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The Great Escape

Here is my contribution to Friday Fictioneers. This is a weekly flash fiction challenge hosted by Rochelle in which we write 100-ish words in response to a photo prompt. This week’s photo is of a maze, and was contributed by Melanie Greenwood.

To see the other stories for this week, or to contribute your own, click on the blue froggy.

garden-maze

Copyright Melanie Greenwood

 

No, no, this looks familiar. I’ve been this way before. I must escape. Getting hungry. Tired. Thirsty. This way. No – dead end. Can’t last much longer. Try down here. No! No way though. Please, somebody, help me. I’m going to die in here. I’ll never see my babies again. Please, somebody…

“This is shit. How long’s it been?”

“Three hours. This is the dumbest mouse ever.”

“Maybe it’s just playing dumb like those mice in that Douglas Adams thing. Maybe it’s a hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional being.”

The scientists peered at it for a moment as it wandered around the maze.

“Nope. It’s a dumbass.”


 

Click here to read about Douglas Adams’ “mice” (links to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Wiki)

  1. February 4, 2015 at 8:03 pm

    I think it’s a hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional being.

    Like

    • February 4, 2015 at 8:33 pm

      I think it is, too. Running experiments on the scientists to see how long they’ll stand there watching.

      Like

  2. February 4, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    I think they are pan-dimensional too…but not when I’m around 😀 Pawkisses 🙂 ❤

    Like

  3. NotAPunkRocker
    February 4, 2015 at 8:20 pm

    I needed this one today, thank you for that.

    Like

  4. February 4, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    Aww I laughed but then I felt really bad for the mouse!

    Like

    • February 4, 2015 at 8:34 pm

      Yeah, I felt bad for the mouse too. I wondered if anyone else would mention it! I expect the scientists got fed up and set him free 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • February 4, 2015 at 8:37 pm

        I like to think she is back with her babies.

        Like

      • February 4, 2015 at 8:41 pm

        Me too, especially having just read your FF story.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. February 4, 2015 at 8:44 pm

    I chuckled out loud. Marvelous after all the sad stories today.

    Like

    • February 4, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      I’m going through a comedy phase 🙂 Glad you liked it!

      Like

  6. February 4, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    I laughed out loud as well 😉

    Like

  7. February 4, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    Ha.. must say I think the scientists might be right…

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:42 pm

      Most mice would have surely escaped by now, even by accident 🙂

      Like

  8. February 4, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    Yay for Adams references!

    Like

  9. February 4, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    Fine story, Dr. I always appreciate a reference to Douglas Adams. The thoughts of the mouse make the ending even more hilarious. Nicely handled.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:44 pm

      Thanks! I hoped that adding Douglas Adams would add a little extra to my maze story.
      I’m glad you liked it.
      Ali

      Liked by 1 person

  10. February 4, 2015 at 10:59 pm

    Wouldn’t a pan-dimensional being just pass through the walls of the maze?  Or something…I don’t know anymore…

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:45 pm

      Yeah, you’d think…
      Maybe it’s playing its own game with the scientists. Or maybe it is just a mouse 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. February 5, 2015 at 1:23 am

    Great, Ali. Maybe the maze is too fragrant for the little mouse or she’s too hungry. She can’t think. Very funny.

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:45 pm

      She must be in a real tizz by now, certainly. Glad you liked it!

      Like

  12. February 5, 2015 at 1:49 am

    The scientists peered at it for a moment as it wandered around the maze.

    “Nope. It’s a dumbass.”,,,love it!

    Like

  13. latasun
    February 5, 2015 at 2:50 am

    The mouse is surely more intelligent keeping the scientists waiting on tenterhooks.. reality TV.

    Like

  14. February 5, 2015 at 3:58 am

    I’m cheering for the mouse!

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:47 pm

      Me too! Left a bit, next right… we’ll soon have him out of there 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. February 5, 2015 at 4:21 am

    That mouse isn’t entirely stupid! He knew to avoid the FF stories where unwitting characters get killed to death….

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      Exactly. A long slow agonising death through lack of food and water instead 🙂

      Like

  16. February 5, 2015 at 5:11 am

    Your mouse story best not effect my mouse killing. If I start feeling anything for mice I will be overrun.
    I’m honestly worried.
    This is not good.

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      I’m sorry to hear you have a mouse problem 😦 Try laying some mazes around the place 🙂

      Like

  17. February 5, 2015 at 6:52 am

    Dear Draliman, Excellent story of a dumb-ass mouse! Good job! Nan 🙂

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:49 pm

      Dear Nan, I’m glad you liked my underachieving mouse story 🙂 Ali

      Like

  18. February 5, 2015 at 8:06 am

    I am cheering for the mouse too!

    Like

  19. February 5, 2015 at 9:32 am

    At least the ‘dumbass’ reference wasn’t directed at me – again. And I also thank you for the Adams reference. 😀

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:50 pm

      It’s always good to remember the great and creative minds of our time.

