Home > Fiction > FF – Prayers to the Dark Lord

FF – Prayers to the Dark Lord

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. The photo was contributed by Randy Mazie.

Since it’s a reboot photo from July 2013 I was going to just rewrite my story from last time but it appears I joined the FF crew in August 2013. So thinking cap on!

Copyright Randy Mazie

 

“Consult the Satanists’ Handbook. Midnight?”

“Check.”

“Graveyard?”

“Check.”

“Goat?”

Bleat.

“Check.”

“Ceremonial Dagger of the Night Mother?”

“Check. What’s next… chant prayer to Dark Lord, use ceremonial dagger, have goat for dinner.”

Bleeeeat.

“Hand me the dagger.”

Bleeeeeeeeeeeat!

Twenty minutes later…

“Seems weird using a ceremonial dagger to make sandwiches. More mayo?”

“Please.”

“Never had a goat over for dinner either. More sandwich, goat?”

Bleat!

“I can’t help thinking we’re doing this wrong.”

“Yeah. I always thought Satanism would involve more blood. Like a sacrifice or… oh.”

Bleeeat?

“Hey ho, it should have been more explicit, crappy instructions. Pass the salt.”

 

  1. December 26, 2018 at 6:10 pm

    Never trust that kind of job to amateurs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. December 26, 2018 at 6:34 pm

    horror’s not what it used to be

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:06 am

      It’s much too sanitised these days. Heaven forfend we should slightly startle someone.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. December 26, 2018 at 7:01 pm

    LOL! Yep, some manuals are just too ‘intuitive’ … 😉
    Fun!

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:08 am

      The last manual I had was all little pictures and arrows. I couldn’t understand any of it 😦
      I’m glad you liked my story 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. December 26, 2018 at 7:18 pm

    The goat understood but didn’t let on. At least he got a final meal?

    Liked by 1 person

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:08 am

      The goat survived, thankfully! And had a nice sandwich too.

      Like

  5. December 26, 2018 at 7:49 pm

    And after dinner they went to a goat yoga class. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:12 am

      Oh boy, I just Googled it for a laugh and “goat yoga” actually exists. Whatever next? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. December 26, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    Wh foots the bill Y?

    Like

  7. December 26, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    or even ….who foots the bill y?

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:14 am

      Well, in response to another comment I just discovered that “goat yoga” is a real thing and in the pictures I saw the goat was standing on a person’s back, so maybe the billy gets to the do the footing!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. December 26, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    Good for the goat… thanks for crappy instructions

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:16 am

      The first time crappy instructions have proved a positive thing.

      Like

  9. December 26, 2018 at 9:03 pm

    This made me laugh. You are so good at that! Thanks. (Lucky goat.)

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:17 am

      Lucky goat indeed. I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  10. December 26, 2018 at 11:35 pm

    I much prefer a well-fed goat!

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:21 am

      They may well be inadvertently fattening him up for the next group!

      Like

  11. December 27, 2018 at 3:47 am

    I’ll summon Zeeba over to show them how it should be done…..

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:22 am

      Every dark occultist group needs a Zeeba to show them how it’s done…

      Like

  12. December 27, 2018 at 5:02 am

    Ha ha ha! At least they came back home with a new BFF!

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:22 am

      Yep! I wonder how the rest of their group will react when they come back with goat in tow!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Moon
    December 27, 2018 at 5:59 am

    Hahaha. I had almost concluded that the goat was for the dinner table. Great story.🙂

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:23 am

      Yes, I used the double meaning of “have for dinner” 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  14. December 27, 2018 at 6:08 am

    Sounds like fun. This might tempt me to try satanism sometime 🙂

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 8:24 am

      But only if you find one of these idiot groups 🙂

      Like

      • December 27, 2018 at 9:14 am

        Idiots? Don’t worry about that. I am one. (And I guess that’s good, for a start) 🙂

        Like

      • December 27, 2018 at 5:31 pm

        I’m sure you’re not, but these guys do seem like fun. Midnight picnic!

        Liked by 1 person

  15. December 27, 2018 at 3:10 pm

    Dear Ali,

    You always brighten my days with your fractured stories. 😀 Bleating with delight.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 5:33 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      Hee, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
      Ali

      Like

  16. December 27, 2018 at 3:38 pm

    You surpassed yourself this week. I was waiting for the tomato ketchup…

    Like

    • December 27, 2018 at 5:33 pm

      Not this week! Just a quiet midnight picnic, two men and a goat 🙂

      Like

  17. December 27, 2018 at 8:00 pm

    Brilliant fun, Ali!
    You never disappoint…

    Like

  18. December 27, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    ino blood, no mess. i guess it was a good start. 🙂

    Like

    • December 28, 2018 at 6:50 am

      Maybe it’s the new type of modern Satanist. All nice and clean and free from any controversial rites 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  19. December 28, 2018 at 9:30 am

    If they get a second chance, “Run goat, run!” If Satan is recruiting them as helpers, his standards have slipped. O_o — Suzanne

    Like

  20. December 29, 2018 at 3:39 am

    This was funny. Goats eating sandwiches,, come on!!

    Like

  21. December 29, 2018 at 8:49 am

    Ha! Ha! They need to Goat their act together.

    Like

  22. December 29, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    People seldom read instructions properly, especially the small print part. Luckily for the goats though.

    Like

    • December 30, 2018 at 7:48 am

      Yes, very lucky for the goat. He had a nice picnic instead 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  23. December 29, 2018 at 7:02 pm

    Well, the goat had a pretty good day, anyway 🙂

    Like

  24. December 31, 2018 at 1:41 am

    I think the goat should eat the handbook, just to be on the safe side.

    Like

    • December 31, 2018 at 7:40 am

      Ha ha, that would certainly be a wise move on the goat’s part 🙂

      Like

  25. December 31, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    I’m just so happy for the goat! Fun read.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. December 31, 2018 at 11:05 pm

    Hilarious!

    Like

  27. January 1, 2019 at 1:34 am

    You’ve made PETA (and not the sandwiches) so happy!
    Check!
    Randy

    (great goat’s tale!
    loved the mayo…)

    Like

    • January 1, 2019 at 9:13 am

      Yay! No goat slaughter today! I’m glad you liked it.

      Like

  28. January 1, 2019 at 1:55 am

    Happy New Year! Bringing new taste and flavour in your life!

    Like

  29. January 1, 2019 at 12:06 pm

    Yay for the goat! 🙂
    I’m glad for the goat’s sake that they didn’t use the Satanists’ handbook for dummies.

    Like

    • January 1, 2019 at 6:39 pm

      Yes, I reckon even these two would have understood the instructions in there 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  30. January 15, 2019 at 8:42 pm

    Haha! That was a surprise! Satanism is quite complicated to grasp sometimes…

    Like

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