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No Smoking

It’s that time of the week again – Friday Fictioneers time (regardless of the fact that it’s not Friday – boo 😦 ). Hosted by the amazingly talented Rochelle, a bunch of us get together to write a (roughly) 100 word story in response to a photo, which this week comes to us courtesy of Dawn Q. Landau.

To read everyone else’s amazing contributions, click here!

I’m in an odd mood this week. I’m not sure if my story is funny or tragic. I suspect it’s tragic but I find it quite amusing. I wonder if I need to seek professional help?

Maybe you should judge for yourselves…

c2a9dawn_q-_landau

Copyright Dawn Q. Landau

β€œNo Smoking” in the gunpowder store was a given, but Samuel had been doing this job for ten years and he’d never had an accident. The cigarette dropped to the floor as he fell asleep.

The whole top of the mountain blew off.


Newlyweds Sally and Jeff walked hand-in-hand along the beach.

β€œIs it me or is it getting darker?”

β€œI think it is. I hope it doesn’t rain.”

β€œMe too. What’s that whooshing sound?”

The remains of the gunpowder store drove their mangled bodies into the sand. It’s still there to this day. So are Sally and Jeff.

Categories: Fiction Tags: ,
  1. January 8, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    OMG! tragic yes, seriously hilarious – absolutely! that made me laugh… maybe we both need counseling?

    Like

    • January 8, 2014 at 9:31 pm

      I think it’s just the ridiculousness of it all – the top of a mountain flying off and squashing them πŸ™‚

      Like

  2. January 8, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    I laughed as well, Sally and Jeff were pretty ‘smoking’ all right πŸ˜‰

    Like

  3. January 8, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    Definitely tragic/comic. Got a laugh from me, so not sure what that says.

    janet

    Like

    • January 8, 2014 at 9:56 pm

      I’m glad I’m not the only one smiling over Jeff and Sally’s tragic demise πŸ™‚

      Like

  4. January 8, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    echter Englischer schwarzer Humor πŸ™‚ I love it!, Poor Sally and Jeff – wrong time, wrong place…
    liebe Grüße
    Carmen

    Like

    • January 8, 2014 at 9:57 pm

      I have to admit I am a fan of black humour!
      I’m glad you enjoyed it, Carmen πŸ™‚

      Like

  5. January 8, 2014 at 10:53 pm

    Very sad and tragic, I had to stop and re read the end……well written as well.

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 7:38 am

      Thanks. I think the fact that they were newlyweds added to the “tragic” aspect.

      Like

      • January 12, 2014 at 6:00 am

        Not tragic, romantic love story.
        Some might view it as such.
        Your a romance writer now. Ha!

        Like

      • January 12, 2014 at 6:03 am

        Oh crumbs, how did that happen? πŸ™‚

        Like

  6. NotAPunkRocker
    January 8, 2014 at 11:03 pm

    OK, I literally LOL’ed. Which, considering all things, is a huge compliment to you and this story.

    Thank you πŸ™‚

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 7:38 am

      I’m so glad I could bring a smile to your face πŸ™‚

      Like

  7. January 8, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    Wowza. πŸ™‚

    Like

  8. January 8, 2014 at 11:49 pm

    Definitely tragic but it is a bit funny.

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 7:41 am

      It’s like you don’t want to smile because of poor Sally and Jeff, but…

      Like

  9. January 9, 2014 at 1:00 am

    That is life all right. There you are, minding your own business, full of plans and concerns and pow! flattened by the top of a mountain.! :-).

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 7:42 am

      Yeah, don’t you just hate it when that happens?
      πŸ™‚

      Like

  10. January 9, 2014 at 1:29 am

    Oh NO!! Sally & Jeff were newlyweds?!
    What a horrible start/end for them!
    You’re such a romantic, my dralifriend!! πŸ˜€
    Great writing!!
    ~Andrea<3

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 7:43 am

      Heh heh.
      I thought making them newlyweds would add to the tragic nature of the piece πŸ™‚
      Thanks!

      Like

  11. January 9, 2014 at 1:57 am

    I must be sick too because I think it’s hilarious!

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 7:43 am

      I read it again just now and I’m still smiling, which worries me a bit!

      Like

  12. January 9, 2014 at 5:52 am

    That definitely was tragic for me. Nice piece of writing. ~Zainab

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 7:45 am

      Poor Jeff and Sally 😦
      Thanks for reading!

      Like

  13. January 9, 2014 at 7:09 am

    “What’s that whooshing sound?” I have to agree with Marilyn; it’s pretty hilarious πŸ™‚

    Like

  14. January 9, 2014 at 7:17 am

    Darkly hilarious… just the way I like it.

    Like

  15. kz
    January 9, 2014 at 11:30 am

    what a horrible way to spend a honeymoon! definitely tragic. so im glad you turned it into a dark comedy with the flying store landing on top of them and the whooshing sound…and all because samuel smoked πŸ™‚

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 11:59 am

      Well, they say other people smoking can damage your health πŸ™‚

      Like

  16. January 9, 2014 at 11:40 am

    Dear Ali,

    We are a twisted little group of fictioneers, aren’t we? Count me in amongst the dark humor fan club. Well crafted, or should I say, decomposed?

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      I think most people have seen the darkly funny side, so I shan’t check myself in for “observation” just yet πŸ™‚
      Ali

      Like

  17. January 9, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Good show, old chap. This is both tragic and hilarious. I want to see this as a short animated film. Make it happen. Spare no expense! πŸ™‚

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      That would be awesome! Maybe I could get Brangelina to voice the leading couple πŸ™‚

      Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 3:18 pm

        Morgan Freeman can narrate and Gary Busey can voice Samuel, he’s probably crazy enough to smoke in a gunpowder store so he’d be a perfect fit.