      Like

  20. February 5, 2015 at 11:46 am

    Poor mouse. I think you were a bit hard on him in the story, Ali. Have pity and drop some crumbs or something. He may not be the smartest mouse in the lab, but he has a family waiting for him. 😦 Hilarious as usual, and well done. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:51 pm

      I’m sure the scientists won’t let this go on much longer. Since the mouse is probably going to skew their results I expect they’ll let him go back to his family 🙂
      I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  21. February 5, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    Hahaha! So funny DM!

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 12:52 pm

      It’s laughter time on the drali web 🙂

      Like

  22. February 5, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    Lots of fu, this is. Thanks for bringing a smile to a rather gloomy day.

    Like

    • February 5, 2015 at 6:47 pm

      I’m glad my story brought a smile to your face 🙂

      Like

  23. February 5, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    this made me laugh. very funny.

    Like

  24. February 5, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    Ahh Drali did you HAVE to use a mouse? 😥

    Like

  25. February 5, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    Oh I do love Douglas Adams, and any story that refers to him 🙂 fantastic!

    Like

    • February 6, 2015 at 8:13 am

      Thanks, I love his writing too!

      Like

  26. February 6, 2015 at 12:42 am

    DA fan, but I had visions of Flowers for Algernon also. Funny and sad at the same time

    Like

    • February 6, 2015 at 8:17 am

      I did feel sorry for the mouse as I wrote it. But I needed to make it sound like a human and get some sympathy going for the story to work!

      Like

  27. February 6, 2015 at 1:38 am

    I’m calling PETA.
    I’m having such angst for that mouse.
    Help the mouse!!!!!
    Randy

    Like

    • February 6, 2015 at 8:18 am

      Maybe if the photo works next week I’ll have it escape and take its revenge!

      Like

      • February 6, 2015 at 11:36 am

        Cute response but mouse revenge is like a little lion that roars. No one cares, or hears, or thinks he’ll dare. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  28. February 6, 2015 at 9:13 am

    Dear Ali,

    No flowers for Algernon in this story, eh? I laughed out loud at the end. Very witty and so clever.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • February 6, 2015 at 10:16 am

      Dear Rochelle,
      I’m glad my story made you laugh! You’re the second commenter to mention “Flowers for Algernon” so I’ve Googled it. Sounds like I should find a copy of that and give it a read.
      Ali

      Like

      • February 6, 2015 at 10:17 am

        It was a lovely book and was also made into a movie. I think you would enjoy both.

        Liked by 1 person

  29. February 6, 2015 at 10:38 am

    i felt sad for the mouse. what’s to come of the babies?!? perhaps their combined fear will emit ‘hyper-intelligent pan-dimensiona’ secretions and work their way into the scientists central nervous system and render them the true ‘dumbasses’… a mouse lover can dream:) perfect story!

    Like

    • February 6, 2015 at 11:08 am

      I’m hoping the scientists will let the mouse go. It’s obviously never going to get out on its own! Your theory is much more fun, though 🙂

      Like

  30. February 6, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    I’ve never looked at mice quite the same since reading Hitch-hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. Who knows, that mouse may still be pan-dimensional, just not hyper-intelligent.

    Like

    • February 6, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      True, they can’t all be super-geniuses 🙂 Maybe one of his more cerebrally-endowed mates will come and rescue him.

      Like

  31. February 6, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    Well, Ali, I think I’ve stopped laughing just enough to comment now. Your story is absolutely ‘ace’ (to quote umpteen teenagers). The whole idea of the scientists watching that dumbass mouse for three hours is brilliant! 🙂

    Like

    • February 6, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Yeah, three whole hours – one has to wonder who the “dumbass” really is 🙂
      I’m so glad my story made you laugh.

      Liked by 1 person

  32. February 6, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    Poor little mouse…but very entertaining. These characters practically leapt off the page. I laughed out loud.

    Like

    • February 6, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      I’m hoping the scientists will set mousey free 🙂
      I’m glad you like my story!

      Liked by 1 person

  33. February 7, 2015 at 3:09 am

    Oh the poor mouse – her pain is unbearable. Those humans have no idea what’s really going on. Wonderful story.

    Like

    • February 7, 2015 at 9:29 am

      They’re just viewing her as an experiment 😦

      Like

  34. Lyn
    February 7, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    Nasty scientists! Fancy keeping a Momma from her babies. I love what you did with the prompt 🙂

    Like

    • February 8, 2015 at 5:54 am

      Thanks!
      They just see her as something to further their research 😦

      Like

  35. February 7, 2015 at 11:57 pm

    One in every crowd! Plus, I;m not too sure about scientist waiting three plus hours on a dumb mouse? Might be more than one dummy in the room?

    Like

    • February 8, 2015 at 5:59 am

      There’s a good chance the mouse is actually experimenting on the scientists, just like in Hitchhiker’s Guide!

      Liked by 1 person

  36. February 8, 2015 at 11:26 pm

    Hahaha! Poor lil mouse 😦 Maybe they’ll send Speedy to the rescue.
    Ellespeth

    Like

    • February 9, 2015 at 8:39 am

      He’ll get there in time for sure!

      Like

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