Home > Fiction > FF – Most Wanted!

FF – Most Wanted!

Here is my even sillier-than-last-week’s story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roget Bultot.

Work is mad, I’m doing 11+ hour days, so here’s something I knocked out in my lunch break.

Copyright Roger Bultot


“Newtown’s Most Wanted”, by reporter Tim Pointless

Police are today searching for a band of merciless criminals. Sgt Doughnut from Newtown Constabulary explains:

“They’re roving the streets, cold-bloodedly washing cars without permission, left, right and centre. Left, right and centre!”

I asked Sgt Doughnut why this was such a problem.

“Look at all the suds! You could slip and break a hip! Little bastards. Pardon my French.”

Newtown Constabulary responded with “no comment”, but muttered that “Sgt Doughnut should never have been allowed out near the public, the daft bugger.”

Next week – “Flower Arranging exposé – the dark side of Ikebana”


  1. May 1, 2019 at 7:16 pm

    At least the story was clean!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. May 1, 2019 at 7:33 pm

    There should be a zero tolerance on things like this… I imagine that the perpetrators to be girls in bikini, so Doughnut might be able to add indecent exposure to the charges of reckless sudding

    Liked by 1 person

  3. May 1, 2019 at 7:52 pm

    They’re just a bunch of amateur Felix Ungers. The real Felix would clean up his mess and keep things all as plum tidy as can be


    • May 2, 2019 at 6:06 am

      Ha, when I Googled who “Felix Unger” is, he came up as an pioneering Austrian heart surgeon, which confused me a bit (I don’t know if we ever got “The Odd Couple” over here)!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. May 1, 2019 at 9:20 pm

    If I could have the address, I have a car that could do with a good clean – I’m sure they’d enjoy the challenge!


    • May 2, 2019 at 6:07 am

      If you’ll keep Sgt Doughnut busy for an hour I’m sure they’ll be happy to oblige!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. gahlearner
    May 1, 2019 at 9:57 pm

    Sgt. Doughnut is someone to be watched. Can’t wait to read about the Ikebana. This was fun.


    • May 2, 2019 at 6:08 am

      The Ikebana story will knock your socks off! All I need is a photo prompt with a bunch of flowers in…
      I’m glad you liked it!


  6. May 1, 2019 at 10:00 pm

    HAHAHA! Free doughnuts for everyone! 😀


  7. May 2, 2019 at 3:39 am

    I like your sense of humor. Sounds like they are working your pretty hard at your job.


    • May 2, 2019 at 6:09 am

      Very busy at the moment 😦
      I’m glad you liked the story!


  8. May 2, 2019 at 4:02 am

    So sorry for your workload. Love Sgt. Doughnut and hope to hear more from him. Entertaining as always! 🙂


    • May 2, 2019 at 6:10 am

      He’s a right one, that Sgt Doughnut 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. May 2, 2019 at 7:31 am

    I like Sgt Doughnut. He should make another appearance.


    • May 2, 2019 at 7:18 pm

      He may well! If he manages to escape from behind his desk again 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. May 2, 2019 at 9:18 am

    Sgt. Doughnut really isn’t that bright for rising to his rank on the force. Can’t he tell the remnants of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man when he sees them? It shouldn’t take the forensics and baking team to solve this caper…


    • May 2, 2019 at 7:20 pm

      Don’t eat the evidence, Sgt Doughnut! Oh dear, too late.


  11. May 2, 2019 at 9:54 am

    My first big grin of the day! More of Sgt. Doughnut’s cases, please!

    My story – ‘This way that way!’


  12. May 2, 2019 at 11:21 am

    Good one! I hope Sgt. Doughnut becomes a regular!


    • May 2, 2019 at 7:22 pm

      A few people have requested a come-back, so he may well be back. I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. May 2, 2019 at 12:19 pm

    Dear Ali,

    Sgt. Doughnut, eh? Does this mean that the police over there subsist on sweet rolls like our men in blue in the States? We could use some serial car washers in our neighborhood. You are daft…and I love it.




