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Nip and Tuck

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers for this week. Friday Fictioneers is a 100-ish word challenge hosted by Rochelle over at Addicted to Purple.

You’d think I’d have a million ideas for this week’s photo, contributed by Jean L. Hays. But no! It started off as comedy dialogue, but it got shreddited (shredded during editing – get it?).

I ended up trying to make a point. Sort of. Maybe. Then I shreddited this version as well. Not really my thing, but here it is anyway.

Click on the blue frog to see other contributions for this week.

image

Copyright Jean L Hays

Once, Adam Automobile had been happy.

But the cars on the billboards and in the adverts looked so – sexy! Suddenly his corners weren’t sharp enough. His lines weren’t sleek enough.

So… a nip here. A tuck there. A shovel on the front. Digger welded on the back. Made him look like a scorpion.

This is an improvement. Isn’t it?

Fame, fortune, women!

They’d laughed at him. They’d all laughed at him.

So here he sat, his bodywork mutilated in the pursuit of an impossible dream, a fantasy look.

But… maybe… a little more bodywork. Just a little nip here, a tuck there…

Once, Adam Automobile had been happy.

  1. NotAPunkRocker
    November 5, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    At the risk of sounding completely insane, I can kind of relate.

    Only, I don’t want to look like a scorpion. That’ll scare the guys further away, I think 🙂

    Like

  2. November 5, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    Poor BABY. A deformed classic, tortured soul. My heart goes out to … him? It?

    Like

    • November 5, 2014 at 9:02 pm

      I have no idea why someone did that to such a classic-looking car.

      Like

  3. November 5, 2014 at 9:04 pm

    Does this car “live” in California?

    Like

    • November 5, 2014 at 9:40 pm

      It’s entirely possible. Once upon a long ago the story was actually Hollywood-related.

      Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 12:36 am

      Harrumph picking on California!!
      New Jersey or Texas or possibly our step child Florida.

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 6, 2014 at 7:55 am

        🙂
        I like how no-one ever wants to take responsibility for Florida.

        Like

  4. November 5, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    Ali, That’s what too much surgery, too many nips and tucks can do to you. Poor thing.:) Well written and humorous. 🙂 — Susan

    Like

    • November 5, 2014 at 9:40 pm

      Exactly. It can become an addiction. Glad you liked it!

      Like

  5. November 5, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    I got the message good one too.

    Like

    • November 5, 2014 at 9:41 pm

      I’m glad you saw the message, thanks!

      Like

  6. November 5, 2014 at 9:14 pm

    dream come true!

    Like

  7. November 5, 2014 at 10:02 pm

    I loved the Aesop’s fable type style of this, nice 🙂

    Like

  8. November 5, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    Your shredditting did you proud. This might be a bit goofy, but I like it. Sort of a Kardashian car.

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 7:55 am

      I like that, “Kardashian car”. That could become a “thing” 🙂

      Like

  9. November 6, 2014 at 12:39 am

    Yup we have those types in Hollywood.
    Literally thinking, a great car for our freeways.

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 7:56 am

      Traffic queues would be a thing of the past with all those accessories.

      Like

  10. November 6, 2014 at 1:44 am

    Sounds like half of the faded glamour girls of Hollywood.

    DJ

    Like

  11. November 6, 2014 at 7:12 am

    It wasn’t the best looking car on the block anyway…with a little work it can only look worse 🙂
    This poor Edsel…
    Ellespeth

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 7:57 am

      Often the way that the more work is done, the worse it gets.

      Like

  12. November 6, 2014 at 7:42 am

    This prompted me to google a certain well known plastic surgery fanatic so I could link up a surname. But I decided not to use it and I feel poorly now. Nice story, but sad in its way.

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 7:57 am

      It is sad, I feel sorry for him/it.

      Like

  13. November 6, 2014 at 7:46 am

    I think Adam Automobile might be Michael Jackson reborn. Don’t think he’s ever going tobe happy again.

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 7:58 am

      I think you’re right, on both points.