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 3:26 pm

        πŸ™‚

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 3:27 pm

        Who must we get in touch with to make this a reality? It would be glorious I tell you.

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 3:30 pm

        I’m thinking Zhang Yimo, the Chinese chap who directed several films as well as the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony. He’s just been fined $1.2 million by the Chinese government for having too many children (i.e. more than 1) so he probably needs the money πŸ™‚

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 3:33 pm

        I was thinking we could try to get Guillermo del Toro or Tim Burton on board, but your guy could work too.

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 3:39 pm

        Well, I guess if money is no object we could get Tim Burton because then Danny Elfman is a shoe-in for the soundtrack.

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 3:41 pm

        It’s no object to me. I told you to spare no expense. I didn’t say I’d be sparing no expense. πŸ™‚

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 3:44 pm

        Ah… the local college drama club it is then. How our lofty dreams have fallen πŸ™‚

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 4:05 pm

        Well, it was fun while it lasted. Maybe the next time I make such a request you will have done me the courtesy of becoming a millionaire. πŸ™‚

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 4:08 pm

        That reminds me, I need to check my lottery ticket πŸ™‚

        Like

  18. January 9, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    Almost like a Monty Python sketch, where the second bit is one of those great cartoons.

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      Now that you mention it, it is rather, isn’t it? I can actually see it in my mind’s eye now!

      Like

  19. January 9, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    I think this story is tragically funny. At least Sally and Jeff died together. You know, when I read this, it puts me in mind of an old cartoon. Does that make me morbid that I want to see it?

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 4:50 pm

      No, I’m sure it would be good for a (tragic) laugh πŸ™‚

      Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 5:31 pm

        Haha. Plus there would be the usual dramatic cartoon music. I think it would be a hit.

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 7:25 pm

        We could call it “Splat!” – which was the working title for the story πŸ™‚

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 7:55 pm

        Perfect!

        Like

  20. January 9, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    Haha! When I saw that photo I had a “WTAF?” kind of reaction– I think your story sounds like a great explanation for how that got there!

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 7:26 pm

      The idea came to me within 2 seconds of seeing the photo, so it must be true!

      Like

  21. January 9, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    You sick, sick people, laughing when a gunpowder store drops from the sky. I mean really! πŸ™‚

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 7:28 pm

      Yeah but, a gunpowder store, right? Dropping from the sky!… heh heh heh πŸ™‚

      Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 7:38 pm

        Oh I am being facetious, it certainly was funny.

        Like

      • January 9, 2014 at 7:40 pm

        πŸ™‚

        Like

  22. January 9, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    Ali, sorry you’re struggling right now, but frankly it doesn’t seem to be hurting your writing. I guess I didn’t get the humor (of course, there’s a dark, humorous tone), but thought the story overall was well done and works well. Dark twists for sure! Glad you enjoyed the prompt.

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 9:02 pm

      I wouldn’t say struggling exactly (but thanks) – more in a state of heightened anxiety due to an imminent house purchase (yeeks) and worrying about it all going wrong last minute.
      It was the cartoon-like image in my mind when I finished writing – made me smile! I’m not sure it was meant to be a black comedy when I started…
      It was a great photo to write to, I’m glad you enjoyed my take on it πŸ™‚

      Like

      • January 10, 2014 at 12:27 am

        Well, good luck on the house… try to take deep breaths and let the anxiety go. I know: easier said, but trust me, I get it. I’m going to send it out to the universe that it should all go well! Deep breath in, deep breath out… πŸ˜‰

        Like

      • January 10, 2014 at 7:18 am

        Thanks!

        Like

  23. January 9, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    Great big funny! To me, it read like a scene that could have been in Time Bandits. Keep up the good work.

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 9:06 pm

      It’s been a good long while since I saw that! Helena H-B actually likened the second part to a Monty Pythonesque cartoon and I think there were a few Pythons involved in that film.
      Glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  24. January 9, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    Yes!!! I couldn’t wait to see what you conjured up out of this FF when I saw it first on another blog! Another perfect entry for your Tales of Woe….

    Like

    • January 9, 2014 at 9:08 pm

      Another tragic end to a FF tale… heh heh πŸ˜‰

      Like

  25. January 10, 2014 at 3:11 am

    Tragedy and melancholy…
    Nice!

    Like

    • January 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      Thanks!
      (So sorry for taking a while to respond, your comment fell into my spam box for some reason, but I rescued it.)

      Like

  26. January 10, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    You had me at gunpowder store. πŸ˜€

    Like

  27. January 10, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    The good news for the newlyweds is they’ll be together forever and don’t have to worry about breaking their “till death do us part” vow. I find that extremely refreshing.

    Like

    • January 10, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      Funnily enough, that crossed my mind as well!

      Like

  28. January 10, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    That Samuel! Will he be disciplined? Poor Sally & Jeff!

    Like

    • January 10, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      I’m thinking he was probably blown into a million little pieces!

      Like

  29. January 10, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    At least they went together.

    Like

  30. January 12, 2014 at 12:20 am

    What a tragic end! Great storytelling. I really enjoyed this.

    Like

    • January 12, 2014 at 5:59 am

      Tragic indeed! And for Samuel too, though it was his fault.
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  31. January 12, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Tragically funny.

    Like

  32. January 15, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    ROFLMAO, OMG That’s bloody hilarious. I haven’t had much time on here recently but I can see that you’ve been really busy lol. I’m just trying to catch up with your stuff now πŸ™‚

    Like

    • January 15, 2014 at 6:23 pm

      Another tick in the “funny” column πŸ™‚
      I noticed you’ve been a rovin’ around my blog – my inbox lit up like a Christmas tree. Thanks!

      Like

      • January 15, 2014 at 6:57 pm

        My pleasure πŸ™‚

        Like

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