    • May 2, 2019 at 7:24 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      Don’t police the world over? 😉
      The busier I am, the dafter I become. One day I’ll retire and write something deep and meaningful 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. May 2, 2019 at 12:35 pm

    Ah, ha, ha. This is hilarious, Ali. I love the name Doughnut for the Sargent. I think he needs some leave time beginning like yesterday. 😀 — Suzanne


  15. May 2, 2019 at 1:54 pm

    Ha!! This is a great story, absolutely loved it!

    -Rachel 🙂


  16. Merbear74
    May 2, 2019 at 3:53 pm

    Pardon my French! 🙂
    I want a doughnut. 😦


    • May 2, 2019 at 7:26 pm

      I want a doughnut too 🙂 I’m sure I have some Easter chocolate left…


  17. May 2, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    I love doughnuts, and I should never, ever eat one because then I need another. . . . anyway, this was great fun, and took the edge off of some of the more serious posts this week.


    • May 2, 2019 at 7:29 pm

      I like to keep it light – unless I’m doing another apocalypse :-). I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. May 3, 2019 at 7:14 am

    I was in the mood for a big plate of Sillier-than-last-week. You do not disappoint. 🙂


    • May 4, 2019 at 4:25 pm

      It was definitely sillier than last week, which was quite a feat! I’m glad you liked it 🙂


  19. May 3, 2019 at 7:24 am

    Have no fear, Sgt Doughnut is here. I bet he’ll get these terrorists behind bars in notime


  20. May 3, 2019 at 7:04 pm

    I wish these random car washers would come wash my car left, right and centre. My neighborhood could use someone as humorous as Sergeant Doughnut too. Fun story!


    • May 4, 2019 at 4:27 pm

      A real community policeman 🙂 I wouldn’t mind if my car got hit in a random drive-by washing either…

      Liked by 1 person

  21. May 4, 2019 at 1:48 am

    This was perfect, Alistair! Maybe being overloaded at work is good to get your silly out!


  22. May 4, 2019 at 10:10 am

    Are you sure they eat the sgt, or maybe cleaned him too…MOL 😀 Pawkisses for a Happy Caturday🐾😽💞


    • May 4, 2019 at 10:11 am

      I meant “didn’t eat” of course 😉


      • May 4, 2019 at 4:29 pm

        I thought for a minute you were graduating from mousies to larger prey 🙂


  23. May 5, 2019 at 12:37 am

    What street is the illegal car wash… I’m in great need! Enjoyed!


  24. May 5, 2019 at 2:54 am

    They could come here and scrubadub. NO ONE would complain. Promise!


    • May 5, 2019 at 4:39 pm

      I think Sgt Doughnut has misread his public…


  25. May 5, 2019 at 7:33 am

    Someone’s doing a car wash for free? They charge an arm and a leg round where I live.


    • May 5, 2019 at 4:40 pm

      Sunday will oft see me with sponge and watering can in hand…


  26. May 6, 2019 at 9:38 am

    Ha! Ha! I am looking forward to reading that exposé of the dark side of Ikebana now 😉


    • May 6, 2019 at 5:02 pm

      You won’t believe what Tim Pointless has uncovered 🙂


  27. May 6, 2019 at 10:15 am

    I like Sergeant Doughnut. Nobody wants slippery streets. I’m in awe of what you can come up with in a rushed lunch break. I hope things slow down for you. I can recommend retirement – sleep in every morning if you like.


  28. May 6, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    Where is this free car wash, I need to go…. 🙂


  29. May 6, 2019 at 1:59 pm

    In a crime free Newtown, Sgt. Doughnut has a lot of free time. No wonder he is searching for a crime to make his job meaningful. I like the name Sgt. Doughnut. He must be favourite of some people!


  30. May 7, 2019 at 5:51 pm

    Sgt Doughnut?
    That is SO wrong!


  31. May 12, 2019 at 7:55 pm

    Those inconsiderate car washers could’ve waited until it got warmer… all that water freezing on the roads is indeed hazardous!


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