draliman on life

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

For the parents in the crowd: What would be the absolute worst name you might give your child? If you’re not a parent (I’m not), then what’s the worst name you could give your pet?
There are all sorts of awful names one could choose, so I’m going to pick the name Phoebe from Friends changed her name to in one episode – “Princess Consuela Banana Hammock”.

What mildly annoying curse might you wish you could curse annoying people with?
I think I’d pick a hilarious word and make them say that instead of quite a common word.

“Barman, I’d like a pint of your best picklespanks, please. No, I mean picklespanks. Picklespanks. Picklespanks. Dammit. Lime and lemonade.”

What’s the weirdest thing you did as a child?
I don’t remember doing anything “weird”, as such. I once had a little accident where I was swinging a golf club in the front garden. I let it go and it flew majestically through the air and smashed through the neighbour’s upstairs window. Heh heh.

Do you believe things happen for a reason or are random?
I believe things just happen. But believing “things happen for a reason” can help when something awful happens.

And finally, in the spirit of New Year’s: What’s a resolution (if you make them, I don’t) you’re making for the New Year? How confident are you in keeping it a reasonable amount of time?
I don’t make resolutions. I’m (a) too lazy to have to actually do whatever it is and (b) I don’t want to feel guilty about not doing it.

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What traditional Christmas decoration is actually a parasitic plant?
Tinsel. It eats away at your very soul even as it beautifies your tree.

No, that doesn’t sound right. Mistletoe, then.

Name something about this holiday season (whatever version you may celebrate) that most people like, but you dislike?
Mince pies. They’re full of mincemeat. I like mince. I like meat. Mincemeat is neither of those things. Mince pies promise both but don’t deliver. Damn you, stupid lying Christmas snacks.

What’s your favourite – or least favourite – song sung traditionally at this time of year?
On the radio and in supermarkets you can’t escape Jona Lewie’s “Stop the Cavalry”, from December 1980. It’s not Christmas until Jona Lewie fires up. It’s a real traditional Christmas song, all about being stuck in the trenches during the war and not being able to get home for Christmas.

Actually – it’s not really a Christmas song at all, is it. Hey hum.

In the song “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” what “incriminating” evidence was found on Grandma’s back?
I’m vaguely aware of the song, I think it’s an American favourite. Given the title, I’m going to go with reindeer hoof prints.

Finally: What would you like to share with the world, if time or cost were no object?
I would like to share my plan for the end of violence. Everyone would get a games console and would shoot each other online instead. And if people got bored and decided to try some real-world violence, they would find that months of sitting on the couch eating snacks and playing games had eroded their health to the point that they were no longer capable of hurting anybody.

I have written to the UN but have sadly received no response.

Merry Christmas, everybody 🙂

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your (Merry) World.

What’s the worst topping you could put on popcorn?
Pretty much anything, as popcorn is the food of the devil.

To be fair to popcorn, as a little kiddie I ate far too much at a circus or fairground and was violently ill. Now, even the thought of popcorn makes me feel queasy.

In what country did Silent Night originate?
I want to say Germany. But that’s probably just because I’m so familiar with the German version (Stille Nacht). I shall now ask the font of all knowledge.

I was close! A German-speaking country – Austria.

How would you react if there was irrefutable proof that God doesn’t exist? How about if there was irrefutable proof that God does exist?
Ooh, I don’t like either of those scenarios. It would change the world in horrible ways. And according to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, if the existence of God were proven, God would logically cease to exist!

People need something to believe and have faith in and many people choose God. If God’s existence were either proven or disproven (and everyone believed the proof), that’s the end of belief and faith in his existence.

That would set the cat among the pigeons and no mistake.

What is the scariest non-banned item you could take on to a plane?
I’m not entirely sure what’s banned these days, but the scariest item I’ve seen someone else take on a plane was one of those sticks to hold your hair up. It looked very sharp. How is that not considered a lethal weapon?

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What are the most important lesson(s) you’ve learned in life?
I’ve learned tons of really profound things. Don’t run with scissors. Don’t leave a heater balanced precariously on the edge of the bath regardless of how cold the bathroom is. Important stuff.

How did you meet your husband/wife or significant other? How did you know he/she was “the one”?
Ah, yes. My significant other. I wasn’t sure but everyone at work told me to go for it. So I did! How did I know my significant other was “the one”? When I saw those graphics. Magic! Me and my PlayStation 4 are very happy together, thanks for asking.

If you could take a year-long paid sabbatical, what would you do?
I’d get bored, I would imagine. And I’d feel guilty the whole time because getting paid for doing nothing doesn’t feel right.

What is your favourite thing to buy at a movie theatre concession stand?
One sec while I run that through the translator… ah, yes, the little shop in the cinema that sells coffee and popcorn.

Nothing. I buy nothing from the little shop in the cinema that sells coffee and popcorn.

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

If your five year old self woke up in your current body, what would happen, what would you say?
I (my five year old self) would say something like “Ooh, what dose aches evewywhere, dis not good, where my mummy? Waaah who dat in da miwwor, dat not me!”

What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Whether you are talking about a romantic one, a friendship or a related to sort of relationship?
When she comes at me with a kitchen knife. That’s generally when I start to feel that things aren’t going to work out.

Is there something out there, a thought, an idea, a current event, or a fear that you find deeply unsettling?
Pretty much everything 😦

If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?
Ooh, how mysterious! No explanation, eh? That sounds like some sort of national security thing. How exciting! I’ll probably just disappear without a trace. My friends and family would be clueless, clueless I say!

