FF – Miracle Face
Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Kelvin M. Knight.
A sombre and thoughtful piece this week. Only joking! It’s craziness 🙂
I have included a short glossary so you can understand what Mr Nutman is saying.
- Oi = I
- sarnie = sandwich
- Mouf = mouth
- peepholes = eyes
- monkey = £500
- fought = thought
Copyright Kelvin M. Knight
“Miracle” face appears in slice of bread!
Chiswick resident Bingo Nutman, 67, discovered the staggering phenomenon after opening his lunchbox. Nutman explains:
“Oi came ‘cross this ‘ere mir’cle face in me sarnie. Mouf, peepholes, ev’ryfink. There’ll be a monkey in this fer me if oi sells it to the tabloids, oi fought.”
Unfortunately for Nutman, it later transpired that his wife Imelda, 71, had been cutting heart shapes in his lunchtime treats because she “thought it would be romantic”.
Nutman, denied his payout, is understood to be seeking divorce, citing “irreconcilable differences” and “theft of bread with intent to starve”.
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draliman on life 
A man must earn a crust somehow. I always thought there was plenty of dough in bread!
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Hahaha badoom tish!
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I thank you, I thank you!
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🙂
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When a romantic gesture goes wrong.
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Very wrong 😦
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This is adorable…um, also twisted and funny!!!
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Twisted and funny is my thing 🙂
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Yep! And you do it well!! 🙂
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🙂
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When love goes wrong, huh lol
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That should be a Channel 4 reality show 🙂
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Another hilarious one by Ali! 😁
The man’s poor wife has … or rather … makes a good heart. 😉
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Thanks! Yes, Imelda’s too good for him 🙂
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Definitely. 😉
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I do suspect a lot of these sort of ‘sightings’ to be the fake works of the Nutman!
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I suspect you’re right. Nutman by name…
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I’ve heard of some silly reasons for divorce but this one takes the…um…loaf. :0
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Ha! It’s amazing what you can give as grounds for divorce these days…
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Hilarious 🙂 Thanks for the laugh.
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You’re welcome, I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Ha-ha-ha! Imelda’s heart was in the right place.! 🙂 Another really funny story! 😀
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It was. In the bread 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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I’m surprised Imelda stayed with Nutman unless, of course, theirs was a new relationship.
Thanks for the laugh! 🙂
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It must be, he doesn’t seem the type to be able to manage long relationships 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Keep ’em coming. We can all use laughs! 🙂
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🙂
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Poor Imelda! She meant so well.
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She did 😦
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he is nuts if he leaves that wonderful woman. 🙂
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She’s too good for him, for sure 🙂
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Mr. Nutman is a LITTLE weird . 😀
Great , fun story, Draliman .🙂🙂
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That’s putting it mildly 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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Stupid wife….. why didn’t she think to carve Jesus’ face in the bread instead of dumb hearts? That would have made them both a lot of monkeys! At least the former Mrs. Nutman shouldn’t have too much trouble back on the dating scene seducing men with her romantic toast….
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Jesus’ face has turned up in so many edible treats, trees, etc. It’s been done to death!
I dread to think what she carves in the bread when the relationship is all new and exciting…
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Ha! Poor Mrs Nutman, trying to be romantic and finding divorce instead! Funny and fun tale
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If that’s his attitude I think she’s better off without him 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Very true 🙂
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Dear Ali,
Oi fink Mr. Nutman, gots it all wrong. Funny man and storytelling.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Hee, your comment made me smile 🙂
I’m glad you liked it!
Ali
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“theft of bread with intent to starve” Hahah that was hilarious 😀
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It’s a serious allegation! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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Chiswick certainly isn’t a romantic! Hahahaha! His wife was just trying to put some romance in their marriage.
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He’d rather have a whole sandwich and a pint of beer I think 🙂
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Ooops! I guess she wasn’t thinking straight. Can’t blame her though, sometimes love makes us think and do crazy things.:) But whatever one does, one shouldn’t steal a piece of food or the plans of earning more money… that easily. 😀
Great story Ali! I liked the short glossary to the story. 🙂
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The poor romantic woman 🙂 I thought a glossary was a good idea – I’m not even sure “sarnie” works outside of the UK. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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This is priceless. I love that you saw a face in the bread… and the accent… and the divorce… can’t stop laughing.
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Hee, I’m glad you enjoyed it all 🙂
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It’s like an episode of Eastenders! Brilliant.
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Ha, yes! I was thinking one of those stories the Daily Mail thinks is “top news” 🙂
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Ha! Much fun on a Thursday afternoon. Thanks for the smile. Delightful accent, funny name (Bingo), and bad news for Mrs. Nutman. So much for romance.
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Hopefully she’ll find someone a bit more romantic 🙂 I’m glad you liked it and had a smile!
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I expect Imelda will be cutting very large heart shaped holes in any of there property now. Loved the voice you gave Mr Nutman
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I reckon his clothes are going to have a bunch of exciting hearts in them for sure! I’m glad you liked the voice.
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Bloody Rochelle beat me to the same type of comment!
Oi fink Nutman happens to have the right name!
Good luck to the Missus… she’ll do much better elswheres…
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Ha!
Yes, his name is particularly apt. I reckon Mrs Nutman will move on quite easily with her romantic ways 🙂
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Fun story.
instead of a heart or Nutman’s face, at times, I saw a rooster. But then again I raise chickens.
To each man let him see his own image in his own bread, I say.
Randy
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I only briefly saw a heart but then I saw the eye holes and it was forever after a flattened face. So I ended up using both 🙂
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This was great fun, love the line “theft of bread with intent to starve”. Nice dialogue.
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Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! That line was a late addition, I had trouble getting a decent ending 🙂
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Typical bloody man. Didn’t get what he wanted so blames his wife. Maybe she can sue him for divorce for being unobservant of, and ungrateful for, her loving administrations?
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He does strike me very much as a “stay in the kitchen and serve me, woman” kind of a man. I reckon she’ll get the best of the divorce 🙂
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Let’s hope so.
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MOL..Mars and Venus have some differences…we though it was very romantic, Draliman…MOL 😀 Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend 🙂 ❤
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She thought it was very romantic too! Shame her husband is such a silly man 😦
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Sounds like a mercenary man. My heart bleeds for his wife. 😦
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That’s him in a nutshell. A new start is the best thing for her I reckon.
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Crusty old man. Divorce? His retirement funds will be toast. Great voice though.
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Toast indeed 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
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Ha, ha. I love your dialect stories, Ali. Poor Mrs. Nutman. All she wanted was a little romance in her life. Knowing Mr. Nutman she should have given up years ago. He should have to pack his own lunches. Hilarious. 😀 — Suzanne
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He’ll certainly be packing his own lunches from now on. If he can work out how to use the kitchen… 🙂
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Giggle
Giggle
Giggle!
👌👌👌
😂😂😂
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I’m assuming you liked it hee hee 🙂
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😉
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Sheesh! Romance is wasted on this one! lol
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For sure. He doesn’t have a romantic bone in his lonely and soon-to-be divorced body.
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Cor blimey, guv’nor, you oughtta be writin’ for the News of the World you ought…
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I was thinking Daily Mail but they’re all much of a muchness 🙂
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Haha that was so funny 🙂 Too much romance though 😉
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That heart-sandwich was just a step too far! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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‘E sounds a bit of a strange ‘un, that’s for sure. NIce one, made me smile. The comment’s late because oi’ve bin away to one o’ them there foreign places.
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Glad you liked it! Off to foreign climes, huh? I went all the way north to Devon once. Scary times. They do their cream tea scones upside-down, you know 🙂
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