Home > Fiction > Mondays Finish the Story – What Are the Odds?

Mondays Finish the Story – What Are the Odds?

It’s time for Mondays Finish the Story! Which will never be on a Monday for me, as I only have an hour and a half free from 0600 until 2300. Mondays are nasty 😦

Fresh from not reading the instructions last week (I thought the supplied first sentence was included in the word count), this week I thought I had 200 words! Nope. So much frantic editing was done.

We get a photo prompt, the first sentence (which is in bold in my story below), and 150 words to tell our story, and you can see all the stories for this week here.

2014-12-08-bw-beacham

 

Donning her fins and snorkel, she headed out into the deep water. She knew she was foolish to dive alone. She knew she shouldn’t have ventured so far from the boat. Now she was tangled helplessly in the discarded net of a careless fisherman, deeper than she had ever been.

If she could only reach her diver’s knife! A few more centimetres…

Bracing herself, she twisted sharply, dislocating her shoulder. Screaming, she found her desperate manoeuvre had worked – she could now reach the blade. Sawing frantically, her air running out, she managed to free herself, pushing towards the surface, her injured arm dangling uselessly.

Her vision grew darker as oxygen starvation set in – only a few more metres. The surface, safety, grew closer, closer…

 

Their boat suddenly lurching, the startled exclamations of the tourists turned to screams as red blossomed past the glass underside of the boat, followed by a woman’s body as it was drawn inexorably toward the thrashing propellers.

  1. December 9, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    Ew. Minced person-meat! With tourists!

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 8:11 am

      Whirrrrr… crunch! Heh heh. I mean, oh dear.

      Like

  2. December 9, 2014 at 8:47 pm

    Did no one ever tell her: Never swim alone! 🙂 Well done, but poor tourists!

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 8:12 am

      Exactly, that’s the first rule.
      I guess this sort of thing really ruins a nice day out on a boat.

      Like

  3. NotAPunkRocker
    December 9, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    Like a dolphin in a tuna net…poor girl.

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 8:13 am

      I did have a reference to a dolphin in a tuna net but, alas, it was a victim of my word count issue.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. December 9, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    Eeeewwwwww. That is an image I don’t want floating about in my head… 😦

    Like

  5. December 9, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    Gruesome Alistair. Tense and anxious writing.

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 8:14 am

      Thanks. I tried to build suspense as much as possible given the word count.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. December 10, 2014 at 12:02 am

    Brutal! Good story! I did not expect that! Thank you for participating and I hope you will return for next week’s challenge! ^..^

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 8:15 am

      You’ll soon know to expect “nasty” endings from me 🙂 Although I haven’t killed nearly as many people as usual the last few weeks.

      Like

      • December 10, 2014 at 5:33 pm

        Nasty endings happen! AnElephantCant kills a lot of folks too in his stories! Stay tuned!

        Like

  7. Lyn
    December 10, 2014 at 12:27 am

    You had to put that last paragraph in didn’t you. You couldn’t just leave us in suspense could you. LOL should be used to your final twist by now 😀
    Excellent take on the prompt D-man.

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 8:16 am

      There is definitely a case for leaving off the last paragraph, but my brain likes a nice tidy (or messy in this case) ending 🙂
      Glad you liked it!

      Like

  8. December 10, 2014 at 3:01 am

    Sometimes it just isn’t your day, you know….

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 8:17 am

      Thousands of square miles of ocean, one boat… what are the odds? Quite high when I’m writing it 🙂

      Like

  9. December 10, 2014 at 3:51 am

    You really enthralled me with your descriptions, very vivid.

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 8:17 am

      Thanks, when I edited it I tried to leave as much description and suspense in as possible.

      Like

  10. December 10, 2014 at 9:00 am

    Ali, I just finished lunch here. I’m glad I didn’t read that “before” lunch. 😦 I repeat ewww. Foolish woman to swim alone in the deep. However, it worked out perfectly for your story. I may begin writing for those prompts. It seems interesting. 🙂 — Susan

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 9:03 am

      Almost slightly bad timing for you! Give the prompt a go 🙂
      She should definitely have taken a diving partner.

      Like

  11. December 10, 2014 at 11:27 am

    A gruesome way to go. Any kids on that boat are going to be scarred for life. Some of the adults too.

    Like

    • December 10, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      Most definitely. At least presumably the woman was unconscious before reaching the propellers.

      Like

  12. Rosalind Nazilli
    December 10, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    Well that was extraordinary. Following you now…xx

    Like

  13. December 11, 2014 at 5:41 am

    Great job!

    Like

  14. Calipatti
    December 13, 2014 at 6:58 am

    Jeeze DrAli, your in fine form. It’s a good thing she swam alone, one less person for you to chop and dice. No way would you had allowed one of them to live. Honestly.

    Like

    • December 13, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      At least she didn’t suffocate at the bottom of the sea 🙂

      Like

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