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Singleness of Purpose

Here’s my contribution for this week’s Friday Fictioneers. This is a 100-ish word photo prompt hosted by Rochelle – be sure to check out her blog! – and this week the photo has been contributed by fellow Fictioneerer Douglas M. MacIlroy. Thanks, Doug!

To view all the other contributions for this week, click the little blue fellow below. Check back often as more are added during the week. Why not have a go yourself? It’s fun 🙂


still-life-with-doug

Copyright Douglas M. MacIlroy

 

Resolute of purpose, the dreaded Snail Army made its ponderous way towards the art display.

“Look, my soldiers!” roared Snail-Commander. “Our shelled fellows, captured and affixed to wood! We shall rescue them!”

“LIBERATE! LIBERATE!” came the reply.

“We shall destroy their captors!”

“ELIMINATE! ELIMINATE!”

“And then, victorious, we shall eat, drink and be merry!”

“FORNICATE! FORNICATE!”

“Come, death or glory awai… hang on, is that lettuce over there?”

The dreaded Snail Army swivelled to look.

“I believe it is, Commander,” said Snail-Sergeant.

“My friends, we have a new goal!”

Resolute of purpose, the dreaded Snail Army made its ponderous way towards the salad bowl.

  1. NotAPunkRocker
    October 15, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    OK, this has me laughing for too many different reasons to list! Well done 😀

    Like

    • October 15, 2014 at 7:29 pm

      Yay, I’m glad it made you laugh 🙂 Thanks!

      Like

  2. October 15, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    I can picture that. Very good!

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 6:03 am

      Thanks! I have a very clear picture of the little guys as well.

      Like

  3. October 15, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    Really…I worry about your mind! hahahahahaha
    So, England…I loved it so much I already rebooked flights to go back over for March-May. Staying 2mos this time, so I can make it to all the areas I missed. (there were so many things to see at the British Museum/Tate/Westminster that I really got sidetracked by London!)

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 6:04 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed England so much! It would be easy to spend loads of time in London. I could do a couple of days there, but I prefer the peace and quiet of the countryside.

      Like

      • October 16, 2014 at 4:18 pm

        I definitely want to see Northumberland and the Cornwall area and will be travelling solo this time so won’t have to take my daughter’s interests into consideration! Being young and hip, she was all about London and the scene. LOL my “scene” days are like decades over and done with, so the countryside and seacoasts will beckon this next time around!!

        Like

      • October 16, 2014 at 6:27 pm

        I don’t even remember my “scene” days 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. October 15, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    Love the whimsical dialogue.. it reminds me of the Dufflepuds from the world of Narnia…

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 6:05 am

      Glad you liked it, I enjoy doing dialogue.

      Like

  5. October 15, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    That got a LOL out of me!

    Like

  6. October 15, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    Brilliant, funny, perfect 🙂
    I’m glad I decided to read one more story before going to bed 🙂

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 6:06 am

      I’m glad I was able to make you smile 🙂

      Like

  7. October 16, 2014 at 12:18 am

    I have a mental image of the snail army very very slowly making its way to the ultimate destination … I’m still laughing.

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 6:07 am

      They’ll get there eventually – if they don’t change their minds again…

      Like

  8. October 16, 2014 at 3:29 am

    the images brings great positive energy!

    Like

  9. October 16, 2014 at 4:39 am

    Ali, That was truly hilarious. I could just picture it, and it made my morning. I hope the people in that house arn’t French. The army could end up as the main dish. Well done (pun unintended). 🙂 — Susan.

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 6:08 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it! Ending up in a pan with a nice bit of butter would put an end to their campaign right quick 🙂

      Like

  10. October 16, 2014 at 6:28 am

    That really made me giggle. Your timing was spot on. Thanks for my first laugh of the day.

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 6:37 am

      You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂

      Like

  11. October 16, 2014 at 7:00 am

    My absolute favourite this week 🙂

    Like

  12. October 16, 2014 at 7:37 am

    Awesome, my friend – It’s truly fantastic how much character you build in these short pieces. I’d like to request a part 2 of their invasion of the salad bowl please. I like these guys!
    Well done!!
    ~ Andrea ❤

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 7:41 am

      Thanks! They do have a certain charm 🙂

      Like

  13. October 16, 2014 at 8:45 am

    Dear Draliman,

    Fornicate! Fornicate! i am still laughing as I type this response to your fabulous story. The dreaded snail army devoured the salad… Hook line and sinker, I was on board for your fine read.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      Dear Doug,
      They change their minds so often, I hope they eventually get to the “fornicate, fornicate” 🙂
      I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
      Ali

      Like

  14. October 16, 2014 at 8:48 am

    Dear Ali,

    I love where your twisted head went with this one. No doubt the dreaded snail army will be distracted on its way to the salad bowl. 😉 You made me smile and laugh. Great timing after a snail fashion. Entertainment at its finest.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      I had trouble with this one and almost put it off until tonight, when this mad story entered my mad head 🙂
      I wonder if they’ve actually ever completed their currently stated goal? I think the salad is safe.
      I’m really glad you enjoyed it!
      Ali

      Like

  15. October 16, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    Fear not the dreaded snail army, for they are easily distracted and not very imposing. Good story!

