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FF – Vampires!

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Sorry, but if you post a photo of garlic, how can I not think “vampire”?



“Argh! How did you get in? Uninvited? Past the garlic? In the middle of the day?”


“You blood-drinking nightcrawlers, you should be bursting into flames!”

“Ah, I see what’s happening here. Eh, lads?”

Yeah! Ha! Happens all the time!

“We’re not vampires, dude!”

“You’re… not?”

“No! Wow, this is embarrassing! So sorry, mate!”

“I just thought… with all the bodies recently… drained of blood…”

“No! Jeez. You thought… no! No, we’re a homicidal blood cult.”

“Oh, phew… wait… what, now?”

Slice! Swish! Spurt!

“I can’t believe he thought… aw, never mind. Everyone remember to bring their ritual mugs?”



  1. September 23, 2020 at 7:10 pm

    At least with vampires he would have got immortality.


  2. September 23, 2020 at 7:19 pm

    Dear Ali,

    Bring out the garlic! Oh sounds like it’s too late for that.




    • September 24, 2020 at 6:59 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      Yes, a self-defence class would have been more useful.


  3. September 23, 2020 at 7:20 pm

    Such a terrible misunderstanding! Glad they got it sorted out though. 😂


  4. September 23, 2020 at 7:39 pm

    What a social faux pas


    • September 24, 2020 at 7:06 am

      I know! Vampires indeed. That’s what you get when you make snap judgements.


  5. September 23, 2020 at 7:45 pm

    I’d probably think of food.


  6. September 23, 2020 at 8:41 pm

    Time gentlemen please, it’s 10 o’clock!


    • September 24, 2020 at 7:10 am

      We gotta get home, dude, we’re looking at a big fine here…

      Liked by 1 person

  7. September 23, 2020 at 9:03 pm

    Once again, I am embarrassed at how much I laughed! 😀


  8. September 23, 2020 at 9:10 pm

    Superstitions can only take you that far.


    • September 24, 2020 at 7:11 am

      Yep, then it turns out to be your common or garden homicidal humans.


  9. September 23, 2020 at 9:20 pm

    Now that’s what I call horribly funny!

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos


    • September 24, 2020 at 7:12 am

      Exactly what I was going for, thanks 🙂


  10. Dee | Grammy's Grid
    September 23, 2020 at 10:19 pm

    Oh no!!


  11. September 23, 2020 at 10:24 pm

    Whew! What a relief! It’s misunderstandings like that that lead to prejudice and all kinds of horrible things.


    • September 24, 2020 at 7:16 am

      Very true. Poor misunderstand actual vampires. They don’t make nearly as much mess.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. September 23, 2020 at 10:58 pm

    Embarrassing all around, I’m sure, but I can see where there might be a bit of confusion.


    • September 24, 2020 at 7:18 am

      Maybe the blood cult needs to do some sort of publicity campaign. I’m sure that will make the general public feel much better about the whole thing.

      Liked by 1 person

      • September 24, 2020 at 11:33 am

        Perhaps they need an image consultant. I mean, Vampires went from ugly and evil, like Nosferatu, to beautiful and sparkling in Twilight. Just good publicity.


        • September 26, 2020 at 4:12 am

          Ha yes, spinning the truth seems to be all the rage these days, I’m sure the right PR company will do wonders for them!

          Liked by 1 person

  13. Lyn
    September 23, 2020 at 11:04 pm

    Only you, D-man, only you 😀


  14. September 24, 2020 at 1:58 am

    Gads! Bad tricksters. Somehow this made me smile!


    • September 24, 2020 at 7:20 am

      In their defence, they weren’t actively pretending to be vampires 🙂


  15. September 24, 2020 at 5:00 am

    it looks like vampires have some good competition. 🙂


    • September 24, 2020 at 7:25 am

      Yes, they’ll be fighting each other over the dwindling blood supply before long 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  16. September 24, 2020 at 12:30 pm

    Just what we needed to make 2020 perfect, a blood cult. I wonder if bear traps would work. 😦 — Suzanne


    • September 26, 2020 at 4:14 am

      Might as well get it all done with in the one year 🙂


  17. September 24, 2020 at 2:01 pm

    Sounds like a typical night out with the lads!