      Like

  14. November 6, 2014 at 7:46 am

    This is the way Joan Rivers started. (Oh, did I type that out loud??) 😦

    Like

  15. November 6, 2014 at 8:38 am

    Once you go under the spanner, you can’t stop…or so I’ve heard.
    Nice story!
    Claire

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 9:01 am

      Hee hee, very true! It’s a slippery slope.
      Ali

      Like

  16. November 6, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Dear Ali,

    Adam’s looking for happiness in all the wrong garages, I fear. Good message. And a little car shall lead them.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      Dear Rochelle,
      Indeed he is. I’m glad you liked the message!
      Ali

      Like

  17. November 6, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Dear Draliman,

    They say that once you go under the knife, you never really are satisfied. I love what your shedditing arrived at. Very well done. Perhaps a convertible top?…

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      Dear Doug,
      I can well believe that – there will always be something else you want “fixed”. A convertible top would be nice!
      Ali

      Like

  18. November 6, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    Everyone else has already compared Adam with all of the good plastic surgery celebs… so I’ll just say that Adam has a future in the do-it-yourself roadkill removal business. I may have to rent him for a Buster comic!

    Like

    • November 6, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      He would be good at removing Buster bits from the road 🙂

      Like

  19. November 6, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    I love the parallels between cosmetic surgery and car modification.

    Like

    • November 7, 2014 at 8:11 am

      Thanks, that’s what I was aiming for, glad you liked it!

      Like

  20. Lyn
    November 6, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    Poor Adam, you really have to feel sorry for him. Great social comment D-man. Adam needs to stop now or he’ll end up like Jocelyn Wildenstein.

    Like

    • November 7, 2014 at 8:15 am

      Thanks! I had to Google “Jocelyn Wildenstein”. Oh. My. God. It’s too early in the morning to be seeing stuff like that.

      Like

      • Lyn
        November 7, 2014 at 8:31 am

        LOL I know. Poor silly woman.

        Like

  21. November 6, 2014 at 9:08 pm

    Yes it can go too far.. but I guess the dreams go on..

    Like

    • November 7, 2014 at 8:15 am

      They do, but I hope he knows when to stop.

      Like

  22. November 6, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    Good one! This is how it always starts. 🙂

    Like

  23. November 6, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    Satire and pathos do mix, in fact – You are talented, Ali!

    Like

    • November 7, 2014 at 8:17 am

      It was tricky but I got there in the end. Thank you!

      Like

  24. November 7, 2014 at 1:02 am

    Despite the struggle, you’ve written a wonderful story none the less. Nice job!

    Like

  25. November 7, 2014 at 1:12 am

    Is this a Joan Rivers spin off? Randy

    Like

  26. November 7, 2014 at 10:08 am

    great spin!!! your shedditing proved most successful! is it too soon for joan rivers jokes, just sayin’

    Like

    • November 7, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Thanks, it bears no relation whatsoever to my original effort.
      You wouldn’t be the first to mention Ms Rivers in the comments here!

      Like

  27. November 7, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Dear Draliman, Great style and great story! Love it and smartly written! Nan 🙂

    Like

    • November 7, 2014 at 4:52 pm

      Dear Nan, thanks very much! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂 Ali

      Like

  28. November 7, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    Really funny, those airbrushed car photos have a lot to answer to.

    Like

    • November 7, 2014 at 9:05 pm

      They certainly do. It shouldn’t be allowed 🙂

      Like

  29. November 7, 2014 at 11:50 pm

    Adam has been paying to much attention to advertising! lol Fun story.

    Like

    • November 9, 2014 at 9:43 am

      There’s a lot of that around. Glad you liked it!

      Like

  30. November 8, 2014 at 12:50 am

    I love it! It’s perfect. All that shredditing worked wonders for you, your story that is. It’s especially funny since your story is about nip/tucking.

    Like

    • November 9, 2014 at 9:44 am

      Hah, that’s true, my story certainly got a lot of nip and tucking!

      Like

  31. November 8, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    Loved the story…but where is the nip, must be somewhere in the truck, right?… Pawniffles 😀

    Like

  32. November 9, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    There will always be a younger, firmer model on the market. Better spend that money on something more indulging. Great story, no struggles visible.

    Like

    • November 10, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      Should have gone for some nice leather heated seats instead.
      Thanks!

      Like

  33. November 12, 2014 at 4:58 am

    Wow! That was mordant! Nip and tuck, eh? Quite a comment on how society pursues ‘beauty’ madly and stupidly.

    Like

    • November 12, 2014 at 11:53 am

      Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed my little social commentary!

      Liked by 1 person

  34. November 19, 2014 at 3:51 am

    Awesome my Dralifriend! I absolutely love your term shreddited <- truly fantastic. And I LOVE your latest tale of the self obsessed vehicle on the hunt to continuously "improve" – Actually, I'd love to see what else he could do to himself?? Giant wings off the sides maybe?? Great job!
    ~ Andrea ❤

    Like

    • November 19, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      I’m sure giant wings would sound like a great idea until he actually has the work done…
      I’m glad you liked my story!

      Like

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