Home > Fiction > FF – Curse of the Housesitter

FF – Curse of the Housesitter

Here is my little story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by J Hardy Carroll.

After struggling the last few weeks, I had this story written within 15 minutes of seeing the photo. Doesn’t mean it’s any good, though ๐Ÿ™‚

To read this week’s other stories, click on the blue froggy.

Copyright J Hardy Carroll

 

โ€œAagh! My flat! Whatโ€™ve you done to my lovely home?โ€

โ€œIโ€™ve converted it.โ€

โ€œInto what? A war zone? I was only away three daysโ€ฆโ€

โ€œItโ€™s for my art. Itโ€™s โ€˜Trash Chicโ€™.โ€

โ€œThat isnโ€™t a thing.โ€

โ€œBut it will be! Please, take a seatโ€ฆโ€

“Aargh!”

โ€œโ€ฆ not there, and take in your surroundingsโ€ฆโ€

โ€œMy ass, my ass, something stabbed me in the ass!โ€

โ€œI call that piece โ€˜needle couchโ€™.โ€

โ€œMy couch, my beautiful couch… what have you done to the bathroom?โ€

โ€œAh yes, โ€˜Druggieโ€™s Toiletโ€™. A masterpiece.โ€

โ€œOh yeah?โ€

Heave. Smash. Aaaargh! Thump.

โ€œWell, I call this piece โ€˜Murder Window, Splattered Pavementโ€™.โ€

 

  1. May 24, 2017 at 8:23 pm

    Does this mean I should never ask an artist to housesit for me? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  2. May 24, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    Oh my, that turned ugly — er, uglier — very quickly! Great take on the prompt Ali!

    Like

    • May 24, 2017 at 8:50 pm

      On the plus side he’s created some great pavement art… ๐Ÿ™‚
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 3 people

  3. May 24, 2017 at 9:00 pm

    Haha,good fun. Nice to read a humourous take ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  4. May 24, 2017 at 9:04 pm

    Yes. That’s they way it is when you leave you teenage kid in charge of your REAL house and they think a little party would be fun. Minus the murder, but only because they lock you up for that kind of thing!

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 6:05 am

      Trashing the house when put in charge for the first time is like a rite of passage ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  5. May 24, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    Going all splatter punk, eh?

    Like

  6. May 24, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    Too funny! One must suffer for one’s art. No doubt Splattered Pavement will fetch millions at the next art auction. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 6:07 am

      He’d better get down there quick and safeguard it before some mad fool cleans it up ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  7. May 24, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    I wonder how much that flat would get on the art market?

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 6:08 am

      I’m sure someone would pay stupid money for it. Especially since the “artist” is now deceased…

      Like

  8. May 25, 2017 at 2:08 am

    Moral: Always ask first before you begin an extreme makeover on a friend’s place.

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 6:09 am

      I’m pretty sure in this case he would have said no ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  9. Lyn
    May 25, 2017 at 2:21 am

    LOL Words fail me ๐Ÿ˜€

    Like

  10. pennydanger
    May 25, 2017 at 2:44 am

    What about making him pay to have it cleaned first?

    Like

  11. May 25, 2017 at 8:03 am

    Blood spatter as art…. I would be shocked if hasn’t already been done in the art world and sold for millions of dollars. And in this case, the artist certainly suffered for his work….

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 4:43 pm

      Blood spatter, vomit… all sorts of bodily fluids could be amazing art…

      Like

  12. May 25, 2017 at 9:48 am

    I abhor violence but I kind of sympathise in this case.

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 4:44 pm

      I’m not sure he deserved defenestration, mind. Maybe just a good kicking.

      Like

  13. May 25, 2017 at 10:42 am

    Dear Ali,

    Methinks the artist crossed the line here. I’m inclined to agree with Splattered Pavement. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 4:46 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      His “art” was certainly not appreciated by the homeowner. I’m glad you liked it!
      Ali

      Like

  14. May 25, 2017 at 12:52 pm

    Um…. the Museum of Modern Art is three blocks the other way, Ali…. ha ha ha….

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 4:46 pm

      Unfortunately, not having read your story first, I too did not realise I was in the wrong place ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  15. May 25, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    Very clever. Wonderful use of ‘trash chic’.

