Home > Fiction > The Great Escape

The Great Escape

It’s Mondays Finish the Story time here on draliman’s blog. This is hosted by Barbara Beacham in which we get a photo and a starting sentence and have to write a 100-150 word story (not counting the starting sentence).

Click on the little blue froggy to see all this week’s contributions. The supplied starting sentence is in bold in my story. It’s a little bit o’ dialogue this week.



They finally made their escape. Unfortunately, they were now stuck in a ditch.

“Moron!” yelled Teddy.

“Idiot!” yelled Brian.

They sat in silence for a moment.

“What now?” asked Teddy. “They’ll catch us for sure.”

“Try it again,” said Brian.

Teddy pushed the pedal. The wheels spun. The truck didn’t move.

“We’re dead,” moaned Brian. “They’ll catch us, then they’ll kill us.”

“Or they’ll lock us away forever,” added Teddy.

They stared at each other.

“Maybe if you got out and pushed?”

You get out and push!” yelled Brian.

More silence.

“Let’s get out of here,” said Teddy finally.

“Too late,” said Brian, looking behind them.

Racing up the road came Mr Jenkins in his tracksuit. Much further back was Mr Hawkins, huffing and puffing and clutching his chest.

“Idiot children!” yelled Mr Jenkins. “You could’ve been killed! We’re calling your parents, then it’s detention FOR LIFE!”

“Said so,” mumbled Teddy sadly. “Locked up forever.”

  1. January 19, 2015 at 8:24 pm



  2. January 19, 2015 at 8:44 pm

    Grounded…just like me 😀 Pawkisses 🙂 ❤


  3. January 19, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    Lovely set up and great voices. I’d be asking how it is the wayward teachers allowed those two to get into a vehicle. And as for threatening detention for life. Honestly, adults are so stupid. They’ll all have left school before life’s over.


    • January 19, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      I’m guessing someone left their keys lying around.
      Some adults love hyperbole, especially when they’re real mad 🙂
      Glad you liked it!


  4. January 19, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    I think I am still grounded when I did that! LOL! Great dialog! Thank you for participating and stay tuned for next Monday’s challenge! Be well! ^..^


    • January 20, 2015 at 1:12 pm

      You should still be grounded if you did that 🙂
      Looking forward to next week’s challenge!


  5. January 19, 2015 at 9:16 pm

    Ah the hyperbole of youth 🙂 They probably deserve detention for life.


  6. January 19, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    Funny story, Ali. It reminds me of hearing how in high school the driving teacher got out for some reason and the students took off without him. They said he was running behind and shouting. Poor man. 🙂 — Suzanne


    • January 20, 2015 at 1:12 pm

      I wish I’d seen that, it sounds hilarious 🙂


      • January 25, 2015 at 3:03 pm

        I heard some of the class laughing about it. It wasn’t during my class. He was such a nice man I felt a little sorry for him, but it was still hilarious. 😀


  7. January 19, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    Very good, enjoyed this one. Kids will be kids.


    • January 20, 2015 at 1:13 pm

      Glad you liked it! Just a part of growing up 🙂


  8. NotAPunkRocker
    January 19, 2015 at 11:58 pm

    So very glad I didn’t have to deal with this situation with M.

    His cousin, on the other hand… 🙂


  9. January 20, 2015 at 3:09 am

    That would be a great way to keep troubled kids from becoming troubled adults…. detention for LIFE! The only way they’ll be leaving the school basement is in a coffin…


    • January 20, 2015 at 1:14 pm

      Now I have an image of a bunch of aged men rambling around a basement under a school somewhere.


      • January 20, 2015 at 1:33 pm

        Yes! Wearing the same outfits that all of the other little hooligans of the 1930’s wore… only they probably wouldn’t fit as well now!


        • January 20, 2015 at 1:46 pm

          Now my mental image has become more vivid and massively creepier 🙂


      • January 21, 2015 at 5:10 am

        DrAli … story, story, story about basement boys, please.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. January 20, 2015 at 4:53 am

    Typical teenagers! You captured it perfectly!


  11. January 20, 2015 at 6:08 am

    Such cool dialog. I really liked it. My daughter was grounded for life once when she dress up in black goth clothing with skull and crossbones for an interview at a Christian middle school. Those were the days. She’s married with kids now and her turn will come before long. Ha Ha.


    • January 20, 2015 at 1:15 pm

      Ha, I wish I could have seen the interviewers’ faces (if she made it that far, or did you catch her in time?) 🙂


      • January 20, 2015 at 6:46 pm

        No. I was working and she was to bicycle to the interview so I had no idea until I got the letter telling me “…she would be a bad influence on the other.” When I asked her what that meant, she fessed up. Glad those days are passed.


  12. January 20, 2015 at 7:25 am

    Hmm … cute.
    I applaud gutsy kids. I’m sick.


    • January 20, 2015 at 1:15 pm

      There’s a fine line between gutsy and naughty!


  13. gentlestitches
    January 20, 2015 at 9:56 am

    HaHa! I needed a laff! 😀


  14. January 20, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Great! Love to know what they did. The “Detention for life” priceless for adults not knowing what else to do!


    • January 20, 2015 at 1:16 pm

      I’m sure they were exaggerating… 😉


  15. Caerlynn Nash
    January 20, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    Thanks for the morning chuckle! Well done!


    • January 20, 2015 at 1:16 pm

      Glad you liked it and it made you smile 🙂


  16. January 20, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    Liked the tension and the twist. Very cool.


  17. January 20, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    Superb inter-peer dialogue ~ Then the approach of the pursuers panting for breath ~A great story ~ Lines and detention all round 🙂


    • January 20, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked their interactions.
      I figured one of the teachers could be PE (phys. ed.) in the tracksuit so the other must be some out of shape maths teacher or something 🙂


  18. January 20, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    Great dialogue and very funny. Is this, by any chance, based on one of your own boyhood escapades? Haha. I love the repeated idea – ‘locked up forever.’ Nice one.


    • January 20, 2015 at 8:57 pm

      Ha, no. I was a good little boy 😉
      I’m glad you liked the “locked up forever” thing – I had to cut a few other words to make sure I got that in.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. January 20, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    Major Time Out!



  20. January 20, 2015 at 11:12 pm

    Love this! Typical kids making mischief. 🙂 You catch their voices really well.


  21. January 22, 2015 at 7:04 am

    Ha, boarding schools is as good as prison


    • January 22, 2015 at 8:31 am

      These boys certainly thought so. It doesn’t sound like they made it very far in their escape attempt, though! If I’d had more words, I would have described how one was steering and one working the pedals, but sadly my 150 words ran out.


  22. January 23, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    Haha! Loved the dialog in this. I can picture it easily. Gave me a good laugh. 🙂


    • January 24, 2015 at 6:46 am

      I can see the boys thinking “We’re gonna be in so much trouble” and wondering if possibly it wasn’t such a great idea as it seemed at the start.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Speak to me - I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: