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The Beast Within

It’s Friday Fictioneers day again! Under the watchful eye of our host Rochelle, we write 100 words in response to a photo prompt which this week has been supplied by Randy Mazie.

You can read the other entries here – the list grows all week so check back!

I hope no-one minds, but I altered the spelling of the “writing on the wall” within the story :-).

trespass_randy_mazie-1

Copyright Randy Mazie

The building had stood empty for many years, long enough that the tree had grown from a mere promise to near full height. Every so often, questing shoots would slide between the boards on the window. Within seconds they withered, blackened and died.

β€œNO TRESPASSING.”

No human hand had penned those words.

Samuel was cold and hungry. He couldn’t face another night on the streets and the building looked perfect. He carefully pried one of the boards from the window and slipped inside.

The board snapped back, muffling his last agonised scream.

The beast within tolerated no intrusion.

No trespassing.

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  1. December 4, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    Cool little monster story πŸ™‚ Where are the eagles when you need them?

    Like

    • December 4, 2013 at 8:14 pm

      Ha! I’m not sure even Gwaihir could have gotten poor Samuel out of that one πŸ™‚

      Like

  2. December 4, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    Great monster story, and in a hundred words a very clever feat. well done.

    Like

    • December 4, 2013 at 8:53 pm

      Thanks! It needed cutting down from the first draft but not by very much, funnily enough.

      Like

      • December 4, 2013 at 8:57 pm

        Oh I know, the 100 words can be very difficult to cut to and retain sense in your piece.

        Like

  3. December 4, 2013 at 11:26 pm

    Creepy, great job πŸ™‚

    Like

  4. kz
    December 4, 2013 at 11:26 pm

    no means no. very cool story πŸ™‚ love monsters and big beasts

    Like

    • December 5, 2013 at 7:29 am

      Me too, and all manner of other creepy things (not in real life though!).

      Like

  5. December 4, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    Very well done.

    Like

  6. December 5, 2013 at 2:04 am

    Can’t say he wasn’t warned. Nice story!

    Like

    • December 5, 2013 at 7:30 am

      Yes, it was right there in big slightly illiterate lettering!

      Like

  7. December 5, 2013 at 7:34 am

    Very menacing story. I liked the visual impact of tendrils blackening after they permeate the structure. Well done.

    Like

    • December 5, 2013 at 7:46 am

      Thanks – I thought it would give prior indication of what might happen to poor Samuel.

      Like

  8. December 5, 2013 at 7:48 am

    As always, great creativity and imagery, my Dralifriend! πŸ™‚
    ~Andrea<3

    Like

    • December 5, 2013 at 7:50 am

      Thank you!
      I felt it was high time I killed someone off again πŸ™‚
      Sometimes I worry about what goes on in my head 😦

      Like

  9. December 5, 2013 at 11:11 am

    Really great horror story. Hard to do in 100 words!!!

    Like

    • December 5, 2013 at 12:55 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed it! It did need cutting down a little bit from the first draft but I’m getting better at being very sparing with the words.

      Like

  10. December 5, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Poor Samuel, at least he found a warm place in the monster belly lol.

    Like

  11. December 5, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    Another excellent submission! I don’t think it was wise to try correcting the Beast’s spelling, though… πŸ˜‰

    Like

    • December 5, 2013 at 3:41 pm

      Oh crumbs, I didn’t think of that! Looks like my days are numbered 😦
      Thanks for continuing to read and comment on my mini-stories πŸ™‚

      Like

  12. December 5, 2013 at 4:15 pm

    Great little monster story, darling. It certainly looks like the digs of a beast who just wants to be left alone.

    Like

    • December 5, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      One warning is all you get!
      I’m desperate to know what it looks like but I’m too scared to take a peek behind the boards…

      Like

  13. December 5, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    This was fun!

    Like

    • December 5, 2013 at 4:33 pm

      Thanks! Not for Samuel, though πŸ™‚

      Like

  14. December 5, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    Read the sign! Spooky.

    Like

    • December 5, 2013 at 7:29 pm

      Yeah, it’s not like he wasn’t warned. I don’t think he was expecting anything like that, though!