    Like

  16. May 25, 2017 at 3:16 pm

    Ha, ha. That’s one reason I wouldn’t want to have renters. Good writing, Ali. I loved the needle couch. ๐Ÿ˜€ — Suzanne

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 4:47 pm

      You do hear horror stories of these rent-out places. I’m glad you liked the needle couch, but don’t sit on it!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. May 25, 2017 at 4:28 pm

    Ha! Evil, evil artists! Made me smile all the way through. Nicely done sir

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 4:48 pm

      He was determined not to let anything stand in the way of his “art”. I’m glad it made you smile ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • May 25, 2017 at 4:50 pm

        Well, he definitely didn’t. Give that man a Turner Prize ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  18. May 25, 2017 at 4:42 pm

    Dark and hilarious as usual!

    Like

  19. May 25, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    ‘Trash Chic’ wold probably be more accurate with the second word removed! This made me smile.

    Like

    • May 25, 2017 at 5:01 pm

      Hah, yes. That’s certainly what the homeowner thought. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  20. May 25, 2017 at 6:23 pm

    If anyone got this “artistic” with my home, I cannot guarantee I would not end up incarcerated… Trash Chic (said quickly sounds “tragic”, dontcha think?)

    Like

    • May 26, 2017 at 6:14 am

      Ha, so it does! I reckon many of us would be sharing that cell with you if there was a sudden rash of artistic house alterations ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover
    May 25, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    Once again you made me laugh with this creative take on the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 26, 2017 at 6:15 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  22. May 25, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    Thanks for writing something super fun. Perhaps we all need a needle couch for those unwanted guests. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Like

    • May 26, 2017 at 6:16 am

      That would be just the thing. “Just sit over there and tell me more about this ‘double glazing’ you’re selling…” ๐Ÿ™‚
      I’m glad you liked my story!

      Like

  23. May 26, 2017 at 1:16 am

    I call it “just deserts.”

    Like

  24. May 26, 2017 at 3:03 am

    Hahah – loved this take on the prompt!

    Like

    • May 26, 2017 at 6:16 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  25. May 26, 2017 at 12:33 pm

    You managed to include such a lot of imagery in this piece. Uncomfortable imagery, but impressive.

    Like

    • May 26, 2017 at 5:18 pm

      The needle couch was especially uncomfortable ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  26. May 26, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    Oh dear. A big mistake asking that friend to housesit!

    Like

  27. May 26, 2017 at 7:29 pm

    Hilariously awesome story!

    Like

  28. May 26, 2017 at 7:50 pm

    Hoist by his own, methinks. Although, it might have been better to get the artist to clear up before offing him. Great voices and characterisation.

    Like

    • May 27, 2017 at 7:51 am

      Yes, he’s stuck with the whole thing now. And he only has 10 minutes before the police arrive!

      Liked by 1 person

  29. May 26, 2017 at 9:04 pm

    So sad, why can’t we appreciate the concept of art and creation… brain substance is not chick actually.

    Like

    • May 27, 2017 at 7:51 am

      He should have just taken a moment to enjoy the creations…

      Like

  30. michael1148humphris
    May 26, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    Modern art where will it end. Lovely story telling!

    Like

    • May 27, 2017 at 7:52 am

      It gets weirder and weirder as time moves on. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  31. May 27, 2017 at 5:11 am

    a lot of the stories this week were sad. glad you came up with something different. enjoyed it very much. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  32. May 27, 2017 at 8:14 am

    Haha – love this!

    Like

  33. May 28, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    Haha! Great one! Should we be concerned that this is what came to your mind immediately? Clever and fun!

    Like

    • May 29, 2017 at 6:55 am

      You only need to be concerned if I come over and house sit for you… ๐Ÿ™‚
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  34. May 28, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    I think that would be my first reaction as well.

    Like

    • May 29, 2017 at 6:56 am

      Me too. I’d probably wait to kill him until after he’s tidied up, though.

      Like

  35. May 31, 2017 at 2:41 pm

    Now I know for certain I’ll never use a housesitter. Who needs a “needle couch” when all’s said and done? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

    • May 31, 2017 at 3:47 pm

      Surplus to requirements, really. And quite painful ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  36. June 4, 2017 at 4:37 am

    Hahaha. Trash Chic! ๐Ÿ˜ Trรจs bien.
    Ellespeth

    Like

    • June 4, 2017 at 5:58 am

      It’s gonna be the next big thing! I’m glad you lied it ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  37. June 19, 2017 at 6:07 pm

    I think he needs a new housemate! Enjoyed!!

    Like

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