Home > Fiction > Get Orf Moi Laaand!

Get Orf Moi Laaand!

It’s fake Friday and therefore time for Friday Fictioneers! This week’s photo, to which we are challenged to write roughly 100 words, has been contributed by Erin Leary and the whole shebang is hosted as always by the talented Rochelle.

The story I wrote for this week was nearly 200 words even once edited so I’ve done an altered cut-down version. I’ll keep the original and maybe post it some other time. No depth to this one, just a bit of silliness 🙂 .

To read others’ contributions, click on Bracken (the little blue froggy).

copyright-erin-leary-2

Copyright Erin Leary

 

“Don’t even think about it,” warned the farmer as he saw Bobby eying the fence. “That land belongs to Mad Frank.”

Bobby laughed and leapt over. “Hey, the grass really is greener over here!”

The farmer shook his head sadly.

A hillock opened, a device shot up and there was a loud roar. Bobby’s head exploded, spraying gore in all directions. As his lifeless body toppled over, a second hillock opened and a loudspeaker appeared.

“Get orf moi laaand!” it roared. “You have ten seconds to comply!”

“Classy. Missile first, then the warning,” mused the farmer, wiping brain matter from his face. “Real nutter, that Mad Frank.”

Categories: Fiction Tags: ,
  1. May 21, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    Hilarious! Are you sure you’re not American? Shoot first and ask questions later (sorry Yankee friends….)

    Like

    • May 21, 2014 at 7:07 pm

      Pretty sure! I think Mad Frank might be, though 🙂

      Like

  2. NotAPunkRocker
    May 21, 2014 at 7:17 pm

    Hey, I’m not a Yankee, I’m a Southerner!

    Considering I am in the training meeting from hell, I think I also would have taken my chances on Mad Frank’s land. 🙂

    Like

    • May 21, 2014 at 7:55 pm

      Wow, that must be one helluva meeting 😦
      I hope you make it through to the end okay. I’m off to bed as soon as Grey’s Anatomy finishes!

      Like

      • NotAPunkRocker
        May 21, 2014 at 8:04 pm

        Lucky, and goodnight!

        Like

      • May 21, 2014 at 8:13 pm

        Goodnight/afternoon!

        Like

  3. May 21, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    It sounds like quite normal behavior in some parts of the world.. great write..

    Like

  4. May 21, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Hahah ahw Drali.. still a bit on the darker side ey.. loving it though!! ah how I missed sphere! 🙂

    Like

  5. May 21, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    Yay gore!

    Like

  6. May 21, 2014 at 9:11 pm

    Oh you are bad, but disturbingly funny bad 😉

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 7:39 am

      I got the urge for some sudden un-called for violence 🙂

      Like

  7. May 21, 2014 at 11:25 pm

    Hilariously gory. Another good’un 🙂

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 7:39 am

      Humour and gore – a winning combination!

      Like

  8. May 22, 2014 at 12:24 am

    funny, gory, gross, fantastic. haha i like how the farmer just shook his head, looks like it’s the kind of thing that he sees everyday.
    love how you call Wednesday fake Friday. lol

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 7:40 am

      I did try to put across the idea that the farmer wasn’t too surprised. I’m guessing he’s seen this sort of thing before but this time Mad Frank has outdone himself 🙂

      Like

  9. May 22, 2014 at 4:12 am

    Yowza! Hope I never run across Mad Frank!!
    Great story 🙂

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 7:41 am

      He’s a real nutter, that Mad Frank 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  10. May 22, 2014 at 4:25 am

    Oh yuck what a visual mess. Lol

    Like

  11. May 22, 2014 at 5:17 am

    Mad Frank is completely BAD ASS, but yes a nutter indeed! Great descriptions here my friend – vivid and messy!
    ~ Andrea ❤

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 7:42 am

      Yeah, Mad Frank is the Man! In a totally homicidal way 🙂

      Like

  12. May 22, 2014 at 7:47 am

    Very funny! Kind of like a carnival game–only the targets are human 🙂

    BTW, is it “eying” or “eyeing”? I didn’t look it up–just thought it looked odd without the “e.”

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 7:53 am

      And since it was quite unfair to shoot first, very much like a carnival game!

