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FF – Bloated

Here is my post for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Ronda Del Boccio.

Click on the frog for all the stories!

Copyright Ronda Del Boccio

 

“I’ve made a fresh batch of peach jam, dear!”

“Dammit, woman, you know peach jam gives me gas!”

“Yes, dear. I do know.” Sheila’s voice sounded smug.

Barry lost it. He’d endured a lot of straws, but this was definitely the last. Multiple scenarios flashed through his fevered mind, everything he’d ever seen on every cop show imaginable.

He decided. He grabbed a knife.

He levered every lid off every jar of peach jam and ate the lot. He bloated. Massively.

The results, later in the bedroom, were explosive.

And not in a good way.

They’re currently divorcing, citing “incompatible digestions”.

 

  1. November 6, 2019 at 7:56 pm

    Their lawyers must most certainly have some stories to tell or what

    Like

  2. November 6, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    Didn’t see that one coming 😂

    Like

  3. November 6, 2019 at 8:02 pm

    Clever. Love the line… ‘enduring many straws’.

    Like

    • November 7, 2019 at 7:35 am

      Thanks! I liked that bit too, I wondered if anyone would mention it 🙂

      Like

  4. November 6, 2019 at 8:05 pm

    hahah – love the digestive track you took here

    Like

  5. November 6, 2019 at 8:27 pm

    Great story. It’s a gas!

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  6. November 6, 2019 at 8:51 pm

    The most irreconcilable differences the divorce lawyers ever encountered! 😀
    “enduring many straws” is a great line!

    Like

  7. November 6, 2019 at 9:27 pm

    Good one! It sounds like their marriage was explosive before that final straw and its results.

    Like

    • November 7, 2019 at 7:50 am

      Yep, it just needed one more thing to push them over the edge!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Lyn
    November 6, 2019 at 10:54 pm

    Words fail me 😀

    Like

  9. November 6, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    Revenge certainly stinks…

    Like

  10. November 7, 2019 at 12:53 am

    Hahahaha kudos to the explosive story and explosive comments😀👏

    Like

  11. November 7, 2019 at 12:56 am

    Five stars for imagination, Ali. They obviously aren’t looking for peaceful solutions anymore or I’d mail them a case of Gas-Be-Gone. 🙂

    Like

    • November 7, 2019 at 7:58 am

      I could do with a case of Gas-Be-Gone sometimes 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  12. November 7, 2019 at 1:27 am

    Lawzy, lawzy, lawzy! Methinks the fact she knows what it does and made it anyway,.. definitely deserved the repercussions!

    Like

    • November 7, 2019 at 7:59 am

      For sure. She really didn’t think it through to its inevitable conclusion, did she? 🙂

      Like

  13. November 7, 2019 at 3:32 am

    You have NO idea how “on the mark” this really is.

    Like

  14. November 7, 2019 at 8:58 am

    She deserved what was coming to her, I think. Well, they both did.

    Like

    • November 7, 2019 at 12:28 pm

      I agree! Maybe they’ll be happier apart.

      Like

  15. November 7, 2019 at 9:59 am

    Hehe brilliant!

    Like

  16. November 7, 2019 at 10:52 am

    Better stay out of that bedroom for awhile.

    Like

    • November 7, 2019 at 12:32 pm

      I think it’s needing a complete redecoration…

      Like

  17. November 7, 2019 at 12:15 pm

    Dear Ali,

    I wonder if they had to hire a cleanup crew to clear the deck. She shoulda known better. Not a peachy situation. 😉 Cute.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • November 7, 2019 at 12:34 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      I think it probably needs more than just a cleanup crew! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
      Ali

      Like

  18. November 7, 2019 at 1:23 pm

    Til death do us fart….

    Liked by 2 people

  19. November 7, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    Not where I thought that knife was going! An ingenuous revenge 🙂

    Like

  20. November 7, 2019 at 5:00 pm

    Grabbing the knife sent me in the wrong direction too! I’ve never tried peach jam – and I don’t think I ever will now!

    Here’s my story!

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    • November 8, 2019 at 7:10 am

      It sounds gross to be honest. I like black cherry best! Less chance of gas…

      Liked by 1 person

  21. November 7, 2019 at 6:05 pm

    what a way to get even. nicely done. 🙂

    Like

  22. November 7, 2019 at 10:40 pm

    What a dumb thing to do. For both of them Eeeeeww!!

    Like

  23. November 8, 2019 at 11:56 am

    Talk about a need for fumigation. Hilarious, Ali. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

  24. November 9, 2019 at 12:56 am

    Great misdirection, not where I thought it was headed. I guess he had enough. Love the last line! 🙂

    Like

    • November 9, 2019 at 4:30 pm

      A man can only be driven so far before he deliberately overloads his digestive system 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  25. November 9, 2019 at 3:12 pm

    Very funny Ali ! Love the way you tease us with the murderous revenge idea then switch to dreadful flatulence instead — which is worse ?

    Like

  26. November 9, 2019 at 6:27 pm

    Both are strange…. Ha ha!!!

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  27. November 9, 2019 at 8:53 pm

    It’s a gas! Ali

    Like

  28. Mike
    November 9, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    I smiled and smiled.

    Like

  29. November 10, 2019 at 1:30 am

    Reminds me of Veruca Salt in the Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator (or in the film, Chocolate Factory) and we know what happened to her… What a whiny little baby!

    Like

  30. November 10, 2019 at 4:39 am

    May be that is what Sheila wanted, a divorce. She had played her role perfectly and aggravated her husband enough to consume a lot of peach jam.

    Like

    • November 10, 2019 at 6:22 am

      Yes, perhaps a cunning plan on her part!

      Like

  31. November 10, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    What a waste of peach jam! Why, oh why, did you have to associate peach jam with… eeewww! I’ve lost my appetite. 😉

    Like

    • November 11, 2019 at 7:44 am

      You can have your revenge by writing a story next week to do with something awful with pizzas 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 11, 2019 at 6:44 pm

        Nah… that would ruin pizzas for me too! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  32. November 10, 2019 at 7:14 pm

    Thankfully, there’s no such thing as broccoli jam. lol

    Like

    • November 11, 2019 at 7:45 am

      We can only be thankful for that 🙂 I bet some intrepid home brewer has made broccoli wine, though…

      Like

  33. November 11, 2019 at 6:15 am

    I don’t know who is more nasty; her for making the jelly or him for eating it? Both knew the outcome lol.

    Like

  34. November 11, 2019 at 11:50 pm

    He should get the alimony!

    Like

    • November 13, 2019 at 8:09 pm

      For sure, poor fellow! Though not entirely blameless in this affair…

      Liked by 1 person

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