      Like

  15. December 5, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    Chomp, chomp . . . buuurp!

    Like

  16. December 6, 2013 at 9:27 am

    Dear Draliman,

    No human hand had written…creeeepy. (In a good way πŸ˜‰ )

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • December 6, 2013 at 9:32 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      Thanks! I thought it creepier to leave the exact nature of the “beast within” to our imaginations, though it’s obvious it doesn’t like visitors πŸ™‚
      draliman

      Like

  17. December 6, 2013 at 11:01 am

    Ah DR-finally am here and wow-what a fun feast-I mean beast ;-)Loved this and the lines,”Every so often, questing shoots would slide between the boards on the window. Within seconds they withered, blackened and died.”-awesome!Enjoyed this beastly tale πŸ˜€

    Like

    • December 6, 2013 at 11:08 am

      Ha ha feast/beast!
      I thought I’d use the tree to give a hint of what might happen to poor Samuel later on! Glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

      Like

      • December 6, 2013 at 11:11 am

        πŸ˜€ I liked that

        Like

      • December 6, 2013 at 11:14 am

        Thank you πŸ™‚

        Like

      • December 6, 2013 at 11:18 am

        πŸ™‚

        Like

  18. December 6, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Oooh! I like it. I wonder what the beast is, and how it can to be there.

    Like

    • December 6, 2013 at 5:25 pm

      *came

      Like

      • December 6, 2013 at 6:23 pm

        I’d like to know that too!
        A mutated once-human? A visitor from another world – stranded or vanguard for an invasion? Did it slip through from the land of faerie?
        I don’t even know what it looks like. I’m not sure I want to know πŸ™‚

        Like

  19. December 6, 2013 at 7:57 pm

    And that’s how the beast fed… yikes

    Like

    • December 6, 2013 at 8:06 pm

      I guess enough curious or desperate people stumble in to keep its belly full…

      Like

  20. December 7, 2013 at 2:48 am

    Yummy, yummy, yeah. Dark DrAli is baaaaack! I don’t want to know what is in there.
    That mind of yours could not allow you to misspell tresspass, interesting.

    Like

    • December 7, 2013 at 4:14 am

      I don’t want to know what is in there either!
      I really didn’t want a misspelling in my story – it would almost have worked as who says the beast can spell? – but without having enough words to explain that I couldn’t bring myself to do it πŸ™‚

      Like

  21. December 7, 2013 at 3:34 am

    Ooh, it’s like the building is alive and breathing. You got me scared. I’m not going in there. This is a great horror story!

    Like

    • December 7, 2013 at 4:16 am

      Maybe over the years the beast has essentially become the building itself, weaving itself into the bricks and mortar – who can say without investigating further? I’m certainly not volunteering for the job!

      Like

  22. December 7, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    I would not want to be the postman to this house. Nasty, but well done!

    Like

    • December 8, 2013 at 6:05 am

      Hopefully the postie just slots the junk mail through the slats on the windows. Otherwise he’s in for a rough time!

      Like

  23. December 11, 2013 at 4:14 am

    Ah! This is like street-Sandlot-for adults.

    Like

    • December 11, 2013 at 6:00 am

      I’m soooorrry – I’m missing the reference – I’ve Googled “Sandlot” and “Street Sandlot” extensively and it seems to have something to do with baseball?

      Like

      • December 11, 2013 at 4:03 pm

        Agh! Sandlot was a 90s (80s?) movie about kids who played baseball– but a major part of the story was that there was this beastly legend of a dog behind a fence that would gobble them up.

        Like

      • December 11, 2013 at 4:09 pm

        Aha! Yep, I see it now πŸ™‚
        And mine is for adults because my beast is not legend but REAL bwahahaha.

        Like

  1. December 22, 2013 at 9:11 am

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