Home > Fiction > FF – The Day Brian Killed the World

FF – The Day Brian Killed the World

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, the weekly 100 word flash fiction challenge headed up by Rochelle over at Addicted to Purple. This week’s photo comes courtesy of Connie Gayer, or Mrs Russell:-).

I could have done with another 50 words for this one, but them’s the breaks. Hopefully I haven’t stripped out too much. And I thought this was a pipe rather than a wire at first glance.

To read this week’s other stories, click the blue froggy.

Copyright Connie Gayer

Copyright Connie Gayer

 

“What’s that?” asked Brian.

“Dunno. Some pipe. There’s a sign. What’s it say?”

“No idea.” Brian tugged at the pipe until one end came free. With a sound reminiscent of air escaping a balloon, Earth deflated to the size of a marble. Trees, cars and dead people floated off into space.

“WHAT A MESS!” boomed a voice from the darkness. “I’M NOT CLEANING THIS UP. WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PLANET?” The Angelic Host appeared. One of their number raised a wing.

“Me,” he mumbled. “But, but, I left a sign. Look!”

Emergency Planet Release Valve
Authorised Angelic Personnel Only

DO NOT TOUCH!

 

  1. November 5, 2015 at 9:11 pm

    That’s a very large “OOPS!” Sorry about that 😀

    Like

    • November 5, 2015 at 9:13 pm

      People will muck about with things 🙂

      Like

  2. November 5, 2015 at 9:38 pm

    Hehehe … wish we had such warning signs at least some people would be stopped. The face of a puzzled angel was fun to imagine

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 7:48 am

      Unfortunately when some people see a warning sign they want to know will happen if they ignore it…
      Angels don’t get puzzled very often, so I expect that expression was a new one on the Host 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. November 5, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    Amusing version of the Life of Brian!

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 7:50 am

      Ha, yes! True story – there’s still a town in England where The Life of Brian is banned for public showing due to its blasphemous nature (I assume) :-). I think it’s Bournemouth.

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 6, 2015 at 8:45 am

        Pathetic. So much for freedom.

        Like

      • November 6, 2015 at 1:50 pm

        Yeah. And so long afterwards as well.

        Like

  4. November 5, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    too bad. it must be that brian couldn’t read. 😦

    Like

  5. November 6, 2015 at 1:01 am

    Haha! I love it. Signs really just don’t work as well as they ought to. You really gave me a laugh. Nice one!

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 7:51 am

      There are so many signs these days a lot of them get ignored…
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. November 6, 2015 at 3:31 am

    Signs are only good if you can see them… This got a good chuckle from me.

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 7:51 am

      After all these years I expect it was covered with mud and all faded 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. November 6, 2015 at 5:49 am

    LOLmost entertaining. 👼

    Like

  8. November 6, 2015 at 6:13 am

    I’ll bet the lawyers would be all over the gross negligence on the part of the angels to properly warn of the dangers of pulling that pipe were they not all floating in space right now…

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 7:53 am

      Yeah! Where were the backup systems? The abort procedures? Why was the sign written in Angel?

      Like

  9. November 6, 2015 at 8:16 am

    I think we’re doomed if that valve is where I am. Cables, pipes, whatever are regularly whacked by day workers who are just told “Dig.” Also, if it’s made of metal, it’s fair game. Metal is worth money. Hilarious, Ali. Well done. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 1:47 pm

      I was originally going to write that Brian had reached “the most inaccessible point on Earth” when he found the valve but ran out of words. So I think we’re safe 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  10. November 6, 2015 at 8:24 am

    Very funny! I loved the image of an angel raising a wing, accepting responsibility. Well done for a zany take on the prompt that had my mental image processing faculties working at full tilt.

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 1:49 pm

      I’m glad you liked it! It’s strange where my brain takes me sometimes… 🙂

      Like

  11. November 6, 2015 at 11:29 am

    Act first and read signs later, that’s my motto. And all this time I thought only politicians were filled with hot air. I wish I could find their release valves.

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 1:51 pm

      Hah, that would be fun, let some of their hot air out!
      Signs just get in the way of a good time. They’re always warning against or prohibiting something or other.

      Like

  12. November 6, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    Dear Ali,

    I was the sign maker for a local grocery chain and I’m here to tell you that people don’t read them. Way to go, Brian. BTW I hear Look on the Bright Side without thinking of Life of Brian. LOL Jehovah!

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 1:53 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      Signs are everywhere – we can’t possibly read them all! Especially if they were written a billion years ago and penned in “Ancient Angel” 🙂
      Ali

      Like

  13. November 6, 2015 at 1:50 pm

    Oh, I just love this write! I’m going to have to share this one with my Pastor. We’re studying Revelations this week. He’ll have a cow! (not literally, just slang). He’ll love it! Thanks for sharing it,

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 1:57 pm

      I did worry just a little bit before clicking “publish” that I was being a bit blasphemous 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it! (I’m familiar with the term “have a cow” – I think I picked it up off “The Simpsons” – thanks, Bart!)

