Home > Fiction > Pegman – Merry Star Wars Christmas

Pegman – Merry Star Wars Christmas

Here is my story for What Pegman Saw, which this week takes us to North Pole, Alaska.

Hopefully you guys have either seen Star Wars or are familiar with the story, or this story’s going to be reasonably nonsensical.

I have just cooked a nice ham so the kitchen smells all hammy and I have been indulging in my Christmas Eve tradition – wrapping presents while watching the greatest Christmas film ever made – Die Hard. I’m just at the bit where there’s “four assholes coming in the rear in standard two by two cover formation”.

Copyright Google

 

And yea did it come to pass that Santa was seduced by the Dark Side, and verily were there no more presents. And it is written that, lo, young Fluke Skyhumper did come to Santa, for verily was Fluke the son of Santa.

And thus spake he, “I feel the good in you, Father (Christmas),” and lo did Santa reply unto him “Thee wilt join me on the Dark Side,” and verily did Fluke refuse.

And thus did they fight, yet neither wouldst kill the other, for kin they were, yea verily. And so didst Santa’s evil master Emperor Rudolph’s nose glow red and did emit lasers unto Fluke. And then did Santa attack Rudolph and did save his son Fluke, yet Santa, returned to good, was gravely wounded, yea verily, and didst he die.

And so endeth this tale, yet never more were there presents, for Santa had perished. Merry Christmas 🙂

 

Note: this is a work of fiction. Santa is of course alive and well and will be delivering presents as usual this Christmas. Yea verily.

  1. December 24, 2017 at 7:35 pm

    Like

  2. December 24, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    Whoa. I can see the force is strong with you. Merry Christmas! And “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” Aye, verily. And turn up Beethoven’s Ninth when it plays ….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. December 24, 2017 at 8:47 pm

    Yippee ki yay Merry Christmas.

    Like

  4. December 24, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    I cracked up at your preamble. We just got done watching Die Hard here too. I wonder if Santa might have fared better in your story if you hadn’t been watching it. 😉 Happy Holidays!

    Like

    • December 25, 2017 at 8:11 am

      Yes, maybe I should have been watching something jollier 🙂
      Merry Christmas!

      Like

  5. December 24, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    Longeth ago, in galaxy far, fareth away! Merry Christmas, Ali! 🙂

    Like

  6. December 24, 2017 at 9:47 pm

    Good to know. I was beginning to doubt, you know.
    Merry Xmas and let the force be with you in next year too.

    Like

  7. December 24, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    My dear Alistair,

    Yea and verily am I left with a lump of coal caught in the deepest recesses of mine throat. A tear runneth down upon my cheek from the heartiest of laughter that does beset me. 😀 😀 😀 Hilarious. Merry Christmas to you and your Hammy.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 2 people

    • December 25, 2017 at 8:17 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      I’m glad you enjoyed my little tale of Christmas cheer 🙂
      I hope you and your family have a lovely holidays!
      Ali

      Like

  8. December 25, 2017 at 12:00 am

    Nice…

    Like

  9. December 25, 2017 at 4:22 am

    the greatest Christmas film ever made – Die Hard – What??? No Muppets Christmas Carol or It’s a Wonderful Life??? This made me laugh. Thank you. And a Merry Eggnog to You.

    Like

    • December 25, 2017 at 8:19 am

      It doesn’t get any better or more Christmassy than Die Hard 🙂
      A Merry Eggnog to you too!

      Like

  10. December 25, 2017 at 11:03 am

    I kept waiting for Jar Jar the Elf to show up. It just isn’t Christmas without Mr. Binks…

    Like

    • December 25, 2017 at 7:15 pm

      Woosa meesa not doin in dis story?
      What are you doing in any story, Jar Jar?

      Like

  11. December 25, 2017 at 1:12 pm

    Sending warmest greetings from the chilly prairie (-28C at the moment): Have yourself a merry little Christmas. All good wishes for a successful New Year, Ali.

    Like

    • December 25, 2017 at 7:19 pm

      Minus 28C? How can that even happen? This winter here it has plummeted to the dangerous depths of +2C once so far… 🙂
      Merry Christmas to you too!

      Liked by 1 person

      • December 25, 2017 at 11:51 pm

        Predicted temp for tomorrow is -32 C. A bit nippy. 😉
        Plummeted to what? +2 C? Why, that’s balmy!

        Like

      • December 26, 2017 at 7:19 am

        We’re having another warm December down here 🙂

        Like

  12. December 25, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    (Fluke,) I am your barber. Um, Farther. Uh, your dad. Hilarious as always, Dr. Ali. Merry Who-mas!

    Liked by 1 person

    • December 26, 2017 at 7:11 am

      I’m glad you liked it 🙂 Merry Who-mas to you too!

      Like

  13. December 25, 2017 at 10:02 pm

    Die Hard for Christmas – why not? Thanks for the laugh, as always. Enjoy the ham!

    Like

    • December 26, 2017 at 7:16 am

      The ham is tasting lovely! A nice treat. I’m glad you liked the story 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Lyn
    December 26, 2017 at 12:17 am

    LOL you’re a complete nutter, Ali 😀 It’s funny you should mention Die Hard, we watched both Die Hard I and 2 last night. So many scene’s you just love and look forward to, no matter how often you see the movies.

    Like

    • December 26, 2017 at 7:20 am

      Lots of people seem to have watched Die Hard over the last couple of days. I knew it was a proper Christmas film 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. December 26, 2017 at 11:51 am

    Yay verily, how sad. Did Fluke then transform into Santa with the power of the Force? Good writing, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

    • December 26, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      I hope he does. Someone needs to deliver the presents 🙂

      Like

  16. December 26, 2017 at 12:17 pm

    And yea the tale hath ended sadly, as Fluke was ne’er like his father and verily did not take on the mantle of chief present giver.
    Great delivery a fun tale 🙂 Happy Christmas… bah humbug.

    Like

    • December 26, 2017 at 4:26 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! Happy Christmas and bah humbug to you too 🙂

      Like

  17. December 26, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    Excellent, as always! Happy Holler-Days my friend!👍🎉🎄

    Like

  18. December 26, 2017 at 9:22 pm

    And I verily say onto you – it was a lovely tale. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!

    Like

  19. December 27, 2017 at 4:42 am

    I can smell your ham. Pleasant reading!

    Like

    • December 27, 2017 at 10:00 am

      It was such a lovely smell 🙂

      Like

  20. December 30, 2017 at 3:45 am

    Over the moon hilarious! Wonderful flow throughout and the narrator’s voice was très bien.

    Ellespeth

    Like

    • December 30, 2017 at 3:05 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  21. January 4, 2018 at 2:15 pm

    Hmmm…. The choice between an evil Santa and no Santa at all… A hard one. Great parody.

    Like

    • January 4, 2018 at 2:17 pm

      Hard indeed. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

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