      I just checked – both “eyeing” and “eying” are correct although I’m surprised I wrote it without the “e” – that’s a US alternative spelling apparently and to be honest I think it doesn’t look right!

      Like

      • May 24, 2014 at 12:17 am

        I’ve not seen it spelled eying, probably belongs to the crazy writer that lives in Cornwall.

        Like

      • May 24, 2014 at 4:32 am

        “Eying” is an American alternate spelling. I don’t know why I used it because “eyeing” looks so much better to me. Ah well, it caused some controversy!

        Like

  13. May 22, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    Well, THAT was pretty disgusting. 😀

    Well-written and, no, didn’t miss any edits at all. You did fine. I like that greener grass comment.

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      I was determined to get the “grass is greener” comment in!
      The original version was a lot more disgusting 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  14. May 22, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    Al, Another hilarious story although a bit messy. I feel like washing off my computer. 😀 Frank is well fortified. If it was a cartoon, the guy would scoop up his head and reform it like Daffy Duck with his beak. Well done. 🙂 —Susan

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      It was a bit messy, but I was in that sort of mood 🙂 But scooping up the head and reforming it sounds messier!

      Like

  15. May 22, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    That’s really imaginative. Excellent.

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 6:22 pm

      Thanks! A bit of dark humour for this week.

      Like

  16. May 22, 2014 at 7:11 pm

    Where can I get one of those missile launchers? Top story, it made me laugh.

    Like

    • May 22, 2014 at 7:37 pm

      At any good surplus store. You’ll need to build your own camouflaged hillock, though 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  17. May 22, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    I like fake Friday. Not sure what it says about me that I find this funny. I’m American but have yet to shoot anyone. As I’m getting older, I’d best get going!

    janet

    Like

    • May 23, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      You’re falling behind!
      I reckon it’s a good life if you don’t have to blow anyone away 🙂

      Like

  18. May 23, 2014 at 10:06 am

    I love Fake Friday – I think Rochelle should rename it Fake Friday Fiction from now on! The story was hilarious, like something out of a Viz comic. Brilliant stuff, you really made me laugh 😀

    Like

    • May 23, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      It is a bit “Viz”, isn’t it? Maybe Mad Frank is a more technologically advanced version of Viz’s “Raffles, the Gentleman Thug” 🙂
      I’m glad my Fake Friday Fiction story made you laugh!

      Like

    • May 24, 2014 at 9:34 am

      There are a few things I could rename it but I think we’ll stick with the original name, thankyouverymuch. 😉

      Like

      • May 25, 2014 at 5:20 am

        Yeah, let’s not mess with a good thing 🙂
        I think we should all adopt “Bracken” for the inkinkz froggy, though.

        Like

  19. May 23, 2014 at 10:28 am

    I need to employ this tactic with the kids who like to run through my yard……

    Just kidding everyone! Maybe….

    Like

    • May 23, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      I’ll send you the blueprints just in case… 🙂

      Like

  20. May 23, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    Ha!ha!I think I would love to meet Mad Frank-he knows how to do it right-some people never listen,do they? ;-)Great take Al! 🙂

    Like

    • May 23, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      It’s best to ask permission before visiting his house, though 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  21. May 23, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    eying I think this should be eyeing.

    This is grotesquely marvelous. Love the shoot first and warn later. It truly is so American (I’m sorry to say) The too late shout out from Mad Frank was a great surprise.

    Like

    • May 24, 2014 at 4:28 am

      “Eying” is a US alternate spelling, why I used it instead of “eyeing” I don’t know.

      A too-late warning it better than no warning at all, according to Mad Frank!

      Like

  22. May 23, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    Silly, but such drastic measures. I like your line, “The grass really is greener over here.” That made me laugh!

    Like

    • May 24, 2014 at 4:29 am

      I wanted to make it sound all normal before the sudden unwarranted violence 🙂

      Like

  23. May 24, 2014 at 12:22 am

    Gooey story, loved it!
    I hike back trails where I do climb fences, hmm. I WILL remember your story. Thanks for nothing, ha ha.

