Home > Fiction > FF – Salt of the Earth

FF – Salt of the Earth

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This weeks’ photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Copyright Roger Bultot

 

“Tamatahs, 50p the pahhhhhnd…”

“Um excuse me, sir, you don’t have any, um, tomatoes…”

“It’s wot I say, guv’nor. How abaht some nice apples?”

“Oh, yes, please!”

“Why not make it da full staircase?”

“…?”

“Apples ‘n pears. Stairs.”

“Oh, yes, of course! You salt of the Earth chaps with your Cockney rhyming slang!”

“Salt of da WHAT?”

SMACK!

“Umph…”

Hey, Harry, that means grass roots working geezer!

“Ah, shit. Sorry. Here’s some apples on da haaas, I’ll stick ‘em in dis bag wiv yer teef.”

“Umph…”

“’Av a good suck on dem ‘til yer mouf is fixed…”

“Umph…”

“Tamatahs, 50p the pahhhhhnd…”

 

  1. March 4, 2020 at 8:50 pm

    Those might be the most expensive free apples ever.

    Like

    • March 5, 2020 at 8:23 am

      His dentist is going to think all their Christmases have come at once.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. March 4, 2020 at 8:55 pm

    When classes collide.

    Like

  3. March 4, 2020 at 8:58 pm

    Everything but the jellied eels. Enjoyed that.

    Like

    • March 5, 2020 at 8:25 am

      Aargh, I missed the most vital ingredient! I’m glad you liked it.

      Like

  4. March 4, 2020 at 10:30 pm

    HAHAHA! Good one, bruv! 😀

    Like

  5. March 4, 2020 at 11:25 pm

    Misunderstandings make great material for stories

    Liked by 1 person

  6. March 4, 2020 at 11:39 pm

    My Dad always said – Lad you get nowt in life for free.

    Like

    • March 5, 2020 at 8:27 am

      Agreed. Though broken teeth is quite a lot to pay for a few apples…!

      Like

  7. March 5, 2020 at 3:37 am

    How do they understand each other? I bet they are just guessing.

    Like

    • March 5, 2020 at 8:28 am

      A bit like me when I’m on the phone to a call centre…

      Like

  8. March 5, 2020 at 12:24 pm

    Totally clever! I love things written in dialect….

    Like

    • March 5, 2020 at 12:43 pm

      It’s a bit tricky, to get the right “sound” but still make it so readers can understand it 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 2 people

  9. March 5, 2020 at 6:09 pm

    A lively and entertaining story, Ali! I liked your dialogue.

    Like

    • March 6, 2020 at 7:33 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed their little confrontation 🙂

      Like

  10. March 5, 2020 at 9:53 pm

    I nominate this for a Best Foreign Language Film award. Oh, wait….

    Like

  11. March 6, 2020 at 12:11 am

    it looks like sign of things to come. i shudder at the thought.

    Like

  12. March 6, 2020 at 8:52 am

    He he – you captured his voice perfectly. I remember blokes in the market who sounded just like Harry. Great little read!

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Like

    • March 7, 2020 at 5:18 pm

      I’m glad he sounded authentic 🙂

      Like

  13. March 6, 2020 at 11:03 am

    Love it, I felt I was wandering through Borough Market! Right, I’m off for a ruby.

    Like

  14. March 6, 2020 at 2:21 pm

    Dear Ali,

    Brutally funny. Nuffink worse than getting ‘it in one’s teef.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • March 7, 2020 at 5:19 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      Indeed there is not! I’m glad you liked it.
      Ali

      Like

  15. March 6, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    Entertaining, although I was not sure why he got smacked?

    Like

    • March 7, 2020 at 5:20 pm

      Poor Harry didn’t understand the expression, though he was being insulted.

      Like

  16. March 6, 2020 at 5:18 pm

    Seriously laugh out loud funny Ali, love the you mangle the grocer’s vowels, kind of a parody ?

    Like

  17. March 6, 2020 at 7:38 pm

    Oh my, I wouldn’t want to run into him in my market. Nice one.

    Like

  18. March 6, 2020 at 8:08 pm

    I’ll avoid that place. seems like the stall holder doesn’t have a sense of humour. Get it wrong and he batters your boat race.

    Like

  19. March 7, 2020 at 1:18 am

    Yup, sociolects to confusion. You made me smile there.

    Like

  20. March 7, 2020 at 3:22 am

    Too funny. I’m still laughing.

    Like

    • March 7, 2020 at 5:22 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  21. March 7, 2020 at 7:49 am

    It’s not easy writing dialect, you pulled it off. Great story!

    Like

    • March 7, 2020 at 5:23 pm

      It’s tricky to get the sound but still make it readable. I’m glad you liked it!

      Liked by 1 person

  22. March 7, 2020 at 9:37 am

    Great humour again but surely he should be putting his Hampstead’s in the bag.

    Like

  23. March 7, 2020 at 7:15 pm

    Me finks that was a jolly bi’ a fun! Well, not for the guy who lost his teeth. Great stuff! =)

    Like

    • March 8, 2020 at 6:02 am

      Fanks, I’m glad it gave you a bit of a larf 🙂

      Like

  24. March 8, 2020 at 3:38 pm

    MOL…I have to upgrade my English and give myself an accent…MOL…this was funny, Draliman😸Extra Pawkisses🐾😽💞

    Like

  25. March 8, 2020 at 9:28 pm

    This was fun… I would be totally lost in a case like this…

    Like

  26. March 9, 2020 at 8:50 am

    “I’ll stick em in the bag wiv your teeth”! Ooh that was hilarious.

    Like

    • March 10, 2020 at 6:02 pm

      He’s quite polite, helping out and all…!

      Like

  27. March 11, 2020 at 7:59 pm

    Gotta watch that mouth! 😳

    Like

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