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Posts Tagged ‘What Pegman Saw’

Pegman – Front Channel Diplomacy

October 22, 2017 27 comments

Here is my story for What Pegman Saw, which this week takes us to Bulgaria.

I toured around a bit and found this crazy nutcase pictured in the Decathlon Vitosha, some sort of shop in Sofia.

Image from Google, copyright maybe those strange characters top left

 

“Look at this idiot. What’s he doing?”

“I think he’s… oh no… call the police!”

Too late. Members of the infamous “Fuzzy Face Gang” were already positioned throughout the shop making rude gestures to the security cameras, shouting Boo! at the children and, in the ultimate act of despicableness, exposing their bare buttocks on the escalators.

News spread to world leaders. They opened diplomatic channels. They planned summits. Meanwhile the Fuzzy Face Gang continued to ply their awful trade.

One leader took action. Unwilling to wait, or even engage his brain, he launched an immediate and devastating Twitter campaign, full of sensationalist half-truths and ill-advised sentiment.

Unable to formulate a reply in under 140 characters, the Fuzzy Face Gang was sorely embarrassed. Support dwindling, it collapsed. The world was safe once again. Hooray for social media!

This work is fictional and any resemblance to people alive, dead or presidential is entirely coincidental.

 

Pegman – The Last

October 15, 2017 40 comments

This week, What Pegman Saw takes us to Mauritius.  My story this week was inspired by the historical note at the end of J. Hardy Carroll’s story regarding the dodos and giant tortoises.

For some reason I make comedies out of depressing places and grim tragedies out of paradises 🙂

Copyright Google Maps

 

“Good shot, Captain Van Dijk, good shot, sir!”

“Thank you! These strange flightless birds are easy targets.”

“This is the first we’ve seen for weeks. I wonder if it’s the last one?”

“Who cares? They make good eating. If it is, we’ll try a giant tortoise.”

The last dodo.

The last white tiger. That’ll look good on my wall.

The last whale.

The last lion. That was an exhilarating hunt.

The last bear.

The last fish. We need somewhere to dump the waste.

The last gorilla.

The last tree. We need room to expand.

The last human looked through diseased eyes at a broken world and wept at the folly of Man.

 

Pegman – What’s in a Name?

October 9, 2017 44 comments

Here is my story for What Pegman Saw, which this week takes us to Littleton, West Virginia, in America.

I’ve gone crazy this week. My story is totally mad! Maybe it’s the long hours at work. I will read everyone else’s stories hopefully tomorrow 🙂

Copyright Google

 

“Wow, cool little town. What’s its name?”

“Littleton.”

“Ha!”

“What…?”

“Um, nothing. I’ll have a Bud Light.”

“You’re in luck. The lorry’s just delivered. All the way from Bigton.”

“Bigton? Seriously?”

“Yep. There used to be another town in between. It was quite big but not really all that big but bigger than small.”

“What was it called, dare I ask?”

“Quitebigbutnotreallyallthatbigbutbiggerthansmallton.”

“What happened?”

“Businesses all went under. No-one got any post. Address wouldn’t fit on the envelope.”

“This is pretty surreal. You people are very literal with your town names.”

“Yep, there’s Waterton, Farmton, Lorryton, the nearest city is Hugeton, then of course there’s the sewage works, that’s called…”

“This is mad! Let me guess, Shitton?”

“Excuse me? No, ‘Little Dearing’. What kind of name is ‘Shitton’? That’s rude. You better leave, boy.”

“Fine. You’re all insane with your crazy literal names. I’m going home.”

“Home is…?”

“Hometon.”

 

 

Categories: Fiction Tags: ,

Pegman – Vera versus Morocco

October 2, 2017 32 comments

Here is my story for What Pegman Saw.

I thought I wasn’t going to manage this week – still working all hours – but I did! And… hold your breath, people – it’s the triumphant return of Vera, the old lady from “up North” who never stops talking, which gets her out of all sorts of scrapes. You can read more of her stories here.

This week we are in Casablanca, Morocco.

(Quick update, I Googled “cosh” and it appears to be “British informal”. It’s a baton or cudgel, Americans might call it a “night stick”.)

Copyright Google

 

“Come on, Auntie, let’s go along here.”

“Eee, no, let’s try this way, oh I say, a bit dismal this, reminds me of home…”

“Uh, Auntie, this doesn’t look too safe…”

“… look at what I’ve stepped in, foreign poo that is, not like the poo back home…”

“Hey! Tourists! Give to me your valuables!”

