Home > Fiction > FF – All Becomes Clear

FF – All Becomes Clear

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. She also provided the photo this week.

 

Intimate residence in secluded location. Set at a novel angle with authentic Medieval windows, this period property features original heating and plumbing. With fully ventilated bathroom facilities and a unique open plan design, this period property must be seen to be believed!

 

[Due to recent clarity laws we are legally bound to translate, see below]

Tiny, middle of nowhere. Foundations collapsing, glass-less slits for windows, this old dump has a fire pit for heat and no plumbing whatsoever. Bathe in the river and crap behind a tree, one single largely useless room, it’s unbelievable we’re trying to sell this disaster!

 

  1. October 11, 2018 at 8:24 am

    Not unbelievable at all. I can vouch for that. Good one.

    Like

    • October 11, 2018 at 4:39 pm

      I saw one or houses whose attributes had been “exaggerated”. I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. October 11, 2018 at 10:49 am

    If only this honesty existed, would make everything so much easier!

    Like

  3. October 11, 2018 at 12:20 pm

    I love both the real estate version and the translation, Ali. Hilarious. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

    Like

    • October 11, 2018 at 4:40 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

      Like

  4. October 11, 2018 at 1:04 pm

    Teehee! I love your take on this!

    Like

    • October 11, 2018 at 4:40 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  5. October 11, 2018 at 1:36 pm

    Haha – if only such clarity laws were in place!

    Like

  6. October 11, 2018 at 2:58 pm

    HAHAHA! If only estate agents would state the real specs! πŸ˜€

    Like

  7. October 11, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    Ah~at last! Truth in advertising. But, hey, it’s got centuries of history to build on. And could be modernized for a reasonable sum. πŸ™‚

    Like

    • October 11, 2018 at 4:41 pm

      Hey, that’s true, where’s my wallet… wait a moment, are you an estate agent…? πŸ™‚

      Like

  8. October 11, 2018 at 4:54 pm

    Very entertaining Ali – think you get perfectly the estate agent ‘speak’. Love your translation into the real tower – no exaggeration I’m sure !

    Like

    • October 11, 2018 at 4:58 pm

      Anyone who has shopped for houses soon gets to know their special “code” πŸ™‚ I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  9. October 11, 2018 at 6:23 pm

    like they say, buyers beware! πŸ™‚

    Like

  10. October 11, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    Where do I sign?

    Like

    • October 12, 2018 at 6:13 am

      I’ll send the papers over. Good luck with… I mean congratulations on your purchase, sir.

      Liked by 2 people

  11. October 11, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    Hmmmmm, I may be interested. But has it been inspected for any traces of Bubonic plague?

    Like

    • October 12, 2018 at 6:14 am

      We sent in Buster to take a look so we’ll have to wait and see what he says. That was a couple of days ago, actually, no sign of him yet…

      Like

  12. October 11, 2018 at 11:35 pm

    Good thing I forgot my wallet and read the translation. Cute.

    Like

    • October 12, 2018 at 6:14 am

      It’s always best to read the whole thing! I’m glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. October 12, 2018 at 1:02 am

    lol Love the translation!

    Like

    • October 12, 2018 at 6:15 am

      There should be an app that does that!

      Like

  14. October 12, 2018 at 3:59 am

    These damn new-fangled laws make everything so difficult and troublesome!

    Like

  15. Abhijit Ray
    October 12, 2018 at 4:46 am

    Location matters. Interiors can be redone. Windows can be built.

    Like

  16. October 12, 2018 at 1:08 pm

    Hilarious. There should be an Act of Parliament passed in the UK to enforce this kind of candour.

    Like

    • October 12, 2018 at 5:34 pm

      Yeah, screw the “crystal mark” or whatever it’s called, let’s have some honesty!

      Like

  17. October 12, 2018 at 1:45 pm

    Love it!
    Hilarious!

