Home > Fiction > FF – Snowflake Patrol

FF – Snowflake Patrol

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jean L. Hays.

I’m thinking this bunch of whingy whiners are never going to be elite troops…

Copyright Jean L. Hays


“Target ahead. Silent protocol.”

“Right-oh, Sarge!”



“Barbed wire. Snips, now.”

“Snips? Anyone?”

“Oh, for… slip underneath.”

“…ow! I caught my finger…”


“…aw, man, I got cow poo on my uniform.…”

“…I know a good dry cleaner….”

“…what about my finger? I’m bleeding out….”

“…Sarge, I knelt in a puddle, my Mum’s gonna kill me…”





“Aw, man. Poor Sarge.”

“…now I’ve got blood on my uniform… blood and poo…”

“This is too stressful. Let’s evac home.”

“…and don’t think you’re coming in the chopper covered in poo…”



  1. May 8, 2019 at 6:59 pm

    Considering that it’s a military tale, it must be something It must be either Beetle Bailey or Gomer Pyle, because it’s most certainly not so realistic.


  2. May 8, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    Very aptly named. I.n fact, Flake patrol would even do. Or Marshmallow Squad.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. May 8, 2019 at 7:38 pm

    I’m convinced of the authenticity!


  4. May 8, 2019 at 7:44 pm

    Dad’s Army at its finest. Not quite a crack unit! 🙂


  5. May 8, 2019 at 8:02 pm

    Nope these are not elite… but I think it also proves that Darwin was wrong… it’s not survival of the fittest (poor sarge)


    • May 9, 2019 at 6:07 am

      Sadly Sarge’s sense of duty to his men overrode his sense of self-preservation 😦


  6. May 8, 2019 at 8:25 pm

    I’m afraid they’ll lose the war 😀


  7. May 8, 2019 at 9:29 pm

    We may as well raise the white flag now! 😀


  8. May 8, 2019 at 9:50 pm

    Bunch of poo.


  9. May 8, 2019 at 11:40 pm

    Sounds legit … 😉


  10. May 9, 2019 at 3:51 am

    Millenials in the Military. Accurate!


  11. May 9, 2019 at 10:07 am

    Ah, ha, ha. And you mean they actually gave these guys live ammunition? Let’s try wooden guns for a while. I hope poor Sarge just got a flesh wound. Hilarious, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne


    • May 9, 2019 at 11:41 am

      I suppose it’s possible that Sarge only got a flesh wound… 🙂


  12. May 9, 2019 at 11:20 am

    Our future in their hands… Nice one


  13. May 9, 2019 at 12:50 pm

    Haha this reminded me of the web series Red vs Blue.
    I liked the use of font size – different but effective.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 9, 2019 at 3:40 pm

      Thanks, I ummed and aahed for ages about that, but wanted to try to represent “background mumbling” 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  14. May 9, 2019 at 2:17 pm

    Military training obviously ain’t what it used to be!

    ‘Retribution’, my short story.


  15. May 9, 2019 at 3:30 pm

    Somehow I imagined a troop of Boy Scouts then Sarge got shot and I changed my mind, Love the poo part.


    • May 9, 2019 at 3:41 pm

      Ha, yes, that would have been a Scout camping trip with a twist 🙂


  16. May 9, 2019 at 6:55 pm

    Like a modern day “F Troop,” an old t.v. show from the 60’s. Entertaining as always! 🙂


    • May 9, 2019 at 7:17 pm

      I’ve not seen that but I can imagine it now 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. May 9, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    At least they’ll all get medals for their bravery since everyone in the Snowflake Patrol gets a medal to keep things fair…


    • May 9, 2019 at 7:18 pm

      Heaven forfend one should get a bigger medal than the others. Even if they are for “deferred success”.


  18. May 9, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    They know they’re adults in a war, right? Ha.
    I also like the font size. Didn’t get it at first, but then I did. Great job.


    • May 10, 2019 at 5:57 am

      Thanks, the font thing was a bit of an experiment.
      I don’t think the gravity of the situation has quite registered with them yet…

      Liked by 1 person

  19. May 9, 2019 at 9:18 pm

    Good stuff, i wondered of it could be children playing army and worrying about what their mum may say when they get home later, but i suspect its Dad’s army!!


    • May 10, 2019 at 6:01 am

      Yep, pretty close to Dad’s Army! I’m glad you liked it.


  20. Alice Audrey
    May 9, 2019 at 10:02 pm

    War is such a dirty affair.


  21. May 10, 2019 at 12:50 pm

    Love the dialogue – I could see all the snowflake boys, stumbling and moaning. Nicely done.


    • May 11, 2019 at 4:27 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad you were able to visualise their little escapade 🙂


  22. May 10, 2019 at 3:37 pm

    So good, Ali! I, too, loved the used of the different sized fonts to express yelling vs whispering…
    Poo and blood can be so hard to wash out…


    • May 11, 2019 at 4:28 pm

      His mum’s not going to be happy when he turns up at the weekend with his laundry. Especially since he’s all grown up now…
      I’m glad you liked it!


  23. May 10, 2019 at 6:44 pm

    Oh my goodness! I read this to my husband, a 22-year veteran of the Army Reserve, and he totally cracked up. Says he’s glad he retired before he had to deal with anything like that 🙂


    • May 11, 2019 at 4:30 pm

      I’m glad you both enjoyed it! Times have changed 🙂


  24. May 11, 2019 at 1:08 am

    This gave me a laugh!
    Poor Sarge!


  25. May 11, 2019 at 4:48 am

    Too funny! And probably close to what a draft would dredge up in this day and age….


    • May 11, 2019 at 4:31 pm

      Maybe that’s the reason they stopped National Service (in the UK). I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  26. May 11, 2019 at 9:51 am

    Carton War, it’s a dirty life.


    • May 11, 2019 at 4:31 pm

      And that’s even before you reach your target.

      Liked by 1 person

      • May 11, 2019 at 7:13 pm

        Cartoon War, sorry about the spelling.


        • May 12, 2019 at 5:03 am

          Ah ha! I even Googled “Carton War” in case it was a 60s TV programme I hadn’t heard of (several people have mentioned old army comedies…)
          It’s really annoying that you can’t edit your own comments on WP – I’m forever clicking the button and wishing I’d checked first.

          Liked by 1 person

  27. May 11, 2019 at 12:40 pm

    Dear Ali,

    Military discipline at its (not so) finest. You made me laugh.




    • May 11, 2019 at 4:32 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      They could certainly do with some time digging latrines and thinking about what they’ve done. I’m glad you liked it!


  28. May 12, 2019 at 3:12 am

    Ha! Ha! So believable but probably fictional cos nobody updated their facebook status or posted to instagram #war #soldiers #SargeHit #BarbedWires


    • May 12, 2019 at 5:05 am

      I can imagine them live-tweeting an account of the mission… 🙂


  29. May 12, 2019 at 8:01 pm

    These can’t be grown men. No one over age ten says”poo”. 😉


  30. May 14, 2019 at 7:57 am

    Well..at least they’re still alive…MOL 😀 Clean Pawkisses🐾😽💞


  31. Bear
    May 14, 2019 at 7:51 pm

    That was a good laugh! hehe!


  32. May 14, 2019 at 10:43 pm

    Beatle Bailey would fit right in!


    • May 16, 2019 at 5:58 am

      I Googled him in response to another comment, I think you’re right!

      Liked by 1 person

  33. June 19, 2019 at 7:29 pm

    Quite an accurate picture. And of course, there is always a ‘poor Sarge’ on the receiving end…


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