FF – Preparations

April 29, 2020 62 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Dale Rogerson.

Copyright Dale Rogerson

 

Trigg sat in his restaurant, so quiet without customers, and tucked into braised steak. He’d planned for everything. With storerooms stocked, employees furloughed and loans in place, he knew his hotel would weather the lockdown with ease.

He smiled as he took another sip of premium wine. He was completely pandemic-proof.

That night an avalanche, dislodged by unseasonably-warm weather, dumped a million tonnes of snow on his hotel, smashing it to bits and smearing him across five miles of mountainside.

Yep. Climate change is still a “thing”, pandemic notwithstanding.

It’s hard to plan for everything.

 

Sharing My World 20-04-2020

April 26, 2020 22 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

In your opinion what animal is the most majestic?
Ah, that would be the majestic meerkat. Gaze in wonder as he scurries majestically around the desert, or wherever it is meerkats live. Feel that catch in your throat as he stands majestically on his hind legs, gazing with majestic solemness across the desert landscape, or the landscape of wherever meerkats live.

Truly the king of beasts.

What seemingly innocent question makes you think “It’s a trap!”?
“Does my bum look big in this? If you love me, you’ll be honest…”

What weird potato chip flavour that doesn’t exist would you like to try?
Surely every possible flavour of crisp has been already produced by now? There’s some weird stuff out there. I found a site listing some weird flavours, including squid, cucumber and cinnamon and sugar (erk!). However, it’s an American site as it also listed, as being really “out-there” from across the pond (ie. here), prawn cocktail crisps. I grew up on prawn cocktail crisps!

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FF – Endings

April 22, 2020 70 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by C.E. Ayr.

Copyright C.E. Ayr

 

“That’s weird.”

“What?”

“We burned everything. All our relationship stuff. Except that picture. That picture didn’t burn.”

“Okay…”

“It’s Paris. Where we met.”

“I know.”

“Why didn’t it burn? Maybe it’s a sign.”

“A sign.”

“That we should stay together. Maybe someone’s trying to tell us something.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Maybe we could… try again?”

“No. We’re past all that. It’s over.”

“So… so. Right. Who gets the Paris picture? Do you want it?”

“No. You take it. You were always more into… Paris… than I was.”

 

Sharing My World 13-04-2020

April 19, 2020 20 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

What do you do to get rid of stress?
I charge around virtual worlds on my PS4, slaughtering people. It’s okay, they deserve it. I don’t kill innocent villagers. Well, not on purpose, sometimes an badly-aimed arrow takes ones out.

I also read and watch TV.

In the past people were buried with the items they would need in the afterlife, what would you want buried with you so you could use it in the afterlife?
Hmm, I’m thinking the usual tech and so on, but what if there’s no electricity in the afterlife? Maybe I’m better off going unencumbered. A new start once I’m dead, so to speak.

What’s the opposite of a koala?
That would be the anti-koala. Made completely of antimatter (and courtesy of Lightroom’s Tone Curve), when this guy meets a regular koala they self-annihilate!

What’s the creepiest tech out there?
Those robots that look like humans. Shudder!

What method are you using to find your smile right now?
Remember those computer games I play? I have a new strategy! Shoot an enemy from long range with a fire arrow. Once he’s on fire, all his mates run out to put out the flames, making themselves easy targets. Then you set them on fire too.

Hilarious.

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FF – Rucksack

April 15, 2020 67 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Roger Bultot.

Bit of a rushed one this week. Very busy day, and the photo didn’t immediately bring anything to mind except our current rather deserted cities.

Copyright Roger Bultot

 

Ben laughed in delight. The view was magnificent! Above, the aircraft was just a smudge against the clouds; below, the city rushed towards him. He fancied he could already see people, tiny little dots, scurrying about their lives.

All around he saw his friends deploy their parachutes. He grinned. What a great idea this skydiving was! He pulled the cord. A flap opened and his lunch fell out.

Well, that was just bloody typical. Trust him to pick up his rucksack instead of his parachute. What an idiot!

Ah well, live and learn. Well, not in this case, maybe.

SPLAT

 

Sharing My World 06-04-2020

April 12, 2020 28 comments

Here is my post for Melanie’s Share Your World.

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make them?
Because that mistake may be our last (dum dum DUM).

How do we know that pleasure is good and pain is bad?
Because when I eat ice cream I feel good, but when I smash my toe into a large immovable object I feel bad.

What problem or situation did TV / movies make you think would be common, but when you grew up you found out it wasn’t?
Whenever I see an American film or TV and there’s a pedestrian in the road, the oncoming bus or lorry honks its horn and then just crashes right over them.

In real life, instead of wasting time honking their horn I have discovered that the oncoming traffic uses their brakes instead.

If you drive, do you speed when no one is watching? Have you ever run a red light late at night on purpose, particularly if it doesn’t seem to change very quickly? If you don’t drive, what minor law may you have broken?
Someone is always watching…

Is this hypothetical? When the roads were really really quiet as the lockdown came into force I had to hypothetically go to work one more day to collect stuff I needed to work from home. I definitely never hypothetically quickly nipped over 100mph just to try it once and see what it was like.

Hypothetically, it turns out that when your Fiesta’s top speed is over 140mph, 100mph feels the same as 70mph (the actual speed limit).

Hypothetically.

[draliman’s legal team has this to say: This never happened. This blog is fiction and no laws were broken heretofore notwithstanding hereafter and in perpetuity veni vidi vici QED. And if the onboard computer says different, it’s a lying bastard.]

What positive things are you finding to do to occupy your time right now?
Well, working 10 hours a day as usual, only from home. I’m going for a daily walk in my lunch break.

I made more pizza dough.

And I’ll be eating this Easter egg later, which unexpectedly arrived by courier from the management team at work.

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FF – Chasing Rainbows

April 9, 2020 60 comments

Here is my story for Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle. This week’s photo was contributed by Jeff Arnold.

Guess who forgot what day it was? Me! That’s why I’m a day later than usual.

Copyright Jeff Arnold

 

Always chasing the rainbow. That was Sebastian. Never standing still. Never appreciating the “now”.

Margie couldn’t stand it any longer. She needed stability.

She made a deal.

Sealed in blood.

With a Leprechaun.

Okay, sealed in shamrock. Puréed. With a nice Chianti.

Next day Sebastian chased a rainbow and never came back.

Possibly he’s still chasing it.

The Leprechaun’s due back next week to extract his price.

Who could be sacrificed to satisfy his bloodlust? Not Margie, that’s for sure.

Her sister-in-law’s really been pissing her off lately…