg.

Doctor? Hi, it’s Nigel here.
There’s something wrong with Jeff, I fear.
Please say you’ll come, and make it fast
I just don’t know how long he’ll last.

And when the trip comes to an end
My teeth begin to gnash and rend
I hate it when the coach is gone
The journey’s end. Here ends my song.

Jeff my friend, please calm you down
The Doctor’s here, no need to frown.
Be at peace, no more to say
Just close your eyes. You’ll be okay.

Well, it was supposed to be funny but it turned out being a little bit sad. Poor Jeff.

I used to be able to write “funny”. On the plus side, this is one of my few fiction pieces in which no-one’s died. Yay me :-).

  1. August 25, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    I like it. It reminds me rather of “You are old Father William” — another of Lewis Carroll’s classics from Through the Looking Glass.


    • August 25, 2013 at 6:08 pm

      I just had a read of the poem you mentioned (the text is on Wikipedia) and I see what you mean – the same back and forth dialogue.
      Glad you liked it!


  2. August 25, 2013 at 9:15 pm

    Great poem, I love writing nonsense too it’s so nice to have the freedom to just write without worrying about making sense. Often it ends up making more sense than the sensible stuff 🙂


    • August 26, 2013 at 4:35 am

      I know what you mean – although I still had to make it scan and rhyme properly it was quite liberating to know that the next line could say anything, there were no constraints on subject matter.


  3. August 26, 2013 at 1:54 am

    Even for nonsense, it is great! Reminded me of Dr. Seuss!


    • August 26, 2013 at 4:44 am

      Carroll, Seuss and Draliman – nonsense through the ages 🙂


  4. August 27, 2013 at 5:23 am

    Again I enjoy reading your words.


  5. August 29, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    Poor Jeff! But love the rhythm!


    • August 30, 2013 at 6:06 am

      Poor Jeff indeed!
      Glad you liked it. It took a bit of editing to get it to scan properly. As usual I wrote down disconnected lines as they came to me while watching TV, then arranged and matched them later.


  1. August 25, 2013 at 9:59 am
  2. August 28, 2013 at 6:31 am
  3. August 29, 2013 at 4:15 am
  4. September 6, 2013 at 7:19 am

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