    Here’s mine!


    • September 26, 2020 at 4:17 am

      They party hard in those parts! Does anyone remember last night? What’s all this red stuff…

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Sue
    September 24, 2020 at 7:50 pm

    Oh my!! I think I’d prefer the way of the Vampires 🧛‍♂️ Heart stopping story!


    • September 26, 2020 at 4:21 am

      Me too. Less messy. But ultimately, just as heart stopping 🙂


  19. September 25, 2020 at 12:35 am

    Can you blame him for thinking that? Poor bugger… Hope it went quick


    • September 26, 2020 at 4:27 am

      Seconds, Dale, seconds. Gone before the shock wore off 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  20. September 25, 2020 at 1:43 am

    That last word. Why!? You had me until then.


  21. September 25, 2020 at 2:39 am

    Zeeba would like to know if there are any openings in this cult…


    • September 26, 2020 at 4:37 am

      I was thinking of Zeeba as I wrote the last sentences. I’m sure they have room for such an enthusiastic member!


  22. September 25, 2020 at 7:04 pm

    Loved the ‘slurpy’ tale!


  23. September 26, 2020 at 3:09 am

    It would have been better they’d been vampires. You do a fantastic job with dialogue. Very entertaining.


    • September 26, 2020 at 4:39 am

      At least with vampires there’s less mess and the possibility to join them afterwards 🙂 I’m glad you enjoy my dialogue!

      Liked by 1 person

  24. September 26, 2020 at 4:25 am

    Gross! The poor guy was tricked fairly easily though! Does that mean he deserves to have his blood drinken? Lol.


  25. September 26, 2020 at 9:40 am

    Sounds like a B Horror Movie – The Return of the Aztec Cult – A two hour adventure of Dude’s searching for the ultimate taste – O negative rating.


  26. September 26, 2020 at 1:26 pm

    Gah. Somehow, the “blood cult” seems even worse.


    • September 27, 2020 at 6:47 am

      It does. Vampires are drinking to survive, this bunch is just nuts.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. September 26, 2020 at 2:22 pm

    On the whole, I’d go for the vampires, I think.


    • September 27, 2020 at 6:48 am

      Me too. They have a much more “romantic” feel to them!


  28. September 26, 2020 at 5:12 pm

    Ha ha ! I never realised that life was so cut-throat in the Twilight Zone.


  29. September 27, 2020 at 7:35 pm

    Yes, vampires are definitely preferable to members of a homicidal blood cult, though I don’t suppose there’s much to tell them apart, unless the fangs – or slashing blades – come out. A gruesomely bloodthirsty and funny story.


    • September 28, 2020 at 5:03 am

      At least with vampires you (traditionally) get a nice night out and a bit of seduction before they rip into you 🙂


  30. September 28, 2020 at 5:08 am

    Details might change but the ending is the same!


  31. September 28, 2020 at 11:35 am

    D’oh, he’s defended himself against the wrong threat. Still he’ll remember next time…oh hang on. Funny as usual, Draliman


  32. September 29, 2020 at 6:28 am

    Nice! Enjoyed reading it!


    • September 30, 2020 at 4:29 am

      Thanks I’m glad you liked it!


  33. September 29, 2020 at 6:54 am

    *gulp*…not enough garlic, I suppose…MOL😸More Pawkisses🐾😽💞


  34. September 30, 2020 at 5:41 pm

    “Slice! Swish! Spurt!” No trigger warning??


    • October 1, 2020 at 4:50 am

      Um… Warning, this story could cause nausea, disgust and/or disgusting nausea. There you go! Um.

      Liked by 1 person

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