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Are you an early to bed, early to rise person, a night owl and day sleeper/dozer, or an ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’ person?
It’s early to bed, early to rise for me. Roughly 10pm to 6am on a school night. I do have a nap after lunch when I’m not working, though. I do enjoy my afternoon nap 🙂

What are some misconceptions about your hobby, should you have a hobby?
People think that those like me who spend all their time on the PlayStation, eschewing all social real-world contact, are sad pathetic loners. This couldn’t be further from the truth! I fully intend to talk to a real person one day. Maybe even in the new year!

So there.

A penguin walks through the door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?
The poor, confused little guy. All out of place, miles from the chilly Antarctic wastes. His friends must be worried about him.  I’ll invite him in for dinner.

Mmm, tastes like chicken.

Only kidding 🙂 I’d phone the Royal Society for the Repatriation of Penguins and get him home.

Aliens have landed… do they come in peace?
Probably. But, being humans, we decided not to take the chance so we blew them up as they came in for a landing. Hopefully they didn’t get off a call to their mothership…

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Is there one post on your site that is really special to you?
Not special as such. There are some little stories I like, but who knows which ones? Not me.

How do you deal with negative people?
I tell myself, “Be positive, dude. You’re bringing the world down. Think positive and shit.” That helps to de-negatise me.

I don’t really know any negative people who aren’t me.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning?
The same as everyone else. Bathroom time! Then it’s about what I need to do when I get to work. If it’s not a work day I don’t really think about anything.

Would you rather be able to talk with the animals or speak all foreign languages?
Unless I got a job as a UN interpreter, talking all foreign languages would be a bit of a waste. I’d never get the chance to use most of it. But animals are everywhere! I’d use them as my eyes and ears. Go little spider, go and find out what’s really happening behind closed doors bwahahahaha for information is POWER bwahahahaha.

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World. It’s a maxi-length Halloween special this week so I’ll try to keep my answers short! Melanie has done a special spooky SYW banner too especially for the occasion 🙂

Name something you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark forest or in an abandoned building.
Justin Bieber in full song.

Share the creepiest thing that’s ever happened while you were alone.
It was there somewhere, lurking in the shadows. Was I tracking it or was it stalking me? Huge, an efficient killer. Just one of these things had killed my entire crew, acid for blood, huge jaws… no, wait, that’s Sigourney Weaver’s Ellen Ripley out of Alien, not me at all.

What would you like your last words to be?
What bus aaaargh…

Do you believe in any ‘mythical’ monsters like chupacabras or shadow people?
I’ve never heard of “shadow people” but they sound very cool, so I definitely believe in them.

How long do you think you would last in a horror movie?
Straight away I’d suggest splitting up and then I’d pop outside to have a bit of a look around armed only with the light on my mobile phone. It wouldn’t be long before I ended up strapped to a garden chair with my guts all over the lawn.

Are you afraid of or find clowns creepy?
I’m in the “creepy” camp.

In the zombie apocalypse, what would be your weapon of choice?
We need to destroy the brain. A baseball bat would work but a sword would be better. Good for stabbing and slashing. Chop their legs off and they can’t run after you.

Have you ever had your tarot cards read?
Nope!

Anyone know the reason behind putting candles in jack-o-lanterns?
To make them look cooler and spookier?

Do you think putting special emphasis on certain holidays – like Halloween is ‘spooky’ for example — is a good idea or just more mindless entertainment for the masses?
This happens to a lot of days. Halloween, formerly All Hallows Eve (the eve of All Saints Day), formerly the Celtic festival of Samhain has become an evening for kiddies to dress up and get sweets. Christmas (formerly the Roman festival of Saturnalia) has become a day to see family, eat a lot and give/receive presents. There’s no harm it it, I guess.

I’ve been trying to work out why people keep referring to Halloween as a “holiday” and then it struck me – since the English word “holiday” usually translates into American as “vacation”, I guess the American word “holiday” has a slightly different meaning.

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

Name two books that have influenced you and share how.
The first book has to be “Off to Play”, by ground-breaking author Mabel O’Donnell. It’s  basically a minimalist treatise on the surface simplicity of life in 1950/60s England, but the dark undertones quickly become obvious. Here’s an extract from the beginning of the book:

“This is Janet. This is John. This is Mother. This is Father. See Janet, Mother. See Janet play. This is Father. See John and Father.”

See how it’s already polarised along gender-specific lines? I mean, blimey. Deep or what?

The second book is “Geometric Multiplication of Vectors: An Introduction to Geometric Algebra in Physics (Compact Textbooks in Mathematics)” by Miroslav Josipovic. I don’t understand any of the words but it has lots of cool pictures of shapes and stuff.

In your opinion, where is the line between art and not art? 
That line is in an individual’s head. Everyone likes something different. For example, take one of the most famous works of art in the world, the Mona Lisa. But why? Countless people go to see it every year and stare at it in awe. They see it as art, I see it as some old painting. I don’t get the “brilliance” of it.

Trivia for Halloween: What item is banned only during Halloween from 12am October 31st to 12pm November 1st in Hollywood California? (I know the answer, but I do not have any idea WHY)… c’mon… hazard a guess!
What could it be? What could it be?

Film cameras. Car chases. Stunt doubles. Socks. Kitchen utensils. Small dogs in handbags. Okay, I’ll look it up.

It’s aerosol string (usually sold as brand “Silly String”). After a reported US$200,000 clean-up operation one Halloween, the stuff got itself banned 🙂

What is something that really annoys you but doesn’t bother most people?
Teaspoons thrown carelessly onto the draining board at work. The people – animals – responsible will be hunted down like dogs, dragged in chains back to the kitchen and forced to clean, dry and put them away properly like what they’re supposed to.