Home > Fiction > Local Indifference

Local Indifference

Here is my story for Mondays Finish the Story, a weekly photo prompt by Barbara Beacham in which we also get an opening sentence. We get 150 words not counting the supplied sentence, in bold in my story below, which is called “Local Indifference”.

2015-02-09-bw-beacham

 

 

Dropping her line into Fool’s Lake, she patiently waited for something to bite. The two old men watched her as she fished.

“Only a fool fishes in Fool’s Lake,” said one.

“Aarr,” agreed the other.

Without any warning a huge creature shot out of the water, raking the woman’s belly and clamping its jaws on her head. The two men watched, shaking their heads.

“’Tis a terrible shame,” said the first.

“Aarr,” agreed the other, puffing his pipe as the woman’s headless corpse toppled forward. “‘Tis not safe, Fool’s Lake.”

The first man nodded as they watched the feeding frenzy, small piranha-like creatures tearing into the woman’s entrails as they dribbled into the water.

“Third one this week. It’s loike thar’s an endless supply o’ tourists.”

“Aarr, ‘tis a shame,” agreed the second.

Some time passed as the two puffed their pipes. Then the second man spoke again.

“Oi hear thar’s a whole bus o’ tourists due in tomorra’.”

“Oi heard that too,” agreed the first. “’Twill be a shame.”

“Aarr, a terrible shame.”

 

  1. February 9, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    Hahaha, I think reading your flash fiction is the high light of my day. You would think someone would post a sign “No Fishing” 😆

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 10:07 am

      Where would be the fun in having a sign? 🙂 Glad you liked it (and my other flash fiction)!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. NotAPunkRocker
    February 9, 2015 at 8:28 pm

    Haven’t they heard of warning signs?!

    Or maybe the locals lure the tourists in so they will be sacrificed to the lake creatures? Kind of like “The Wicker Man” with fishing yields vs. crops. 🙂

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 10:07 am

      Someone needs to feed the lake creatures – better the tourists than the locals 🙂

      Like

  3. February 9, 2015 at 9:12 pm

    Too many tourists. Too little time 😀

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 10:08 am

      They’ll have a heck of a job finishing off a whole coach-load tomorrow 🙂

      Like

  4. February 9, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    Haha–nice use of repetition. Great story.

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 10:09 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you noticed that.

      Like

  5. February 9, 2015 at 10:28 pm

    I’m glad I never liked to fish. 😛

    Like

  6. February 9, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    Very good I love the use of the vernacular, well done. Being a tourist can have its dangers.

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 10:10 am

      Especially at Fool’s Lake! I’m glad you liked it.

      Like

  7. Lyn
    February 9, 2015 at 11:45 pm

    And here was I just yesterday thinking I’d love to go fishing. I think I’ll stick to tiddlywinks 😀
    I love the conversation between the two old codgers. I can just see them sitting watching the dumb tourists.

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 10:16 am

      Yeah, stick to tiddlywinks 🙂
      I can see them too, puffing away on their pipes and commenting on the horrific goings-on.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. February 9, 2015 at 11:49 pm

    LOL! Good story! I won’t ever fish at Fool’s Lake again without thinking of that your story! Thank you for participating again, and see you next week! Be well…. ^..^

    Like

  9. February 9, 2015 at 11:58 pm

    Props for using twill as a verb. 😉

    Like

  10. February 10, 2015 at 12:18 am

    OMG!! That is so terrible it’s funny! I don’t mean terrible writing, I mean blood, guts, and gore. Hahaha!!!

    Like

  11. February 10, 2015 at 12:37 am

    OH, oh, this was funny!

    Like

  12. February 10, 2015 at 2:14 am

    You come up with the most interesting takes on these prompts. This was especially gruesome.

    Thanks!

    DJ

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 10:25 am

      I thought it was about time I did a slightly more gruesome story!