    Like

    • May 24, 2014 at 4:32 am

      You’ll always be keeping an eye on those hillocks just in case one suddenly springs open 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  24. May 24, 2014 at 9:47 am

    Dear Drailman, So, I guess you shouldn’t send your kids over to sell girl scout cookies or yellow trash bags. Well, I can spray my side of the fence just as green as Mad Frank did. How un-neighborly of him! Good story – really good! Nan 🙂

    Like

    • May 25, 2014 at 5:21 am

      Dear Nan,
      No, it’s probably best to stay clear of Mad Frank’s property. He’s certainly not the best of neighbours!
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!
      Ali

      Like

  25. May 24, 2014 at 9:47 am

    Dear Ali,

    Drastic measures. Yikes. For someone wiping brain matter off his face, the farmer seems quite calm and detached. Eew. Good one.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • May 25, 2014 at 5:23 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      I get the feeling the farmer has seen similar events unfold. I deliberately tried to get a contrast between the sudden violence and gore, and the complete indifference of the farmer.
      Ali

      Like

  26. May 24, 2014 at 10:08 am

    Wow! Clever and gruesome! that fence was very inspiring to you, but this 100 word version does the trick.

    Like

    • May 25, 2014 at 5:23 am

      It definitely looked like a boundary not to be crossed. Thanks for reading!

      Like

  27. May 24, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    A lot sillier too. XD

    Like

  28. May 24, 2014 at 11:54 pm

    Holy crap, he sure wipes brain matter off his person nonchalantly. That says more about this region than anything.

    Like

    • May 25, 2014 at 5:24 am

      Looks like this sort of thing isn’t all that unusual thereabouts!

      Like

  29. May 25, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    Gore and humor, good compo.

    Like

  30. Sun
    May 26, 2014 at 1:10 am

    well told story, Alistair, from the warning to the end. i almost heard the farmer say, “I told you so . . .” 🙂

    Like

    • May 26, 2014 at 7:59 am

      I don’t think this is the first violent end he’s seen courtesy of Mad Frank 🙂

      Like

  31. MrBinks
    May 26, 2014 at 8:07 am

    ED209 meets Last of the Summer Wine 😀

    Like

    • May 26, 2014 at 10:21 am

      Ha, very good! Funnily enough, with the robot and “you have 10 seconds to comply” Robocop did enter my mind. I can almost see Compo or Clegg fiddling with the control unit 🙂

      Like

  32. May 27, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Darkly hilarious. I love the farmer shaking his head sadly, knowing what is to come. There are plenty of Mad Frank’s in the world. Well told 🙂

    Like

    • May 27, 2014 at 4:56 pm

      I think he’s seen similar events unfold before. He seemed quite impressed by this one, though 🙂

      Like

  33. May 28, 2014 at 4:10 am

    Oh Jesus that scared the crap out of me. Then made me chuckle.

    Like

    • May 28, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      That was exactly the idea! Mission accomplished 🙂

      Like

  34. May 29, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    hysterical!

    Like

  35. May 29, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    question…where you at in Cornwall? we’re hitting St. Agnes in September.

    Like

    • May 30, 2014 at 6:46 am

      I live 20 miles from St Agnes and work 3 miles from St Agnes. We could meet up maybe!

      Like

      • May 30, 2014 at 3:54 pm

        no way! I had thought you lived in Scotland until I looked at your gravatar yesterday and noticed “Cornwall”
        Oh yes we should def meet up. As the dates get closer I will send along our itinerary/plans.

        Like

      • May 30, 2014 at 6:23 pm

        Sounds great! I’m looking forward to it 🙂

        Like

  36. June 7, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Hahahaha! Loved it! Horribly funny.

    Like

    • June 8, 2014 at 5:42 am

      There’s nothing like a a bit of totally unexpected violence for a good laugh (in my head anyway) 🙂

      Like

  37. June 16, 2015 at 2:18 am

    hahaha.. fair enough Mad Frank, point taken. He sounds like he’s got an Australia accent. particularly the war he say “moi laaaand”, sounds a bit ocka..

    Like

    • June 16, 2015 at 12:06 pm

      In my mind he’s South West England, but he could easily be Australian!

      Liked by 1 person

  38. June 16, 2015 at 2:18 am

    ‘n’

    Like

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