Evil Squirrel’s Competition – Grandpaw’s Story
Here is my entry for Evil Squirrel’s Fourth Annual Competition of Whatever.
He has been running a series called “Shelf Critter Theatre” and has invited us to have a go! We just need to anthropomorphise at least two objects and make sure that at least one isn’t using a personality ascribed to it by the media (for example a “Mickey Mouse” toy would have a different personality to that usually ascribed to “him”).
I think that’s correct, rule-wise. So here goes. Warning – it’s a bit rude and gory 🙂
Grandpup 1: Grandpaw, Grandpaw, tell us a story!
Grandpup 2: Yes, Grandpaw! Tell us about the time you got injured.
Grandpaw: I guess you’re old enough now, kids. Gather round and listen up. It was back in the Furry wars and I was a soldier.
Grandpup 1: A soldier? Wow!
Grandpaw: Yes! I’d just received a transfer to a new unit and I was very proud, yes, proud to be F.U.C.T.
Grandpup 1: Um, what did he just say?
Grandpup 2: I think he said…
Grandpaw: Yes, the Furry Unified Combat Troop. Tell you what, kids, I was previously a member of the Allied Research, Science and Exploration division. Boy, was I glad to put that acronym behind me!
Grandpup 1: Um…
Grandpaw (lost in his memories): Yes, everyone else was very jealous of me. I was the youngest soldier ever to be F.U.C.T… will you two stop giggling? Do you want to hear this story or not?
Grandpup 1: Sorry, Grandpaw.
Grandpup 2: Sorry.
Grandpaw: There were five of us chosen for the mission – myself, Sarge, Pengy, Tatty and Andy. We set out full of hope, single file to hide our numbers.
Grandpaw: Soon we reached our first hurdle – a vast mountain to climb down.
Grandpaw: This is where we lost a couple of team mates. Pengy was first, oh poor deluded Pengy…
(Pengy: I can fly down, I’m a bird!)
(Sarge: Pengy, no! Penguins can’t fly…)
Pengy: Wheeeeeeeee! SPLAT
Grandpaw: The rest of us took our time. Sarge was a great help.
Grandpaw: But Tatty took a tumble, landed on his head.
Grandpaw: At last we reached the bottom, but then we saw them coming…
Grandpup 1: Who, Grandpaw, who?
Grandpup 2: Yes, tell us Grandpaw, tell us!
Grandpaw: The Empire, that’s who. Shock troops, distant at first but coming closer, ever closer…
Grandpaw: … until soon we could see the whites of their bricks.
Grandpaw: That’s when we lost Sarge… he sacrificed himself… threw himself on top of them…
Grandpaw: (forgetting there were children present) …guts everywhere… blood… brains…
Grandpup 2: Urgh, I think I’m gonna… bleurghhhhhhh!
Grandpaw: Er, um, don’t tell your Mum about this… there were just two of us left, myself and Andy, when in a totally freak occurrence The Doctor showed up and decided to show off his sonic screwdriver. A wave of intense sound slammed into Andy. Everything ruptured…
Grandpaw: Realising his mistake, The Doctor swiftly left, leaving me alone.
Grandpaw: I tried to stop him, to make him pay but I tripped over and scuffed myself. And that’s the story of my injury, this scar on my paw.
Grandpup 1: That was a great story, Grandpaw, but…
Grandpup 2: … we were actually wondering about your eye.
Grandpaw: Oh, that! I got that years earlier, in ‘Nam.
Grandpup 1: You were in Vietnam? You really are old! How did it happen? The Vietcong? The NVA?
Grandpaw: No, kids. I was there ten years ago on holiday, got really drunk, slipped in the shower and poked it out on the tap.
Grandpup 1: Oh.
Grandpup 2: I liked your first story better.
Grandpaw: Me too kids. Me too. Now, give your old Grandpaw a kiss and off to bed with you!
The End
LOL storm troopers, Dr Who. Grandpaw is incredibly courageous. What a bear!!
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He takes on all-comers 🙂
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Wow, what a story. I never knew stuffed toys sometimes lived such hazardous lives. Good writing, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne
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It’s a secretly dangerous life, being a teddy bear 🙂
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LOL that’s good. You do realise however that I am going to have to divorce you as a friend…..you killed PENGY!!!!
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He’s all splattered! No, it’s okay, we used special effects. I had to chuck him down the stairs three times to get the shot. I mean, “pretend” to chuck him down the stairs three times…
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Ok you’re making it worse lol
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Bwahahaha 🙂
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F.U.C.T. Brilliant! 🙂
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Hee 🙂
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You can write a book on this Ali… loved it!
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I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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Hahaha! Grandpaws and their stories to their grandpups!
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How much of it really happened, I wonder…
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LOL!! By the pictures, it looks like it might have happened!
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Awww, who doesn’t love Grandpaw’s half baked old war stories? Another great entry, complete with great visual effects and lots of the usual death and mayhem! And Puppies on a Roll! Thanks for taking the time to put this together, and good luck in the contest!
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It had everything 🙂
I don’t know how you find the time to do one of these every week!
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Quite frankly, neither do I! In fact, I’ll probably be bringing back Prompt the Squirrel soon just to give me a SCT breather…
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It is pretty time-consuming!
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I want your POLICE box. I want it. I want to live in it and take to the time waves 🙂
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It’s actually part of a whole TARDIS inside set. With little Lego Daleks and Weeping Angels and everything 🙂
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LOL! Great play! Who knew the lives of stuffies were so action filled? We should take a minute to remember all those lost in the furry wars…………okay, now we can go back to giggling over Grandpaw’s shower mishap. 😀
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It was a sad time for furry-kind. And after coming through all that relatively unscathed, Grandpaw has an unfortunate shower-related accident 😦
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Silly, great visual aids and creative. 🙂
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I’m glad you liked my bit of fun 🙂
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Love it. Silly grandpaw telling the wrong story first.
I hate to think how long this took you to create.
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It did take a little wee while. I’m glad you enjoyed it, makes the time spent worthwhile 🙂
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You have outdone yourself! There should be a special category at BAFTA, Academy Awards and SAFA (Stuffed Animal Furry Awards)! 😀
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That should definitely be a thing! I’m glad you enjoyed my entry 🙂
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Too cute. You had me laughing out loud – or wanting to laugh out loud but I’m not alone.
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Let it out! I’m glad you liked it, the furries were also pleased to be in the spotlight 🙂
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They are so cute
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They are 🙂
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Yes
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Geez! Ali, your creativity knows no bound. This is adorably great!!!
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Thanks! You can’t go wrong with stuffed toys 🙂
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Haha indeed!
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I’m impressed by all the work you put into this! Love the photos! 😀
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It took a while! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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😁
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Fun, fun, fun. I loved this blog.
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I’m glad you enjoyed my fun little story 🙂
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Reading that was a great start to my day. Now I’m in a really good mood. A fun story, with great pictures to illustrate it. Well done! 😃
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I’m glad you enjoyed it! It took a while to do but was fun to put together 🙂
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You make an excellent director – as well as producer and cameraman! Oh, I forgot playwright, too. 😀
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It’s off to Hollywood for me and the furries 🙂
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That was great! lol… Good Luck! 🙂 T.
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Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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The best Grandpaw story ever told! You are always so good with the abbreviations, you could make a living as a consultant 😉
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There’s real money to made in the re-branding industry 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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MOL…that really was fun. Someone brought the stuff alive and guess what, Draliman, we pictured it all 😀 Purrfect! Just purrfect 🙂 Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend 🙂 ❤
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I’m glad you enjoyed the furry adventures 🙂 You have a lovely weekend too!
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