      Like

  13. February 10, 2015 at 2:59 am

    Gotta love local spectator sports…

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 10:25 am

      It’s more fun than participating in this case.

      Like

  14. February 10, 2015 at 5:55 am

    Finally, DrAli is back to blood and gore. You are in fine form, awesome dialogue.
    You’ve ruined some of my hiking trails with cliffs and crazy farmers. Thank goodness I don’t fish often.

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 10:27 am

      I thought it was time to get back to a bit of gore. It’s been a while!
      I’m glad I haven’t spoiled another pastime for you 🙂

      Like

  15. February 10, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Ali, you’re becoming the blood and gore man in residence. Your dark streak has struck again. Hilarious even though gory. 😀 I love your Cornwell language. You’re from there so have the right to use it. Well done once again. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 11:59 am

      Yes, it was back to the “dark” this week with a bit of dark humour thrown in!
      I would be worried about using most regional accents in case I offended someone and/or messed it up but as you say I can definitely use the Cornish one 🙂

      Like

  16. February 10, 2015 at 11:36 am

    Wow! That is a lake I never want to go near. Great way to cure tourist over-population in the summers. Enjoyed it.

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 11:59 am

      Got to keep the numbers down! I’m glad you liked it.

      Like

  17. February 10, 2015 at 1:01 pm

    Ah …… Fish feed. Just thinking – will eating those fishes make the eater cannibal (provided one of the tourists turns the table)? Loved this one.

    Like

    • February 10, 2015 at 1:26 pm

      Urgh, that doesn’t bear thinking about! Glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. February 10, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    This is funny and gruesome all in one, and I loved it. I particularly liked the dialogue and the burr of the West-Country dialect. The two old men are great. I sincerely hope the lake filled with piranha-like fish is a figment of your imagination! Hahaha. Very enjoyable read!

    Like

    • February 11, 2015 at 12:44 pm

      It is a figment of my imagination, yes 🙂
      I’m glad you liked my two old West County codgers! Funny and gruesome was what I was going for.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. February 10, 2015 at 8:53 pm

    This is so funny! Their calm conversation as the woman is so horribly eaten creates a fascinating dichotomy, Well done. 🙂

    Like

    • February 11, 2015 at 12:45 pm

      I have an image of them calmly discussing the horrific scene as they puff away on their pipes. Nothing fazes them any more!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. February 11, 2015 at 12:03 am

    you are writing of far north queensland right? 😀

    Like

    • February 11, 2015 at 12:45 pm

      Wow, sounds like a dangerous place to go fishing or swimming!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. February 11, 2015 at 9:10 am

    Awesome! Who’s fishing for whom over at your Fool’s Lake? 😀 NVaughn7

    Like

  22. February 11, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    Love it even though it is gross. 🙂

    Like

  23. February 13, 2015 at 8:02 am

    OMC ..where did you say this lake was…MOL 😀 Pawkisses 🙂 ❤

    Like

    • February 13, 2015 at 1:47 pm

      Don’t worry, it’s nowhere near you! You can pop your paws in the water and fish in safety 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  24. February 14, 2015 at 12:31 am

    There’s my gore fix for the day! Here I was thinking it was time for ‘The walking dead’. Put me in mind of the crazies who insist of fishing in croc infested waters of northern australia….

    Like

    • February 14, 2015 at 6:45 am

      You’re the second person to mention northern Australia in relation to this story. It sounds like it’s full of all sorts of dangerous creatures 🙂

      Like

      • February 14, 2015 at 9:33 am

        So they keep telling us. They had to put down a 60-70yrold croc cause he ate someone recently. Not a frequent occurrence but not unheard of.

        Liked by 1 person

  25. February 15, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    I bet this pair will entertain themselves watching the busload cast and get chewed. Great voices of indifference.

    Like

    • February 15, 2015 at 5:20 pm

      For sure. They’ll probably bring a picnic!
      I’m glad you got the indifference – that’s exactly what I was going for.

      Like

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Speak to me - I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: