Archive

Posts Tagged ‘Friday Fictioneers’

FF – Newly Elected

December 2, 2021 6 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Lisa Fox.

There’s some allusion to recent “sleaze-related” issues in the UK government, but I’ve written “MP” and “PM” longhand to help my non-UK readers (thus going slightly over the word limit in the process).

Copyright Lisa Fox

“Mr Fortingham-Smythe, new Member of Parliament for Little Umptingham – what are your plans?”

“I’m going to shit all over the electorate.”

“What? Um, please, watch your language, sir. This is the BBC, after all!”

“Humph.”

“Not the answer I was expecting…?”

“Now that I’m safely elected, I’m planning on indolence, debauchery and a bit of general non-specific corruption. Fill my pockets, so to speak.”

“But… but…”

“And the best bit is, if I’m caught the Prime Minister will simply change the rules!”

“Um, yes, but…”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit upstairs and wait for a scruffy voter to arrive.”

FF – Not a Story

November 25, 2021 41 comments

Here is my (not a) story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Inspiration did not strike this week 😦

Copyright Roger Bultot

A street. A perfectly ordinary street. Somewhere foreign – those numberplates are far too small to be UK.

Pretty much nothing is happening. A story about nothing happening? Tricky, that.

There’s an air con unit top left. Could be an alien spider robot. But to what end? Haven’t we done that before?

Maybe that skyscraper in the distance. Maybe it has a viewing platform. And every so often that big spike shoots up and impales a tourist. That could work.

“Hey Mike, take a selfie…”
WHOOMP! Aaaargh!
“Oh, hell. Mike.”

I don’t think it has legs.

I’ll try again next week.

FF – Neat and Tidy

November 17, 2021 44 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

“There we go. Ta-da!”

“Hmm, very neat and tidy. Not very safe-looking, though. Propped up like that.”

“Rubbish, it’s fine.”

“Look, your mum’s at the window.”

Creeeeak

“Boys, you’ve been working very hard! Do you fancy a snack? I can whip up…”

CRAAAAASH! Aaaargh!

“Oh, God, nooooooo! Why, God, whyyyyyy? Now we’re gonna have to make our own snacks.”

“Well, shit.”

“Bollocks to that. Pub?”

“Yep. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

Grooooan…

FF – A Beautiful View

November 10, 2021 48 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ted Strutz.

Copyright Ted Strutz

Dave and little Maggie walked up on deck and looked out over the impressive vista before them.

“Oh, Daddy, isn’t it beautiful?”

“It is, Maggie.”

“I wish Mummy was here to see it.”

“Me too.”

Mummy had been held up. She’d missed the boat. Dave and Maggie’s home, since the waters rose. Maggie had been only six months then.

“Those are trees, aren’t they, Daddy?”

“That’s right, Maggie.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I heard some of the others talking. Why are they calling this place the ‘Sahara Desert’?”

“That’s a story for another time. Come on, let’s go back below.”

FF – Back Down to Earth

November 4, 2021 46 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jennifer Pendergast.

“Look, dear, Billy’s done some artwork! I’m in it! I am at the centre of everything. The intersection of the Venn Diagram. I am his beginning and his end. I am the centre of his universe. I AM HIS GOD!”

“That’s all very nice, darling, but Billy’s only four years old. I’m not entirely sure that’s what he’s trying to say.”

“Hey, Billy, come and explain your artwork to me!”

“Well, Daddy, the yewow dinasouwus is gonna eat you, and you is vewy scared and you has done a little poo poo.”

“Humph.”

“Don’t worry, darling, you’re still the centre of my universe.”

FF – Alien Attack!

October 28, 2021 49 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Douglas M MacIlroy.

Looking at the title of the photo, I think this was taken at an observatory.

Copyright Doug M MacIlroy

“What did the general say?”

“Not much, but I could hear shouting in the background. They’ve locked in the coordinates we got from our telescope. The military has been scrambled. Missiles have been launched at the unknown object we reported.”

“That’s not so good, then.”

“And I gather from all the screaming, Russia and China think we’re about to attack them and have mobilised their own militaries.”

“So when do we tell him that what we saw was the result of a seagull crapping on the lens?”

“Maybe we’ll leave it for a bit. They sounded very busy. Pint?”

“Yep.”

FF – First Date Mishap

October 20, 2021 53 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo appears to be a beautiful painting by Rochelle herself 🙂

“Goodness, a home-cooked meal!”

“I like to make an impression on a first date!”

“I’ll just add a bit of salt, pepper, some ketchup…”

What are you doing.

“Huh?”

You haven’t even tasted it yet.

“I, um…”

“Let me take a quick photo of you (snap) I just need to send a text, one sec…”

tappity tappity here is photo of target tappity tappity usual terms tappity tappity make it look like an accident tappity tap send

“… there we go. So, where were we? You were telling me about your job? It sounds fascinating!”

“Um.”

“Eat up!”

“Um.”

FF – Carousel of Doom!

October 14, 2021 55 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Brenda Cox.

I decided to use the American word (carousel) for the merry-go-round/roundabout, though I went for “candyfloss” as I draw the line at “cotton candy”.

Copyright Brenda Cox

The carousel began to spin as the last child clambered aboard. Parents looked on proudly, camera phones at the ready.

Brashnorag looked on, smiling. This was exactly what he’d come up from Hell for.

He snapped his fingers.

The carousel span faster and faster, leaving its once-sedate pace far behind. Children screamed as one by one they flew off.

One landed in a vat of candyfloss. Another in the arms of their parent. Yet another in a sandpit.

An afternoon of “miraculous escapes”.

Brashnarog smiled again. He may be a demon from the pits of Hell, but he wasn’t a complete bastard.

FF – Shops of Death

October 7, 2021 45 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Copyright Roger Bultot

“Look at this!”

“Boy, huge glasses. What’s that all about?”

“And all this, what would you call it?”

“Bric-a-brac.”

“Yep, bric-a-brac.”

“Trash.”

“What do they think they’re doing?”

“No idea. In fact, this whole high street is rubbish.”

“It’s a shit street.”

“Every shop a disaster.”

“Let’s go back to the car.”

Bric-a-brac shop calling all shops. We have been dissed. DESTROY THEM!

“Yes, Officer sob sob the shop sign just fell on him sob sob sliced his head clean off sob sob freak accident sob sob

FF – The Little Things

September 29, 2021 57 comments

Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

I nearly did quite a sombre thoughtful story, but luckily I caught myself just in time!

Copyright Dale Rogerson

“So the cult’s taken over this church?”

“Yes, Sarge.”

“Let’s take a look. See that flash of light in the steeple? Sniper.”

“Good spot, Sarge!”

“And that bump on the roof? Observation post.”

“Nice, Sarge!”

“And the way that tree’s branches aren’t moving with the wind? Hunter’s trap.”

“Wow!”

“Okay, I’m going in!”

Whuuuump! Aaaaargh!

“Ouch. Poor Sarge.”

“What happened, Constable?”

“Sir! It’s weird how the Sarge noticed the little things but not the big picture. Like that huge sign that says ‘Keep out – DANGER – minefield’.”

“Sounds like my wife.”

“Um. ‘Little things’ or ‘danger’, Sir?”

“Both, Constable. Both.”