    Like

  18. October 12, 2018 at 4:10 pm

    This is so funny, and spot on! We’ve househunted more than once, and learned to decode the realtor-speak πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 12, 2018 at 5:35 pm

      It’s an essential skill! I’m glad you liked it πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  19. October 12, 2018 at 8:22 pm

    Ha! Ha! Nice one. We need those Clarity Laws for the used car industry too πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  20. October 13, 2018 at 6:12 am

    This was fantastic and I wish more hokes had this – mane this was s god example of how there are many ways to look at a home!
    We had this experience when we looked at a home in Florida – pool – large yard and ad was enticing – get there and the house was on stilts and the yard was long but in a triangle and just weird – nothing like the ad !

    Like

    • October 13, 2018 at 2:00 pm

      Oh no! Estate agents also like to use “special” lenses when taking pictures. I saw a house (which I later did buy) where they managed to make the driveway look like it would easily park two buses (there’s actually space for two “normal” size cars).

      Liked by 2 people

      • October 13, 2018 at 3:17 pm

        Wow – theybsure can olaybwith our perceptions – and a part 2 to this could have been from the homeowner after they bought it and then their ad for selling it!

        And speaking of perceptions – I will never forget when the homeowner of the stilt house called us a few days later to see when we were buying it…. what? I asked – and she said she had the impression that i thought it was the house for us. Wtf – maybe I was being extra cordial because I was in such shock as to how different the house was from what we had expected –
        Or maybe she just cannot read people –
        Lol

        Like

      • October 13, 2018 at 4:17 pm

        Well, you can’t fault their confidence!

        Liked by 1 person

      • October 13, 2018 at 8:59 pm

        πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      • October 14, 2018 at 2:10 am

        The picture of MY basement makes it look HUUUUUGE… ridiculous. I was not pleased that they did that…. and my house is STILL on the market so…

        Liked by 1 person

  21. October 13, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    Can you imagine a world where everyone was this honest? Hilarious take on the prompt! =)

    Like

    • October 14, 2018 at 5:28 am

      It would be quite the world. Imagine trying to sell your old tat and having to describe it as old tat… πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • October 14, 2018 at 2:57 pm

        I had to look up the word “tat.” (haha) Very funny.

        Like

      • October 14, 2018 at 4:53 pm

        Oops, I just looked it up too to check where it’s used geographically. It’s such a common word here but the dictionary describes it as “British informal”, I thought it was everywhere πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • October 14, 2018 at 5:33 pm

        And we have the same language? hehe

        Like

      • October 15, 2018 at 5:59 pm

        πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  22. October 14, 2018 at 2:10 am

    Could you imagine this level of honesty in politics?
    Great take, Alistair!

    Like

    • October 14, 2018 at 5:30 am

      Wouldn’t it be fun to cast some sort of truth spell on all the politicians. To watch their eyes widen in surprise as the truth accidentally pops out πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  23. October 14, 2018 at 11:00 am

    Dear Ali,

    I’m giggling and shaking my head. Truth in advertising. What a concept. As Dale brought up, there certainly isn’t it politics. πŸ˜‰ Fantastic story.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • October 14, 2018 at 4:49 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      Like it would ever happen – in advertising or politics πŸ™‚ I’m glad you liked it!
      Ali

      Liked by 1 person

  24. October 14, 2018 at 3:31 pm

    Advertising is famous for its use of euphemisms. πŸ˜‰ Another hilarious one, Ali. πŸ™‚

    Like

    • October 16, 2018 at 7:12 pm

      It is, you really have to watch yourself. I’m glad you liked it πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  25. October 14, 2018 at 7:28 pm

    I think of a property like this as a property to be a project for someone prosperous…

    Like

    • October 15, 2018 at 6:00 pm

      It would be an amazing buy if you had unlimited money for sure.

      Like

  26. October 14, 2018 at 9:30 pm

    Love it. It’s not at all unrealistic to be fair.

    Like

  27. October 14, 2018 at 9:39 pm

    I’ve seen real estate listings that were about like that….

    Like

  28. October 15, 2018 at 3:33 am

    Hey, don’t underestimate the enjoyment of taking a crap behind a tree!

    Like

  29. October 16, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    Yikes…I think they’re going to have to lower the price :/

    Like

    • October 18, 2018 at 6:32 am

      The last resort of a desperate estate agent πŸ™‚

      Like

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