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FF – Newly Elected

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Lisa Fox.

There’s some allusion to recent “sleaze-related” issues in the UK government, but I’ve written “MP” and “PM” longhand to help my non-UK readers (thus going slightly over the word limit in the process).

Copyright Lisa Fox

“Mr Fortingham-Smythe, new Member of Parliament for Little Umptingham – what are your plans?”

“I’m going to shit all over the electorate.”

“What? Um, please, watch your language, sir. This is the BBC, after all!”


“Not the answer I was expecting…?”

“Now that I’m safely elected, I’m planning on indolence, debauchery and a bit of general non-specific corruption. Fill my pockets, so to speak.”

“But… but…”

“And the best bit is, if I’m caught the Prime Minister will simply change the rules!”

“Um, yes, but…”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit upstairs and wait for a scruffy voter to arrive.”

  1. December 2, 2021 at 3:08 pm

    He’s thinking out loud and surprises no one. Great take.


  2. December 2, 2021 at 3:18 pm

    Same across the pond x a million, with no gov’t agency uncorrupted. They can tell the truth about themselves through word and deed and zombie voters will still re-elect them. In a hundred words you nailed it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • December 4, 2021 at 7:05 am

      Usually the choices on the ballot paper are a rock and a hard place 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  3. December 2, 2021 at 3:30 pm

    Politicians like this need to be flushed out of office.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. December 2, 2021 at 4:30 pm

    I wish this was further from reality than it is


  5. December 2, 2021 at 5:04 pm

    Strikingly savage satire. Well done!


    • December 4, 2021 at 7:07 am

      Thanks, I usually stay away from “real life” but what else are you supposed to do with those toilets? 🙂


  6. December 2, 2021 at 7:18 pm

    Scarily accurate…


  7. December 3, 2021 at 12:50 pm

    haha! I love it.


  8. December 3, 2021 at 1:48 pm

    Dear Ali,

    At least he’s honest. Not so different from the States.




    • December 4, 2021 at 7:12 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      Yes, sort of a refreshing change! I’m sure all countries have the same problem, it’s just more subtle and harder to spot in some than others.


  9. December 3, 2021 at 3:23 pm

    He may actually be the world’s first honest politician!


    • December 4, 2021 at 7:13 am

      Yes! Regardless of his plans, it is nice that he’s being up front about it!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. December 3, 2021 at 4:42 pm

    Beautifully and brilliantly blunt. Well done.


  11. December 4, 2021 at 12:39 am

    I would have known what PM meant, though MP here most commonly stands for “military police.”

    And now I am so glad I didn’t vote last year. I’d hate to have my hair mussed up like that…


    • December 4, 2021 at 7:15 am

      We have that for MP as well. I thought I’d better write it long hand as I remembered having to Google what “POTUS” meant during the Trump years.


      • December 5, 2021 at 3:12 pm

        We also use SCOTUS for the Supreme Court, which always makes me think of a part of the male anatomy…


        • December 5, 2021 at 5:01 pm

          Ha, I thought that the first time I saw that…


  12. December 4, 2021 at 3:46 am

    Mr Fortingham-Smythe has one thing going for him: shamelessness. He’s an open viper. How refreshing!


  13. December 4, 2021 at 5:36 pm

    ah, the guy feels totally entitled. 🙂


  14. December 5, 2021 at 6:41 pm

    Good story Ali, so topical, Changing the probity rules so that MPs can continue in their dishonest behaviour reads like satire to me! Nicely done.


    • December 6, 2021 at 7:17 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it!


  15. December 5, 2021 at 10:35 pm

    That has to be in the rich part of town. Here in the sticks, our outsouses are behind the lean-to. Video provided…. https://youtu.be/9QgLUwkQVLo … I figured you rich folk didn’t know what a lean-to was.


  16. December 6, 2021 at 10:59 am

    The day Andrew Marr met his match – if only!


  17. December 6, 2021 at 12:14 pm

    An inventive and topical take on the prompt, nicely done.


  18. Michael Humphris
    December 6, 2021 at 9:14 pm

    You made me smile, lovely


  19. December 8, 2021 at 9:39 pm

    Mmmm (thinking) My initials are MPM. Not sure how to take this.
    Good thing I’m not in politics. 😁


    • December 9, 2021 at 4:40 pm

      That would get confusing! MPM MP, hoping to someday become MPM PM.


      • February 26, 2022 at 5:49 pm

        🤣 I figure it out from the very beginning that it would be confusing. And since I’m easily confused, ☺️Ha, I decided to be MPM for all things important and PM when it is just me.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. Lyn
    December 16, 2021 at 4:40 am

    One can only hope the plumbers “reversed the polarity of the neutron flow,” and when the unsuspecting “scruffy voter” flushes, Fortingham-Smythe cops what he deserves.


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