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Posts Tagged ‘Friday Fictioneers’

FF – Armageddon Averted

February 12, 2020 52 comments

Here is my contribution for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle, who also provided the photo this week.

I got to thinking what I would be doing if the weather looked that bad.

 

Ring ring!

“Hello?”

“Beelzubub? Gabriel here. What’s the hold up? We’re standing here, swords aflame, looking like a load of numpties.”

“Never fear! We’ve made it really cold and miserable to keep the mortals indoors.”

“And?”

“We’ve built a video game called ‘Armageddon’. Everyone will play it ‘cos they can’t go out and when they click ‘Armageddon – Start Now’, we’re off! Angels vs demons smackdown! Yeah!”

“Starting a game called ‘Armageddon’ does NOT start Armageddon. Idiot.”

“Don’t you talk to me like that!”

“Go to hell.”

“Already there!”

Good job demons are so stupid or the Earth would be in a right mess…

Um…

 

FF – Cutbacks

February 5, 2020 58 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.

Copyright Ted Strutz

 

“So. Judgement Day.”

“Yeah. So this is death. I was expecting a bright light rather than an escalator.”

“Cutbacks, I guess.”

“I haven’t always been the best person. There was that speeding ticket. I swore at that little old lady…”

“I’m sure that won’t count against you.”

“…and then there’s all those people I murdered in the 70’s.”

“Whaaa… you’ll be on the way back down, mate. Here we are. Ooh, a questionnaire. No judgement by angels?”

“More cutbacks? A-ha! ‘Question 7: Did you murder anyone in the 70’s?’ I’ll tick ‘no’. And I’m in! Gotta love the cutbacks!”

 

FF – Not as Clever as he Thought

January 29, 2020 56 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

 

Detective Inspector Bardon looked across the scene. Crisp, white, beautiful. Like a Christmas card. Idyllic – apart from the body, the red-tinged snow.

“Back wound. Murder definitely happened here. Knife was driven in at close range. Only one set of footprints – the victim’s! How?”

High above, Jimmy ‘Jetpack Assassin’ Jameson hovered and laughed. His web ad had paid off. Plenty of clients, police always baffled!

“Hey, guv, just found this ad on the internet. Some joker calling himself the ‘jetpack assassin’!”

“Jetpack? Of course! Constable, grab the newly-issued ground-to-air missile launcher out the car, will you?”

Jimmy’s eyes widened in horror.

 

FF – Mr Bad Decisions

January 22, 2020 57 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Na’ama Yehuda.

My story is a bit surreal this week. So what’s new…

Copyright Na’ama Yehuda

 

The instructions said to use one on hands, eat the other. Let’s open this. Ooh, lovely, says “cream”, that must be for the hands.

Slather

So I eat this one. Tastes of antiseptic! That’ll be great for my stomach problems. Bit chewy though.

Three major surgeries later, and our hero is faced with a chainsaw and an elastic band.

I was told to snap one on my wrist to train myself against bad decisions and use the other to trim the hedge.

Ten minutes later…

Really hard trimming the hedge with this elastic band, especially now I only have one hand…

 

FF – Tastes Like Chicken

January 15, 2020 56 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J. Hardy Carroll.

 

“It’s so beautiful in here, safe within the Dome.”

“It’s beautiful outside too, Dad!”

“Beautiful, but DEADLY. We got in here just in time. The atmosphere… TOXIC! The plant life… CARNIVOROUS!”

“But I can see people out there, Dad!”

Monsters, sweetie. Cannibals! They’ll rip the FLESH from your BONES!”

“Whaaaaa!”

“Don’t scare the child, dear.”

“I’m only joshing! Look, I’ll pop outside. See? Perfectly… aaaaargghhh!”

“Hmm, looks like he was right after all. Back inside, kids. Looks like ‘Future EcoWorld Biodome’ is home now. Good job we dragged your Dad’s body back inside. Anyone for lunch? Tastes like chicken.”

“Hooray!”

 

FF – Safety First!

January 8, 2020 57 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.

 

The creature looked across the swimming pool to the people beyond. It could almost taste their flesh, sweet, succulent. A family enjoying an evening picnic – little did they know they would soon fill its belly! It crept forward slowly, carefully, then sped towards them, tripped, fell in the swimming pool and drowned…

What?

Wait a minute!

This won’t do. Where’s the grisly ending?

Who puts an unlit, unguarded swimming pool in the middle of a caravan park?

Let’s try again…

The creature, high from its success at swimming class, looked across the large, yet perfectly safe, puddle to the people beyond…

 

FF – Ramblings from the Pub Part 1

January 2, 2020 45 comments

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Rochelle herself!

 

“You know that chap. Lenny. He’s got a telephone.

Like those ones your mam and pap had. Only older. Real old.

An’ it’s special. Connects ‘upstairs’. You know.

Angel HQ.

He’s got their ear.

He could use it to start the Apocalypse. Then end it. Reverse that ‘Climate Change’ whatsit.

Feed the starving. Home the homeless. Help the helpless. Just like that vampire with a soul. Buffy’s ex.

‘Angel’. That’s the one.

And what does he do?

Uses it to order pizza from that place down the street.

Some people don’t deserve a Hotline to Heaven.

Just sayin’.

Mine’s a pint.”