“… who’s this then? you look just like me grandson, lovely lad, maybe you know ‘im…”

“This a robbery, you give…”

“…robbery? when I were a lass they done it right, black bag, balaclava, cosh, where’s yer cosh? what’s that? a peashooter? where’s yer sawn-off? give it ‘ere, you could ‘ave someone’s eye out, I’ll just put it in me bag where it’s safe…”

“Hey, my pistol, give it…”

“… you could hurt someone, where’s yer mamma? I’ll ‘ave words, hey, you come back ‘ere, no word of goodbye, no manners the yoof of today ramble mutter mutter…”

 

Pegman – They Saved the World!

September 24, 2017 42 comments

Here is my post for What Pegman Saw, which this week is at the Sambor Prei Kuk temple in Cambodia. It’s a bit small, but the sign says “No Entry” in various languages, and there’s scaffolding up.

To read the other stories, click on the blue froggy.

Copyright Google

 

“After millennia, I return to the temple of Sambor Prei Kuk, my ancient home.”

“Your time is nigh, Master!”

“Correct, minion. I shall absorb the ancient power and I shall kill, smash and destroy! The world will BURN!”

“Yes, Master. Burn!”

“Let us enter, let us… NO! THIS CANNOT BE!”

“What is the matter, Master?”

“Cannot you read, minion? There is no entry. The site is currently unsafe.”

“But, Master, you are Death Incarnate, Destroyer of Worlds…”

“SILENCE, MINION! Do you seriously suggest that we ignore the sign? It could be dangerous. It clearly states that construction work is underway.”

“But Master… burn… destroy…”

“We cannot go around ignoring signs willy-nilly. It would be ANARCHY! We shall return next week. Perhaps they will be finished.”

They were not finished. The workers drank a lot of tea and leaned on their shovels for hours, but the work was unending and the world was safe.

 

Pegman – Mayhem in Russia

September 18, 2017 36 comments

Here is my post for What Pegman Saw, which this week takes us to St. Petersburg. The other stories for this week can be found by clicking on the blue froggy.

Some high octane excitement this week!

Copyright Google

 

The sound of sirens came closer. Around the corner sped a sports car, followed by a host of police cars. One of the pursuit overshot, smashing into a wall.

The sports car accelerated, spewing a thick, dark substance. The closest of the police cars skidded, flying into the river. The sports car spun to a halt, facing the remaining pursuit and accelerated in a deadly game of “chicken”. Two police cars smashed into a shop, another joined its friend in the river. The sports car vaulted the railing and shot across the water, executed twelve spins, bounced off a boat, flipped end over end and sped away.

Two old men watched the scene.

“That’ll be James Bond.”

“No, Alexei. Too flashy, yes? And not an Aston Martin. It’ll be that Jason Bourne.”

Alexei nodded. “Or Ethan Hunt, maybe. Just once I wish these foreign asshole spies trash their own city.”

 

Pegman – Under New Management

September 11, 2017 26 comments

Here is my story for What Pegman Saw. This week we’re in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

It took ages to find a reasonably old-fashioned-looking building. It’s all so new-looking! Also, sorry to be fixated on American oversees territories, but I needed to find a reasonable timeline with a starting point in Puerto Rico. I wanted to get in a dig at the British and their pie and mash and warm beer, but it was not to be 😦

I did a lot of Wiki research 🙂 and the timeline appears to be – Puerto Rico became American in 1898 (ex-Spanish), the Danish West Indies became American (American Virgin Islands) in 1917 and Guam became officially American in 1950. Apart from that, please ignore historical inaccurcies 🙂

Copyright Google

 

“Hey, Juan, yesterday we were Spanish, today we’re American! This world, eh? I’ll celebrate with a sangria!”

“Any excuse, Alejandro, you varmint.”

“Why are you suddenly talking like that? Urk, yeuch! What is this muck?”

“It’s called ‘Bud Light’. It’s what we serve here now.”

“Since when?”

“Since now.”

“Humph. Give me food to wash away the taste.”

“Today’s special. Enjoy. Ya varmint.”

“What? What is this? Where’s my paella? Stop saying ‘varmint’.”

“It’s called ‘hamburger’. It’s actually cow.”

“Amigo, this nationality conversion is playing havoc here at the taberna.”

Bar, this is a bar now.”

“I can’t keep up. I’m moving to the Danish West Indies.”

19 years later…

“Hey, Viggo, yesterday we were Danish, today we’re American! This world, eh? I’ll celebrate with a mead…”

 

After finally getting fed up with hamburgers and Bud Light, Alejandro moves to Guam in 1949…