      Like

  14. November 6, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    ha ha, love it 🙂

    Like

  15. November 6, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    ha ha. This is a very imaginative take on the prompt. I like the image of the Angel lifting up his wing. Nicely done 🙂

    Like

    • November 6, 2015 at 4:35 pm

      Thanks! I had to cut a lot out but I was determined to keep the angel and his raised wing in 🙂

      Like

  16. November 6, 2015 at 8:08 pm

    Loved this! Irreverently silly rather than offensive I’d say.
    My dad’s name is/was Brian and during his funeral there was indeed the line ‘We are gathered here to celebrate the life of Brian.’ I did almost guffaw in a very unseemly fashion – there’s something about funerals. Don’t think he would have minded.

    Like

    • November 7, 2015 at 9:16 am

      I’m glad – “irreverently silly” works for me.
      Probably best that you internalised the guffaw 🙂

      Like

  17. November 6, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    I love the apologetic Angelic Host and the feeble excuse of leaving a sign. But boys will be boys, especially illiterate ones, like Brian. That tube was just asking to be pulled. The image of the deflating earth is excellent!

    Like

    • November 7, 2015 at 9:21 am

      Who can resist tugging on a random tube?! I think that angel is in line for a severe ticking off 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 7, 2015 at 6:43 pm

        Shoddy workmanship, for sure. 🙂 That angel needs to learn the importance of a neatly finished off product.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. November 6, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    Ah, cool, CeAyr beat me to it. This is a different Life of Brian (though, of the Pythons’ movies, I’d have to say it’s more “Brazil”-esque than anything!) than what we’re used to! Anyway, I love it, Dr Ali. So clever! I hope you will be compiling these (FF or other flashes) in ebook/book form.

    Like

    • November 7, 2015 at 9:22 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it!
      I do always have in the back of my mind a little compilation, either using stories which don’t require photos (like this one) or with my own relevant photos.

      Like

  19. November 6, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    Your sense of humor is wonderful. I loved you story. 🙂

    Like

  20. November 6, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    Oh I guess that there is reason why we should learn to read then.

    Like

    • November 7, 2015 at 9:23 am

      Yep, just think of all the unpleasantness which could have been avoided.

      Like

  21. November 6, 2015 at 11:20 pm

    Oh! This is funny. Thanks for the afternoon laugh. I love – Earth deflated to the size of a marble. Trees, cars and dead people floated off into space. What a vision!

    Like

    • November 7, 2015 at 9:24 am

      I’m glad it made you laugh! It does conjure some funny images 🙂

      Like

  22. November 6, 2015 at 11:20 pm

    P.S. Does that make me oddly morbid? Anyway, well done.

    Like

    • November 7, 2015 at 9:24 am

      No. I laughed too 🙂 Or maybe we’re both oddly morbid…

      Like

  23. November 7, 2015 at 12:39 am

    Heeehehehe. I add an old-fashioned ROFLMAO. Too bad that you can’t have sound in space. Brilliant take.

    Like

  24. November 7, 2015 at 1:03 am

    Very funny, and my favorite story this week!

    Like

    • November 7, 2015 at 9:25 am

      Thanks very much! I’m happy you liked it 🙂

      Like

  25. November 7, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    Very imaginative take, Ali. It’s a non-explosive end to Earth, a kind of fizzle. Great story!

    Like

    • November 7, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      Yeah, it just sort of faded gently away. I’m glad you liked my story!

      Like

  26. November 7, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    What a great idea!!!!! Well done!

    Like

  27. November 8, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    Loved the title and the story that followed. I don’t think you needed another 50 words – this says all it needs to. Trust Brian.

    Like

    • November 9, 2015 at 8:06 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! I guess when I wrote it in my head I had some extra stuff which I was disappointed to have to leave out 🙂

      Like

  28. November 9, 2015 at 12:50 am

    Yup, I agree, these words told the story well.

    Like

    • November 9, 2015 at 8:07 am

      Thanks, I’m glad it didn’t need all those extra words after all.

      Liked by 1 person

  29. November 10, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    Bravo. Bravo.

    What a great story. Somebody had to pull the plug even if it was inadvertent.
    Thanks for the great twist and laugh – or twisted laugh.

    Randy

    Like

    • November 10, 2015 at 12:57 pm

      You’re welcome for the twisted laugh 🙂
      Sooner or later a plug will be pulled or a button pushed…

      Like

  30. November 10, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    You made me smile for the first time this morning! Thank you, loved it!

    Like

  31. November 10, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    you always make me laugh…. big thank yous!

    Like

    • November 10, 2015 at 8:23 pm

      You’re welcome :-). I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

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