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      In fact you might easily step on them on the way to the bathroom 🙂

      Like

      • October 16, 2014 at 1:08 pm

        Indeed. That would be unfortunate. I don’t want snail guts on the bottom of my shoes.

        Like

      • October 16, 2014 at 1:11 pm

        I hear the Snail-Commander is particularly hard to scrape off.

        Like

      • October 16, 2014 at 1:13 pm

        Could be worse. It could be the unruly horde of slugs. Nobody wants to deal with that mess.

        Like

  16. October 16, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    “Resolute of purpose,” all’s fair in love and war! That is to say, until food interrupts …

    Love the humor and the craft of your story! I’m still laughing.

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 6:28 pm

      The lettuce is just to scrumptious-looking to snail eye-stalks 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed my story!

      Like

  17. October 16, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    This was wonderful. I reckon by the time they make it to the salad bowl someone will have eaten it.
    Claire

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 6:31 pm

      I think the salad is definitely safe from the snails. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  18. October 16, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    As someone who fights snails and slugs, tooth and nail, day in and day out (I live in the rain country of Washington) this made me laugh out loud. Thank you!

    Like

    • October 16, 2014 at 7:49 pm

      You’re welcome! I bet you didn’t realise they were so organised 🙂

      Like

  19. October 17, 2014 at 5:25 am

    Oh my gawd! So much for honor and rescue – dinner is served! So imaginative and hilarious!
    Ellespeth

    Like

    • October 17, 2014 at 6:39 am

      Don’t get between a slug and his lettuce 🙂
      I’m glad you enjoyed it!
      Ali

      Like

  20. October 17, 2014 at 5:42 am

    Beware the dreaded snail army! This couldn’t get any better – you are keyed in to the fantasy world of slugs. I love it! Love it – I’m telling you – Awesome! Nan 🙂

    Like

    • October 17, 2014 at 6:41 am

      I’m glad you liked it so much! And to think I was completely stumped for most of Wednesday by this photo. Thanks for reading and for such a lovely comment 🙂

      Like

  21. October 17, 2014 at 6:03 am

    There is nothing that strikes fear in the heart of man more than an army of charging snails…

    Like

    • October 17, 2014 at 6:42 am

      Reminds me of that bit in Austin Powers where that vehicle is “charging” ever so slowly towards one of the henchmen, who just stands there and screams as it trundles ever closer…

      Like

  22. October 17, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    Well written – this was fun and funny.

    Like

    • October 17, 2014 at 7:13 pm

      Thanks! I enjoyed writing it, it made me smile 🙂

      Like

  23. October 17, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    Very funny. This made me laugh, Alistair. Salad would be a goldmine for the snails, like nirvana!

    Like

    • October 17, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      We can only hope they get there before they get sidetracked again (or someone eats it)!
      I’m glad you liked it 🙂

      Like

  24. October 17, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    That was so funny, the ‘fornicate, fornicate’ had me laughing out loud. Your dialogue was spot on, another great piece 🙂

    Like

    • October 17, 2014 at 7:28 pm

      Thanks, I like writing dialogue! Slugs like a bit of “party fun” too 🙂

      Like

  25. October 17, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    I got a definite feeling of dalek with those repeated ‘ate’ words. Love the singularity of purpose, and how easily it can be changed. Great voices and an inspired idea. Lots of fun.

    Like

    • October 17, 2014 at 7:29 pm

      I thought “dalek” too so I was careful to use “eliminate” rather than “exterminate”! I’m glad you liked it.

      Like

    • October 18, 2014 at 2:07 am

      I knew I couldn’t be the only one thinking of the Daleks!

      Liked by 1 person

  26. October 18, 2014 at 12:50 am

    Love it! Snail army, they are so slow, I can’t imagine how funny it will be they getting ready to attack something and changing direction to the lettuce. Well done!

    Like

    • October 18, 2014 at 6:00 am

      It would be rather comical to watch… and watch… and watch…
      Thanks!

      Like

  27. October 18, 2014 at 2:06 am

    I have the biggest smile on my face right now. This is wonderful!

    Like

    • October 18, 2014 at 6:00 am

      I’m glad I made you smile 🙂

      Like

  28. October 19, 2014 at 2:02 am

    Greatest of stories.
    Great dialogue as always.
    I smiled but couldn’t laugh, snail focus reminds me of my own lately. It’s exhausting.

    Like

    • October 19, 2014 at 4:19 am

      I’m glad you liked it! Hope you get your focus back soon.

      Like

  29. October 19, 2014 at 10:15 pm

    HIlarious. So funny. Love the dalek allusion.
    Marg

    Like

    • October 20, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      Glad you liked it!
      Daleks and snails both have eyestalks… 🙂

      Like

  30. October 21, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    Wonderful take on the prompt! I love stories from an unusual POV. The snails here at my house do a ferocious job consuming my potted plants. They actually do seem to come in armies. I’ll think of your story the next time I pluck them from the plants and toss them out into the yard. 🙂

    Like

    • October 21, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      Thanks!
      Careful when you grab Snail-Commander – he bites 🙂

      Like

  31. October 22, 2014 at 5:18 am

    Oh my, this is amazing. You snailed it!

    Like

  32. October 22, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    This is so much fun!

    Like

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